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Do you have love problems in your marriage? If yes, then you’re not the only one. Almost every marriage goes through such a patch of testing times when love hurts.
This does not mean that you’re not made for each other or that your marriage is a failure. In fact, almost all relationships have their share of ups and downs, problems and troubles.
Mostly all relationship problems have solutions and get resolved with time and sincere efforts. Sometimes, things do get messed up and become complicated too.
A bad marriage is one such example. It has many contributing factors other than just love problems, and I’ve a post dedicated just for that.
Talking about marriages in general, you might agree that most new marriages have teething problems. However, these resolve, and might even recur, or aggravate with time.
The nature and type of these problems may change and so would their solutions. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that there’s a solution to every problem.
The practical solutions differ and vary depending upon the problems, situations, and people involved.
Let’s try to find out what all kind of problems are there that people face in a marriage, generally.
Problems in a Marriage
Marriage is not a problem – it is a perfect institution in itself. I’ve written about marriage in my earlier post titled “Why does a bad marriage happen?”
There I’ve written that what make a marriage healthy is love, friendship, communication, understanding, and trust.
Love is never the source of problems, as it is a pure adhesive that helps bond two individuals together.
It is primarily the lack of love and the misunderstanding of the marriage contract that causes problems.
There are also some problems in a marriage that are not dependent on the status of love in the relationship.
They are the problems of incompatibility, poor communication, behavioral and sexual problems, the financial state, and others.
However, most problems in a marriage arise due to problems in love, which we may call love problems.
Love Problems in a Marriage
I did not mention ‘misunderstanding each other’ as one of the primary problems because I believe it depends on the love that the partners have for each other in a marriage.
If there is love, there would be understanding between the partners in a marriage.
Many problems arise in a marriage due to lack of love. The spouses experience or get involved in some of these love problems:
- Abuse
- Violence
- Humiliation
- Constant fights
- Perpetual disagreement
- Insensitivity
- Intense dislike
- Ego clashes
- Lack of trust
- Lack of respect for each other
Much more can be added to this list.
Lack of love in a marriage also creates a negative environment, and induces negativity in the partners. They then exhibit behaviors that are harmful to a marriage, such as:
- Nagging
- Abusing, name-calling or insulting
- Complaining
- Annoying with bad habits
- Constantly blaming
- Constant fights
- Using harsh tones
- Criticizing
- Threatening
- Violence
And so on.
What People Think When They Have Love Problems
Some love problems take place in a marriage when one or both the partners start doubting the other.
They even start comparing each other competitively, or start keeping an account of what each one of them does to keep the marriage intact.
Some people even feel that their partner does not reciprocate or love them like they do.
Some even begin questioning themselves whether they have anything in common with their partner that justifies their being together.
You may also realize that you cannot talk about some topics with your spouse because both of you end up having arguments or fights.
You begin to feel that the other person does not understand you as an ideal partner should.
You also think that arguments and fights are bad for your relationship and you try to avoid them. Later with time, the list of such disagreeable topic grows to the extent that you both can’t talk to each other.
Such thoughts and problems distance you and your partner. You become detached and start feeling miserable in the marriage.
And, since you both do not feel connected, your sex life suffers. That’s the last blow to an already devastated relationship.
20 Practical Solutions to Love Problems
Once you identify, accept, and understand the love problems that risk your marriage, you can look for solutions or ways to resolve them.
These are no fit-for-all solutions. Different individuals with different experiences and cases would have their own set of solutions.
Here are some common and general practical solutions that help you restore the love between you and your spouse, and thus eradicate the love problems.
1. Your communication with one another should start from the moment you wake up. Tell your spouse that you like him or her and express your love by using any medium.
2. Do some random acts of kindness, or love and surprise your spouse. Taking your spouse off surprise creates a good feeling, which makes you feel connected.
3. Take your spouse out to a park, restaurant, or any public place you like where you can sit and talk about your issues, disagreements or woes. Since it is a public place, you’ll be embarrassed to shout and scream at your spouse.
