Share Your Relationship Problems on Aha!NOW

- | 55 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

couple in relationship problem

This is the first post in the “Share your problems” series of self-help posts on Aha!NOW.

Every month, there will be a new topic in this series, where you are welcome to share your problems or questions related to that month’s topic.

Not only sharing, you can also help, seek advice, get solutions to your problems and answers to your queries. These posts are free and open to everyone.

This is the platform to discuss your personal, family, and professional issues.

The topic of this post is personal “relationship problems”.

Note:
To know how to submit your problem, jump to “How to go about”.
To view the list of stated problems, click here.

Relationship Problems

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines relationship as “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.”

Relationship can also be a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. Marriage is the official, legal, and socially accepted form of such a relationship.

There are also live-in and extra-marital relationships. Here’s a Wikipedia link that mentions all other types of personal and interpersonal relationships that people have.

Every relationship can have problems. The problems can be situational, but generally they are due to faulty personal qualities or individual differences.

The differences are in the following personal qualities –

● Attitude
● Beliefs
● Behavior
● Feelings
● Perspective

And so on.

Most relationship problems are due to ego clashes or differences, and misunderstandings. Some arise due to issues of incompatibility.

In a relationship, people either make incorrect inferences, jump to conclusions, or simply do not want to accept their mistakes.

The first thing that most people do while experiencing a relationship problem is to cut the connection or stop communication.

It’s like destroying the bridge, which disrupts the supplies of love and understanding to each other. Communication is the lifeline of a relationship.

My previous post talks about the main components and fundamentals of relationship, which are communication, love, and respect, that creates the bridge and bond between people.

At times, either you or the other person does not deal with the relationship properly. General solution to a relationship problem is mutual forgiveness and compromise.

This is easy to state but difficult to achieve.

Mostly, people are troubled with relationship problems because they lack mutual understanding.

In a relationship, somebody has to take an initiative. However, the thought of being demeaned and rejected makes people hesitant to take the step.

The only solution is taking a step backward from their stand, and putting the other step forward towards resolution.

Types of Relationship Problems

Couple having relationship conflicts

Problems can affect any type of relationship, be it among friends, family, colleagues, lovers, or even life partners. It may be as small as differences of opinion to as grave as physical abuse!

We’re limiting the discussions to only personal problems between lovers, spouses, and friends.

Here are some of the typical problems that people experience in their lives –

– You are in an abusive relationship, and you feel trapped in it.
– You feel totally disconnected as there’s lack of communication.
– Your spouse is having an affair, and you don’t know what to do.
– You’re dating your friend and all of a sudden she/he has a change of heart.
– Your spouse prefers to be with friends, and hardly spends time with you.
– You’re having an affair and you feel like breaking your present relationship.
– You love your spouse but the daily conflicts related to money break you down.
– You feel the love in your relationship has died, and don’t know how to revive it.
– Your partner is always stressed or working and you feel your sex life takes a beating.
-You’re having an affair and you don’t want to carry on with it, but don’t know how to go back.

There can be innumerable and all types of relationship problems. What is your problem?

How To Go About

When you’ve a problem, you can’t ignore it. The first thing you can do to resolve it is to accept and share it.

You might’ve some questions – I’ve anticipated some, and here are the answers.

Why share?

I’ve written it all here – all the reasons that you wanted to know why sharing your problems really helps you.

Where to share?

In the comments below this post. There’s no separate forum or section, because writing in the comment would be the easiest and quickest way to convey your problem.

What to share?

You can share your relationship problems or questions that have been bothering you, hampering your daily activities, or disturbing your life.

Just share anything that you feel like, though only related to personal relationships this time.

How to share?

Follow this format –

1) Define and write your problem in the first line.
2) Describe and write the problem in detail in the next few lines.
3) Reply to comments in the same thread so the commenter gets notified.

People will respond to you as replies to your comments. In this case, you might want to subscribe to the comments so you are notified whenever somebody replies.

