12 Warning Signs Your Self-Love Stinks

It hurts me to write this.

You want love, and to be loved, and think you’re doing pretty good.

But really, your self-love sucks, and you don’t even know it.

I know. Mine has been in the sewer for years.

But the good news is, you can love yourself, a lot.

The following are things I’ve learned through my life (okay, I’m still learning).

You’re welcome to take all you want.

1. You don’t love your warts

Yeah. Why would I want to?

Well, a while back, I learned I could accept myself exactly as I was, warts and all. It was all right to be imperfect, to have faults, to make mistakes.

You see, one day I just started thinking… “I know humans are imperfect and make mistakes…I know I’m alive to learn and grow…I know I’m infinite…I know I’m tired of beating myself up…I know I want to be happy… I know…

Why can’t I just shout and be happy when I make a mistake? “Whoopee! I made a mistake. I just blew it!”

That would mean I’m human like I’m supposed to be. And then I could try to do better the next time.

So, I just made a decision that day, to be happy about all my flaws, and screw-ups.

Of course, I still have ways to go, but I’m doing a lot better.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Smile when you mess up, and then move on

• Not beat yourself

• Forgive yourself quickly

• Feel I’m good enough

I know what you’re thinking. You don’t know me. I can’t do that. You’re right. I don’t know you. But you do. And you can love yourself exactly as you are, right now!

So why not start today. Start this very moment. Decide to shout—“Hallelujah! I messed up! I’m human!”—the next time you botch something, big or small.

2. You’re not overjoyed when people yell at you

You know what I mean, don’t you? Someone vomits negative energy all over you, and your natural response is payback.

You don’t turn on a force field that keeps all the garbage out. Or better yet, that dissipates all the negativity.

I don’t do so well with this, but keep trying. I’m so sick and tired of feeling stuck—in a rut. Do you ever feel that way?

When you have excessive self-love, you learn to:

• Not take things personally (shields up)

• Not feel bad

• Recognize that yelling is about them, not you

• Think and say things like, “I get the impression you’re really hurting right now. Is there some way I can help?”

What do you think? Can you hold on to the good, when the bad comes? Can you put the hazmat suit on when all the crap is flying?

3. You don’t even know your subconscious beats you up

What? Don’t you believe that? But it’s true. I know firsthand. I’ve learned that subconscious things trouble people. They’ve affected me in my life.

Four-year-old Danny Drew blamed himself for his parents’ divorce—and didn’t even know it until he was forty years-old. And I’ve been learning ever since, how much that’s troubled me in my life.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Accept that subconscious problems are real

• Discover your false subconscious beliefs

• Replace them with their positive counterpart

• Reprogram your subconscious

Whether a belief is subconscious, or conscious, you want to uncover those pesky false and limiting beliefs, and replace them with their empowering opposite.

Sometimes I’ve discovered subconscious things when I was reading a book, watching a movie, or just meditating while walking, or lying down, and then…

BAM! a light turned on, and I knew something new.

You see, I’ve learned… when I want to know something, I just ask, and listen… and then things happen… and ideas come to my mind.

You want to be in control, don’t you? Well, if your subconscious is calling the shots, or at least, some of them, that’s not being in charge.

But the good news is—you control your subconscious.

So why not begin this expedition, this journey to Mount Everest. Your life and ours might depend on it.

When you say the positive opposite of an emotionally charged limiting belief—long enough, and powerful enough—your subconscious begins to believe it. And when your subconscious believes something, it becomes reality.

4. You perfectly compare yourself

Admit it. You’ve compared yourself to others, and you didn’t even want to.

And what about perfection? Now that’s a losing battle. What a sad story that’s been for me—I’ve compared myself to perfection all my life.

If you’re going to compare yourself to something or someone… why not compare yourself to yourself. Now that’s something I could live with.

Everyone is different. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Why do we have so much trouble with this?