4. Make it a rule not to criticize or blame each other. Never use any words that your spouse finds offending.
5. Don’t use phrases or sentences implying that your spouse always does what you don’t like, and never does anything that you like.
6. Give each other respect and time to speak. Don’t interrupt your spouse while he or she is talking; keep your reactions to yourself, and later express your views.
7. Listen to your spouse attentively, even if you disagree. Don’t do any other activity while listening. Be responsive through positive body language.
8. When you agree on certain things, express it. That sends a message that you’re willing to work on the problem together and resolve it.
9. Plan to spend time together in advance so you’re alone together at home, and address your sexual needs. This can act as a change maker, and reduce the tensions and hostility between you and your spouse.
10. Help each other out – it could be cooking in the kitchen, cleaning the house, working on the computer, cleaning the car, or anything that you think your spouse needs help in and will like.
11. Show concern for each other and ask for small things they require. Take pains and make efforts to make your spouse feel comfortable. Even picking up things, or switching on or off the lights when your spouse needs it – can be of help.
12. If your spouse is ailing, remember the medicines schedule or the doctor’s appointment. Either remind your spouse or help yourself personally.
13. Be honest and admit your mistakes. Feel sorry for hurting your spouse directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally.
14. Pay compliments to each other, and appreciate the things your spouse does, makes, or wears. Smile when you bump into each other, and exchange positive remarks. Remember, small things DO matter!
15. Use the magic words – especially “thank you”, “I love you”, “I appreciate”, “I’m sorry”, and other golden words that show respect and concern for your spouse.
16. Try to change yourself and your ways if you feel it is needed, and would change the face of the situation. Even small positive changes will send big positive signals to your spouse.
17. Whenever you feel you’re falling for a conflict, take a deep breath and move out of the situation till things settle down. Keep yourself busy, or note down everything being said and think of how to resolve those issues.
18. Hold your urge to give immediate reactions. Such reactions often watershed all the efforts you make. Think and speak, and be careful not to hurt the sentiments of your spouse.
19. Gain trust of your spouse by being honest, truthful, faithful, and by keeping your promises.
20. Have fun and humor in life. The lighter moments of life, which consist of jokes and laughter will reduce your stress and bring love to the fore front.
These solutions to your love problems will clear all the cobwebs and envelope you and your spouse in love that will remove all negativity in you. It will also help you get rid of bad habits and behavior that hurt the love in a marriage.
You and your spouse will find the solutions to the love problems in marriage only by working together with the best of intentions. It has to be a two-way approach.
If you believe in God, pray together. Care for each other and share your love with each other. Remember, that the love problem you’re facing is only due to the lack of love in life. Do anything to fill your life with love.
Let go of the past, and learn to forget and forgive. Start anew NOW! It’s never too late.
Of course, if you think that things are going out of hand and nothing that you do works, then don’t hesitate to take help from your counseling therapists.
As I said earlier, every problem has a solution. Have the belief that even the worst of conflicts and disagreements can be resolved.
I agree that sometime it is better to walk out of the relationship, but it depends on many factors, complications, lack of interest, and the will and efforts of one or both partners involved.
Read the simple ways to find happiness in a marriage in my earlier post on “How to find happiness in a marriage.”
This post also reveals the secrets to have a happy marriage, which are in many ways the practical solutions to love problems in a marriage.
And, lastly, make use of the opportunity Valentine’s Day brings to you – to express your love to your spouse.
Pamper your spouse with cards, roses, cakes, clothes, gifts, gadgets, or anything that your spouse loves.
Go out for a date, or spend time together being at home helping and loving each other.
Ah, how can I forget this – February 10, 2013 is the “World Marriage Day.” So, happy marriage day all of you married lots. 🙂
Go celebrate your togetherness and oneness, making your bond more scared and filled with love!
Over to you –
Do you think love problems in a marriage can be resolved? Have you ever yourself or seen anybody else face love problems in life? What more solutions would you suggest to tackle and settle the love problems in a marriage?
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