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10 Ways to Improve Relationships with Kindness


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How to Improve Your Realtionship with Kindness

Have you ever wondered how would it be possible to improve relationships with kindness? Or what can you do on your part to improve relationships? For me, life is all about the relationships that we make and the close bonds we build, where kindness plays a major role.

Some of you must be dreaming, wondering, or thinking about what and how you can do to improve relationships and have a loving, secure, intimate, or open relationship with your families, friends, and lovers.

Remember, relationships thrive on kindness and love, and human beings are born in relationships, so essentially the lives we lead right from infancy to old age are fastened in the bond of relationships.

People often have a hard time in their relationships as they play the “I’m right and you are wrong” game, and start blaming each other instead of taking responsibility and practicing the act of kindness.

Speaking with kindness creates confidence, thinking with kindness creates profoundness, giving with kindness creates love.” —Lao Tzu

Kindness to others and to yourself comes from a desire to support your own utmost good and the utmost good of others. You are genuinely kind when your uppermost priority is to support the highest good of everyone. You don’t even have to think about it, as it flows easily when your sincere desire is to be a caring, loving, and kind person.

However, when your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your natural choice in conflict is most likely to attempt to control with blame, withdrawal, anger, compliance, resistance, or judgment.

When you extend kindness to others, you are really extending it towards yourself, as it leaves you a gentler, better, and more joyful person.

Whenever you want to improve relationships with kindness with your friends, family, spouse or any other person, you need to have noble, charitable thoughts, and should express more love. Mentioned below are 10 ways to improve relationships with kindness-

  1. Love is the key

If you want to improve relationships with kindness, remember that love is the key part to making a relationship work, and kindness is a product of love. You cannot have a successful relationship, friendship, marriage, etc. without some degree of love. You need to try and become best friends with your spouse or simply a friend.

  1. Be kind and sensitive

You are most likeable when you are kind, as people think of you as someone who is good to and for them. If you turn out to be the person people like, it becomes much easier for them to spend time with and around you. Also, learn to say something kind, some words of love (try out “I love you”!) and positivity on a daily basis. Remember, the more you give, the more you get.

Kindness also makes you more sensitive, as those who are kind don’t hurt the people they have relationships with, thus they are careful about how they treat them and are never harsh, or insensitive.

  1. Start afresh

If you want to avoid petty, small, or even big arguments and problems in your relationships, you need to put such arguments or problems in the past or behind you. By doing so you are saying to yourself that the argument is over and it’s time to look for solution, look ahead, and start afresh.

I have practiced this often by focusing on the end results and how the problem is going to affect my relationship in a few days, months, and in the long run. This small shift in my thought process has helped me immensely to put the argument behind me, and focus on the solutions and make a huge positive impact in my relationship.

  1. Show compassion and acceptance

To improve relationships, treat others the way you wish to be treated. We all yearn to be treated lovingly with respect, kindness, understanding, compassion, and acceptance. Though there are no guarantees, but often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. Kindness to others doesn’t mean self-sacrificing, but taking the task for yourself as opposed to blaming others is the most important thing you can do.

If you are always kind to your partner and to yourself, but your partner is always blaming, angry, unavailable, and withdrawn, then you need to accept it as a far off relationship, or you may need to leave the relationship. Remember, you cannot change your partner, you can only change yourself.

  1. Learn rather than control

While trying to improve relationships, you will have conflicts. However, there are only two ways to handle the conflict- one is to remain open to learning more about yourself and your partner, and discover the root issues of the conflict or trying to win the battle so that you don’t lose, via some type of controlling routine.

Such controlling routines are ways to conquer others into behaving the ways we wish, but all the different ways that we try to control will develop more conflict. Remember to learn to become better yourself, rather than control others if you want to improve relationships with kindness.

  1. Create time for fun and play

People make time for each other when they fall in love or meet for the first time. Similarly, to improve relationships, you need time to be together, to converse, to play, to develop trust in friendship, make love, share things, take walks, sit and talk for a few minutes daily, share a hobby, watch a program together, laugh and play, or just about do anything together.

You need to understand about the feelings, emotions, and care about the other person. And remember, intimacy flourishes when here is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy!

  1. Practice gratitude

When there is an attitude of gratitude between two people, positive energy flows, whereas permanent complaints or nagging develops a heavy, negative energy all around. In order to improve relationships with kindness, learn what moves you and your partner, and practice to be grateful for what you have, rather than focus on what you don’t have.

