Relationship Issues: How to Avoid Them

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Man and woman having relationship issues

Relationship issues are common to you, me, and everyone. Like me, you too are bound to face them at some phase of your life.

Such issues might exist in your family relationships, friendship, marriage, or even in relationships with office colleagues and lovers.

When you’ve the problems, it’s easy to blame others, but remember that it takes two to tango, as I’ve often mentioned.

Sometimes you too are a part of the problem, but you might not even know about it.

Logically, there could be three sources of issues in a relationship between two people – problems in nature and behavior of one person, of the other person, and the external influences or issues.

Out of the three possible options, you can first choose to work on yourself rather than on others because you really don’t have much of a control on them.

The only way to avoid problems in a relationship for you is to be aware of the problem, know its cause, and bring a change in you so that these problems don’t take root.

Don’t wait for the other person to change – take the initiative yourself.

After all, it’s about your personal development as you stand to benefit from the changes you make in yourself, and you even develop your relationship skills.

Remember, no matter what type of relationship problems you’ve in hand, you hold a part of the solution within you.

“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “ ~ Deepak Chopra

How to Avoid Your Relationship Problems

No one wants issues in their relationships. Yet, such issues creep into their interpersonal life.

Whether these relationship issues will affect you or not largely depends on your reactions and personal qualities.

Let me try and explain it through an example -

How can water enter airtight containers? Obviously, only if there are any gaps or holes that you fail to seal. The container would not be filled with water if these openings were sealed.

Similarly, there are some aspects of your personality that you overlook, which act like gaps or holes and allow problems to enter into your relationship.

You can avoid your relationship issues by sealing these gaps with your positive personal efforts, specifically by improving your personal qualities.

Like, whenever you’re presented with a problem, you’ve a choice to react in a particular way, or not react at all.

Understanding of a problem helps you to make smart choices. You can prevent a relationship issue from getting worse if you are prepared.

I’m not saying that you’re the only one who’s responsible whenever there’s a relationship crisis. But sometimes you don’t come to know of your own faults unless they’re pointed out.

It could also be that it’s not you but the other person who has problems with himself or herself, which leads to relationship issues.

Whoever the concerned person is, he or she and you – need to introspect and analyze your “Self”.

The relationship begins to fade away when you or your relations have a problem with EBB, which as per me is the hidden cause of relationship problems.

If you and your relations take care of these personal aspects, you may be able to avoid problems in your relationship.

“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. “ ~ Stephen R. Covey

Couple having relationship problems

EBBing Away the Relationship Issues

Don’t wish for a life or a relationship that is free of issues, because that rarely happens.

Even in the best and closest of relationships, you witness issues or problems in some form or the other. It is said that there’s always friction between two people, and sometimes a little of it is alright too.

No matter how close you and your friend, partner, or relative are, you are still different personalities.

Every personality has a different configuration of qualities. These factors largely determine the kind of issues the person might have in relationships.

To assess your personal qualities that strongly affect your relationship, remember EBB.

EBB signifies:

E – Ego

B – Belief

B – Behavior

Whenever you’ve problems with your relationships, you’d observe that one of the above three factors is at work. Let’s get to know more about them.

EGO

Everybody has an ego. We use the terms ‘big ego’ and ‘small ego’ to denote the varying desire for “self-importance” in people.

Ego can also be defined in other terms as “self-image” or opinion of yourself. It generally means an inflated feeling of pride in yourself that makes you believe that you’re superior.

When two people having “big egos” interact or co-exist, there are chances of ego clashes. In such cases, they find it difficult to compromise as that would lower their importance.

Egoist people remain stubborn and cling to their viewpoint, because they feel that accepting or changing their stand would be deemed as their failure, defeat, or as an act of giving up.

Even if two people have a healthy relationship, ego hassles can arise any time, in both or one of them.

If neither of the people involved is willing to lower their egos, there will be ego conflicts that would eventually lead to problems in their relationship.

On the other hand, even if one person continues to have a big ego, it becomes difficult for the other person to accept the relationship.

People with minimal ego find it easy to compromise, which is the quickest solution of all relationship issues.

[colored_box color="blue"]Relationship Tip - Lower your ego and you’ll lessen the chances of having issues in your relationship.[/colored_box]

BELIEF

Belief is a feeling, idea, or an impression that you hold to be true. It is also your confidence and trust in something or someone.

A belief can change your life, and it can also change the nature of your relationship. Positive beliefs promote trust and strengthen relationships.

If you harbor negative beliefs and thoughts, your attitude too would turn negative. This could adversely affect and create problems in your relationships.

The same goes for the people in your relations – if they’ve a negative opinion about you, they’ll have problems with you.

Many relationships have problems only because there are some misunderstandings that aren’t resolved, as the people have negative views about each other.

If you think ill of yourself or others, you’ll not be able to get along. Remember that you become what you think – if you’ve self-doubts and your beliefs are self-limiting, you’ll create barriers.

Don’t let your beliefs become a barrier in having great relationships. You need to eliminate certain beliefs that create problems.

You should have strong self-belief and confidence in yourself to shun away the negativities that attack and surround you.

[colored_box color="blue"]Relationship Tip - Think good and think positive about yourself and others, you’ll probably not have relationship problems.[/colored_box]

BEHAVIOR

Behavior is the manner of acting or controlling yourself. According to psychology, your behavior is the aggregate of your responses, reactions, or movements.

Beliefs are limited to thoughts, whereas, behavior is their expression in the form of words and actions. Your behavior too is of utmost importance to keep your relationships devoid of issues.

If you unreasonably use bad and wrong words for others in a relationship, then things can turn bitter between you and them.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Your activities and conduct will create an impact on your associations, so be careful!

Similarly, you’re affected by the words and actions of people in your relationship. You may not like their behavior, and could form a negative opinion about them in your mind.

Even a single incident of negative behavior can hurt the relationship that has been maintained for years.

If you’re selfish or have ulterior motives, and the other person comes to know about it, he or she might feel hurt.

The golden rule or ethic of reciprocity – “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself” holds true in this case.

[colored_box color="blue"]Relationship Tip - Be good and understanding in your words and actions, and you’ll be able to avoid relationship problems.[/colored_box]

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~ Joseph F. Newton Men

Friends have relationship misunderstanding

Don’t ebb away your relationships by creating problems through your ego, beliefs, and behaviors.

Now that you know the basic reasons that cause relationship issues, you can control yourself and help others improve themselves so that these problems don’t occur.

You’ve the capability to avoid your relationship issues with your personality. The steps you take to maintain your relationship will probably motivate the other person to do the same.

Even if it doesn’t, you should carry on developing this capability and practicing it. Emphasize on improving yourself, as it will help you in your other relationships.

However, these are only some of the personal factors for relationship troubles. There are more relationship problems that one needs to consider.

I’d mention and describe them in one of the future posts, instead of making this one lengthy, for a change. ;)

I sign off with my personal opinion that the issues of relationship don’t have a one-sided solution. But if you take the initiative, it could set off the change and encourage the other person to follow suit.

