Happy Marriage: 11 Keys to Find Happiness in a Marriage

As a married couple, you want to live a happy married life. But the happiness in marriage remains elusive and you look for the secrets of a happy marriage. Happiness in a marriage comes with efforts and togetherness. Here are the keys to a happy marriage that you can use to unlock the happiness in your married life.
A married couple sharing the keys to happiness in a marriage

Every married couple wants to live a happy married life. But for some, the happiness in marriage remains elusive. They become desperate to know the secrets of a happy marriage. However, the fact is that happiness in a marriage can be found through small loving efforts and acts of togetherness. Here are the keys to a happy marriage that you can use to unlock the happiness in your married life. ~ Ed.


“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison

Is it possible to find happiness in a marriage easily or is it an uphill task? This seems to be everybody’s dilemma, whether married or not.

Yes, I’d say finding happiness in a marriage or any relationship for that matter is possible. However, whether it is easy or difficult depends on your attitude and actions.

I best thought to write a post about my convictions and answer the popular question, which I’ve so often heard people ask – what are the secrets to find happiness in my marriage?

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” ~ Tom Mullen


Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Ah, may be this is going to disappoint you but there are no secrets of a happy marriage!

It’s because the happiness in a marriage is simply a product of your individual happiness levels and the extent of togetherness.

You marry someone because you love the person, and obviously you want to be a happily married couple.

However, even if you’re happy you cannot make your partner truly happy if that happiness doesn’t come from within him or her.

You can share your happiness with your partner, but you can’t impose that happiness, nor try to direct his or her happiness.

Since marriage implies a union, there has to be togetherness among the spouses. If the couple lacks togetherness, they would not be happy.

Therefore, you can only find happiness in a marriage if you and your partner are really happy from within and enjoy acts of togetherness.

Now that you know the secrets of a happy marriage, which never was a secret, what do you do to live a happy married life?

A poster revealing the secrets to find happiness in a marriage

What to do When You’re Not Happy in Your Marriage

Not every married couple lives an ideal happy married life.

In reality, if one of the partners is happy from within, the other might not be. If one of the partners makes attempts to be together, the other ignores it.

Eventually, happiness eludes the marriage or relationship, and often leads to divorce or separation.

So, how do you solve this problem?

Instead of focusing on why you are unhappy in your marriage or relationship, or what your partner has done wrong, consider how you can improve the way you deal with your marriage and relationship.

When you feel that you are in an unhappy marriage, or you feel that you are

miserable and in a wrong relationship, it’s not only your partner, but even your way of living that needs to improve.

If you truly want to find happiness in a marriage or relationship, then do what makes you feel good within yourself. But that doesn’t mean to make your partner unhappy or miserable.


 “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~ Dave Meurer

Simple Daily Tips for a Happy Marriage

It’s very simple to find happiness in a marriage. You can do that by noticing and doing the smallest of things together.

Here are some ways of being together and enjoying each other in a happy married life:

  • Smile and look lovingly at each other while your partner works, cooks, or walks in after a long day.
  • Find time to hold hands or cuddle in bed. Just become best friendswith one another.
  • Discover the first grey hair and celebrate that moment.
  • Look at old photographs and movies together.
  • Read the newspaper, or go for long walks together.
  • Get up and sip your morning cup of tea or coffee together.
  • Eat meals or watch a TV channel that your spouse likes, even if you don’t.
  • Just be together and let your eye’s do the talking, without any words spoken.

This list can be endless, and you can keep adding to it in the comments below!

As you see, happiness lies in those precious moments of togetherness that you share without any expectations.

The best way to find happiness in a marriage is basically when you remain w

ho you are. And you remain willingly available to the other person, without letting the ego become an obstacle.

You love and live with your partner because you love them and are willing to do anything for them.

You have a choice to find happiness by paying attention to the things that really matter, and ignore or let go of the things that don’t.

Life is full of twists and turns. But if you’re together in a marriage and search for companionship in one another, then you can make your life’s journey worthwhile.

So the search for happiness in a marriage isn’t tough, provided you are willing to work for it.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

How to Have a Happy Marriage

According to a research, if you want a happier spouse, you need toboost your own happiness – just as mentioned in this post.

Yes, being married can add to your health and happiness. But your happiness as a married partner and as an individual must come from within yourself.

Here’s how you can have a happy marriage:

  • Be yourself, and learn to like and appreciate yourself.
  • Trust your partner, and show mutual respect. Even a lack of self-respect makes it tough to respect anyone else.
  • Compliment your spouse, something that most of us forget to do.
  • Fill your and your spouse’s emotional needs before anything else.
  • Be nice to one another, even though you have your share of disagreements.
  • Be kind and do random acts of kindness for each other.
  • Discuss with your partner about the lives you are living, whether you like it or not and what would you like to change in it to make it better.
  • Include more happy times in your life. Do this by listing out what makes you happy, like a walk, music, sipping tea with your spouse, or just about anything.
  • Share with you partner. Before going to bed make it a point to share things with one another. Talk about what you noticed during the day that you liked or didn’t like.

Yes, if you are in a bad marriage where there is lying, abuse, infidelity, things don’t work. In such cases you need professional help to find out if you can save your marriage or not.

