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Every married couple wants to live a happy married life. But for some, the happiness in marriage remains elusive. They become desperate to know the secrets of a happy marriage. However, the fact is that happiness in a marriage can be found through small loving efforts and acts of togetherness. Here are the keys to a happy marriage that you can use to unlock the happiness in your married life. ~ Ed.
“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
Is it possible to find happiness in a marriage easily or is it an uphill task? This seems to be everybody’s dilemma, whether married or not.
Yes, I’d say finding happiness in a marriage or any relationship for that matter is possible. However, whether it is easy or difficult depends on your attitude and actions.
I best thought to write a post about my convictions and answer the popular question, which I’ve so often heard people ask – what are the secrets to find happiness in my marriage?
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” ~ Tom Mullen
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
Ah, may be this is going to disappoint you but there are no secrets of a happy marriage!
It’s because the happiness in a marriage is simply a product of your individual happiness levels and the extent of togetherness.
You marry someone because you love the person, and obviously you want to be a happily married couple.
However, even if you’re happy you cannot make your partner truly happy if that happiness doesn’t come from within him or her.
You can share your happiness with your partner, but you can’t impose that happiness, nor try to direct his or her happiness.
Since marriage implies a union, there has to be togetherness among the spouses. If the couple lacks togetherness, they would not be happy.
Therefore, you can only find happiness in a marriage if you and your partner are really happy from within and enjoy acts of togetherness.
Now that you know the secrets of a happy marriage, which never was a secret, what do you do to live a happy married life?
What to do When You’re Not Happy in Your Marriage
Not every married couple lives an ideal happy married life.
In reality, if one of the partners is happy from within, the other might not be. If one of the partners makes attempts to be together, the other ignores it.
Eventually, happiness eludes the marriage or relationship, and often leads to divorce or separation.
So, how do you solve this problem?
Instead of focusing on why you are unhappy in your marriage or relationship, or what your partner has done wrong, consider how you can improve the way you deal with your marriage and relationship.
When you feel that you are in an unhappy marriage, or you feel that you are
miserable and in a wrong relationship, it’s not only your partner, but even your way of living that needs to improve.
If you truly want to find happiness in a marriage or relationship, then do what makes you feel good within yourself. But that doesn’t mean to make your partner unhappy or miserable.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~ Dave Meurer
Simple Daily Tips for a Happy Marriage
It’s very simple to find happiness in a marriage. You can do that by noticing and doing the smallest of things together.
Here are some ways of being together and enjoying each other in a happy married life:
- Smile and look lovingly at each other while your partner works, cooks, or walks in after a long day.
- Find time to hold hands or cuddle in bed. Just become best friendswith one another.
- Discover the first grey hair and celebrate that moment.
- Look at old photographs and movies together.
- Read the newspaper, or go for long walks together.
- Get up and sip your morning cup of tea or coffee together.
- Eat meals or watch a TV channel that your spouse likes, even if you don’t.
- Just be together and let your eye’s do the talking, without any words spoken.
This list can be endless, and you can keep adding to it in the comments below!
As you see, happiness lies in those precious moments of togetherness that you share without any expectations.
The best way to find happiness in a marriage is basically when you remain w
ho you are. And you remain willingly available to the other person, without letting the ego become an obstacle.
You love and live with your partner because you love them and are willing to do anything for them.
You have a choice to find happiness by paying attention to the things that really matter, and ignore or let go of the things that don’t.
Life is full of twists and turns. But if you’re together in a marriage and search for companionship in one another, then you can make your life’s journey worthwhile.
So the search for happiness in a marriage isn’t tough, provided you are willing to work for it.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
How to Have a Happy Marriage
According to a research, if you want a happier spouse, you need toboost your own happiness – just as mentioned in this post.
Yes, being married can add to your health and happiness. But your happiness as a married partner and as an individual must come from within yourself.
Here’s how you can have a happy marriage:
- Be yourself, and learn to like and appreciate yourself.
- Trust your partner, and show mutual respect. Even a lack of self-respect makes it tough to respect anyone else.
- Compliment your spouse, something that most of us forget to do.
- Fill your and your spouse’s emotional needs before anything else.
- Be nice to one another, even though you have your share of disagreements.
- Be kind and do random acts of kindness for each other.
- Discuss with your partner about the lives you are living, whether you like it or not and what would you like to change in it to make it better.
- Include more happy times in your life. Do this by listing out what makes you happy, like a walk, music, sipping tea with your spouse, or just about anything.
- Share with you partner. Before going to bed make it a point to share things with one another. Talk about what you noticed during the day that you liked or didn’t like.
Yes, if you are in a bad marriage where there is lying, abuse, infidelity, things don’t work. In such cases you need professional help to find out if you can save your marriage or not.