To really avoid relationship problems, all parties concerned should adopt the EBB formula:

EBB Formula = minimal EGO + positive BELIEF + good BEHAVIOR

When you have a positive personality – your relationship issues will ebb away. However, if your personality is negative, then there are more chances that your relationship itself will wane.

If you don’t follow the formula, then you’re bound to create issues in your relationships and make your life miserable.

But if you do, you’ll become a person that everyone would like to be with, love, and be attracted to. So, what’s stopping you from creating beautiful relationships now that you know the secret :)

“Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

Over to you –

Do you think you can partly avoid relationship issues by improving your personality? Share your views and experiences of avoiding relationship problems in the comments below.

 

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos

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About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

97 Comments

  1. Pramod
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Nice post Harleena!

    That quote by Stephen Covey is 100% correct and i think bad attitude and behavior are more responsible than anything else for relationship issues. Change in these two qualities would certainly reflect in the relationships . Thanks for sharing the information.

    -Pramod

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      Hi Pramod,

      Stephen Covey emphasizes on “what we are” as the essential criteria that defines our relationships.

      Not that what we think, what we do and what we say is not important, but being a good person and being what your friend or partner wants or is looking for will definitely create stronger bond in the relationship, which will ebb away the issues.

      As you point out, a bad attitude and bad behavior are certainly quite obvious and apparent negative elements of a relationship and would certainly attract issues in it.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views on this topic. :)

  2. Lisa
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Harleena, I love the line about “Actions speak louder than words.” It has taken me years to figure that one out. It is hard to get past that one too when involved in a dispute. It’s “I said” or “you said….”

    I’m also good at building walls – it can keep out the pain or the frustration of a relationship. That is something I’d like to improve upon. Great topic!
    Lisa recently posted..Blog Burnout – How To Get Over It And When Not To TweetMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      I’m glad you like the topic on relationship issues :)

      Yes, definitely what we do makes more impact than on what we say. In fact, the words we say are also the manifestations of our thoughts. This reminds me of a famous quote that I used in a post long time back:

      Your beliefs become your thoughts, thoughts become your words, words become your actions, actions become your habits, habits become your values, and values become your destiny.

      Whenever there’s an “I, me and you” going on in a relationship, all blames and acquisitions, know that it’s an ego hussle and tussle. And building a wall is not always helpful in the long term as it strips you of the richness and beauty of relationships. I’m glad you’ve made a resolve on that front.

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts and views. I appreciate it. :)

  3. Obasi Miracle
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Personal Ego usually play the biggest part in every relationship related issues, dealing with them positively is one good thing I have learn from this article.

    We also do expect the second player in the relationship to take positive action geared toward resolving them when it happens to arise.

    I love the quotes too, reminds me of when I was still very much younger, thinking that live is just a single race and that one can succeed living like an Island that secludes itself from the others.

    Thanks for sharing this whole lots Harleena and also do have a great week ahead of you
    Obasi Miracle recently posted..Reduce image size quickly: 7 best free tools for image compressionMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 6:13 pm

      Hi Obasi,

      I’m glad you also observe the importance of handling our ego in a relationship. It’s not that we’ve to eliminate our ego, which would make us very saintly and difficult to live in this mean world. You just need to balance out and keep your ego low and positive, just so that it doesn’t clash with your friend’s and partner’s ego.

      By no means that implies being submissive or become defenseless. If you’ve a true relationship, the other person would really reciprocate in the same manner.

      We’re all social beings and it’s difficult to live in isolation unless you’re extremely spiritual! We need others to complement and support us, and that is how we develop. Maintaining a good relationship teaches us a lot about our own selves and about humanity in general, doesn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing your mind to the post. :)

  4. Bren
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Hi Harleena!

    This is a great post that both men and women should read. I don’t think anyone can go through a marriage without some “issue”. If they say they are, they are lying. Isn’t also a little healthy to have the minor “issue” to overcome and grow the bond stronger? My hubs and I have our shares of ups and downs but continue to plug right through them. There is no “winner” with these issues, there should be “compromises” in order to overcome the issue. It takes two to make a marriage work, it takes two to overcome the issues and grow stronger imo. Lovely post.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Bren,

      I’m glad you like the post.

      You’re absolutely right – no marriage goes without a fuss or an issue. You can call it an adjustment process, especially during the initial phase, however, sadly some couples extend and stretch this period to most of their life’s length.

      I’d add on that when you start judging “who’s the winner!”, your issues have really gone the wrong way, and your relationship needs serious attention. Compromises are truly the savior of any relationship; anybody missing on that really misses the chance to make life easy and happy.

      You’ve said a great line – It takes two to overcome the issues and grow stronger. Very true. I’d just add that let’s not expect and wait for the other person to take the initiative, and lose the chance to compromise.

      Thanks for your insightful and helpful advice and suggestions; they really make this post valuable. I very much appreciate it. :)

  5. Perambur Kumar
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Nice Post.
    Excellent observation. You’re telling the reality.

    In a married life, both of them should be adjustable one.
    If any one of them not co-operating then life becomes miserable.

    In most of the cases, women are not adjustable one. They already decided one thing, they act according to that (plan). So you cannot change that plan overnight, even if give 100% support to her. She is not in position to accept your love and affection. I saw most of the people in chennai. This is the real problem with them. The only solution left now is God only save her life. She will never learn her mistakes until she gets divorce and live alone and meet all sorts of trouble.
    Perambur Kumar recently posted..How to Create a Successful Facebook GroupMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 10:20 pm

      Hi Kumar,

      You’re right in that both partners or spouses in a marriage need to adjust in order to be comfortable and happy. There’s no doubt that life becomes miserable if one of the partner loses interest or refrains from making the positive efforts.

      However, I’d say that both men and women are sometimes found to be defaulters, and we should not be prejudiced towards a particular gender. Especially if there are no statistics to support our assumptions.

      I cannot understand what “plan” you refer to in your comment. You seem to be referring to some particular cases and incidents in your city, and maybe they’re unfortunate and not as per expectations, therefore, resulted in bitterness.

      We know that most people marry to be happy, and issues or problems in a relationship are never planned or desired. I guess understanding, love, and compromise can settle all kinds of relationship issues.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your concerns and views. :)

  6. Anne
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    I think the word, ‘partly’ is quite significant here when addressing your last question. I think we can only partly enhance our relationships by improving ourselves. When we know who we are and what we want we’re better partners because we’re not still trying to find out our place in the world. However, if the other person hasn’t yet figured out who she/he is, this can bring some problems into the mix. I think that if both parties are trying their best to improve themselves, they can in fact, help each other in the process.

    However, as we know, some people can be very lazy and want everything to just fall into their laps.
    Anne recently posted..Relationship Help Forum: Cheating BoyfriendMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 12, 2013 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Anne,

      You’re right, and this is exactly what my thoughts are – when you know yourself and improve yourself, the world seems to be a better place. However, it still remains incomplete if the person with whom you’ve to either live, exist, or work isn’t at par with you or your efforts. Such a situation certainly brings about a disappointment and is quite discouraging.