You can also subscribe to all comments to the post, if you wish to be acquainted with the other relationship problems that people experience.

When to share?

Now! Why wait and suffer more? If you wish to have privacy, you can comment anonymously without adding any links to the comment.

Who can help you?

Although I don’t guarantee that you’d find the perfect solution to your relationship problems, we can try to help you.

All the readers of the blog, the Aha!NOW blog community, experienced coaches, and just about anyone can help you because everyone has some kind of an experience where relationships are concerned.

I request all to reply to the comment in the same thread so the original commenter gets notified. Before you proceed, I request you to read this disclaimer.

I hope you find solutions to your problems and bring happiness into your life. Just have patience and keep the faith, this too shall pass and the sun will shine again as the dark clouds pass by. 🙂

Subscribe to the blog if you wish to be notified of the next “Share Your Problem” post on Aha!NOW.

List of stated  problems (click to view the problem in the comments):
1) I’ve a nagging wife who makes my life difficult.
2) Is sex a factor to be considered in a relationship?

Over to you –

Do you have any relationships problems that you’d like to share? What do you think about this new section on Aha!NOW? Share in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos



Show Comments

55 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Ajay

    February 7, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Problem: I’ve a nagging wife who makes my life difficult.

    I know you’d say that all wives nag a bit, but I believe mine is exceptional. Although I love her, but mostly her hyper reactive state, over possessiveness, being over suspicious, and quick to temper attitude over shadows the love between us.

    I don’t get her love when I need it the most, and she doesn’t understand it even if it is conveyed to her. Sometimes, her in-sensitiveness and lack of understanding drives me crazy. She fights with me over small matters regarding money and home, blames my family, dislikes my mother, and doesn’t leave an opportunity to criticize me. I feel she doesn’t treat me right, even in front of our grown up kids.

    All this raises doubt in my mind as to if she really loves me. I’m totally faithful to her and don’t even want to think of having extra marital affair, but she makes it too difficult for me. I feel being isolated and get depressive at times, and try to resort to spirituality. But is there any way I can have a happy, supportive, and loving wife, who makes my life easy.

    What should I do? I’m sorry for my rant here but I’ve always wanted to share my worries and problems but couldn’t trust anybody and know for sure that the person on the other side is genuine. But I can trust you to truly help me and try to understand my problem.

    I won’t reveal my identity but I’m a middle-aged married man , who isn’t very well-off financially, and my wife is almost my age. I wish to have a peaceful married life, is it possible?

    Thanks.

    • Elissa P

      February 7, 2014 at 10:42 pm

      Ajay,

      I felt your pain in every word. Oh my. I hope you don’t mind if I pray for you today. But first I must say, tell your wife how you feel. Write it out just like you did here, I think that is the way you communicate best. Ask her what is making her unhappy and if she needs help dealing with her issues. Try to understand how she see love and show her you love her in her own language.

      Okay,

      Father God, I lift Ajay up to you today. I pray that you would visit his home and his married. I pray that you may break down the walls of angers, struggles and frustrations in his home. I pray that you will give him the right time and words to speak to his wife. Lord, you know more of his struggles than we will ever know here and I believe you can fix all that is broken.

      Lord show him what his wife need to be happy and in turn she will made him happy. Bless them today God and renew their love for each other.

      In your son’s name Amen.

      • Ajay

        February 8, 2014 at 1:27 am

        Thank you so much for your kind and soothing words; they touched my heart. I thank you for praying for me. I take every bit of your advice seriously. You’ve said a lot in so few words. I understand that I need to give my attention to the root of the problem and check out what is making my wife unhappy. And if things don’t work even then, it then means there’s some other problem.

        I never thought of to love her in her own language. Thank you.

        • Elissa P

          February 8, 2014 at 2:37 am

          You are most welcome Ajay. I will continue to pray for you. God made us and He knows how to ‘fix’ our broken parts. Just believe.