Complaints always develop stress, while gratitude brings about inner peace, so it builds up not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

  1. Appreciate and acknowledge

Small deeds of kindness matter, so learn to appreciate and acknowledge the kindness from your partner. A small note, a loving comment, or a phone call during the day may be all your partner needs. When we express and notice gratitude for the kindness shown to us, it strengthens the relationship.

  1. Help each other

To improve relationships with kindness, learn to help each other out. For example, when one partner or friend finds decision making a tough task and seeks your help, the partner who is more decisive may be tempted to be angry or impatient. But, if we are wise we will patiently help our partner to make a decision. To help in the household chores, look after the kids, or take on your partners responsibility for the day are other ways to help each other.

  1. Improve yourself

In order to improve relationships with kindness you need to take responsibility for yourself and improve yourself. This means that rather than trying to change your partner, you learn to introspect and examine your own feelings and emotions. Develop the required inner strength and power that builds you from within.

Once you learn to take the responsibility on yourself, you stop blaming your partner for things that upset you. This in turn helps you improve relationships with kindness and creates a beautiful relationship.

Kindness allows you to love, forget, forgive, and be loved in return. When you are kind yourself, you put the relationships first. So, with the above mentioned 10 ways to improve relationships with kindness, and with World Kindness Day coming around the corner, what deeds of kindness are you going to practice for yourself and your dear ones?

You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.”  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Over to you- How do you try and improve your relationships? When you enter into an argument do you practice kindness or try to improve relationship with kindness or try to prove you are right?

 

Photo Credit: Taliesin


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About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

33 Comments

  1. bbrian017

    November 11, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Every day I try to be kind to people.

    Perhaps it’s not in the same way as you would traditionally see kindness but I try to do it in a blogging way if you will. I leave comments, I tweet and engage with bloggers all day. I’m hoping this gesture comes off as an act of kindness from me because blog commenting is not always easy.

    I like to do this, because as a blog community owner this is a great way for me to be kind to our members and to show how I have respect for them and their blogs. Kindness is also a great way to get back at people you don’t get along with. I forget what the quote is but in the end it simply means kill them with kindness.

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      Harleena Singh

      November 11, 2011 at 11:19 pm

      You are very kind Brian!

      Kindness has no bounds, and your way of dealing with people through the Blogengage community, interacting with so many members, managing the time to comment on their blogs, tweet their posts, interact with them, and take your blog to great heights- is commendable. It is your kindness that we are all allowed to be a part of your site and share our posts with each other. We do remain ever so grateful for that.

      I like what you mentioned that kindness is also a great way to get back at people you don’t get along with- yes indeed- I guess we make connections with such people by being kind to them.

      Thanks for stopping-by :)

      • bbrian017

        November 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm

        Hi Harleena,

        I try my best but we are all bound my physical limitations such as time, and money. I do what I can and save the rest for the next day. Sometimes I’m too tired of doing the same thing so I do tweets instead. I guess it all depends how much time and energy I have to give out.

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          Harleena Singh

          November 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

          I do agree about the restrains we all face, be it of time, money, family, or anything else. I guess in such cases, even things like a personal small comment, or Tweet is a great way of saying that you liked the work. I can well understand how busy you must be as you do have so many people and followers to take care of, and to please everyone – every-time is not an easy job as well, nor is it always possible.

          I remain ever so grateful that you found the time to visit the blog once again to leave your comment. I appreciate that a great deal. :)

  2. Deeone

    November 12, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Kindness is like the dew drop of an early spring morning; it waters the flower beds of relationships and refreshens the blades of our soul. There’s nothing quite like knowing that someone cares for you by how they go about showing you through their kindness. It’s liberating to receive it and just as much so in delivering it.

    Your tips here, Harleena, are true in every sense of the word. We should always consider being kind to other’s whether we are in a relationship with them, platonic or monogamous, or if we are passing a person by on a busy side of the street. Kindness goes a long way. Kindness leaves an impression like the indention of a freshly made bed. It has the power to make someone showing meanness to recant their actions. I loved how you stated, “Kindness allows you to love, forget, forgive, and be loved in return.” This is such a true statement.

    Thank you for sharing this awesomeness with us. You my friend exude that kindness as well. :)

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      Harleena Singh

      November 12, 2011 at 9:53 am

      Wow- love your first poetic lines Deeone!

