Getting cheated on cuts like a knife.
You feel hopeless, betrayed and deceived. And you wonder if you’ll ever be able to move past the hurt and pain.
You thought you had a great relationship. You can’t understand why they would hurt you this way.
This is the person you trusted. The person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. But now, you’re not so sure.
You have mixed emotions. You’re on the fence and not sure what to do.
Your first reaction is to leave. You can’t stand the thought of what they did.
It plays over and over in your mind, torturing you every moment.
You wonder if you can ever trust them again. You wonder if you can ever repair the bond you both shared.
But on the other hand, even though you feel like leaving, a part of you wants to stay.
You don’t want to give up on the relationship because you still love them. You’ve invested too much time, love and energy to just walk away.
You can’t imagine being with anyone else. This is the person you envisioned yourself with for the rest of your life.
And they may, in fact, be worthy of forgiveness.
Deciding to stay in a relationship after experiencing infidelity is an extremely hard decision.
If that’s the decision you’ve made or are leaning towards making, here are a few tips to help you heal your heart and repair your relationship.
Consider Spending Time Apart
Spending time apart is often the first step to healing, so it’s worth considering this option. It gives you a chance to reflect and put things back into perspective and often causes couples to eventually grow closer.
Betrayal is traumatic.
Taking time apart allows you to clear your head and make sense of things.
Use this time to focus on your happiness. Do things that make you feel better.
Take a vacation or visit a relative that you haven’t seen in a while. You could even take up a hobby that you’ve always enjoyed.
Spend time with your family or hang out with a few friends. Do anything that lifts your spirits up.
This is your time.
Your focus should be on bringing your mental and emotional state back to normal.
Once you’ve regained control of your emotions, you can then focus on how to mend your relationship.
Accept the Truth
When you know why something happened, you gain closure by eliminating any unanswered questions.
Sometimes the reason why isn’t something that you necessarily want to hear or accept. It can be hard to face the truth.
Perhaps the cheating was simply due to your partner’s selfishness, in which case fixing the relationship might not be possible.
But sometimes the cheating reflects problems in the relationship that can be addressed and worked on. With enough effort by both parties, your relationship can grow stronger than it ever was.
A friend of mine called me one day and told me that she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her.
He told her the reason why he cheated was that he felt like she didn’t pay him enough attention.
So when the other woman came along, she provided him with what he felt he was missing from her.
This was very hard for her to accept.
She never even knew he felt that way. He never verbalized his feelings to her before.
So in her mind, this reason wasn’t good enough. She didn’t make him cheat; his feelings made him cheat.
This wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. But the honest truth was that any answer he gave her wouldn’t have been good enough.
However, now she knew that they needed to work on communication. Communication is key to any good relationship.
And since then, they’ve made a conscious effort to always verbalize their feelings.
Problems are addressed immediately, and as a result, they are getting along even better than before.
Making this effort strengthened their relationship. And even though they couldn’t erase the past, they’re working on a positive future.
Sometimes you need to hear the truth even though it may hurt your feelings. If you work on your problems before they get out of control, it may prevent unwanted behavior later on.
This is where you draw the line on what will and will not be tolerated in your relationship. You have to set a limit on what you’re willing to accept.
It must be clear that unfaithfulness will not be tolerated. And in most situations, contact with the other person must be severed.
Creating whatever boundaries you feel you need is usually the only way to start over and repair your relationship.
My friend’s relationship was no different.
She figured if he loved her and wanted things to work, cutting ties with the other woman wouldn’t be an issue.
She told me there was no way she could’ve continued a relationship with him if he didn’t agree.
And unless he understood how important this was to her, she would’ve had to let him go.
She needed him to understand that their relationship had to be summed up in one word:
Respect is the most important thing in any relationship.
If someone respects you, they won’t cheat. If someone respects you, they will do anything to make it work and not hurt you again.
So she made it clear to him that anything less would not be tolerated.
Fortunately, he understood how important this was to her and agreed to cut ties with the other woman.
Once he did this, they were able to work on getting their relationship back to the point where they were happy again.
It wasn’t easy, and it took some time, but eventually they became stronger than they were before.
Accept That it May Be Over
In my friend’s case, she wanted to try and mend the relationship. And fortunately, her boyfriend was willing to do anything he could make that happen.
Unfortunately, not every situation will work out this way.
Like I said before, the most important thing in a relationship is respect. If your partner doesn’t agree with this, it may be time to move on.
If someone loves you, they will respect you. And while nobody is perfect, and people make mistakes, a person who cares will try their best to make right.
If the person you’re with isn’t showing any attempt to resolve the situation, this is usually a sign that this isn’t the right person for you.
This isn’t an easy conclusion to come to, especially when you’re in love and have invested many years with them.
You might’ve started a family or been friends with them since your teenage years.
It’s never easy letting someone like this go.
But overlooking respect will only hurt you more in the long run. It’s better to sacrifice the relationship than to allow disrespect.
Life is precious. If someone cannot see how special and valuable you are, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life.
Think About Starting Over
As long as you’re both on the same page, it’s possible to bring back the bond you once shared with some effort.
This is when you forgive the mistake they made, try to move forward and start over fresh.
Take a moment to remember the reason why you fell in love in the first place. This will help with the healing process.
This will also make it much easier to forgive them.
Take the time to reinvest in your relationship. Start going out on dates together.
Watch movies at home.
Take a long walk and enjoy time with each other. Cook dinner together and spend the night alone.
Do anything to ignite a spark. Bring back the passion you both once shared.
And before you know it, you’ll find your friendship, love and trust again.
Remembering why you were with this person in the first place will make it easier to move on.
As with everything, time will heal your wounds.
Giving the relationship a fresh new start will make it easier to leave the past behind and create a happy future.
Love Deserves a Chance
Nothing is worse than someone you care about hurting you deeply.
But fortunately, love is very forgiving.
Sometimes a bad situation can overshadow a good relationship. Every relationship has its problems.
We all make mistakes. And while some mistakes are worse than others, people often deserve a second chance.
If you’ve been cheating on, you can work on healing your relationship, provided your partner is also willing to put in the work.
If they’re not willing to give you the respect you deserve, then it’s time to walk away. Being too forgiving is sometimes just as bad as not forgiving at all.
But if you are both determined to do what’s necessary, know that all hope is not lost. You can mend your relationship.
It may even become stronger than it ever was.
Over to you –
How about you? Were you able to move on from being cheated on? Let’s talk.
Posted on: June 27th, 2016
Last Updated on: June 27th, 2016