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Love imperfection

• Stop comparing yourself to others

• Love yourself as you are

• Be happy with others successes

So what’s it going to be? Are you ready to let this go? Will you just compare yourself to yourself, and then love and accept YOU, exactly as you are?

I’m committed (and I’m not talking about to an institution… although, some might think that).

How about you?

5. You’re a monster blame magnet

I’m sorry, but I think you needed to hear that.

As for me, I’m often on the other side of blame, trying to dish it out.

I heard a lot of blame growing up. And now I have a tendency to blame others, even though I know it’s not their fault.

But I am sensitive to criticism—whether true or not.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Take responsibility for your actions, even if the consequences look dire

• Not accept the false blame from others

• Not let blame make you feel bad

• Realize that most people try to blame others, when they mess up

Well. What do you think? Isn’t it time to turn that magnet around, and repel blame? I know I can do better.

6. You beat yourself up over nothing

Now this is something I can really relate to.

I came out of childhood thinking it was bad to make mistakes. And that doesn’t bode well when you need to make decisions and choices, every day.

But since mistakes are normal, and expected, why beat yourself up? Why not cheer with excitement when you screw up?

That’s what I needed to hear but didn’t. Bad choices just mean you’re human.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Make trial and error your BFF

• Kiss mistakes better

• Quit feeding your subconscious junk food, or even poison

• Choose something, anything, and move on

I’m doing better now. My new mantra is, “I always make great choices.”

What? Does that seem a contradiction?

Even though it isn’t literally true… I find that… the more I say it, the more my subconscious believes it. And the more my subconscious believes it, the more it happens.

This beat doesn’t have to go on.

7. You party with, “I’m not good enough.”

You’ve felt it, haven’t you? I know I have.

I grew up hearing a lot of “that was dumb, stupid, can’t you do anything right?” etc. I got criticized and punished for making mistakes. Nothing I did was ever good enough. It was easy to feel, “I’m not good enough.”

But on the other hand, something inside told me that I am good enough, that I’m infinite, and I knew it was true.

Talk about a Jekyll and Hyde attack.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Replace “I’m not good enough,” with “I’m awesome!”

• Say out loud what you are grateful for, every day.

• Believe others (myself included), who say “you are galaxies beyond good enough.”

• Accept the grandeur of your potential

Why not add this to your morning mirror work? Help your subconscious believe your amazing worth by saying over-the-top affirmations.

I am fabulous, smart, fantastic, awesome, wonderful, sexy, way beyond good enough, and so on. They are true. All of them.

If you still find it hard to say these things, and believe them, then do this:

1) get in a quiet place by yourself (this works great looking in the mirror),

2) take a deep breath (for that matter, take a few),

3) ask out loud, real loud, and quietly, “Am I good enough?”,

4) listen, and write down what comes to mind (the answers to this might surprise you),

5) ask out loud, and quietly, “How good am I?”,

6) listen, and write down what comes to mind. I’m getting teary-eyed and feeling powerful emotions just writing about this.

You are good enough, and so much more.

8. You push love away when it gets too close

You’ve experienced loss that hurts so much; you’re afraid to experience it again. I know I still struggle with this, at least, inside.

After my parents had divorced, when I was a little child, and the beatings came, and other things, I just wasn’t the same.

Perhaps, you’ve had awful things to deal with too. Everyone gets something.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Accept that you deserve love

• Trust, no matter what

• Let your guard down

• Laugh with vulnerability

So what’s it going to be?

To love—or not to love… Isn’t that the question?

9. You couldn’t say no if your life depended on it

I used to say no easily. I think I was much too self-absorbed.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Is it hard to say no? Do you wish people would stop asking for help?

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Say no all the time

• Add balance

• Accept there isn’t enough time for everything

• Make best friends with yes, and no

You can’t run faster than you have strength. Balance is needed.

Besides, there isn’t enough time in a day to do all the things you are asked to do, or need to do, or have to do, or should do, or… you get the picture. Some good things just have to get cut.

