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How to Find Happiness in a Marriage

- | 60 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Happiness, Love & Relationships

Married couple trying to find happiness in marriage walking on the beach
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Is it possible to find happiness in a marriage easily or is it an uphill task? This seems to be everybody’s dilemma, whether married or not.

Yes, I’d say finding happiness in a marriage or any relationship for that matter is possible. However, whether it is easy or difficult depends on your attitude and actions.

I best thought to write a post about my convictions and answer the popular question, which I’ve so often heard people ask – how to find happiness in my marriage.

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” ~ Tom Mullen

You marry someone because you love the person, and obviously you want to be a happily married couple.

However, even if you’re happy you cannot make your partner truly happy if that happiness doesn’t come from within him or her.

You can share your happiness with your partner, but you can’t impose that happiness, nor try to direct his or her happiness.

Since marriage implies a union, there has to be togetherness among the spouses. If the couple lacks togetherness, they would not be happy.

Therefore, you can only find happiness in a marriage if you and your partner are really happy from within and enjoy acts of togetherness.

However, in reality, if one of the partners is happy from within, the other might not be. If one of the partners makes attempts to be together, the other ignores it.

Eventually, happiness eludes the marriage or relationship, and often leads to divorce or separation.

So, how do you solve this problem?

Instead of focusing on why you are unhappy in your marriage or relationship, or what your partner has done wrong, consider how you can improve the way you deal with your marriage and relationship.

When you feel that you are in an unhappy marriage, or you feel that you are miserable and in a wrong relationship, it’s not only your partner, but even your way of living that needs to improve.

If you truly want to find happiness in a marriage or relationship, then do what makes you feel good within yourself. But that doesn’t mean to make your partner unhappy or miserable.

 “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~ Dave Meurer

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Simple Ways to Find Happiness in a Marriage

It’s very simple to find happiness in a marriage. You can do that by noticing and doing the smallest of things together.

Here are some ways of being together and enjoying each other in a marriage:

  • Smile and look lovingly at each other while your partner works, cooks, or walks in after a long day.
  • Find time to hold hands or cuddle in bed. Just become best friends with one another.
  • Discover the first grey hair and celebrate that moment.
  • Look at old photographs and movies together.
  • Read the newspaper, or go for long walks together.
  • Get up and sip your morning cup of tea or coffee together.
  • Eat meals or watch a TV channel that your spouse likes, even if you don’t.
  • Just be together and let your eye’s do the talking, without any words spoken.

This list can be endless, and you can keep adding to it in the comments below!

As you see, happiness lies in those precious moments of togetherness that you share without any expectations.

The best way to find happiness in a marriage is basically when you remain who you are. And you remain willingly available to the other person, without letting the ego become an obstacle.

You love and live with your partner because you love them and are willing to do anything for them.

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You have a choice to find happiness by paying attention to the things that really matter, and ignore or let go of the things that don’t.

Life is full of twists and turns. But being together in a marriage and searching for companionship in one another can make life’s journey worthwhile.

Even studies show that marriage makes people happier, and married people live longer than the unmarried ones.

So the search for happiness in a marriage isn’t tough, provided you are willing to work for it.

 “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Searching for Happiness in a Marriage

According to a research, if you want a happier spouse, you need to boost your own happiness – just as mentioned in this post.

Yes, being married can add to your health and happiness. But your happiness as a married partner and as an individual must come from within yourself.

You can find happiness through these ways:

  • Be yourself, and learn to like and appreciate yourself.
  • Trust your partner, and show mutual respect. Even a lack of self-respect makes it tough to respect anyone else. Don’t forget to compliment your spouse, something that most of us forget to do.
  • Fill your and your spouse’s emotional needs before anything else.
  • Be nice to one another, even though you have your share of disagreements.
  • Be kind and do random acts of kindness for each other.
  • Discuss with your partner about the lives you are living, whether you like it or not and what would you like to change in it to make it better.
  • Include more happy times in your life. Do this by listing out what makes you happy, like a walk, music, sipping tea with your spouse, or just about anything.
  • Before going to bed make it a point to share things with one another. Talk about what you noticed during the day that you liked or didn’t like.

Yes, if you are in a bad marriage where there is lying, abuse, infidelity, things don’t work. In such cases you need professional help to find out if you can save your marriage or not.

“It’s not easy finding happiness in ourselves and it’s not possible to find it elsewhere.” ~ Agnes Repplier

A poster revealing the secrets to find happiness in a marriage

Secrets to Find Happiness in a Marriage

In one of my earlier post, I had written my definition of marriage. Also mentioned were the main factors responsible for a healthy marriage like love, communication, trust, understanding, and friendship.

You need commitment towards the following to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship.

1- Be Positive and Optimistic

You can find happiness in your marriage by looking at the brighter side of things. Yes, a spouse’s positive attitude leads to positive behavior, which makes you and your relationship happy.

But if such is not the case, try to find out what is bothering your spouse and try to resolve issues.

2- Talk Often

Keep your channels of communication open and learn to listen more.

Don’t leave things unsaid because poor communication leads to problems in relationships. Instead, voice your problems rather than sharing them with outsiders.

Don’t always talk about your feelings, wants or need. Learn to listen to what your partner desires, and be honest with them.

React effectively when you feel your spouse is making you upset or unhappy. Avoid talks that will worsen the situation.

Avoid stonewalling, where one partner just shuts the other partner out and goes silent and ignores them, or even leaves them for some time.

Stonewalling often leads to anger and frustration, which aggravates marital problems.

