Do you get angry? Just like you, even children get angry, and that’s very normal. In fact, all kids should get angry because it’s healthy to feel your feelings. But don’t let those feelings overwhelm you!
In an earlier post I’d discussed in detail about why children get angry that had all the reasons included within. Hope you head over and read that post too.
If you can help your children identify, explore, and express their emotional state, it would help them ease their angry outbursts.
When a child gets angry, you need to fix the behavior, not the feeling. Most parents try to deal with the child’s emotion first because they feel that’s what’s causing the bad behavior.
As a parent, you need to help your child solve the problem by knowing from where his or her feelings originate – the thinking that sparks the emotion. Focus on what triggers the whole problem.
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way… that is not easy.” ~ Aristotle.
What Should Parents Do When Kids Get Angry
Parents should consider the anger of their children like an alarm, and not ignore it. They need to identify the reasons that cause the anger.
The best way is to clear the picture in your children’s mind by helping them remove the misconceptions, and find ways to lessen their anger.
You shouldn’t try to keep your child from getting angry, because anger is a natural human emotion. So, let them know that it’s alright to get mad at times.
If children are stopped from getting angry, it will make them into unhealthy adults who don’t know how to handle and accept their feelings.
They will suffer from guilt and won’t be able to make out what hurt them.
Remember, it could be that your child’s anger is unjustified, deliberate, or a learned behavior from friends or peers.
But don’t jump to conclusions, nor forget that such behavior could occur due to biological and other reasons too.
However, your child needs to know how to handle the anger appropriately, because at times it could turn out to be quite violent.
Also, remember that your child is a person with real emotions just like you, so handle him or her with care.
Children need to be told that aggression in the form of hurting, pushing, hitting, yelling, or throwing is not right. Instead, tell them the right way to deal with their anger.
A lot also depends on how parents express their anger and how they teach their children to deal with the anger.
If you are a parent, you may not know what to do. Each child is different, and so is the way to deal with kids when they get angry.
When angry feelings aren’t resolved, it can lead to health, stress, and behavioral problems. There may be a possibility of it becoming a part of their nature.
Parents need to create quality time with their family where there is enough time to discuss and share feelings, so that they can deal with the situations like when their kids get angry.
It is our responsibility as parents to teach the children the limits, and the right ways of expressing anger.
However, if things don’t go as expected then you should get into the damage control mode, rather than reacting outrageously to create more damage.
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ~ Erma Bombeck
What Not To Do When Your Children Get Angry
Being parents, it’s not easy to keep calm when your kids get angry and are ready to throw tantrums. However, there are a few things you can do to deal with angry children.
- Never challenge or yell at your children when they are angry or don’t listen to you. This only makes you lose control. Instead, stay calm, and come back to the issue later.
- Never get physical with your children when they are angry. Instead, pay attention to how you react when they get angry. Remember, they are learning from your behavior all the time!
- Don’t try and reason with children when they are angry or in the middle of a tantrum or outburst. It surely isn’t easy, but possible!
- Don’t lose your patience and take things personally. Instead, work with your children to make them understand the real reasons of their anger.
- Handle younger kids differently than the older ones. Never freeze up or isolate yourself when your children get angry. I know this is tough, but it never really works! Instead, reach out and talk out things with them.
- Give your children consequences for their bad behavior, but not for the anger. Remember; don’t make the punishments harsh ones. After all, you are teaching your kids how to manage their anger.
There are many reasons why kids get angry. Sometimes they are frustrated, irritated, can’t figure out something, or get upset when another child takes something that belongs to them.
Sometimes they get angry when they are taunted by peers, or if they are anxious, afraid, hurt, feel isolated or lonely, and if things don’t go their way. Or, for no reason at all at times!
Whatever may be the reason, as parents we need to know how to deal with children when they get angry. We need to help them find ways to express their anger in a positive way.
Here’s a video that tells as how love can make a difference to children who get angry. I’m sure you’ll like it.
Dr. Craig Childress ~ How to Help a Child Who Is Always Angry ~ YouTube Video
“When anger arises, think of the consequences.” ~ Confucius
Ways to Help Your Children Learn to Express Anger Positively
Help your children identify their triggers when they are calm, and try finding out the root cause of the problem.
Some anger busters for children when they get angry are:
1. Be a role model – As a parent if you are angry, express what you would do or behave so that your children follow you.
You could say, “Dad’s feeling very angry right now, so I want to be alone for some time to get back to normal, and get self-control.”
2. Understand their pain – Try to be sympathetic and connect with them when children get angry. Talk about a time when you were a child and how you got angry, and how your parents dealt with the situation.
3. Be respectful – Don’t get physical or call names when you are angry. And don’t encourage your children to do the same. Try keeping calm in all situations.
4. Remain positive – Instead of challenging them and saying, “Don’t you throw your toys,” say, “Once you put the toys on the room, we can go out and have ice cream.”
Show them the way you want them to deal with the anger.
5. Make them understand how to express their anger – Give them words they can use, like, “I know you are sad, frustrated, or disappointed. But everything will be okay.”
Let them have time to deal with their anger.
6. Divert their energy – You need to redirect their energy when kids get angry.
If they can’t get away from a class, perhaps they can close their eyes and do some deep breathing – show them more of such ways to deal with their anger.
Explain children the positive ways like painting, jumping, skipping, running, swimming, or anything that keeps their minds away from anger.
7. Give time – You need to give your child time to cool-off by going for a walk, reading a book together, or even alone.
Also, give your children the option for venting their feelings. Tell them that they can always come to you, or share their feelings with their best friend, or a special person in their life.
Later discuss calmly what made your child angry and guide them for the next time.
I know your might say that most of what I mentioned above is easier said than done.
But once children understand that their anger is baseless and not valid and that it would subside gradually – they are able to cope with things.
Remember, never forget to pat their backs when their behavior is good, which most of us forget doing – isn’t it?
Also, don’t forget to love your children, more so when they are angry. They will listen to you more when they see you are loving and friendly, and really intend to help them.
“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.” ~ Isabel Allende
Over to you –
Remember the time when you were a child and got angry. How did you deal with your anger? As a parent, what ways would you suggest to deal with children who get angry? Share in the comments.
Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos
Posted on: March 12th, 2013
Last Updated on: March 17th, 2015