“It’s not easy finding happiness in ourselves and it’s not possible to find it elsewhere.” ~ Agnes Repplier

11 Keys to Happiness in Marriage

In one of my earlier post, I have written my definition of marriage. Among the other mentions in that post were the main factors responsible for a happy married life like love, communication, trust, understanding, and friendship.

You need commitment towards the following aspects to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship. Here’s how to be happy in marriage:

Be Positive and Optimistic

You can find happiness in your marriage by looking at the brighter side of things. Yes, a spouse’s positive attitude leads to positive behavior, which makes you and your relationship happy.

But if such is not the case, try to find out what is bothering your spouse and try to resolve issues.

Talk Often

Keep your channels of communication open and learn to listen more.

Don’t leave things unsaid because poor communication leads to problems in relationships. Instead, voice your problems rather than sharing them with outsiders.

Don’t always talk about your feelings, wants or need. Learn to listen to what your partner desires, and be honest with them.

React effectively when you feel your spouse is making you upset or unhappy. Avoid talks that will worsen the situation.

Avoid stonewalling, where one partner just shuts the other partner out and goes silent and ignores them, or even leaves them for some time.

Stonewalling often leads to anger and frustration, which aggravates marital problems.

Remain Equal

Marriage should be treated as a platform where both partners should be equals. So, advice for a happy marriage is to not treat yourself as superior than your partner. Such an attitude can damage your relationship.

Be Understanding

Another important trait of a happy marriage or relationship is the ability to be understanding, rather than being understood.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try and understand what your spouse or partner is feeling or undergoing. It could well be the reason for his or her behavior.

Try connecting with those emotions if you want to live a happy married life.

Expectations and Resentments

You might become unhappy if your expectations aren’t met, and in a marriage or relationship, they often lead to resentments.

If these resentments are not resolved or left un-communicated, they can lead to breakup in a marriage or relationship.

Yes having fewer expectations helps, but that is curbing your own desires and not realistic. It helps to live in the moment with lower expectations of the future, and finding happiness in those moments.

Find solutions

If you are having problems in your marriage, which is very common, then serious issues need time to heal. And if things go out of hand, you need counseling or intervention from third parties.

I also have my shares of ups and downs; though I took care to resolve it quick. Sometimes my husband takes longer to understand and it takes time to resolve issues, but then you need to keep working on it.

Remember, if there is a melt-down or argument, you need to find solutions to your problems quickly!

Understand the problem, and find solutions to those problems so that they don’t occur again. Forgive and forget, and move on to live a happy married life.

Have Fun

Take out time for one another and have fun. Remain young in your thoughts, be kids again, do something to pep up your marriage to find happiness.

Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Life is after all made up of precious moments, which are wasted if we spend it in fights, arguments, or bickering.

Be Responsible

You are responsible for your own happiness. So, don’t blame your partner for your unhappiness that often leads to misunderstandings.

Being partners you tend to get affected by one another, but you need to work your way out of that and seek happiness within yourself and in your relationship or marriage.

Support and Encourage

Every spouse should support the other, especially in-front of others. Remember, your spouse looks up to you and wants your constant love and support.

If you want a happy marriage, learn to encourage the smallest of efforts of your partner, whether within the family or outside.

Don’t Force Change or Nag

Don’t force changes on your partner, or expect them to become what you want them to be. Each one has their own way of working, so offer your support and trust them to make the right decisions.

Nagging! (I know my husband would vouch for this!) You need to avoid those small bickering and everyday nagging to find happiness in any relationship or your marriage.

Do Your Best

Strive to be your best every day. This also includes being polite, gentle, kind, warm, and sensitive towards one another.

Treat your partner or spouse as a special person, just the way you did when you got married or when you were dating. Get those moments back to find happiness between yourselves.

These were the important keys to happiness in marriage. I’m sure by now you know what makes a happy marriage and how to actually achieve it.

I think you would love and relate to this video about how to find happiness in a marriage.

“How to Achieve Happiness in Your Marriage” ~ Howcast ~ YouTube Video


No marriage is perfect because each one has its own shares of good and bad times, but many are happy ones too.

Are you not happy in marriage? Well, finding happiness in anything, whether in your marriage, family, friends, or in any relationship, is a state of mind.

When we want to be happy, we will be. However, if we find reasons for unhappiness, nothing can really make us happy – isn’t it?

I don’t say I have all the solutions to finding happiness in a marriage, but I’ve shared the keys or secrets that have helped me in the past and are still helping me make my marriage better.

Remember, to find happiness in a marriage or in any relationship, you need to work on it and keep it alive and young.

Sometimes you need to be aware why love hurts and what threatens your marriage, and learn to make amends.

When things go wrong, you need to stop and think what you need to do to make your marriage better by making sacrifices if required.

It’s all worth it because a happy marriage can have a positive impact on your health and career.

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ George Levinger

Over to you –

Do you feel finding happiness in marriage or any relationship is easy? What are your tips for a happy marriage? Share your experiences in the comments below.

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  1. You have shared a great article that will help readers to take the necessary initiatives or changes for being happy in conjugal life. I will be waiting for such kinds of informative post as well in the future.

  2. Well written Harleena, I like this article you really break everything down. I think am going to share to 4 people whom I know that it will help them just like it did to me.

  3. The only key to happy married life is when to people love each other and that they value each others point of view. Love followed by trust. When both accept also their flaws and when both united to be a forgivers then and only then they will both be happy.