      Nothing’s better than both parties trying their best to improve themselves, as you suggest. But that seldom happens, and definitely not in all cases or relationships. I just wish it would, but then not everybody believes in improving and making efforts.

      I guess you’re right when you say that people become lazy. And little do they know that their laziness could cost them and others, their happiness and peace.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing such insightful thoughts to contribute to this post. I really appreciate your time and effort. :)

  7. Barry Wells
    Twitter:

    August 12, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    We all have to take note here if we want our relationships to work.

    Actions do speak louder than words and all parties in the relationship need to remember that and apply it as best they can.

    I also think that every action has a reaction. So if we make our actions positive then the reactions will also be positive. On the flip side a negative action with have a negative reaction.

    Ego, belief may not be effected by actions but behaviour certainly is.

    Two weeks from today my wife and I have been married for 24 years and we’d never have made it this far if we didn’t stop and consider each other along the way.

    It hasn’t always been a happy marriage but we’ve worked through our issues with the end result in mind and now that we have we try to discuss everything that affects our happiness.

    It’s only by considering the other person that we can make things work as a one sided relationship isn’t really a relationship, more like a dictatorship.

    And they’re never filled with love.

    Thanks Harleena, have a great week.
    Barry
    Barry Wells recently posted..Comment Rules? All I Ask Is A Little Comment CourtesyMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 13, 2013 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Barry,

      First off, many congratulations for 24 years of marriage – that’s really great, and you’ve certainly earned the authority to guide us about relationship issues.

      You’ve contributed a great point that I probably missed – every action has a reaction. And that principle probably works for law of attraction too. Positive begets positive, and negative attracts negative!

      I believe our thoughts and beliefs too play an important role as they are the roots to our words and actions. So, in fact it’s our thoughts, words, and actions that combined make us what we are and how we create our relationships.

      Actions are, however, being overt and apparent seem to make more impact. You’re right in that our actions greatly affect our and others’ behavior.

      It’s a valuable tip that you offer everybody to make their marriage work – be considerate and caring. Then, even if you’ve issues, you’re able to deal with them collectively and amiably.

      I agree that one-sided relationships are not about love, which is always a two way channel.

      Thanks for your wonderful insights – I really appreciate it very much. :)

  8. Corina Ramos
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 1:14 am

    It’s not so much my ego that gets me in trouble,it’s my pride. It was hard for me to admit I was wrong and sometimes it still is but I know it’s for the good of my relationship so that bad taste of eating crow is worth it :)

    No couple will have the perfect relationship but there is such thing as a healthy discussion and when you put egos aside it avoids an argument.

    Great topic Harleena! Hope you had a great Monday! :)
    Corina Ramos recently posted..Monday Work from Home Job Lead Madness 08-12-13My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 14, 2013 at 9:03 am

      Hi Corina,

      I’m glad you like the topic. I think ego and pride are quite similar, yet different. The concepts of ego and pride can sometimes get quite confusing :)

      You may term ego as an unhealthy pride. For me, pride is a good feeling based on some achievement while ego is a sense of self which could be either bloated or negative, and not based on reality. While pride may give you confidence, ego might make you have a superiority complex and make you feel that you’re right, and you won’t budge down, because if you do, your ego gets hurt – the self-image that you’ve created.

      Having said that everybody has an ego – as I mentioned in the post, a non-ego person would be as good as a saint. And, we do use ego in our relationships, because that becomes a part of our self, and often creates relationship issues.

      You’ve beautifully stated that when we “put egos aside, it avoids an argument”. Yes, no relationship is perfect in itself, though we can strive to achieve that by constantly working on it. And healthy discussions are a part of that process.

      Thanks you for your valuable inputs and giving an opportunity to delve deeper into the concepts of ego and pride which really affect a relationship. :)

  9. Adrienne
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 3:47 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Man, I only wish right now I was dealing with problems with my relationship with Scott instead of him not being here anymore. What I’d give to have that you know.

    But I too agree with your statement “actions speak louder than words.” I’m a BIG believer in that which is probably why a lot of my relationships never lasted. I was always cautious and knew it would take time for their “true self” to emerge and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. I’ve dated so many guys in my life that were all talk and no action.

    You always share so much wonderful information Harleena and how we can start moving forward and doing the right thing. I know that having a positive attitude and addressing things when we’ve given some time to think about the situation can help so much more in the long run. The sermon I listened to just yesterday morning said the same thing. Don’t speak negatively because you’ll just bring more of that into your life.

    ~Adrienne

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 14, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      Hi Adrienne – nice to have you back :)

      I can well understand all that you’ve been through, and it must be so tough for you to gather yourself and learn to move on without Scott, but that’s how life is….it just has to carry on.

      Oh yes…actions always reveal a person more than their words, and sometimes that gives way to what the other person might be thinking. I’m glad you were cautious there and could make things out before going ahead with it all.

      Well, thank you for saying that Adrienne, I just share things based on the little knowledge and understanding of things I have. I believe that too, that the more positively you think about something, the positive will happen, rather than think negative about it, which would eventually lead you to feel bad and negative about things.

      Thanks for sharing your views, and it sure is nice of you to have found the time to stop by here today :)

  10. Nate Leung
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 4:06 am

    I like what you said about not waiting for the other person to change, but instead change yourself and be the first to do it. I do believe that if you change for the betterment of the relationship, it reciprocates.

    EBB – What an interesting way to approach a relationship.

    I think sometimes in a relationship, one wants to ‘one-up’ on the other and this is where the ego comes in. One will say, “I’m smarter than you are”, while the other one disagrees. Collisions of egos aren’t a great thing to have in a relationship and can lead to issues.

    Good behavior is important as well. The words, you speak and your actions do reflect on the relationship. It’s not about oneself, it’s about the relationship. So, it’s always good to be careful with whatever intentions one has.

    Really enjoyed the article! Have a great week ahead!
    Nate Leung recently posted..MLM Recruiting: How To Become a World-Class MLM RecruiterMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 14, 2013 at 1:53 pm

      Hi Nate,

      I do believe in that because that is something you are so sure of, rather than trying to change another person, who may or may not like to change. After all you can’t really force anyone, but you can change yourself – isn’t it?

      I agree, if you are good, the other person reciprocates in the same manner, though there can be exceptions even in that. I guess it depends on how well you can really manage the situation in such a case.

      Absolutely! And that happens because no two people are alike, in any manner, so their views are bound to clash. More so, if either of them has more of the ego or ‘I’ factor in them, it’s very rare that the other would take it lying down. This does lead to relationship issues in most cases.

      Your actions and your words matter a lot, so you need to be very careful about your behavior and they way you manage your relationships, which is almost like glass – one crack and it’s gone forever. Yes indeed, people need to keep their egos aside and think largely about their relationships and make that bond stronger.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post :)

  11. Babanature

    August 13, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Hello Harleena,
    Ego is one word that affects most relationships (mostly from the ladies part :)). They believe they know it all so they most be treated with full respect :) .

    Seriously, when it comes to arguments and quarrels, i allow my woman to take the lead because it will only make matter worse if both of us start exchanging words. The best way is to be cool when your partner starts ranting… Hey! I was thought violence is not the best choice.