          • Lynn

            October 25, 2015 at 8:38 am

            My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me. We dated a couple of times, total 7 years, but 4 solid years of being together. He acted like there was a problem with me; he blamed everything on me & said he was sick, high blood pressure, health problems, etc. He said that work, his family life and all other things were also bothering him. He was pulling away from me and it happened in one day. Well, I found out he cheated. I even met the other woman , he trained her at work, they work together. So he stopped seeing her and came back to me but things aren’t the same because I don’t feel the content & safe feeling I had with him before this happened we even met her at a bar, he didn’t want to go and I said let’s go … it was a disaster. She flirted with him in front of me. It was uncomfortable. She was unhappy he wouldn’t talk to her at work or anything before then unless work related. Now they are still friends online -Facebook and Imstagram, we just re added eachither. I feel loke he thinks he can just do anything to me and get away with it. He gets jealous if I now hand out with previous male friend(s) and I am at a loss. I need help. I don’t know what to di haven’t even met most of his friends. I feel like a secret. He his his relationship status on Facebook wheb he met the new nurse at work….it when they hung out. I could see it and my friends could but he made it so she saw nothing. She kept seeing him after she found out he had a girlfriend even though she told me that she wouldn’t and she cut off all ties. Well they didn’t and now I am with him and feel insecure. Thank you.

      • Harleena Singh

        February 8, 2014 at 2:37 pm

        Hi Elissa, welcome to my blog!

        Thanks so much for taking out time and helping out Ajay. I like your way of dealing with the problem and I do believe in the power of prayers.

        Thank you for your prayer and for providing your suggestions to the problem. I appreciate your cooperation and wish you have a blessed day ahead! 🙂

        • Elissa P

          February 9, 2014 at 7:19 am

          Thank you Ms. Harleena

          I have always been here, but chose to show my face ever none and then if the topic moves me and this one did.

          Peace.

    • Brenda Siara

      February 7, 2014 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Ajay,

      I am sorry for what you’re going through. Being a woman and growing up around several of my kind, I will tell you that a woman’s greatest need/concern is security – Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, Financial, etc., security is the key word.

      If she feels insecure, she gets frustrated. A woman also naturally respects a man who offers the above. When she feels any of the above is not forthcoming, she attempts to fend for herself. Because she’s now performing a role that she initially depended on her man to perform he becomes “good for nothing” in her site. Hence the lack of respect that I understand your wife is showing you… the criticism. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the impression that finances may be the main issue here. Also naturally, a woman is created with a need to have a man who’ll take care of some things. So her taking care of what she’s want the man to take care of only increases her frustration. This should explain the constant nagging and complaining.

      The solution, do what you can to get your finances looking up, and while you’re at it help her more around the house. Do little things like making her dinner after a long day… Just show her how “useful” you can be. I pray it all goes well. And don’t give up on prayer. 🙂 Pray God brings along someone to point your wife in the right way. (My explanations above DO NOT in any way support her behavior. She needs to change, and while you wait you can do what you can to make a little heaven 🙂

      • Ajay

        February 8, 2014 at 1:44 am

        I understand that security is the concern, but that does not mean its right to take out frustration and mistreat your own half self! If I feel frustrated or angry, I don’t take it out on my wife. For me the emotional bond comes first, and with the kind of sarcastic communication that goes on, it becomes difficult to connect with my wife. Finances are surely weak, but that does not make me a bad person, does it?

        Husband and wife are supposed to share and be equal partners. If for some reasons, temporarily, I cannot provide those securities, do I become “good for nothing”, and when I provide them, I become “good”? So, in other terms, I get respect only and till I provide, else I’ll have to face the music? I’m sorry I don’t understand this.

        I don’t think in this time and world woman is so dependent on man. I don’t think she’s created to be dependent. Yes, finances are an issue, but this is the time I need understanding and support and not nagging and complaining which only have negative effect on me.

        I do the little things for my wife. I’ll try to be more “useful”. I think you’re right, she needs to change, but I need to make efforts too and work to provide the securities. Thanks a lot for your help.