  4. Hi Harleena,

    Such a Great blog and the point you discussed in this article are amazing. You have done a lot of research while writing this article and i agree with you that a happy married life needs equality, understanding, beliefs.

  5. This is really really very good article we all should follow all things mentioned in this sueprb article in our life. marriage is a thing which happens only once and thats why we need to take everything so seriously that nothing goes wrong before and after marriage. so i really give this article to every peoples who going to married. thanks a lot for sharing such a good article with a very good concern. thanks again

  6. Hi Harleena,

    It’s been a while but its always good to be back home.

    I love the quote you added by Dave Meurer when he said a great marriage is learning to enjoy your partner’s differences.

    This is so true.

    Couples tend to forget that they come from different backgrounds and beliefs.

    Nicole and I are best of friends.

    There isn’t a day that goes by and we’re not laughing or acting silly.

    Paying attention to the things matter is an important key to a happy marriage.

    It brings you peace and joy when you get outside yourself.

    The fact you mentioned more than once that we are responsible for our own happiness should let us know how important that is.

    It’s good to be back here and thanks for such an informative post.


  7. Dear Harleena,
    Very Nice and Informative Article for every married Couple.. Thank you so much for Sharing this type of Information About Happy Marriage Life.
    Married couples and youngsters Must Read this article.

  8. Hey Harleena,

    Very Indepth post, really covered it all.

    I guess the biggest takeaway from this post is that one needs to accept where one is and try to make the post of it. There is very little you can do to improve your spouse but when it comes to oneself, much can be done.

    I like the idea about celebrating gray hair, negativity isn’t really a bad thing – it is how you deal with it. As a couple, if you spend time and make good use of the little things that happens everyday – you can have a happy married life without really trying hard.

    Watching serials that your spouse likes – this can be difficult, but I guess with hard work anything is possible!

    – Shantanu

  9. Married couples and youngsters(who are planning to get married) must read this article. As not every couple is happy with their married life. Also, those who are getting married must know how to manage things.An article worth reading.

  10. Harleena,

    I really appreciated how you mentioned “personal responsibility” because I know after being married for 14 years, it’s easy to let many things slide. Always blaming the kids when things go wrong. Or complaining about why something doesn’t work….instead if we own up to our mistakes, seek forgiveness, and work with what we have, then that creates a stronger and better relationship.

    No one is perfect, I totally understand that one! But neither should I make-believe that it is someone else’s fault. I need to have responsibility for my actions as well.

    ~ Johanna

  11. There can be problems between husband and wife but it is important for anyone of them to take the role to cool the things down. Tolerance for each other plays a big role. We all are human beings. Not necessarily our every habits or works will be liked by others. So, tolerance is a very important part.

  12. Hello Harleena, great tips my friend.

    You sure can find happiness is marriage but you have to do your part.

    I’ve been married for 23-years and until today I’m very happy, maybe because I’m a simple guy and it does not take much to please me.

    Most marriages have problems because someone in the marriage is the difficult one if you know what I mean.

    One on the things I find out about being married is not to compare each other, everyone is different and will do thing different.

    Thanks so much for a great read…Have a wonderful day

  13. Dear Harleena,
    I am very impressed at your post and realize that it must be helpful for me. I love her(Anu) from the last 5 years. Now we’re getting married in June,2013. Now sometimes I had trouble with it, I do not know why? May be due to the distance between us. Hope we can implement ourself through your great opinion in our marriage life.

    Harleena, many many thanks to you for sharing this type of great articles.

  14. Dear Harleena,

    Your article is a must read for any youngster who is planning to get married and also for all those who are living a married life.

    I am saying this because you have beautifully crafted this article with down to earth and practical solutions. You would have got such a deep insight from your own marriage, I believe.

    There is a wrong concept in our country (especially among the guys) that marriage is a situation where you will lose all your freedom. I guess too much of freedom is one problem which is faced by Indians. I have been married for the past 18 months and from my experience I must say that marriage is a beautiful place to be in and I am livign a wholesome life with my awesome wife Sareena, my loving mom and a cute sister.

    I look forward to meet you and connect with you in this enriching journey called life.

    Myself and my wife are budding bloggers and my wife has written an article on happy marriage tips. Kindly go through it at your convenience and please give us your valuable feedback.

    Mohammed Rafi

  15. Harleena,

    The first year after marriage is the important part and the beginning of another life. Before marriage we live in different environment, feeling, culture and suddenly life changes. It will be more difficult for girls, as they move to new family, because getting adjusted with the new family always takes time. It is the husband who should support and make her comfortable. Talking often will make things more comfortable for both.

    This is an excellent post and I learnt many things.

    1. Welcome to the blog Lokesh!

      Yes indeed, the first year is important for both partners because they are still new in their marriage and learning to adjust with one another. While the wife has left her home and adjusts with the new family, which is more tough for her, even the husband has to adjust and maintain a balance between his work and wife.

      He also has to ensure that there is peace and harmony between his wife and his family or parents, and sometimes if he can’t manage, he would find himself nicely sandwiched, which again I feel is because that’s what he chooses to be. Being a husband you should stand up for your wife, because you is all she has got in the new place. And yes, having open talk are most important where both sides should have the power and patience to listen and speak what’s on their mind.

      Thanks for stopping by, and am glad you could learn some things from this post. 🙂

  16. These are certainly powerful tips and advice, Harleena. You really bring enlightenment and depth to each of your post topics. That’s to be commended.