    The thing is, we all faces relationship issues but how you handle it is what count, right? Thanks and do have a wonderful day and a lovely week ahead :) .
    Babanature recently posted..How to Create a Custom WordPress Login pageMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 14, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Babanature,

      Aha…I know what you mean, but being a woman myself I can say the same for men ;)

      But jokes apart, ego should be avoided by everyone because it does more harm than good, and it does cause relationship issues that sometimes go beyond repairs too.

      Lol…I can understand that and I think it’s a good decision to let your spouse take over for that moment because even if you try to calm or make them understand, at that particular moment they might not. However, it is also essential to talk out and resolves issues once the storm calms down so that such relationship issues don’t arise again, something that most couples don’t do.

      Absolutely! It all comes down to how we handle the relationship problems in our life, and each couple has to make out that for themselves as what works for one, might not work for another.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. :)

  12. Carolyn

    August 13, 2013 at 7:54 am

    Hi Harleena, I love the EBB concept. I never thought about how those factors are really the source of relationship troubles. My theory has been “insecurity is the root of all evil.” When you think about wars, crime, abuse and other evils, insecurity is generally a major factor.

    I also love the quotes you find. They are so very relevant!

    I do think we learn from relationship issues. As I see my daughters squabble I realize they are in training for getting along with others in life!
    Carolyn recently posted..Chrome Passwords Revealed – Helpful Tool or Hackers’ Delight?My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Carolyn,

      Glad you liked the EBB concept, and yes, these can actually cause relationship issues if you come to think of it. :)

      You are absolutely right – insecurity is a major factor indeed that can lead to many problems in any relationship. Ah..you know I can’t do without quotes and sometimes they take a longer time just like images, than writing the post itself!

      I see the same with my kids because as they grow, relationship issues and problems increase, but that’s a good training for them in their life ahead.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us :)

  13. Christy Garrett
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I think the best way to have a great relationship with people it to remember to communicate your wants and needs. I know that I am guilty of this myself and have to work on it. But if my spouse or a friend doesn’t know what I need, then they can’t help me. I expect that they do the same.

    I don’t think you can avoid bad points in relationships as we can’t always agree with each other 100%. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. If we always agreed with each other 100%, then life would be rather DULL and BORING.

    Great post, thank you for sharing.
    Christy Garrett recently posted..Prepare Yourself Mentally and Emotionally Before Trying Get Out of an Abusive RelationshipMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Christy,

      I agree with you there – communication IS the key factor in any relationship, and if you are able to convey your feelings and receive the same, you are more likely to keep away from relationship issues.

      Oh yes…differences are known to occur and they are healthy in a relationship too because no two people are alike, and their natures and personalities will differ. But what matters most is that we try to make things work by making the changes in ourself as much as possible, which we know we can, rather than wait for the other person to change – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post :)

  14. M Nirmal Anandh

    August 13, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Again come up with an unbeatable post. Mutual understanding is the only way to overcome these sort of problems.

    How can we understand others?

    We can understand others easily by sharing our information. If we share with truth, we can get mutual understanding. Improper sharing lead to divorce, misunderstanding, quarrel, etc…

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Nirmal,

      Ah…thank you for your kind words :)

      I agree with you there, and if there is mutual love and understanding, then relationship issues rarely arise. However, it doesn’t really work in all relationships because no two people are alike – they do have their differences and that can lead to problems further. Perhaps making changes in ourselves helps there, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  15. Burton

    August 13, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    Excellent post. I have found that certain relationship issues are best dealt with at the inception. Essentially, don’t let them get bigger than they need to be. I also wanted to say that I love the quote you had here. Some people build walls instead of bridges. There is a lot to think about in a quote like that. Thank you for this.
    Burton recently posted..Exercise Simplicity: Doing What You LoveMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      Welcome to the blog Burton!

      I’m happy you liked the post :)

      Absolutely! If you can manage to nip them in the bud, nothing like it, but sometimes even doing that is a problem with those who have ego problems, or they keep waiting for the other person to make the first move, or might feel that they aren’t at fault at all.

      Oh yes…I love quotes and you’d find them on almost all my posts. Yes, that quote does say it all, doesn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by, and hope to see more of you here :)

  16. Darlene Today

    August 13, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    Don’t remember where I heard it exactly.. but it was from a long time (happily) married woman.

    She said the key to her success was she never spoke badly about her husband to anyone. Nada, zilch!

    She didn’t vent to even her best friend.

    That always stuck in my mind.

    darlene
    p.s. I like to brag on my hubby when I know he can hear. I think it makes him feel extra special to know I’m speaking highly of him to a friend.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Darlene,

      Ah…I wonder how she did that! But some people are really made that way as I’ve also seen that with a few of my family members, though you never really know what goes behind the scenes!

      I do feel that every relationship does have its shares of ups and downs, and that’s very normal or else it would make a relationship very dull and boring. I agree with you there, when a spouse is good, you should brag about him or her, and if not, no harm venting your true feelings too. Perhaps if people make a change in their own ways, a few of the relationship issues can be lessened – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. :)

  17. B k chowla
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Harleena,relations..relationships are so tender and so strong at the same time.
    It is upto individuals to strengthen their understanding.
    In my opinion,irrespective of age and age of marriage….hold your partners hand with love in the heart.You will have strongest relation ever.
    Damn it,we all have one life to live.Maintain the best relations
    B k chowla recently posted..APPEASMENTMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 9:19 pm

      Hi BK,

      Yes indeed, and they need to be handled with utmost care. We ourselves are responsible for our actions and reactions, which affect our relationships.

      I agree with you there, and this is what my Grandma used to say too – always hold hands and make up your differences before going to bed, and you really will be able to keep all issues aside in your marriage. One life – live it well and with love and harmony.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing your views :)

  18. Shalu Sharma
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    This happens all the time. It’s because men are irrational human beings and they don’t think with their head most of the time. They think that they make more money so can do what they want. Totally disgraceful on their behalf. But when they want something, then they will become all sweet and nice.
    Shalu Sharma recently posted..My India travel survival guide for women ebook now available on AmazonMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 10:57 pm

      Hi Shalu,

      It does as its so normal to have relationship issues in almost every relationship. Ah…if my husband reads that he would say women are like that…lol :)

      But I know how we women would think, though one really can’t generalize as such, especially with women earning well nowadays too. I can relate to the sweet and nice things said when they want something, or they think we don’t get to know their ways ;)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts :)

  19. Donna Merrill

    August 13, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    What a great subject Harleena!

    I do agree to improve relationship issues we do have to check in to our selves. Ego can be so destructive. If we hold on too tight, and are not flexible, it is like the analogy you have given…”you cannot put water in a closed bottle” I like that one!

    We all have our belief systems, but sometimes tend to lack empathy for the other person. If you want your relationship to work, you have to try as hard as you can to walk in the other person’s shoes.

    Behavior: I find this the most effective of all because actions do speak louder than words. If your partner is negative, walk out of the room. Don’t fight fire with fire. Keep things as positive as you can!