      I agree to what you mentioned about kindness, that nothing can be better than knowing that someone cares and loves you unconditionally through their kind deeds- and I guess when someone showers you with utmost kindness, you would eventually land up doing the same!

      Glad you found the tips worthwhile. Yes, kindness can be shown in any way, to anyone, any time, and should become a real part of us.

      Thanks for your kind words and adding more value to the post :)

  3. Jodi Aman

    November 12, 2011 at 1:56 am

    This is a beautiful post, so close to the peace meditation I posted today.

    Love,
    Jodi Aman

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      Harleena Singh

      November 12, 2011 at 9:44 am

      Welcome tot he blog Jodi!

      Glad you could resonate with the post and liked it. I did visit your wonderful blog, and thanks for the mention about finding peace within to affect the peace in the world.

      Thanks for commenting and do visit the blog for more stuff. :)

  4. Bryce Christiansen

    November 12, 2011 at 3:16 am

    I have had times where a few people have avoided and not had the greatest liking for me. (Crazy I know.)

    But, I tend to be pretty easy going and forgiving. I often would just act like all was good and be kind to them and eventually, many of those out to get me ended up becoming my friend again.

    Great blog.

    Bryce

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      Harleena Singh

      November 12, 2011 at 9:40 am

      That happens to the best of us Bryce- so you are not alone!

      To forgive- forget and let go of things that may have hurt or caused you pain, speaks volumes about your nature, as it is a really tough thing to do! I guess if you forgive and keep the problems in the past to move ahead in a relationship, the other person would also eventually do the same. Let bygones be bygones as they say!

      Thanks for stopping-by :)

  5. Jimmy

    November 13, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Sounds like you are a true relationship guru. I could use many of the ten points listed here.

    For me I am really working on been more sensitive and becoming a better person. I was brought up loud and insensitive to people around me. I could blurt out sharp comments without knowing that I could hurt others. This is something my wife got to know the more we spent time together. In fact she always said I seduced her with my initial charm and gentleness, but turned into a loud and insensitive blob when we got together. I always laugh at that and am trying hard to change. The key is becoming aware right?

    Personal development is also something new for me. Only been into it for the last 2 years plus, but I have already seen radical changes for the better in myself. This quote comes to mind, “A life once lit by a new idea never returns to it original self.”

    Thank you for your gentle guidance in the art of love for all of us out there who need to learn how to love and be kind.

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      Harleena Singh

      November 13, 2011 at 1:39 pm

      Am just about learning more about relationships myself- every single day Jimmy!

      To be able to become aware of our shortcomings, analyze ourselves, and make the required changes is in itself a great achievement. I have seen the wonderful posts on your blog about yourself and the personal development changes that you are making. It speaks a great deal about the efforts you are putting in to become better.

      I guess any change made to make us a better person, should be taken positively for our self development and making any relationship worthwhile. And the first to notice these positive changes are our family, kids, wife, and near ones. Love that quote as well, which conveys that once you know the path you are treading is the right one, there is no turning back.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post. :)

  6. Janet Callaway

    November 14, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Harleena, aloha.

    What a beautiful post and so perfect for a Sunday reading to start off a new week. Thank you. To me this quote by Maya Angelou says it so well:

    “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

    So many of the items you list above are integral to how we make others feel. Years ago I heard a man say something that so resonated with me that it has stayed with me ever since and I have attempted to do as he does. What he said, Harleena, is that it is his goal to make each person feel better for having encountered him during the course of the day. This applied to people he knew as well as to those with whom he had a one time transaction such as a clerk in a store.

    By remembering those words, I find that I listen more, appreciate more and offer more.

    Harleena, I don’t remember whether or not you read Marcus Baker’s blog, however, his current post asks the question “Would you Rather be Right or Happy?”

    Wishing you a week filled with all things wonderful. Until next time, aloha. Janet

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      Harleena Singh

      November 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

      Aloha Janet!

      Glad you liked the post and found it worthwhile enough to keep you busy on a Sunday. That sure is a beautiful quote by Maya Angelou, and am happy that the post made you feel good.

      It is indeed wonderful how you resonated and followed so well with what you heard the man say about making each person feel better, whether he knew them or not. Speaks volume about the kindness he must be possessing, thus he shared it with everyone. It’s amazing how people and their smallest of deeds influence our lives and we learn so much from them as well.

      I have visited and did read Marcus Bakers blog and post, he is indeed wonderful with his words and feelings as well. Thanks for the wonderful wishes and the same for you as well.