    Spiritually, my companion and I have been connected for 5 and a half years. It has been an on-growing relationship because of many of the truths you’ve shared here. I wasn’t sure if I would ever find this kind of relationship, but I particularly loved the quote you shared from Dave Meurer, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” That was truly powerful and SO true!

    Thanks for sharing this power pack post, my friend. 🙂

    1. Glad you liked the post Deone, and thank you for these words of appreciation. 🙂

      I’m sure the relationship you share with your partner is working out well, and if it’s lasted this long – it sure would last forever (touch-wood!) Yes, it does take effort from both sides to make the relationship bloom and get better by the day – doesn’t it?

      Ah…I love that quote too, which says it all so simply, yet has a deep meaning attached to it.

      Thanks for stopping by, and your constant support. 🙂

  17. Harleena – I would say 2 things matter most in a marriage – being expressive and being appreciative to one another. As Hajra put it right, no one can read your mind, being open and expressing your thoughts will make things more clear.

    Also, when you can appreciate an act of your spouse, do not miss the chance, it always brings you closer to one another and blossoms that love.

    Good reading.

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Praveen!

      Absolutely! You need to say what you are feeling and not assume that your spouse would understand it all, which happens in rare cases only.

      I liked your point about taking small opportunities to appreciate each other, which does bring you closer and there is more love between each other too. I guess it makes you realize that you are valued, respected, and treasured.

      Life is so short and we really can’t say about what will happen to us tomorrow. We need to make the best of things and find happiness in these precious shared moments of togetherness – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by, and for contributing to the post. 🙂

  18. Hi Harleena,

    This is great advice. I especially relate to point number one. If you look for the good in your spouse, you will appreciate him even more. He will appreciate you more too. There are plenty of people in your life who will constantly try to find fault with you, how great is it to come home to someone who appreciates you?

    Another suggestion I would add is to forgive and forget. If you keep bringing up old wounds each time you fight, you will never resolve anything and the issues will continue to fester.

    Thank you once again for the inspiration, Harleena!

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Carolyn!

      Absolutely! Looking for the positives in one another rather than the negatives is what makes you appreciate each other, though it’s not all that easy for most people. This being the reason that they find faults with one another and things often turn sour. But you are so right…you need someone to come back home to and know that you are valued, respected, and appreciated. 🙂

      We need to forgive, forget, and move on with life whenever we have have problems with one another, as mentioned in point six because I strongly believe in it, though yes, just as you mentioned, we shouldn’t bring the past in our present – nor take it with us into our future. Some people have a habit of bringing up old issues and talks into their present lives, which spoils relationships further.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your pearls of wisdom with all of us. 🙂

  19. Hi Harleena,

    We just celebrated our 29th anniversary last month. I don’t pretend to know the secrets but I do know, in our case anyway, it’s important to commit long term. By that I mean never ever threaten to walk away. Get mad, yell like crazy but don’t turn your back on one another. After years of that kind of trust, things like money and in-laws are a walk in the park.

    1. Wow Brian!

      You don’t look that old – or did you get married young. (Joking!) 🙂

      29 years is a long time and you surely would know all that it takes to find happiness within a marriage. You are so right about making a commitment to yourself and to one another to be there for one another – no matter what. Once you choose this option, you know you have to work things our right each time because there is no looking back and no other option – isn’t it?

      I remember this is quite similar to what my Granny used to say. She said that no matter what problems you might have in your marriage, you fight, get angry, and even if things get tough – remember to end it all by the end of the day and make sure you make up before going to bed. It’s something my Mom followed too, so that’s a lesson learnt for me too.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your words of wisdom with us. 🙂

  20. I am married with someone I really love, and with him I want to spend my whole life forever with the blessings that comes from God. This post is really great and very informative. I find some information that I can apply in my marriage life. Anyway thank you for sharing this.

    1. Welcome to the blog Ashleen!

      I am glad you are happily married to a person whom you love dearly. And nice to know that this post could give you something to take back home. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  21. Hi Harleena,

    Well you know this is not a topic I can really give too much advice on since I’ve only been married once and that one didn’t go over so well.

    I always tell people that I’m very selfish. I am really because to me if I’m not happy then how can I make other people happy. So I have to first work on myself so I definitely put myself first and I think others should do the same. If you can find happiness from within then I think you will lead a much happier life in the long run.

    I’m also very big on communication. The first thing though is you really need to get to know your partner. I mean what makes them tick, why do they believe certain things, etc. When you really get to know your partner then you shouldn’t be as upset about things mainly because you will understand why they made certain choices or did things a certain way. You can always agree to disagree about things because you are two different people.

    If you really love each other then you will do what it takes to make the marriage work. Communication is of course the biggest thing but appreciating each other is another. Remember why you fell in love with that person in the first place.

    Okay, I’ll quit there. You gave some awesome points here Harleena and you would know much better then me on what it really takes to find happiness in a marriage. Bravo.


    1. I can well understand Adrienne and I appreciate you!

      I know it’s not a topic you would have much to say about, though I feel having undergone so much you would know the reasons rather well too as to what didn’t lead to the happiness in a marriage – isn’t it?

      It’s not you alone Adrienne – most of us are like that. We look for our happiness over others because as you rightly mentioned, how can you make another person happy if you aren’t happy within. And if both partners aren’t happy, how can their marriage ever be a happy one. For that matter, even if one of the spouses is not happy in a marriage, that marriage WILL not last.