    Sometimes negative words will be the fuel to the fire when trying to communicate. We have to try hard to understand how one little world can cause a big blow out!

    The simple rule of EBB Formula = minimal EGO + positive BELIEF + good BEHAVIOR Is a good one to follow. A short reminder for us all to write down and reinforce.

    Thanks!

    -Donna

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Donna,

      Glad you liked the analogy of the closed container, and yes, keeping our ego in control is what we all have to learn.

      Absolutely! We need to put ourselves in the other person’s place and feel the same way to know more about what the other person is going through, our belief system should be that strong, something that’s lacking in so many people.

      I know it’s tough for most people to remain cool when one partner starts off, though ideally if they remain calm, they can avoid any conflicting sitations that time. Walking out works best in such cases, though make sure to deal with the issue once the clouds clear so that the root cause of the problem is resolved, or else it might surface again.

      Oh yes…any negative word said to each other, especially if you are having a disagreement or issue can flare up things that can become out of control at times. I agree with you there, if the formula isn’t reinforced it really won’t serve the purpose :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your words of wisdom with us :)

  20. Jodi
    Twitter:

    August 13, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    Yes, I can get distracted sometimes and i know when I am fully present, things go much better. My husband and I are doing great but, even small feelings hurt is unnecessary. I love the EBB! I found it validating what I talk to my clients about even though I never heard it presented in this way before! Great job Harleena!

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 15, 2013 at 11:32 pm

      Hi Jodi,

      Happens to the best of us :)

      Feelings and emotions are the things that hurt the most in any relationship, and that’s why we need these EBB concepts in our lives.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post :)

  21. Susan Neal
    Twitter:

    August 14, 2013 at 1:37 am

    A very interesting post, Harleena, very thought-provoking.

    I think the most important advice you give here is simply recognising that you can’t change another person – if there are relationship difficulties between you and someone else, the only person you can work on is yourself.

    I think the biggest mistake we make is to expect that other people will have the same kind of beliefs and the same standards of behaviour as we expect of ourselves – relationships often break down or don’t work out because that’s simply not the case – there can be a mis-match, which is very difficult to bridge. I came across one or two people in my working life that I found it tricky to get along with, people I could never get particularly close to, and that was largely because we had very different world views, different outlooks, different interpretations of issues and events. And no matter how much effort you make to overcome your own shortcomings, it’s not always possible to bridge those gaps – that doesn’t mean you can’t get on with those people or work with them effectively, but it does mean your relationship with them will have limitations.

    One of the hardest things I’ve found to deal with is when you find out you just can’t trust another person to respect your confidences. I tend to be naturally very open about my feelings and views, but I’ve found that you have to be careful about what you share unless and until you know the other person very well.

    Something I’ve found very helpful is to share your difficulties, obviously in confidence, with a mutual friend or colleague who knows you and the other person very well.

    I could talk about this one forever, Harleena, but I’ll shut up for now – a very stimulating topic!

    Sue
    Susan Neal recently posted..How Often Should You Publish a Blog Post?My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 9:30 am

      Hi Sue,

      Thank you for saying that – I’m glad you thought it to be so :)

      Absolutely! While you can try changing another person if you so want to, but that wouldn’t be fair because each person is different, and if you are in a relationship, you accepted the person for who he/she was before doing so, so why change them now? More so, how can you be sure that the other person would be ready to change for you?

      If things aren’t working or you are having relationship issues, a better option is to try and change yourself, which you are sure you can, to make things work.

      As you rightly mentioned, in such kind of relationships where the gaps become too wide, there are bound to be limitations and unless you find a way, it’s tough to bridge them. I agree with you completely – gaining the trust of another person can be tricky, and unless you do that I don’t think it’s easy to open up for me either. I think it all comes down to how well you know the person, and the relationship you’ve built along the way that helps in deeper understanding of each other.

      Oh yes…sharing your problems with friends is a must, provided you have a trustworthy friend. I’m glad my hubby’s there for me, though we have our share of ups and downs just like any other couple, but the friendship is always there.

      Ah…I love it when you share things with me Sue, and I think we are alike in our long comments, so it’s not just me who adds so much more to the post :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your pearls of wisdom with us. :)

  22. Theodore Nwangene
    Twitter:

    August 14, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Great points as always Harleena :),

    This is just like what i use to tell my friends, relationship is never meant for one person, the two parties must be involved in the development of the relationship, they both have their various roles to play and when one person started neglecting his then, the whole thing will not longer balance and issues might start setting in.

    Yea just as you said, when you have a problem with your friend, the first step is always to try and figure out what prompted the problem in the first and then, tackle and solve it one and for all because, you cannot effectively solve an issue you don’t know the cause.

    Oh yea, improving your personality can really enhance your relationship a great deal.

    This is a very awesome post Leena :).

    Thanks for sharing and have a great week :).

    Sorry for my late coming, I’ve really been very busy with my studies lately.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      Hi Theodore,

      You were absolutely right in telling your friends about the relationship that IS both sided, it’s not about one person working towards it without the others help or support. If that happens, the relationship is bound to suffer.

      Communicating and talking things out with your partner is the only way to resolve any issues, and if that also doesn’t help, try to follow this EBB concept and bring a change in yourself because you are then sure that things will work, that’s the best way to try to make it all work for your relationship.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. Have a nice weekend as well :)

  23. Mary Stephenson
    Twitter:

    August 14, 2013 at 7:23 am

    Hi Harleena

    It is always about us. We have to fix ourselves in order to fix any relationship that doesn’t work. Some times the relationships are not meant to be and better for all to give up on them. But as in most relationships if they are going to work it has to be a give and take.

    A true test of a relationship is when you really need someone to help you function with whatever you have always took for granted. When they are with you and care about your well-being. Once in awhile we need a shake up to confirm that, of which I have had for the past week and will be in need of for another 3 or 4 weeks.

    We can become so routine that it is hard to see what we have until it is challenged.

    Great post.

    Mary
    Mary Stephenson recently posted..Why Men Should Carry Clean HankiesMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      Hi Mary,

      It IS, though most of us don’t understand this simple fact :)

      Everything starts and ends with us, and if we can bring about a change in our way of working and thinking, our relationship issues would hardly be very many.

      You are right, a relationship is always about give and take – it cannot really be one-sided, though there are so many people I know of who live in such a one-sided relationship – how, I wonder!

      Ah…that would be a real test for sure and I wonder how many true friend’s we’d really see on the other side. I agree, such things we need to keep doing to make out who really stands by our side at time of our real needs.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  24. Kumar Chandan
    Twitter:

    August 14, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Hi, Harleena mam,

    I love the relationship formula.
    EBB Formula = minimal EGO + positive BELIEF + good BEHAVIOR.

    I believe that EGO is the main reason in breakup of any type of relationship. Due to Ego, We give more importance to our self and we forget priority of others. Maximum ego brings minimum positive believe and same time it reduces your good behavior towards other.

    I would like to give a mathematical formula on your EBB that is:
    A good relationship is inversely proportional to the ego and directly proportional to Positive believe and your good behavior.