      • Harleena Singh

        February 8, 2014 at 5:53 pm

        Hi Brenda, welcome to my blog!

        Thanks for coming here and sharing your experience and wisdom to help out Ajay. I appreciate your good intentions and the time and effort dedicated to do good.

        I hope you’ll keep sharing your knowledge and helping out people having problems. Do have a great day ahead! 🙂

    • Jennifer Kennedy

      February 8, 2014 at 12:43 am

      Hi Ajay!! Thank you for sharing your story with us. And, I hope that you are finding tools you can use to create a happier environment for you and your wife.

      I’m not married myself, but have been in a long term committed relationship for almost 10 years. So, I can speak a bit about relationships, especially as a woman in a long term one.

      Your wife’s nagging could be the result of a need that is not being met. For example, it could be a need to be heard, more affection, or support. As someone pointed out above, finding out what that is may help you better communicate with her and help her meet those needs.

      The problem I see in my relationship a lot on both sides is the lack of communication. Personally, I don’t speak up and ask for what I want or need, I assume that he should know, which is not a great way to be in a relationship. She may be doing the same, assuming you should read her mind and know to behave in a certain way. So, I would reach out to her without judgement and say that you’ve observed her doing X, Y, and Z and ask her how she’s feeling. It helps to approach this without judgement and only describing actual behavior you see. Hope that helps, and I’m already in admiration of your dedication to your relationship and your wife!

      • Ajay

        February 8, 2014 at 1:53 am

        Everybody has needs, and these need to be realistic too. It’s not possible to fulfill all needs, but thanks for pointing out the issue.

        Yes proper communication is a problem. Thanks for sharing your life example. I’ll try to do what you say but my wife needs to understand and reciprocate, else my efforts go in vain.

        Yes, I’m concerned about my wife and relationship, and thanks for helping out.

      • Harleena Singh

        February 8, 2014 at 6:00 pm

        Hi Jennifer,

        Thanks for visiting this post and helping out Ajay with your wisdom and lessons from life experiences. You’ve made some good suggestions and I hope people with similar problems benefit from them.

        Thanks again for being a sport and do have a wonderful day ahead! 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Hi Ajay,

      This is one of the most common problem many husbands have. Yes, some wives do nag, and probably you too would nag if you’re troubled! But if it becomes a problem, you can’t ignore it.

      I’m glad so many readers have come forward to help you with their views and wisdom. Elissa is so right by saying that you first need to find ways to make your wife happy. Brenda too is correct when she emphasizes on providing security to your wife. Jennifer too makes similar assessment that there must be some need which is not met resulting in such behavior of your wife. If these ladies converge on the same aspect, then there must be some truth to it, isn’t it?

      We can only give you suggestions based on the information that you’ve made available to us. You may wish to visit a professional marriage counselor who can make your complete case study, if the relationship advice here do not suit you.

      The behavior you’ve described of your wife shows that she feels insecure, and as Brenda states, it could be in physical, emotional or financial sense. When you’re walking on the hot bed, it’s difficult to smile, isn’t it? Similarly, since you told Theodore that your wife wasn’t this way before, that surely indicates that she’s troubled and you need to identify and resolve that issue.

      Please take it in the right spirit that maybe it’s your behavior or indifference or lack of closeness too that acts as a catalyst to your wife’s problematic behavior. What I personally feel is that you and your wife both need to spend a lot of time talking to each other and resolving the issues.

      As the ladies and even Theodore has suggested, you need to ask your wife what bothers her and find solutions for those issues, which I am sure once removed from the root level, will cause no further issues. Give her so much of love and security in your relationship that such petty problems don’t arise, and I think that’s very possible – IF you are willing to give it a try. Are you?

      If you loved her truly, you wouldn’t be complaining so much about her and accept her as she is, though I can understand how you must be feeling. I appreciate that you’re faithful to your wife, which is a positive indicator that you want the issues to be resolved. I’m sure if you express your sensitiveness to her problems, she wouldn’t drive you crazy anymore. Sometimes we set some stereotypes in our mind about the other person, and you need to break them and make efforts to approach the issue with a new perspective.