      You are so right about communication. I agree that if you don’t talk things out and understand one another, how can you know one another. You really can’t make out their likes or dislikes and why they do what they do and often times you are just left assuming things, and that leads to misunderstandings. Just as Hajra mentioned – you can’t really get into their heads to see what they are thinking. I guess that’s one reason we see many older couples more relaxed and content in their marriage, because they know each other’s natures inside out and have learnt to accept and adapt to each other.

      Spouses should remember the way they first met, their first date, and what they loved about each other that led them to get married. They need to keep working on their relationship and marriage to find happiness within it, and if they love each other – they will do all it takes to make things work.

      I am no expert and I also have my share of ups and downs, but I liked the way you shared these words of wisdom with all of us, and I thank you for doing that. 🙂

  22. Communication and compromise are key elements. If you can’t incorporate those two elements you are doomed from the start.

    Expectations play a big role too. Sometimes we have an idea about what our relationships are supposed to look like that doesn’t match with how life works. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it has an impact.

    You don’t know how the twists and turns of life will affect you. Children are wonderful, amazing and incredible sources of stress on a relationship. They require enormous amounts of time and energy and they deserve it.

    But you have to find a way to give some of that to your spouse too or you will find yourself in trouble

    1. Welcome to the blog Josh, nice to see you here!

      Yes indeed, to find happiness in a marriage you DO need to communicate and adjust with one another – there are no two ways about that.

      I guess one shouldn’t really have too many expectations from our spouses and we need to take them for who they are, or else it leads us to become frustrated because what we expect we don’t get. And each person is different, so we can’t expect them to become whom we want or like them to be – isn’t it?

      Kid’s always need our attention and often times they are the reason for most of the misunderstandings too that might occur between partners. You NEED to divide your time and keep a little away for your spouse, where there’s only the two of you and no kid’s – that is an absolute must. Or else there is a huge communication gap or lack of understanding that might take place. However, we need to find our share of happiness within those ups and downs of life and learn to live with it happily.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  23. If there is mutual respect, all the other points can be applied, but when the respect is lacking, nothing would work 🙁

    1. Nice to have you back Nikky!

      You are absolutely right about mutual respect, which is an important factor to find happiness in a marriage. There are many other factors responsible too as mentioned in the post, though what works best for you would depend on how you feel about your marriage. For some the lack of love or proper communication is a problem, while for others its the trust and compatability issue.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  24. Great list of how to have a happy marriage. I am so lucky to have most of those in my partnership. Truly blessed.

    1. Glad you liked it Jodi!

      Nice to know that you are already following most of the things mentioned in the post, which is wonderful indeed. Wishing you all the best – always. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  25. Hi Harleena,

    Having been married for 23 years my wife and I have faced many things together. We’ve had our ups and downs and have been at each others throats on occasion.

    But these days we’re happier than we’ve ever been, we listen, support and help each other.

    A happy marriage has to be worked at and one of the things that helps us remain strong is looking at things from the other ones point of view. I also put a lot of work into showing my wife she’s never taken for granted. If I see something needs doing (and I’m able to do it) I just get on with it.

    I think a lot of it also comes from consideration and communication.

    Thanks Harleena,


    1. That’s awesome Barry!

      23 years and still going strong is commendable indeed. 🙂

      Oh yes, we all have our shares of ups and downs, which I feel are very normal in a marriage. Ah…perhaps you being more at home and working less (due to your recent illness) is one reason that you and your wife have more time with another, which is indeed wonderful. So, that’s something good and positive that’s come out of you not being online much – if we try seeing the positives in life – isn’t it? I guess these precious moments need to be valued.

      Yes indeed, any marriage to be successful requires effort from both partners, and they both need to keep working at their relationship to find happiness in their marriage. They need to put themselves in their partners place and think from their side to really feel how they feel, which is what leads to a deeper understanding of one another.

      Communication IS the key as I say so often, because if you don’t talk and express what you feel, how would the other person know. And if you aren’t patient enough to listen to your partner, how can an understanding develop. I’m so glad you don’t take your wife for granted and play your part of being a wonderful partner, which I’m sure is the secret to your successful and happy marriage. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing these pearls of wisdom with all of us. 🙂

  26. I think one of the main problems here comes down to how people define happiness. I am very fond of what Aldous Huxley had to say in Brave New World on the subject:

    “Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.”

    The most successful marriages I have known have invariably been quiet affairs. My wife and I have been married for almost sixteen years and no one would ever say that we have an exciting marriage.

    You can’t maintain excitement and novelty for more than about five years. After that it’s the day-to-day routine, the getting on with it but not having to get on with it alone. Too many people don’t think they can be happy unless they’re doing new things with new stuff and that’s why their marriages fail; once the patina of newness fades and there’s no more glamour they look at each other and wonder what the hell they’re doing together. And that’s sad.

    1. Welcome to the blog Jim!

      Thanks for sharing about what Aldous Huxley had to share about happiness with all of us. 🙂

      You are quite right about quiet marriages, and well most couples don’t talk or express about their marriage, nor do people come to know about what they are facing. However, if there are problems in a marriage, then the people do talk about it (in most of the cases).