    Maximum time, break up happens due to misunderstanding of each other. Perhaps, the cause of these misunderstanding are EBB or prioritize what we don’t give to others. Less priority to other drags down the interest in the relationship and results as parting. :(

    Thank You for sharing another nice article.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 1:36 pm

      Hi Kumar,

      Glad you liked the formula – I guess my brain work paid off ;)

      Absolutely! A little bit of ego is normal in people, but if you keep thinking about yourself and your happiness, without considering the other person, you are bound to have relationship issues in your life.

      Your mathematical translation of the formula sounds good! I agree, misunderstandings and lack of proper communication are major causes of breakups. I hope by using the EBB concept people can make their relationships nicer and lead happier lives.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding value to the post :)

      • Kumar Chandan
        Twitter:

        August 18, 2013 at 9:31 am

        I admired your sense of humor. :) :)
        Thank you for your appreciation. It will help me a lot. :)
        Happy Sunday!!

        • Harleena Singh
          Twitter:

          August 18, 2013 at 1:43 pm

          Glad you did :)

          Anytime, and Happy Sunday too :)

          BTW- What happened to your gravatar? I don’t see your picture this time?

  25. Evelyn Lim
    Twitter:

    August 14, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Great article, Harleena!

    It’s nice that you are highlighting that it takes two to tango. In a relationship, both parties need to be responsible enough on how they have individually contributed to the problem. A healthy loving relationship does not happen by accident. It usually involves commitment from both parties to resolve both inner and outer issues.

    I enjoyed reading about EBB! Great tips and advice!

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      Hi Evelyn,

      Glad you liked the article :)

      Ah..it surely does! In most of the cases relationship issues result because of both partners, and as you mentioned they both should understand they are responsible. Often times, it’s the ego of both, or one of them that flares up things further.

      Absolutely! A happy and healthy relationship requires lots of work from both sides, or else it never really works. The least a person can do is adapt the EBB concept and bring a change in oneself to see the difference, if anything else you’ve tried doesn’t work.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  26. Mayura
    Twitter:

    August 15, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Very interesting topic! I believe people have many different view points in this subject :) Plus, I wonder whether your last post led to this topic. I can see a link here as it’s about prevention :)

    Ha ha… Ego! :D I think we all care about our self-image at some point, but BIG ego can lead to problems. I admit that I tend to be stubborn at times and stick with what I believe in too. Fortunately, the end results were not bad enough and it was either a learning experience or reinstating the belief I had.

    However, I feel that, eventhough lowering ego can resolve the issue for a moment or few more times, in long-term it can be leading to a huge problem Harleena.

    You know, relationships not gonna last long unless both parties corporate or give more into their relationship, isn’t it? May be they can be together until the end ignoring the health of their relationship. I know sacrifices are really powerful in relationships and they do wonders.

    But if someone overlooks his / her responsibilities in a relationship and it’s always that one single person trying to keep things up, still I wonder how qualitative or healthy the relationship will be. As you implied in the post, “all parties” should follow the EBB formula.

    I feel we human beings often tend to patch things up with quick solutions and hurt themselves unwittingly rather than looking at the big picture :)

    I don’t know if I have a BIG ego or different view on life, ’cause I like to have people who are more actionable than filling me in with words Harleena :) Behavior is a BIG plus point! I don’t expect them to do something for me, but I secretly expect them to be honest and trustworthy. Well, I tend to follow the same for others as I can. However I accept that trying to do something is even better than words. Isn’t it? :)

    Ah… I loved the example you mentioned about how water enters into a container too ;) Really makes sense!

    You have a wonderful rest of the week Harleena :)

    Cheers…
    Mayura recently posted..How to Download Your YouTube VideosMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 2:30 pm

      Hi Mayura,

      We all have an ego, and a little is required, but if it crosses it’s limits, it can be a major cause of relationship issues for us.

      Being stubborn is different and perhaps you feel that something is right so you take a stand for something you believe in, and I think most of us do that at times too.

      Lowering your ego makes you humble and more giving in a relationship, yet if you give in too much and each time, then it causes problems, not otherwise. More so, just as Babanature was mentioning in his comment above, when he and his wife have some problem, he gives in. Why? That’s because when there are issues, if one of the partners takes a back seat or gives in or lowers the ego, the issue doesn’t flare up. However, once the problem is resolved, you must take up the problem in hand and remove it from the root or else it rises up again.

      There has to be a deeper understanding between both people, and it is certainly something both sides have to work towards to make their relationship work. One-sided relationships don’t last. It IS the responsibility of both partners to ensure that their relationship dwells into a happy and healthy one.

      The EBB concept should be followed by all of us because we are then certain that the changes we are bringing about in ourselves are the sure ones, if the other person isn’t working up to our expectations. This is if we want to carry on with the relationship.

      Yes indeed, trying to fix things up quickly gives you only momentary pleasure because the root cause of the problem still remains, which is something you need to deal with as soon as you can.

      Actions do speak louder than words and having action-able people in our lives is good because you are able to see their deeds, instead of just hearsay. The behavior of others or ourselves is what brings us together in the first place, when we see the other person, or vice-versa and how honest or trustworthy they are.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more to the post, just as you always do. Have a nice weekend as well :)

  27. Martina Mariu
    Twitter:

    August 15, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    Wow, some really good quality information here Harleena! Excellent stuff, you are providing such great value to people through your posts.

    Thank you for your wisdom!
    Martina Mariu recently posted..My Secret Idols – Who do I admire most?My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Martina – nice to have you back after a long time :)

      Glad you liked the post on relationship issues and how we can overcome them. I try to do my best to help others in the best possible way, and if I can do that – I’d be just too happy.

      Thanks for stopping by, and hope to see you around more :)

  28. robinson3d
    Twitter:

    August 15, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I really do not think one can totally be free from any relationship problem. It is bound to happen. But there is aways an option available to minimize the menance in it. Just as you have mentioned. I think great minds rubbed together can build a wonderful and understandable relationship. It is all about respecting one anothers weaknesses and looking for ways to work in that weakness. Thanks for sharing the tips. There are lots of things to be learnt from what you have just written.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      Welcome to the blog Robinson!

      I agree with you there because any relationship will have some relationship issues, which in a way is healthy too, or else a relationship can become rather dull and boring – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, if we can accept and respect each other, nothing like it. But if that doesn’t happen and we’ve tried everything in our power to make it work – the best option is to adapt the EBB concept as mentioned in the post because that we can be sure of will work as it requires us to work on ourselves, more than on others.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  29. June
    Twitter:

    August 15, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Brilliant post Harleena! I’ve had my fair share of relationship problems. That’s why I’m happily single and have been for a long time now.

    Seriously speaking though, you made some valid points. I love the way you broke down the concept of EBB. Ego can be a big problem in a relationship. That was a major problem in mine because of my ex husband’s ego. But I learnt a lot from his behaviour and from my failed relationships in the past.

    Thanks for another useful post Harleena. Have a great weekend. :-)
    June recently posted..How to be Happily SingleMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      Hi June,

      I know you prefer it the way you are because of the relationship issues you’ve had, and it’s commendable how you and a few other fellow bloggers I know have managed so well and are living a much happier life now being away from a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be.

