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“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Like most couples, do you also wonder how to become best friends with your spouse? Well, it’s probably because you don’t realize that friendship is at the base of every relationship.
You may have heard that friendship is like a garden; it must be cultivated, and the key lies in being persistent and consistent, without having any expectations. It may sound too angelic, but these so-called words of wisdom are practically true.
When two people decide to get married, they are actually marrying their best friend. However, as the marriage moves forwards, some people tend to lose their connection with their best friend and wind up with a broken marriage or even get divorced.
We live in a culture that is mainly self-centered, where people are frustrated because of the feeling that they are not getting what they need or deserve.
It is not unusual to see two people drift apart with time, especially if they don’t make a continuous effort to work on their marriage.
Ways To Become Your Spouse’s Best Friend
If you are wondering how to become best friends with your spouse and revive that friendship you had when you started, then follow the tips below.
Communicate
The number one tool every successful marriage needs is communication, where a couple needs to talk to each other and spend time with one another. They need to talk about their daily activities, take out time to laugh, share and discuss things, talk about themselves, and ask about each other.
Be open with your spouse and express your emotions to them. If you feel your spouse has hurt your feelings or embarrassed you, tell them.
In most cases, your spouse is not able to read your mind and understand what you are undergoing or feeling. Thus, you should not make them guess about your emotions, thoughts, and feelings, instead tell them what you are undergoing.
At times people have a hard time expressing their feelings and emotions, so in such cases writing them down to express them or seeking the help of a therapist works best.
The more you communicate with each other, talk and discuss matters, and learn about each other, the easier it will be to develop a long-lasting marriage and friendship.
Listen
Intently listen to what your spouse is saying, when you talk to one another. Help your spouse to open up and talk about themselves, rather than making any assumptions, and avoid cutting them off in-between when they are talking or expressing themselves.
You could ask some open-ended questions, where your spouse can talk freely and this way you can listen and learn more about the person you married.
Learn more about your spouse’s problems, dreams, goals, likes, dislikes, interests, expectations, and feelings. Share information about yourself without making the conversation one-sided.
Be Honest, Loyal and Trustworthy
You have to be honest, open, and truthful with your spouse. Share everything with them without keeping any kind of secrets, which is a violation of the trust you have build, as a good marriage does not have secrets.
You must be loyal and trustworthy with your spouse, if you expect your spouse to be the same way with you. Be like best friends who tell each other everything, and remain open and honest with one another.
Have a Kind, Loving Tone
To become best friends with your spouse, treat each other with kindness, and be nice with one another by keeping a polite tone. If at times you do get angry with your spouse, look for ways to phrase the harsh words you want to say in a calm and clear manner.
Avoid calling your spouse names or say things that you may regret later. You need to share your desires, ideas, needs, and wants, in order for your marriage to remain healthy and strong. Keep a loving tone and never diminish, or put them down with your own words.
Compromise, Adjust and Sacrifice
To become best friends with your spouse and make your marriage work, you need to make compromises, adjustments, and sacrifices for each other.
Learn to do things for each other without expecting anything in return, as even small things matter. Make adjustments so that your spouse is comfortable.
Treat as Equal
Marriage is a partnership, where your spouse is your partner and equal, so never treat them like a child, boss around them, or talk down to them. Sit down and listen to your spouse if they seem troubled, and don’t counsel them unless they ask for your advice.
Avoid lecturing them or setting expectations on your spouse. Maybe all they need is a simple hug or a gentle hearing from your side. Pay full attention to what your spouse is saying, and set aside your own opinion or your ideas, instead acknowledge their feelings and viewpoint.
Make Feel Special
If you are wondering how to become best friends with your spouse, one way is to make them feel special. You could do some things that show them how much your care, love, and value them in your life.
Try simple things like giving your spouse a massage or foot rub after a long day, water the plants or offer to help around in the household chores.
Make Connections
The longer a married couple is together and gets bound down with added responsibilities, the easier it becomes for them to forget to take out time for one another. Remember, physical separation spawns emotional detachment.
Thus, you need to make intimate connections and take care of your spouse’s needs or desires to make a marriage work.
You need to take out time to express your love by complimenting them on their outfit, holding hands, hugging and kissing your spouse to make them feel wanted and loved.
They need attention as much as your children and other family members do, so learn to embrace them in front of your children and family to show them how much you care about one another.
Spend Time
The daily stress and pressures of life can cause a lot of strain on a marriage. You can lose the friendship you have built if you do not spend time with your spouse.
To become friends with your spouse and lessen the strains of life or rekindle the marriage, surprise your spouse by taking them away for a date on the weekend.
You could plan a romantic evening, a movie for two, or simply just spend quality time with your spouse, so that you connect with them and strengthen your friendship.
Even though you may have children and other family members at home, it is important to share some time separately only with your spouse, without any distractions.
Thus, plan such a date once a week or at least twice a month. Spending such quality time will help you become best friends with your spouse and strengthen your marriage.
Accept and Respect
You and your spouse will have differences and different views or opinions, as no one is perfect. Thus, you need to respect and accept your spouse for the person they are.
Don’t try to change your spouse, as how would you feel if your spouse wanted to change you. Put yourself in their shoes to know how they feel. Instead, acceptance is what will help you become best friends with your spouse and build your marriage.
Don’t nag your best friend, instead accept and enjoy your life with them. Respect each other at home and in front of others, by respecting their feelings, actions, and giving them the respect they deserve.
It takes time, effort, commitment, patience, wisdom, perseverance, understanding, and a forgiving heart to become best friends with your spouse.
To become best friends with your spouse and avoid your marriage from breaking up or leading to divorce, make time for one another, respect each other, talk to each other, and work hard on your marriage every day.
Always remember the Golden Rule – “Do to others what you would want them to do to you” (Luke 6:31), and apply it in your marriage.
Over To You –
How have you become best friends with your spouse? How has your marriage turned out to be? Do share your thoughts and views.