5 Destructive Ways To See Yourself As You Truly Are
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This is a guest post by Ikechi Awazie, who is a motivational blogger. He was the runner-up and GEM of October’s ABC Leaderboard and thus the winner of this guest post opportunity. He reveals the fallacies of self-awareness that people follow, so that you don’t make these mistakes.
Sussy is clueless as to why she doesn’t have a passion. Days, weeks and years have gone by and yet with a lot of research, Sussy doesn’t know her true calling.
She has done the Meyer-Briggs personality type test many times and paid a large sum of money to a consultant who couldn’t do much for Sussy.
Sussy also purchased online courses from experts just to make sense of her calling but all she met was a bunch of the same old questions of life long dreams and curiosity that had done her no good.
So a disturbed Sussy feels something is wrong with her.
Why is her search for her calling looking like a fool’s errand? Is her life just without intention? Is she so boring that she can’t make sense of her passion?
Sussy isn’t the only one facing such a situation; the journey to Self Discovery is not so easy, but the only way we can grow is by discovering new truths about ourselves and this can only be done by Self Awareness.
Self Awareness is the beginning to personal development.
It is your perspective of the happenings of the world that determine your state of being.
The more doors you open, the more you can improve your relationship, career, health, wealth and happiness.
However, the process to self awareness is very important. Unfortunately, many people are not conscious of the way they chose the path to self awareness.
5 Destructive Ways to be Self-Aware
Not all methods to self discovery are equal; some are more destructive than others. Here are some of the wrong ways to discover who you are.
1. Being An Impostor
During my school days, there was a guy who we called Michael. He talked, walked and danced like the legend Michael Jackson.
His appearance felt like Michael and the only difference was that he did not change his skin color to white.
Everyone wanted to be his friend, girls wanted to be around him and this made him popular in school. But one day, when I had the opportunity to chat with him, I was shocked to find out that he felt alone.
He knew that he was an impostor and he was no fool to know that he didn’t have friends; only a few students knew his real name. But the reason why he kept being an impostor was because he was afraid of being his true self.
He didn’t believe that people would like him. So he was deceived to believe that his present character was his true self.
Well, he was wrong, as I would become his friend and he later found out his other talents including acting.
While trying to discover your calling, you might have been deceived into being someone else.
You create a label for yourself and are afraid of being your true self but somewhere inside, you know that you are making a mistake even though you have tried to relieve yourself with positive affirmations.
Being someone else isn’t the best option to self awareness. All you do is to zap your energy and wane yourself.
What You Should Do
Don’t be an impostor! Be Yourself. See yourself as the amazing creation that you are, with all the wonderful set of unique gifts.
While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements and the adulation of others, the true self claims identity in its belovedness ~ Brennan Manning
2. Competing With Each Other
Competition is fun and can be a booster to productivity, but there comes a time when winning becomes an everyday battle.
You work very hard so that you can be appreciated by those who matter. You begin to believe that winning is all that matters to life because winning is about you and it defines who you are.
Suddenly, everyone is an end to your means. It doesn’t matter if you have to cheat, steal, hurt, or step on toes, it is all about winning and nothing else.
Now here is the thing – is winning so important and the only reason why you work so hard and give up so much? Is winning the reason and purpose for your life?
If winning becomes the definition of your life, you are going to lose what is most important.
It could be friends, loved ones or even your happiness, but the worst thing to lose is your sense of identity.
What You Should Do
Have fun and engage in a healthy competition. Always learn, treasure the moment and never forget what is important.
Here in the Aha!NOW Blog Community (ABC), there are competitions that make the forum fun and interesting. But it isn’t the prize or Guest post give-away that makes ABC worthwhile, such thought will be limiting and its essence will be distorted.
It is the activities in ABC that are such a wonder. Out of the stems of competition has grown one of the greatest family in the blogosphere.
No matter how many times, some of us are not on the leader board, it can’t be traded with the love, care, and genuine friendship which we, the Ahaians have for each other.
Each member is transformed to a GEM and is a thought leader.