      Thanks once again for adding so much value to the post and giving an opportunity for all the other readers to learn from your experiences. :)

  7. farouk

    November 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Wish that this article reaches all people out there!

    Thank you for writing it.

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      Harleena Singh

      November 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm

      Glad you liked it Farouk!

      Nice that you found the post worthy enough to be shared and reach more people out there. If it does have meaning enough to make a difference in peoples lives, and people do relate to it, the purpose of the post would be achieved.

      Thanks for stopping-by. :)

  8. Adrienne

    November 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    What a great message Harleena!

    I was going to say what Janet shared and that’s “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

    My entire life I’ve been pretty easy going. I never took too many things personally. I didn’t let what people said about me or to me get to me because that’s just their opinion. As my years went by in the corporate world I found myself at times having a much shorter temper than I ever use to. I always tried to practice what I preached, which is why I’m so thrilled to now work from home and not have to surround myself with such negative people.

    When people snap at you or say things they shouldn’t, I chalk that up to a bad day and you just happen to be the person they are taking that out on. Whether that’s the case or not remains to be seen but I do my best to show kindness. I mean it really does no good to be upset with others and live your lives in anger does it?

    Fabulous tips on how to improve your relationships. You are becoming quite the expert my friend.

    Have a fabulous week!

    ~Adrienne

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      Harleena Singh

      November 14, 2011 at 10:30 pm

      Glad you liked the message Adrienne!

      Yes indeed, Janet’s quote by Maya sure is wonderful and makes you want to read it again and again. Your kind and helping nature sure speaks great volumes about you Adrienne, that is why your nature shines right through.

      That is actually the right way to look at things- as you mentioned so rightly here- that don’t let it effect you as it’s truly their opinion. I would also call it as ‘karma’- or their doing. If they do turn negative or have something bad to say about you, it is their karma or doing, will or opinion. We should not let it effect us in any way. However, at times it does get the better of us :)

      It sure must be feeling wonderful to have made the switch over from the corporate sector to work from home, and being your own master. I faced a similar situation when I shifted from my full time teaching job to working from home as a freelance writer. My reasons were to be able to devote more time for my kids, family, as well as move away from the monotonous routine and following or doing things that I did not want or like to do.

      Thanks for those kind words, but I am a nowhere as good an expert as you are- though learn a great deal from awesome people like yourself. :)

  9. Marcus Baker

    November 17, 2011 at 5:09 am

    Hi Harleena,

    I loved reading this post. Nobody comes into our lives by chance which means every single relationship must be valued, especially the more challenging ones as therein lies our greatest lessons.

    When we realize that we are all connected and that as we treat others so we treat ourselves, then it is pure madness to create suffering for anybody else in any way.

    Thank you for sharing your inspiration here. :)

    ~Marcus

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      Harleena Singh

      November 17, 2011 at 11:13 am

      Glad you liked the post Marcus!

      That is so true, indeed, every relationship must be valued and treasured. I do agree that challenges are there in all relationships, but we learn our lessons from the pain and suffering that a few of them may cause us- those are the ones that teach you a lesson in the real sense.

      I guess we all want to be treated with kindness, love, respect, care, and want harmony in any relationship. And we can achieve this if we learn to change ourselves, accept others for who and what they are, and treat them the way we would want to be treated as well.

      Thanks so much for adding more value to the post. :)

  10. Justin

    November 17, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Hi Harleena,

    “When your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your natural choice in conflict is most likely to attempt to control with blame, withdrawal, anger, compliance, resistance, or judgment.”

    This is so true. I have been here before and so have others in a relationship. We can never really experience the joys of relationships without also experiencing the pain as well. The pendulum swings both ways.

    #10. If we all would just work on constant never ending improvement of ourselves just think how awesome our relationships would be. It’s starts within us and not outside of us.

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      Harleena Singh

      November 17, 2011 at 11:35 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Justin!

      Yes, you are so right there- that there is no gain without pain as they say! Pain and suffering, anger and guilt, are all part and parcel of a relationship- and so are love, respect, compassion, care, and kindness. They are the two sides of the same coin, where one without the other does not balance out life as well.

      We are the change as they say, and we need to practice that as well. If we make an effort to change ourselves, everything around us changes for the better. It’s like the Law of Attraction. So, it is indeed all within us, not outside us.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post. :)

    • Tim Madigan

      April 4, 2012 at 8:33 pm

      Hi. Justin.