      Let me ask you – do you know the reason for her being hyper active, over possessive, suspicious, or having occasional temper moods? Have you on your part tried to find out what could be bothering her, or know the reason why shes behaving the way she is?

      Do you make sure to spend quality time daily with her? Or perhaps plan a getaway together weekly, like most couple do. Some kind of ‘us time’? If not, I suggest you should immediately start on that, and you’ll find that your wife will mellow down a bit.

      If she’s fighting with you regarding money, I don’t blame her because she might be thinking of how to run the family or make ends meet, and if there’s lack of it, then she probably panics because she foresees the trouble coming on the family. I understand that you do not have a magic wand to make instant money, but if you let your wife know the intentions and show your efforts, I’m she’d be understanding. Like Jennifer said, the other person doesn’t come to know unless you tell them!

      Are you living in a joint family? Nevertheless, you need to hear out your wife’s thoughts, views, and feelings regarding your family as probably she’s got only you as the best confidante. Perhaps she feels that your mother or family interferes in your life or family and she doesn’t like it much – you need to hear-out and clarify things, which will make things better I’m sure.

      Remember, if your wife or even if you aren’t happy, it will show – either in-front of the kids, or others too. As a husband it’s your foremost duty to ensure your family is happy, and once you can do that, your wife will also ensure she doesn’t nag you as she will have no reason to. One other aspect you should also keep in mind is that your wife may be undergoing the menopause phase that causes hormonal imbalances, emotional and behavioral changes, and mood swings too. Do research about it and this is one more reason why you should be patient with her.

      Love overcomes all – everything else become petty issues. Follow the LUCK principle – Love, Understanding, Compassion, Kindness. It’s not only you, but she too has to follow it and change herself. I understand that she has to trust you and support you too. There’s no good enough excuse for misbehavior and ill-treatment.

      Resorting to spirituality is good, however, also remember to always share yourself with your wife and care for her. Together you both can fight the odds that includes the financial problems. If nothing works, then Sheryl can be right that some people are chronic nagger, but you should first take the positive attitude and approach. Lastly, as suggested by few, if you’re a believer, then have God in your life and prayers do have the power to help you use your full potential and have miracles in your life!

      Thanks for trusting me and the Aha!NOW blog community by sharing your problem. You are most welcome always on this platform, and I hope the responses from the readers help you to assess yourself and the situation better, and help you move forward towards resolution of your problem.

      Thanks for stopping by and I hope I helped you in some way. Have a great loving and communicating day with your wife! 🙂

    • Efoghor Joseph Ezie

      February 8, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      The picture you presented makes it look like your life is a Devil, not caring about you and up to the point of also being insensitive to your family. That is really unfortunate.

      But let me start by saying that there is nothing like incompatibility in marriage. In as much as there are two persons from different backgrounds and upbringings, there would always be some differences/disagreements. Even identical twins don’t behave the same way. That said, marriage requires patience, understanding and willingness to tolerate and work on the relationship.

      If any of the partners have too much expectation of the other, there would always be frustration and conflict. Reduce the expectations you have concerning each other.

      I think you need to talk with your wife about the situation. Tell her how you feel and what you think she could do to help you love her the more and keep the relation going. I am sure she would understand how much you care.

      If talking with her does not help the situation, talk to God about it, and also see a marriage counsellor if possible.

    • Hiten

      February 9, 2014 at 3:40 am

      Hi Ajay,

      As some of the other commenters have already stated, talking with your wife and asking her what is making her unhappy can be a great start.

      Try and get to the root of the problem by asking her what specifically is making her unhappy. This will help you to find out if there is something she feels is missing. You will then know where to focus your efforts on in improving the situation.

      All the best.