      Excitement in a marriage remains only in those initial few years, and thereafter, just as you mentioned, things become rather routine and monotonous. I guess that’s why they say that you need to keep working on your marriage to really keep it alive and young. But if you are happy within yourself, you will spread the happiness around you too and that makes the marriage much happier for both partners – isn’t it? 🙂

      However, there are many other ways of finding happiness within a marriage as mentioned in the post and I hope more partners learn to appreciate the small things they share with one another, and look for the positives rather than the negatives.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your words of wisdom. 🙂

  27. Hi Harleena,

    Well I’m married for the 2nd time ; if you can’t succeed try again, right?

    I love your last quote “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” ~ George Levinger

    I think that is the most important thing to keep a marriage together. Too many people are not compatible and it drives a wedge in between them. Plus people do change through the years and they can then become incompatible. It’s not easy, it is WORK.

    1. That’s wonderful Lisa, and yes, there’s absolutely no harm as long as YOU are happy!

      I loved that quote too because a happy marriage is all about compatibility and the ability to adjust with one another, though also living your own life and being happy without any restrictions – isn’t it?

      Marriage does require constant work, and that too from both partners and not just one. If one of the partners losses interest, it gets all the more tough to get things together again.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. 🙂

  28. Hugs Harleena.

    How reassuring and refreshing to read your post and reflect on my life experiences. Strange as it may seem I am looking forward to being in a relationship again and hopefully married…no rush as I know the more I spend caring and loving myself is the first step.

    Thanks for a thoughtful post. Special hugs.

    1. Nice to have you back Ntathu!

      And with some good news too – congratulations indeed! 🙂

      I guess that might be the reason we haven’t been seeing you around much, you have been really busy! I am so happy for you that things are finally taking shape and happening in your life. Yes indeed, no rush – take your time and be sure about your decision before stepping in.

      Thanks for stopping by, and my wishes and prayers that you find your share of happiness really soon. 🙂

  29. Hi Harleena,

    Amazing information on how to have a happy marriage. It really comes down the little things that can make the difference. Love this quote – “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~ Dave Meurer

    Having a sense of humor, patience and being flexible seem to help me as well. Thanks for a great post.

    1. Glad you liked the post Cathy!

      It’s the small things partners do together that make a lot of difference in finding happiness in a marriage, though we need to be happy individuals too for that – isn’t it? Yes indeed, we need to be flexible, patient, and learn not to take everything seriously, instead enjoy the precious moments of togetherness.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  30. Harleena, marriage is a funny concept because we all want someone other than our parents to love us, but you are right it should not be forced. I have been married and I learned a lot from the union about people in general.

    I figured out that in my marriage I lost myself and my identity. So, to get that back I was left with a decision. I could continue to be lonely in the heart or divorce.

    I chose the latter and I am slowly finding myself again. I would never get married again. A lot of people say that , but I mean it. I believe in love, but I can not teach someone how to love me.

    I believe if I loved someone my heart would tell me how to treat them.

    1. Welcome to the blog Michael, nice to have you over!

      Yes indeed, we need someone to share our lives with once we are on our own and marriage is one way of doing that, provided there is mutual love, trust, respect, and understanding between both partners who are willing to keep working on their marriage.

      Sorry to hear about your marriage, though I’m sure you had your own valid reasons for taking the decision you chose to take. Glad you are learning to discover yourself once again.

      You might marry if you find the right person who loves you for who and as you are. Perhaps you are against marriage as you’ve just got over one (if it was recent), and it’s a good decision to give things some time before getting into another one. Yes indeed, you cannot really teach anyone how to love, because that should come from within them.

      Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you find the right person really soon. 🙂

    1. Thanks for those kind words Galen!

      We all learn by making mistakes and that kind of learning surely stay with us for years to come – isn’t it? I guess those trying times just make us much stronger and wiser.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  31. Very wise advice.

    I love my husband very much, but I find that sometimes I focus on things that really don’t matter and that has nothing to do with him, I’ve always been that way. I find that I need to refocus my attention on all the wonderful things that do matter. It’s true that no one else can make you happy. You need to focus on your own happiness and then share that happiness with others.

    1. Welcome to the blog Claudya, nice to have you over!

      Yes indeed, sometimes we tend to get troubled over petty issues that really don’t have anything to do with our spouse, and when we do this, we fail to see the positives around us or in one another. When we are troubled and unhappy within, how can we really find happiness with anyone else or within our own marriage. Yes, there could be many reasons why we are troubled, which I feel we need to talk out and discuss with one another – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  32. Definitely love the information and tips you share here!

    Being married for almost 11 years and being with my spouse for over 16 years, I can attest to the fact that everything you mentioned is very crucial to the happiness and success of a marriage!

    ~Thanks so much for sharing!

    1. Glad you liked the information shared Makeba!

      You surely would agree to the points mentioned as you have been married for many years, though yes, don’t you also have your shares of ups and downs – yet the togetherness and bond of marriage lasts right through – isn’t it? I guess you need to appreciate the small moments you share with one another and overlook the petty issues. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  33. Great post on Marriage.

    Your number 2 is very important, ‘Talk often’. With out communication you do not have a relationship. It is wonderful what you can find out about your spouse by just talking and enjoying each others company.

    I believe you have hit on every point that is important for a good marriage. Trust, respect, communication and of course love.

    When it comes to love I have found that you need to get to the point where that love is unconditions, like it is with your children. This way when those little things come up that can drive you crazy, you learn to smile and laugh about them.