10. You’re a giver of toxicity

Now everyone is human. I’m good most of the time. But sometimes I get upset and raise my voice, or say things I shouldn’t. Maybe you have your moments too.

My wife tolerates my weaknesses, and I am grateful.

But then there are things that people do, that are even hard to talk about. They seem unforgivable, and most don’t.

After all, there are different levels of a toxic dump, aren’t there?

If you’ve done the unspeakable, or are doing them now, and you’re reading this (that would be a surprise), then stop! You don’t love yourself.

When you “kill” others, you only “kill” yourself. So why not choose love?

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Walk away, or run, when needed

• Recognize it’s about them, not you

• Allow good things in, and keep bad things out

• Let toxicity go back where it came from

I’ve read, heard, and seen the intolerable, being tolerated. And in this case, it isn’t better to give or receive.

You don’t have to play in the toxic waste any longer. You can change. We all can. You deserve so much more. You deserve love. We love you!

11. You think it’s easier to forgive than forget

Why is it so hard to forgive others? You know you need to… but maybe you think you can’t, or you don’t know how.

Or maybe you don’t want to. Your heart screams, “You don’t know how bad it was!”

Well, I do… and I don’t.

But I know this if you don’t forgive them, it hurts you more than it hurts them… and it stops you in your tracks. You’re stuck in misery.

I’ve forgiven things that were big, and it was hard. I didn’t want to. And I’ve learned that real and complete forgiving is a lot more than just saying the words.

But you already know that.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Accept the harm you do to yourself when you don’t forgive.

• Understand their circumstance and challenge.

• Say “I forgive you,” and mean it.

• Want good things for them.

You know, it isn’t easy to forgive, or forget. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget everything.

Does it really take a lifetime to learn forgiveness? Maybe. But, however long it takes, I’d say it’s worth it.

Isn’t now… a good time to start?

12. You won’t forgive the forgivable

My parents divorced, and I was devastated.

Then my wife left me. You can’t blame her. I was awful. I had no job, no car, no money, high debts. I blew it. Me and money didn’t do so well.

But what about my kids? I’ve seen how divorce trashed them. And I’m reminded again, and again, how bad I messed up.

You think it’s not easy to beat myself up? It is.

Do you know who the hardest person to forgive is?

When you look in the mirror, you see them. It’s you!

My eyes are watering as I think about this.

Can I really forgive myself?

One day, somehow, I knew that no matter how bad it hurt, or how relentless the guilt and shame were, I could forgive myself, and move on.

And I did. I feel peace now.

When you have high self-love, you learn to:

• Do regular mirror work, like, “I forgive you for…”

• Truly recognize and accept the magnitude of your worth

• Think, “I’m human—it’s normal to make mistakes, even big ones.”

• Recognize that all those negative things are lies

And again, I know what you’re thinking. You don’t know how bad it was.

And you’re right.

But if it really was that bad…

It still will be possible…

to forgive yourself.

And what about the things you don’t even know you need to forgive yourself for… like little Danny Drew.

They’re holding you back too. So why not send them packing—“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

It is possible to forgive—no matter how many times your subconscious tells you it isn’t.

Moving To Greener Pastures

Are you surprised your self-love stunk so much? I know I am. But now you know things that will make a huge difference.

Just imagine, waking up in the morning, and feeling happy—real happy.

Happy about all the love in your life… and out.

Happy that you’re not perfect, that you have flaws. Yahoo!

Happy that forgiveness is your new best friend.

Happy that…

Can you imagine all that? I can.

Sound impossible? It’s not.

Do the work, and…

You want love, don’t you? I know I do?

Now you’ve got a new roadmap—all you need to do is follow it.

Your new life of possibility and overwhelming love awaits.

Over To You –

So what’s next? Are you ready for the self-love that knocks your socks off? I believe in you. Share your thoughts in the comments.