      My marriage is the biggest single source of my personal growth over two decades. The reason, greatly simplified: Any time I was angry, afraid, sad, lonely, (did I say angry) it had to do with me, not with her, and I needed to go within myself for healing. I did. It’s been hard sometimes, and I still look for stuff to blame my wife for. But taking responsibility for my own stuff has brought me freedom, and made me a much better husband and father, in my humble opinion at least.

      Peace, Me

  11. Samantha Bangayan

    December 7, 2011 at 6:00 am

    This is such a meaningful post, Harleena!

    You make a clear distinction between thinking only of ourselves (and being defensive) or being kind, which benefits everyone. And even though you speak of relationships, I really like how you point out that it helps to improve ourselves too. If we value ourselves then we have even more to give.

    I also really appreciate the reminder on compassion. I used to make it a habit to think about how the other person may be feeling or thinking in a certain situation, but life has been speeding by and I often forget to do so. I’d like to make that commitment again. Thanks for the encouragement and wisdom. =)

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      Harleena Singh

      December 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm

      Glad you found the post meaningful Samantha!

      Yes indeed, this is something I have practiced so I know it does hold good. If we are kind and loving to others, we ourselves become kinder and better, so it helps us as well. We all sail in the same boat and often forget to do things we ought to do, till we are reminded about them. Learning to be compassionate is one of them!

      I guess we all do get busy in the daily rut of life that we do tend to forget small things that are very important. I am glad you found the post useful as a reminder once again to become a better person by making a commitment to yourself.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post and for stopping-by. :)

  12. Praveen Rajarao

    December 12, 2011 at 2:46 am

    Harleena – This is my first comment on your post, followed you here from Carolyn’s website. This post title immediately caught my attention and I had to read it for sure.

    An awesome message and I second Janet and Adrienne’s feeling about the People remembering how you made them feel.

    I will surely share this with my readers. Thanks.

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      Harleena Singh

      December 12, 2011 at 10:41 am

      Welcome to the blog Praveen!

      Glad you could relate to the post and found Janet’s and Adrienne’s comments worthwhile. Both of them and Carolyn sure are wonderful people to connect with, and I am indeed privileged to have friends like them. I guess if we are able to convey whatever we want with a little bit of kindness, our relationships will only get better.

      Thanks for stopping-by, and I need to thank Carolyn as well for connecting both of us with each other. :)

  13. Rick

    March 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Hi Harleena,

    I definitely agree with what you’ve written. It is very important to have a close relationship especially inside the family. Respect, love, understand, patience and GOD are very important to maintain the close family bond! Also, communication is very important, especially if the family already has kids, so that the kids would not be shy in sharing and telling their problems to parents!

    Thanks for the post! Amazing.

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      Harleena Singh

      March 14, 2012 at 11:18 pm

      Welcome to the blog Rick!

      Glad you could resonate with the post. Yes indeed, family bonds are based on the relationships we have with one another and it consists of having love, understanding, respect, and patience for one another.

      Communication is vital for everyone in a relationship, whether its the kids or adults- so that there is freedom for each one to express their view point and convey their feelings to one another.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  14. Tim Madigan

    April 4, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I love this.

    A wise man once told me that one of the important things in marriage were good manners, acts of kindness even when you didn’t feel like being kind. You always have a choice, don’t you. Couldn’t help but thinking that my friend, Fred Rogers, was one of the best practitioners of what you suggest. Thanks for sharing.

    Peace, Tim

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      Harleena Singh

      April 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      Welcome to the blog Tim!

      Glad you could resonate with the post. The wise man was indeed wise I must say, for he shared some very important lessons about making a relationship or marriage work!

      Yes indeed, we all have choices, though sometimes being human, we do make the wrong ones too – isn’t it? I guess sometimes things happen even when we really don’t want them to happen, and those are the trying times when we need to take control of ourselves and even though we may not want to, be kind, respectful, and remain good. Life is so short, so why not make it worthwhile for ourselves and for others. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  15. Olya Thompsn

    April 14, 2012 at 2:58 am

    What a lovely post on kindness. It is indeed selfless and brings its own rewards. Thank you for your gentle wisdom, Harleena!

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      Harleena Singh

      April 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

      Welcome to the blog Olya!

      Glad you liked the post, and yes kindness is selfless and it has no limits. I guess you can overcome any kind of problems or difficulties in your relationship if you are kind to one another – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

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