Wondering how to move on and get over a break up? It is never really easy, especially when a significant relationship or a marriage ends.
Learning how to move on and get over a break up with someone you’ve always loved all your life, is the most challenging part.
It is difficult to accept the fact that the relationship has ended, and healing a broken heart is more challenging than we may imagine.
No one really wants to go through breakups, no matter whether they are amicable or rough. Any such loss brings about heartache, pain, and suffering to both sides.
I have a few friends and family members who have now learnt how to move on and get over a break up. I have learnt a great deal from their experiences and thought about sharing it with all of you as well.
A breakup is painful as it represents the loss of the shared dreams, relationship, and commitments made to one another. We experience profound grief, stress, and disappointment when relationships fail.
Whether or not you wanted the relationship to end, or whatever the reason- the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can trigger all kinds of unsettling and painful feelings, and turn your world upside down.
“Every relationship will end someday, whether by break-up or by the death of one partner. Relationships have cycles. They are born, they live, and they die. Just like every part of life. It is merely a part of life.” ~ Tom Stine
Sadly, this is the harsh reality of life that each one of us has to undergo some day or the other.
But there are things you can do to get over a break up and learn how to move on in life. Amidst the stress and sadness of a breakup or divorce, you have the opportunity to learn so many things from your past experiences and grow into a much wiser and stronger person.
How to Move On
You need to learn how to move on and get over a break up, once a relationship ends. And remember, it’s understandable to feel emotionally low after a breakup. You are moving ahead in life without the person that you deeply cared for.
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” ~ Helen Keller
1- Reason out your decision
Once you have taken the decision to get over a break up and move ahead with your life, go ahead and think over it, considering all the reasons why you broke up.
Reason with yourself and your decision, and think about the reasons your relationship ended. This can make it much easier and clearer to you that if either side is unhappy in a relationship, there is no reason to carry on living with the person.
2- Never rethink
Once you want to get over a break up, don’t rethink about the decision you have taken. Some people tend to get influenced by all the good times they had with their partners, which may even lead them to forget the reasons for breaking off.
Sometimes it could happen that you might tend to think that perhaps the bad times weren’t all that bad, or that you could live with them, or you would just wonder how your ex would feel and then you may not want the breakup.
Avoid letting such thoughts enter your mind, and accept the situation by trying to get over the breakup and learning how to move on.
Face the reality instead of making attempts to cover the unavoidable breakup with false hopes or unhelpful concerns.
3- Maintain your distance
Some couples prefer remaining friends even after a breakup, but you need to break away completely from one another to get over a break up, particularly if you still wish to maintain a single status.
This might sound a bit harsh but it means no phone calls, no text messages, no e-mails, not seeing each other, not meeting his or her family members, no chats, no Facebook- nothing at all.
If you want to get over a break up and are thinking how to move on in life, you need to refrain from going back to the person you have now decided to move away from- even if they convince you to see them.
It’s tough to let go again if you get caught up in the moment while trying to relive the past by seeing your ex.
So, you need to try limiting your contact with your ex to what’s absolutely necessary, and keep all such meetings or calls- civil and short.
4- Accept the reality and cope with it
It’s not difficult if you want to know how to move on and get over a break up, provided you’re ready to let go of the pent up feelings and anger by learning to accept things.
There may be anger, resentment, hatred, and pain that you feel towards your ex. You may even realize that the split was inevitable.
There may be anger you feel towards yourself or the way you have dealt with things. But if you want to get over a break up, and are wondering how to move on, you need to get over such pent up feelings fast.
If you think you made some mistakes and are ready to accept them, then you need to take them as learning lessons of life and pledge never to repeat them.
Try keeping yourself engaged and doing positive things with your feelings, emotions, and energy, as it’s a waste of time to cry over something that you no longer have control over.
5- List out your feelings
Try writing down your feelings and emotions if you want to get over a break up, as this in a way teaches you how to move on in life by knowing yourself better.
When you are honest with yourself and pen down your innermost feelings, the patterns may get clearer, your grieving may lessen, and you may learn the valuable lessons of life from the writing experience.
You could even list out reminders of all the reasons as to why your ex was not the one for you, by being clear and ruthless.
Pen down your feelings about what happened, how it made you feel, what you learned from the experience, and being clear about things you never want to feel again.
You can get over a break up by learning that no relationship is ever a failure, if you manage to gain and learn something valuable out of it. It evolves you into a better person.
6- Talk to your family, friends, and support groups
It’s normal to have many ups and downs accompanied with feelings of anger, resentment, conflict, sadness, fear, relief, and confusion. You should not suppress or ignore such feelings, as they only extend the grieving process.
Talking to your friends, family, and other support groups is the best way to feel good about yourself, if you are wondering how to move on and get over a break up.
Make new friends, get outside help if needed, and spend time with people who support, encourage, value, and energize you to get over a break up.
Such family and friends support you with love, care, and compassion. They see you as a worthwhile person, and you will find it easier to get over a breakup and rise on your feet once again.
7- Remove painful memories
If you truly wonder how to move on and get over a break up, you need to remove things that remind you of your ex from your memory, like a favorite song, smell, sound, or a place.
To get over a break up, you need to stop yourself from dwelling on painful memories and feelings, and try removing things around the house that cause you heartache.
Initially, even if you do have some good and pleasant memories, keep them away for later when you have given yourself some space and time, as this will help you to get over a break up.
8- Find your happiness
To get over a break up is never easy, but it also signifies a new beginning. So, organize and clean your personal space so that you are refreshed and prepared for new things in your life.
If you are wondering how to move on in life, you need to reach out and find your own happiness by removing the bitter past experiences.
It could be by spending time with your family and friends, reading a book, listening to music, or doing things you always wanted to do. Indulge in personal pleasures and enjoy being single!
Learn to love yourself that will bring you emotional stability and personal happiness. Note the valuable lessons learnt in life and capture the beauty of the time shared together. Know that you are a better person because you have experienced love and learnt from it.
9- Remain active
Exercise is a great way to stay active and get over a break up, as it alleviates depression, improves your mood, and keeps your mind off painful thoughts.
If you are wondering how to move on in life, try joining or visiting a gym, run or walk outdoors, maybe with a family member or friend, and try releasing the sadness or anger with every step.
To get over a break up, try things like punching a pillow, screaming out aloud, and meditating as they also help you release your tension and energy.
You could even try things like painting, singing, dancing, or cooking to get over a break up. Anything that makes you happy and forget about your ex will work wonders for you.
10- Let go
The most important way to get over a break up and move on in life is to let go, and allow the healing process to begin quickly.
You need to realize that there is no benefit in holding onto negative emotions, heartache, hatred, regret, and ill feelings towards each other.
It’s is not tough if you wonder how to move on and get over a break up, once you learn to forgive a person who caused you the pain. Once you forgive a person, you tend to forget the pain and suffering caused by them in due course of time.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” ~ Hermann Hesse
Be brave enough to take risks, and remind yourself that even though love didn’t work out this time for you, there will always be a next time.
It’s not easy to know the way about how to move on and get over a break up, as getting over a break up takes time and there can be some really dull and dark days after a relationship ends. But there are people who care about you, so reach out to them.
So, learn to let go of the past and let bygones be bygones. Take life in your stride, start afresh, and very soon there will be better days.
“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.” ~ Virginia Satir
Have you or your known ones undergone a break up? Did you or they know how to move on and get over a break up? If you or someone you know have experienced a break up, do share your or their experiences in the comments below.
Photo Credit: 123rf
Posted on: February 17th, 2012
Last Updated on: February 2nd, 2015