    The only time one should even think of getting out of a marriage to me is if there is some kind of abuse. When there is friendship and honest love you can always work through it.

    Marriage is like a garden you have to water it and tend to it,other wise it is going to wither away and die.

    thanks for sharing and reminding us to keep our marriage healthy.

    By the way find ways to laugh together.

    Blessings to you,

    1. Glad you liked the post and could relate to it Debbie!

      Keeping your channels of communication open is the key. Yes, you are right – if you don’t talk, you really can’t have a relationship with anyone. And I truly believe that life is short and it’s these small moments that give meaning to a marriage, and by talking you only get to know each other better, so why waste those precious moments of togetherness – isn’t it?

      I wish more people would understand about unconditional love, which is so rare to find nowadays. But yes, I’ve seen this kind of love that my parents shared, or perhaps our parents valued being together much more that in itself lead to a better bonding and great love – isn’t it?

      Divorce or separation should always be the last resort, once you know you have tried your best and still nothing seems to be working. Here again, most often people just don’t want to take the pains of making their marriage work, or it’s just one person making the effort and not the other.

      Yes indeed, you need to keep working on your marriage if you want to see if bloom and flourish, or else it WILL wither off.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wisdom with everyone. 🙂

  34. Though I haven’t been married, I have handled couple for counseling. The main element I see missing is listening and communication problems. Hardly does anyone truly listen – they fight and argue and make it difficult for each of them to understand the other.

    Small acts like you mention go a long way. Reaching out, doing something special, just remember small details… any small act will go a long way.

    And also, if you expecting something and if you don’t see it happen, then say it. No one is a mind reader. They won’t know what is going on in your head. Sometimes you have to say it!

    A wonderful discussion happening here!

    1. Absolutely Hajra!

      Even though you aren’t married but because of your counselling you gain a lot of experience. 🙂

      Yes indeed, lack of communication and not having the ability to listen while the other person is talking are major hurdles in finding happiness in marriage or any relationship for that matter. I have been a guilty at times for not being patient enough to listen and want to have my say (my husband would agree!), and this stops any kind of communication from taking place because one partner is just not willing to listen!

      Life is beautiful if we want to make it beautiful, and it’s these small act of kindness that matter a great deal, which most of us tend to forget – including me! I keep reminding myself and do what best I can, but yes, sometimes you just get so involved in work that everything else gets side-tracked.

      I ditto your words…say it! Very often misunderstandings take place because you feel that your partner should understand your feelings and wants, which doesn’t really happen unless you voice them out. Yes, some people who are deeply in love have that kind of heart-to-heart connection where words aren’t required and you get to know what your partner wants – but what doesn’t happen in most cases because that one to one connections not been made yet. So, don’t assume your partner knows all that goes in your head – instead, just let them know about it. It helps.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding your experience to the wonderful discussion. 🙂

      1. Like I say to a lot of my clients – no one can read your mind, not even me! No one can! Sometimes you have to tell us what is going on in your head!

        1. That’s so true Hajra – no one really read what’s going on in another person’s mind – it’s not possible to assume things. It’s best when you speak your mind or talk about what’s going on within your mind so that things are crystal clear.

          Thanks for your contribution. 🙂

  35. Excellent post about marriage, Harleena.

    While I am not an expert about marriage this is what I’ve learnt with my own experiences about marriage. Here is a little secret about me. I’ve got married very young once and then for the wrong reason a second time. The result? I’m now single 🙂

    – Do not ever marry anyone that you don’t love. While it has happened that love have come to loveless couple, more often than not it won’t.

    – Do not marry too young as your tastes will change greately when you get a bit older.

    – Marry someone who has a lot in common with you and who respects you.

    – Do not marry someone with whom you’ve already broken up with in the past.

    – Do not marry someone to get over someone else.

    I can assure you that if you do marry for any of those reasons, your marriage won’t last. To make a good choice, this post has got lots of wonderful tips.

    Thanks Harleena 🙂

    1. Glad you liked the post Sylviane!

      You may not be an expert in marriage but you surely do know a lot about it from the experiences you have had. I don’t blame you at all because when we marry young, we aren’t really matured in a lot of things and get carried away by what others tell us most of the time, while at other times we often mistake love for infatuation and feel the marriage will last. The reasons can be so many.

      I loved your points, and each one is so true! Love and understanding are foremost qualities you need in a person, and yes, many people think that they would fall in love after marriage, but sometimes that never happens and they either remain in a miserable marriage or often get separated or divorced. Oh yes…our tastes do change with age, and even if there is a vast difference in age group between two people – it often leads to incompatibility.

      Yes, common tastes, trust, and respect are vital too, though some marriages run smooth even if the interest differ. I guess a few common things in common is also good enough, what matters most is that the person should be good – isn’t it?

      One should never get back to the old relationship as you mentioned, because that rift once created rarely gets alright, unless of course your heart gives you a complete yes and you have both really patched up your differences, though again – that rarely happens. Ah…your past point is exactly what most people do…they rush into another marriage to get over their earlier one and later realize that it wasn’t for love!

      Thanks for sharing, and these are pearls of wisdom everyone should keep in mind. 🙂

  36. I am not married at the moment, I’ve never been divorced either.

    I think a hard thing for relationships is when you have a problem, how do you know it’s worth staying in that marriage or not.

    The perception of marriage has definitely changed, whether it’s for the better is a matter of opinion.
    Nice post.