      Ego does cause a lot of problems in a relationship if it goes beyond the usual. I’m glad you are through that rough phase of life and hope you have a brighter and better life ahead. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post :)

  30. Maddy
    Twitter:

    August 16, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    I think trust is the most important thing every couple should have in relationships. If both have this awesome thing in relation then the relation is awesome, otherwise problems would occur. Also if one is not having trust in other and other is loyal to him/her then he/she wouldn’t love to remain loyal for a long time.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 17, 2013 at 12:12 am

      Welcome to the blog Maddy!

      I agree with you – trust does play a vital role and helps in avoiding relationship issues that might arise. The trust needs to be mutual just as you mentioned, but if such qualities aren’t there in the other person then what do you do, if you want to save your relationship? I guess following the EBB concept and the formula mentioned is the only option you have left, because you can still make changes in yourself as that will work, rather than wait for the other person to change – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. :)

      • Maddy
        Twitter:

        August 17, 2013 at 12:41 am

        I think EBB model is good, but don’t you think that if I follow this model then I am compromising and sacrificing too much? If the other person is not soft hearted, then I don’t think I can act upon this model for a long time. What you say?

        • Harleena Singh
          Twitter:

          August 18, 2013 at 1:49 pm

          Hi once again Maddy,

          Firstly, your personal development should never be at the mercy of others. Even if others are not being “right” or “good”, you need to do what is good and right for you.

          If you adopt the EBB model, maybe your one odd relationship won’t work as well as you wanted, but it will positively impact the rest of your relationships where you’ve got a willing and cooperating partner.

          “Compromise” is the name of the game in any relationship. Either of the partners need to do that at some point in their relationship. If you’ve lowered your ego, you won’t feel bad and you’ll take the sacrifice in the right spirit.

          If your partner still doesn’t reciprocate – it’s his or her problem, and not yours. At that point, may be you can re-think on the relationship, if it’s possible, or keep making your efforts, as even the hardest of steel can melt!

  31. Ashi

    August 17, 2013 at 1:55 am

    Hey Harleena mam,

    Well I have been through some problem regarding to the relationship. Just because of some misunderstanding. Well It is important to encounter the problem in right way.

    There must be mistake and misunderstanding but we can not simply blame each other. Thanks for the awesome advice will look forward to keep that in mind.
    Have a great weekend

    Regards :)
    Ashi recently posted..Top 3 Hashtags Tools for Social Media Research & ExposureMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 18, 2013 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Ash,

      You are surely not alone because relationship issues are known to occur in most of our cases. Yes, most of the time some kind of misunderstanding leads to such problems.

      I agree, if you cannot resolve the mistakes or misunderstandings and have tried your best, it’s best to bring the change in yourself because you are sure of that, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  32. Sue Price
    Twitter:

    August 17, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Hi Harleena

    What a great post on a very important topic.

    As you know I have been married for 32 years and it has not all been plain sailing. My brother in law said to me when we were first married that to have a successful marriage you have to work on it every day. I believe you do.

    Ah that dreaded ego!

    I also believe that our need to be “right” which is ego can really wreck relationships. That whole right, wrong thing is not worth it.

    A book that really helped us was John Gray’s Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It has so many fundamental truths of the differences between men and women. Things like we women like to just be heard. Men think they need to solve our problems. So if we are trying to be heard and they want to fix it there is often conflict. For us that was a biggy.

    Great post Harleena.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

    Sue
    Sue Price recently posted..A Perfect StormMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 18, 2013 at 11:50 pm

      Hi Sue,

      Glad you liked the topic of discussion today :)

      I believe in that myself, and if you don’t, with time a marriage can become stale or loses its charm, which could lead to further problems too.

      Yes indeed, ego to a little extent is alright, but most people have such massive egos that it does break their relationships beyond repairs half the time.

      Ah..that was indeed a lovely book and I’m glad you mentioned it here. I do hope more people read that so that they can understand the other gender much better.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wisdom with us :)

  33. Ahsan
    Twitter:

    August 17, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I think relationship problem arises from 3 main characteristic which you mentioned – Ego, Belief & Behavior. If you are honest to your partner I think 60% problem will be solved in peace. Ego is certainly a dangerous quality. It must be omitted from one’s character.

    Lets wish all married couple should live in peace & harmony :)
    Ahsan recently posted..Check WordPress Plugin Loading Time With Plugin Performance ProfilerMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 18, 2013 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Ahsan,

      I also believe so, though there many more, or perhaps these I feel are the main ones that are the root cause.

      Absolutely! Honesty plays a major role, and if you can resolve relationship issues even with talks, nothing like it. It does work best to communicate your feelings to each other, but if that doesn’t happen, I think it makes sense to bring about a change in yourself and your way of thinking, because you are sure then that you can make a difference.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post :)

  34. Ferb
    Twitter:

    August 18, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Believe and trust are really important in a relationship when you don’t believe something or looking at it in a bad way it will turn out the way you think. But positive thinkings and believe are really needed in a relationship.
    Ferb recently posted..“Be Alright” Justin Bieber Covers by Ferb HuynhMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 18, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Ferb,

      Yes they are essential I would say, and what we think about the other person also makes a lot of difference I think. You DO need to give yourself in when you are in a relationship, and if things don’t work the way you want them to, try to bring a change in yourself by using the EBB concept as mentioned, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  35. Harman
    Twitter:

    August 18, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Well today day relation ships are getting a much complicated. We can blame our fast moving life for sure but as we know trust and love are the backbone of a relationship and surely it need to be stronger or i should say strongest.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 19, 2013 at 12:02 am

      Welcome to the blog Harman!

      I agree with you there, relationships nowadays aren’t as they were years ago, things are complicated, or perhaps people don’t have that kind of time to spend with each other, which is essential in any relationship.

      Trust, love, and deep understanding are a few things needed in any relationship, but if we don’t find these in the other person, we need to change ourselves and get better by using the EBB factors as mentioned in the post, because we can be sure that they will work for us.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. :)

  36. Christopher Meloni

    August 19, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    You can suggest a various things to avoid relationship issues, but it totally depends on the mentality of the couple. How they are serious for their relationship?

    And ya, if they totally wants to break their relationship anyhow then no one can stop them on doing this.
    But this is a nice post for those who can really understand their relationship and want to continue with their lovely relation.

    Bye Harleena.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 19, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Christopher,

      Oh..there are many such posts I’ve already written under the ‘Relationship’ and ‘Marriage’ niche that you can go through. Oh yes…if the relationship isn’t working and they wish to end it, no one can stop them also.

      This post is entirely different from the other relationship posts, and if you read it thoroughly you would know that it talks of bringing about a change in yourself by using the EBB concept, which anyone can do. So, even if the other person doesn’t change, at least you can, and that might improve your relationship – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  37. Karan Oberoi

    August 21, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I am totally agree with you the points which have mentioned above, EBB it really happens when we have problems in our relationship. There must be proper understanding in ones relationship to avoid these kind of problems.If there is no trust in the relation then it cannot go ahead, so Trust must be there to avoid such problems.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 25, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      Welcome to the blog Karan!