3- Remain Equal

Marriage should be treated as a platform where both partners should be equals. So, don’t treat yourself as superior than your partner, which can harm a relationship.

4- Be Understanding

Another important trait of a happy marriage or relationship is the ability to be understanding, rather than being understood. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Try and understand what your spouse or partner is feeling or undergoing, which might be the reason for the way they behave.

Try connecting with those emotions if you want to find happiness within any relationship.

5- Expectations and Resentments

You might become unhappy if your expectations aren’t met, and in a marriage or relationship, they often lead to resentments.

If these resentments are not resolved or left un-communicated, they can lead to breakup in a marriage or relationship.

Yes having fewer expectations helps, but that is curbing your own desires and not realistic. It helps to live in the moment with lower expectations of the future, and finding happiness in those moments.

6- Find solutions

Some of you might be having problems in your marriages, which is very common. Serious issues need time to heal and if things go out of hand, you need counseling or intervention from third parties.

I also have my shares of ups and downs; though take care to resolve it quick. Sometimes my husband takes longer to understand and it takes time to resolve issues, but then you need to keep working on it.

Remember, if there is a melt-down or argument, you need to find solutions to your problems quickly!

Understand the problem, and find solutions to those problems so that they don’t occur again. Forgive and forget, and move on.

7- Have Fun

Take out time for one another and have fun. Remain young in your thoughts, be kids again, do something to pep up your marriage to find happiness.

Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Life is after all made up of precious moments, which are wasted if we spend it in fights, arguments, or bickering.

8- Be Responsible

You are responsible for your own happiness. So, don’t blame your partner for your unhappiness that often leads to misunderstandings.

Being partners you tend to get affected by one another, but you need to work your way out of that and seek happiness within yourself and in your relationship or marriage.

9- Support and Encourage

Every spouse should support the other, especially in-front of others. Remember, your spouse looks up to you and wants your constant love and support.

Learn to encourage their smallest of efforts, whether within the family or outside.

10- Don’t Force Change or Nag

Don’t force changes on your partner, or expect them to become what you want them to be. Each one has their own way of working, so offer your support and trust them to make the right decisions.

Nagging! (I know my husband would vouch for this!) You need to avoid those small bickering and everyday nagging to find happiness in any relationship or your marriage.

11- Do Your Best

Strive to be your best every day. This also includes being polite, gentle, kind, warm, and sensitive towards one another.

Treat your partner or spouse as a special person, just the way you did when you got married or when you were dating. Get those moments back to find happiness between yourselves.

I’m sure all of you would love and relate to this video.

“How to Achieve Happiness in Your Marriage” ~ Howcast ~ YouTube Video

No marriage is perfect because each one has its own shares of good and bad times, but many are happy ones too.

Finding happiness in anything, whether in your marriage, family, friends, or in any relationship, is a state of mind.

When we want to be happy, we will be. However, if we find reasons for unhappiness, nothing can really make us happy – isn’t it?

I don’t say I have all the solutions to finding happiness in a marriage, but I’ve shared things that have helped me and are still helping me make my marriage better.

Remember, to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship, you need to work on it and keep it alive and young.

Sometimes you need to be aware why love hurts and what threatens your marriage, and learn to make amends.

When things go wrong, you need to stop and think what you need to do to make it better by making sacrifices if required.

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ George Levinger

Over to you

Have you been able to find happiness in your marriage? Do you feel finding happiness in marriage or any relationship is easy? Share your experiences in the comments below.

 

Photo Credit:  JonWalsh2010

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60 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Larry Rodriguez

    June 2, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    There can be problems between husband and wife but it is important for anyone of them to take the role to cool the things down. Tolerance for each other plays a big role. We all are human beings. Not necessarily our every habits or works will be liked by others. So, tolerance is a very important part.

  2. RobG

    April 27, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Hello Harleena, great tips my friend.

    You sure can find happiness is marriage but you have to do your part.

    I’ve been married for 23-years and until today I’m very happy, maybe because I’m a simple guy and it does not take much to please me.

    Most marriages have problems because someone in the marriage is the difficult one if you know what I mean.

    One on the things I find out about being married is not to compare each other, everyone is different and will do thing different.

    Thanks so much for a great read…Have a wonderful day

  3. Srimanta

    January 27, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    Dear Harleena,
    I am very impressed at your post and realize that it must be helpful for me. I love her(Anu) from the last 5 years. Now we’re getting married in June,2013. Now sometimes I had trouble with it, I do not know why? May be due to the distance between us. Hope we can implement ourself through your great opinion in our marriage life.

    Harleena, many many thanks to you for sharing this type of great articles.

  4. Mohammed Rafi

    January 8, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Dear Harleena,

    Your article is a must read for any youngster who is planning to get married and also for all those who are living a married life.

    I am saying this because you have beautifully crafted this article with down to earth and practical solutions. You would have got such a deep insight from your own marriage, I believe.

    There is a wrong concept in our country (especially among the guys) that marriage is a situation where you will lose all your freedom. I guess too much of freedom is one problem which is faced by Indians. I have been married for the past 18 months and from my experience I must say that marriage is a beautiful place to be in and I am livign a wholesome life with my awesome wife Sareena, my loving mom and a cute sister.

    I look forward to meet you and connect with you in this enriching journey called life.

    Myself and my wife are budding bloggers and my wife has written an article on happy marriage tips. Kindly go through it at your convenience and please give us your valuable feedback.

    Sincerely,
    Mohammed Rafi




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How to Find Happiness in a Marriage

by Harleena Singh time to read: 8 min