“It’s not easy finding happiness in ourselves and it’s not possible to find it elsewhere.” ~ Agnes Repplier
11 Keys to Happiness in Marriage
In one of my earlier post, I have written my definition of marriage. Among the other mentions in that post were the main factors responsible for a happy married life like love, communication, trust, understanding, and friendship.
You need commitment towards the following aspects to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship. Here’s how to be happy in marriage:
Be Positive and Optimistic
You can find happiness in your marriage by looking at the brighter side of things. Yes, a spouse’s positive attitude leads to positive behavior, which makes you and your relationship happy.
But if such is not the case, try to find out what is bothering your spouse and try to resolve issues.
Talk Often
Keep your channels of communication open and learn to listen more.
Don’t leave things unsaid because poor communication leads to problems in relationships. Instead, voice your problems rather than sharing them with outsiders.
Don’t always talk about your feelings, wants or need. Learn to listen to what your partner desires, and be honest with them.
React effectively when you feel your spouse is making you upset or unhappy. Avoid talks that will worsen the situation.
Avoid stonewalling, where one partner just shuts the other partner out and goes silent and ignores them, or even leaves them for some time.
Stonewalling often leads to anger and frustration, which aggravates marital problems.
Remain Equal
Marriage should be treated as a platform where both partners should be equals. So, advice for a happy marriage is to not treat yourself as superior than your partner. Such an attitude can damage your relationship.
Be Understanding
Another important trait of a happy marriage or relationship is the ability to be understanding, rather than being understood.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try and understand what your spouse or partner is feeling or undergoing. It could well be the reason for his or her behavior.
Try connecting with those emotions if you want to live a happy married life.
Expectations and Resentments
You might become unhappy if your expectations aren’t met, and in a marriage or relationship, they often lead to resentments.
If these resentments are not resolved or left un-communicated, they can lead to breakup in a marriage or relationship.
Yes having fewer expectations helps, but that is curbing your own desires and not realistic. It helps to live in the moment with lower expectations of the future, and finding happiness in those moments.
Find solutions
If you are having problems in your marriage, which is very common, then serious issues need time to heal. And if things go out of hand, you need counseling or intervention from third parties.
I also have my shares of ups and downs; though I took care to resolve it quick. Sometimes my husband takes longer to understand and it takes time to resolve issues, but then you need to keep working on it.
Remember, if there is a melt-down or argument, you need to find solutions to your problems quickly!
Understand the problem, and find solutions to those problems so that they don’t occur again. Forgive and forget, and move on to live a happy married life.
Have Fun
Take out time for one another and have fun. Remain young in your thoughts, be kids again, do something to pep up your marriage to find happiness.
Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Life is after all made up of precious moments, which are wasted if we spend it in fights, arguments, or bickering.
Be Responsible
You are responsible for your own happiness. So, don’t blame your partner for your unhappiness that often leads to misunderstandings.
Being partners you tend to get affected by one another, but you need to work your way out of that and seek happiness within yourself and in your relationship or marriage.
Support and Encourage
Every spouse should support the other, especially in-front of others. Remember, your spouse looks up to you and wants your constant love and support.
If you want a happy marriage, learn to encourage the smallest of efforts of your partner, whether within the family or outside.
Don’t Force Change or Nag
Don’t force changes on your partner, or expect them to become what you want them to be. Each one has their own way of working, so offer your support and trust them to make the right decisions.
Nagging! (I know my husband would vouch for this!) You need to avoid those small bickering and everyday nagging to find happiness in any relationship or your marriage.
Do Your Best
Strive to be your best every day. This also includes being polite, gentle, kind, warm, and sensitive towards one another.
Treat your partner or spouse as a special person, just the way you did when you got married or when you were dating. Get those moments back to find happiness between yourselves.
These were the important keys to happiness in marriage. I’m sure by now you know what makes a happy marriage and how to actually achieve it.
I think you would love and relate to this video about how to find happiness in a marriage.
“How to Achieve Happiness in Your Marriage” ~ Howcast ~ YouTube Video
Conclusion
No marriage is perfect because each one has its own shares of good and bad times, but many are happy ones too.
Are you not happy in marriage? Well, finding happiness in anything, whether in your marriage, family, friends, or in any relationship, is a state of mind.
When we want to be happy, we will be. However, if we find reasons for unhappiness, nothing can really make us happy – isn’t it?
I don’t say I have all the solutions to finding happiness in a marriage, but I’ve shared the keys or secrets that have helped me in the past and are still helping me make my marriage better.
Remember, to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship, you need to work on it and keep it alive and young.
Sometimes you need to be aware why love hurts and what threatens your marriage, and learn to make amends.
When things go wrong, you need to stop and think what you need to do to make your marriage better by making sacrifices if required.
It’s all worth it because a happy marriage can have a positive impact on your health and career.
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ George Levinger
Over to you –
Do you feel finding happiness in marriage or any relationship is easy? What are your tips for a happy marriage? Share your experiences in the comments below.