No matter if you win or lose, the most important thing is to enjoy what you have ~ Dong Dong
3. Living The Story of Another
Are you living your life based on the story of a producer? Are you playing the life script of a writer?
You have followed a path determined by others; the design for your life has been influenced and crafted by family, friends, peers and colleagues. You might be living someone else’s dream.
If you discovered that you are not following your passions, interest, and dreams, then it’s time to make a change.
If you let people define your makeup, and tell you who you are, you will discover that they are inaccurate and you will live your life full of regrets.
You will wake up one day feeling stuck and unfulfilled in your life without a clue as to why.
You would wish you had the courage to live a life true to yourself and not the life others expected of you.
No one has the power to write your own story. No one knows accurately how to be you.
What You Should Do
If you think it’s too late to build a rewarding life, then you can start today.
Be the writer of your life. Take a pen and scribble your dreams and passion.
Add relationships, careers, health, and businesses; design a self-expression and even a personal development, but don’t just stop there, start living your dreams.
Don’t live the story of others, nor fashion a life of happiness, joy, and fulfillment by going in the path of your dreams.
Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth ~ Rumi
4. Finding Your Identity from Outside
…Van Gogh produced masterpiece after masterpiece and never found a buyer his whole life ~ Stephen Pressies, War of Art.
Ever imagined what the world would be like without validations. No one to affirm your beauty or appreciate you for your talents; no one to say I love you or to say how much you are appreciated.
Such a world won’t be a worthy place to stay.
We have been groomed our whole life to need validation; good grades, medals, and honorable mentions. Social media has even given validation a boost; likes, retweet, clicks, and hearts.
Validation is like a double edged sword. People need to be appreciated; creativity needs to be honored and genuine appreciation should be given to everyone. But the problem comes when validation turns out to become identity, then it becomes dangerous.
When you begin to lose your sense of self and live for the high of validation, you are beginning to find your identity from outside.
You become a validation-addict, looking for anything that appeals to your sense of identity. You become so anxious, waiting for thumb ups and wows.
What You Should Do
You don’t need the validation of others to be self aware. All you need is to look from within.
As hard as it seems, it has the greatest benefits. Believe in yourself; be grateful for your uniqueness and awesome talents.
Understand that you are an inspiration. Relinquish every self imposed limiting thought and be human, being free and infinitely creative.
We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it’s our job to invent something better ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
5. Loving Only Me
There is a story about a Greek god who disdains those who love him and is so proud that Nemesis decided to lure him into the pool.
When he sees himself, he is so in love with his image that he drowns to death.
What a sad tale but there is a reason why this story has been popular for many centuries.
Have you been noted to take up space in a room because conversation with you always ends up about you?
Do you cherish your airtime and all your chatter is about how you know more, how interesting you are, and what you’re thinking about?
If your sense of esteem means that the world revolves around you, if all you do is listen to yourself and don’t care about the feelings of others, then you are in the path to loneliness. This will ultimately lead to being clingy, which will definitely hurt your identity.
What You Should Do
Remember that no man is an island. Do not take for granted the relationship you have with friends and loved ones.
Be a good listener and be genuinely concerned with the plight of others. Understand that love is 100% giving than receiving.
Learn to create win-win solutions which in turn sustain relationships.
When the healthy pursuit of self-interest and self-realization turns into self-absorption, other people can lose their intrinsic value in our eyes and become mere means to the fulfillment of our needs and desires ~ P.M. Forni
The bottom line is that you should choose your path to self awareness wisely.
Over To You
Have you or anybody that you know ever taken any self-destructive way of self-awareness? Do you know any other destructive ways to be self aware? Share in the comments.
Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos
Disclaimer: Though the views expressed are of the author’s own, this article has been checked for its authenticity of information and resource links provided for a better and deeper understanding of the subject matter. However, you're suggested to make your diligent research and consult subject experts to decide what is best for you. If you spot any factual errors, spelling, or grammatical mistakes in the article, please report at [email protected] Thanks.