    1. Glad you liked the post Jay!

      Problems, or ups and downs occur in any relationship. Similarly, in a marriage when you see the problems that are affecting your relationship due to so many reasons, you need to sit and resolve those one by one. In fact, don’t let those small petty things pile up and lead to major problems. If such a situation arises, it often gets too late to resolve issues. You need to try your best to make things work first, before thinking of calling it quits – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  37. I can definitely relate to all your points. I have to confess that I have a slight problem with nagging 🙂

    I don’t do it very often, but certain things rub me the wrong way. I have to really steel myself to keep quiet about it. All of these things are tiny and insignificant on the wider scheme of things. My husband is a great dad, a good husband. He’s a good man, doesn’t get drunk or smoke, doesn’t stay out late or leave me alone with the kids.

    I’m trying to get my nagging under control.

    1. Glad to know that you are a little like me Anne!

      I guess most husbands would have the complaint of nagging wives! Well, I won’t say I nag all the time, but yes, when things that need attention are side-traced, or when you keep repeating things that aren’t done, it’s thought that one is nagging because we have to keep repeating or reminding our husbands about it – isn’t it?

      You are right…these are very petty issues and often get alright with time, as compared to the serious problems a marriage can have, provided it’s taken in the right sense. We need to appreciate each other for the small things we do for one another, just as you mentioned. Trying to see the positives in one another goes a long way in finding happiness in a marriage.

      Thanks for stopping by and your wonderful contribution. 🙂

  38. Hi Harleena,

    Ha ha… I’d love to apply your tips on my marriage life dear 😉 No, I’m not married. Actually dreaming of being together with my girlie, ’cause we are so apart right now as we have no way to meet each other 😉 I have to win my love by winning my life 🙂

    I think it’s more of understanding each other and we don’t understand each other at first place. Sometimes we just think we understood, but it’s our imagination. Troubles will pop up if we don’t understand and we need our spouse to be who we need him/her to be, right? I don’t know responsibility of marriage now, but that’s how I feel. Anyway I’m still a kid to talk about marriage 😉

    I may talk more about this after my marriage Harleena 😉 I’ll hear what other people talk about this one through comments.


    1. It’s all in training for you Mayura!

      I was just wondering what would you have to say about this post, yet I knew perhaps it would gear you up better to learn more about how you can find happiness in your marriage, whenever it happens. 🙂

      Love and understanding takes time, and once you are together these things get better. Of course, you need to keep working at them and most of all – learn to be happy within yourselves too without trying to change the other. Ah…you are not all that of a kid as you are talking of getting married and it might be very soon that we’d be hearing wedding bells – isn’t it?

      The comments on this post will always be open for you Mayura, so come here once you are married and let me know if you found happiness in your marriage. However, like I mentioned earlier – you both need to be happy within yourselves first, so that you can find happiness within your marriage.

      Thanks for stopping by and your contribution to the post. Wishing you a very happy married life – whenever it takes place 🙂

      1. Actually I’d love to hear wedding bells sooooooooo soon Harleena 😉 And I just wanna make sure she doesn’t have to work in full time when she’s with me and I wanna take care of financial problems. I mean, I’d love to keep my wify and children be together at home with love and peace. They all are my babies 🙂 Also I wanna spend more time with ’em by working at home eventhough I’m busy. Home is HEAVEN, right? 😉

        I believe posts such as these build my personality Harleena 🙂 I can think of many and many people who are successful but yet failed at their relationships and marriage. I don’t wanna talk about it without being successful in it. You know, saying is easy than done. Though I can talk it with 10,000 words, following 5 facts of ’em is more worthy.

        You know more of my life experiences and I don’t wanna let ’em happen to my family 🙂 Hope for BEST…


        1. It’s said if you really wish with your heart, your wishes are fulfilled, so I’m sure things would happen really fast for you Mayura!

          I like your concern for her, and yes, you would surely want to give her all the comforts in the world, along with the love and financial comfort to your kids and family.

          I’m glad you like these posts and they help you in some way, may be not as much now as for the future. Yes, there are no fixed formulas for making a marriage work, and what works for one might not work for another. We all need to take our chances and learn to find our share of happiness – isn’t it? It is easier said than done, but if you make the efforts – it all fits in well.

          Thanks for your wonderful contribution, and don’t worry everything will be well 🙂

  39. I think it’s so important that both partners are happy and comfortable with themselves as individuals before they find happiness as a couple. I’ve been married just six years now – our first marriage – he was 51 and I was 41 – so the first year took a lot of adjusting.

    Now, most of all there’s a whole lot of respect, acceptance and just genuine pleasure in each others company. Like you said, a lot of talking and being together always helps.

    I found this line of yours so true: When we want to be happy, we will be. However, if we find reasons for unhappiness, nothing can really make us happy – isn’t it?

    1. Absolutely Corinne!

      I don’t think two individuals can find happiness with each other if they aren’t happy within themselves. Even the age difference matters a lot sometimes, and yes, in some cases the first few years take time adjusting with each other.

      Being together and doing things with one another makes a major difference to finding happiness within a marriage I feel. I guess when we talk a lot more, love and respect one another, and just be with each other – things are bound to work – isn’t it?

      I truly believe in those lines….happiness is actually a state of mind, though sometimes we really get caught up in things and the mind stops working!

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. 🙂

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