      Glad you liked the EBB concept and I think it does cause a major problem in relationship issues, though they can be avoided, just as mentioned in the post.

      I agree with you – if there is proper understanding, trust, and love, there is no place for relationship problems, but if they do occur, we need to find ways to resolve them, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  38. Asaolu olubayode

    August 21, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Funny you might say, but harleena i acted on these your advises and i felt the changes in my own relation. Thanks, really appreciate that.. Always the best.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 25, 2013 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Asaolu,

      Nice to know that! And I am SO glad that things worked for you when you chose these ways.

      Thanks for stopping by and letting me know about the positive changes in your life :)

      BTW – Why don’t you get yourself a Gravatar so that we can see your picture and know who we are talking to :)

  39. Anthony Watson
    Twitter:

    August 24, 2013 at 9:56 am

    Hi Harleena,

    You made good point a EBB. In a relationship, I believe the connection among EBB is: Belief creates ego and then the ego creates the behavior. Couples often have issues with each others’ behavior usually towards to the attidude each others have, the attitude is based on how each others’ belief about how they should behave about certain issues.

    When a woman is upset with her partner’s silence treatment, she is actually upset about his attitude of note caring about her. And the reason her partner is giving her a silent treatment is because he beleives men should ignore women’s nagging, otherwise, women will nag more to get whatever she wants.

    To avoid relationship issues, you’ll have to get to know your partners’ belief.
    Anthony Watson recently posted..Healthy Complaint #4 – Focus on The PresentMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Welcome to the blog Anthony!

      Glad you liked the EBB concept and could relate so well to it :)

      I agree with you there – ego occurs due to many reasons and is often the cause of many relationship issues. Yes, behavior plays a major role between couples and the reason the conflicts arise.

      Ah…silent treatment is the worst I’d say, and it’s any day better to talk and resolve issues. Yes indeed, certain men ARE exactly like you mentioned, though I wish they would take women more seriously and try to understand why she does and what she does. Perhaps she seeks just attention of her partner, which her partner takes to be as nagging – there could be so many reasons actually, isn’t it? More than belief’s, you need to get to know your partner, beliefs would come later I think.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

      • Anthoy Watson
        Twitter:

        August 26, 2013 at 4:31 am

        Hi Harleena:

        I agree that sometimes women find their men ignore them, so they nag. Because they want to get attention. On the other hand, when men see women nag, they think they should not let it become her habit by giving her attention when she nags.

        This can go on and on like a circle of the pattern. If any couples find they are in that pattern, it’s very important to break that pattern. A good way to do that is by sharing the responsibilities. I like to use one of the saying from Zen principles “One hand can’t make a clap!” It’s like people say “It takes two to tango” in a relationship. I wrote in one blog post about how sharing responsibilities can make the communication with your partner in a positive way. I must follow the manner of this community, so I’m not going to leave the post address here, if anyone is interested reading the post, just click my name about this comment.

        About belief, you got a good point that I missed. Beliefs can change if we are not as stubborn as a donkey and have an open mind to accept and know our partner.
        Anthoy Watson recently posted..Save My Marriage Today Review – Book of Amy WatermanMy Profile

        • Harleena Singh
          Twitter:

          August 26, 2013 at 9:32 am

          I agree Anthony, provided he IS giving her the due attention, which perhaps for the women always falls less. :)

          Oh yes…the effort always has to be from both the sides or things don’t work. I think both partners need to understand each other and the respective requirements. Beliefs I think come with time, and yes, they can change too.

          Thanks once again :)

  40. Bilal Malik

    August 27, 2013 at 12:47 am

    Hey Harleena ..!

    Really Glad to read another different topic’s post. It’s true that this one is a very delicate relationship, this relation wants flexibility if there is no flexibility in this relation then it’s too tough for both him and her.

    Misunderstanding is one more big problem in a relationship when there is no understanding between partners then relation won’t run so long. So keep everything perfect in a relationship because this relationship is delicate.
    Bilal Malik recently posted..Soch’tein Hain K Eik Gulaab Bheej DeinMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 27, 2013 at 9:08 am

      Hi Bilal,

      Yes indeed, relationships are delicate and they need to be handled with utmost care. I agree, without flexibility it’s tough for both partners to carry on.

      Misunderstandings in a relationship are bound to occur and to a certain extent they are alright too because they help you to understand each other better, but if they go overboard they can lead to relationship issues. I think using the ways mentioned in the post would help overcome such problems – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  41. Ryan Biddulph
    Twitter:

    August 28, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    The Covey quote and your wonderful post sum it up. Who we are attracts who and what we see in our lives. Thanks Harleena!

    Ryan
    Ryan Biddulph recently posted..9 Reasons Why You Need to Join TriberrMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 29, 2013 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Ryan – nice to have you back :)

      Oh yes…I love that quote too and I think it really says it all, doesn’t it? I agree with you there – it does work out that way often.

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  42. harshi

    August 29, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Well The EBB Thing is quite Nicely Depicted ! i never thought of it in that way !

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      August 29, 2013 at 10:13 pm

      Welcome to the blog Harshi!

      I am glad you liked the EBB concept and if you can use it in your life, nothing like it because it would surely help remove the relationship issues and bring happiness in your life.

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  43. Vivek Baghel

    September 2, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    Great Harleena Singh,

    You always share interesting & inspirational post for your audience & I think it’s a big reason that whey do you have lot of follows & audience than others, Well now let’s come to the post, I do like & understand the value of this post! It is really quite interesting relationship issues post, I do believe if the people just follow these all tips so surely they can solve their issue in love life, marry life & personal life also.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      September 3, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Welcome to the blog Vivek!

      Thank you for your kind words of appreciation, and yes, I love to share things based on my experience, which I know my readers would love as well :)

      I do hope the post helps people with their relationship issues, whether they are in their personal or professional lives. I guess the best change we can bring about is the change in ourselves by following the EBB concept mentioned in the post, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views :)

  44. kuldeep

    September 6, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    You are so good in advice about relationship, I think the quote of Jasoph Newton is correct. Some people are not so friendly in nature and they do not get comfortable with people. So one should try to be happy and make others around them happy.

    In today’s fast world EGO is the biggest problem in the relationship so one should try to avoid the EGO problem in them.

  45. Michael Belk

    November 3, 2013 at 6:42 am

    Harleena, as you suggest there will be problems in a relationship. The key is how you handle them.

    I like how you mention egos first because a big ego can make or break an agreement.

    Many people are not equipped with the coping skills it takes to come to an agreeable resolution.

    I have been in many disagreements however, I also put my ego aside at the end.

  46. Pooja Sehra

    November 7, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    For me love and respect are the two things that creates bond between two people. Any relationship without these two things will never sustain. Also you need to practice few things in life: Listen, Accept, and Believe in your relationship.
    Pooja Sehra recently posted..How to Install and Upgrade to Windows 8.1 Pro from Windows 8 Pro?My Profile

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