    • Angela McCall

      February 25, 2014 at 12:49 am

      Hi Ajay,

      They said whenever there is a break-up or divorce, it’s not only one person’s fault. But both of them. It takes two to tango. Some women tend to nag more because they think they have not been heard. And men doesn’t wanna hear about it over & over again and so to them, it is a form of nagging.

      It is true that one of the woman’s need is “emotional security”. You mentioned that was overly possessive, overly suspicious, and quick-tempered. Now, I’m only hearing your side. I haven’t heard her side. But did you do something that cause her to be overly possessive and suspicious?

      You know when someone’s stepping your foot and they said, “Ouch!” But then you actually ignored that or maybe you’re just oblivious, then if you step her foot again, and she said, “Ouch!” You still didn’t get the idea that it’s hurting her and because it’s painful, her reaction is to get MAD. I mean, if I am in a theatre full of people and someone stepped my foot, guy said, “I’m sorry” I’ll probably let him go and say, “It’s okay.” But if someone keeps stepping my foot and doesn’t think that they’re hurting me, of course I’m going to get mad. Heck, I’m not a saint. I will definitely get mad. Now, I dunno her overall personality so I can really say it for sure.

      I only based my answer according to what you shared with us.

      I agree with the rest of them that says you two probably need to go to marriage counseling and have a 3rd party give you feedback. Someone who is not your friend, father, mother, sister, brother…but someone who is DISTANT from both of you. Someone who is unbias to both of you.

      Me and my husband had some disagreements too in the past. We all do, right? Even the best marriage in the world, they have their misunderstandings. And so, I wrote an article about “His Needs” and “Her Needs.”

      lovesexmarriage.info/highly-effective-marriage

      When a woman is emotionally insecure, she needs more love. Not just by saying, “I love you.” Love is more than “words” to say but by your actions too. If she’s feeling insecure tell her, “You’re the only woman for me and nobody else.” Say that over and over again until it registered in her mind. Sometimes women need to hear it over and over again. And again, like others said, it also need prayers. If she’s willing to work it out, you’re willing to work it out, you guys pray together, I don’t see why this issue shouldn’t be resolved.

      Angela

  2. Sheryl Kurland

    February 7, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    When someone is a chronic nagger, as you describe your wife to be, at her core she is unhappy with herself. Even if you did everything absolutely perfect that she says you don’t do “right,” she would find something wrong with it. In fact, you will find yourself damned-if-you-do-and-damned-if-you-don’t. This kind of behavior stems from something in her own past that needs to be neutralized. She is trying to “fix” things that happened long ago. She is now projecting that “trying to fix” onto you. The key is for her to recognize this pattern, and you are not her “past” but her “loving present.” That’s probably not all of the issue, but likely a major part.

    • Ajay

      February 8, 2014 at 1:59 am

      I think you’re right. The situation and myself aren’t that bad, and the root cause could be the unhappiness within her. She does appreciate my work or efforts at times, but she doesn’t make any “mistakes”! I hope you understand. 🙂 I don’t know what she’s trying to fix, I suppose I’ll need to talk about this to her. Thanks for your help.

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      Hi Sheryl, Welcome to my blog!

      Thanks for joining in and sharing your view points. Your opinions are important and I’m sure they’ll help Ajay and the readers.

      There’s a probability of people being chronic naggers, and you can’t ignore that. Thanks for helping out and I look forward to seeing you again.

      Have a great weekend ahead! 🙂

  3. Theodore Nwangene

    February 7, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    Well done Harleena.
    This is a very awesome topic that you’ve started here and, I’m sure a lot of people will benefit from it.

    @Ajay
    I’m sorry for your predicaments and though I’m not yet married but, i truly understand how you feel. Marriage is never an easy thing to maintain and for you to have a successful and peaceful marriage, you both needs to understand each other and most of all, you needs Gods intervention.

    But if i may ask you, was your wife behaving like that before you got married to her or, did she suddenly developed that attitude after your marriage? You need to figure this out because, it will enable you to know how, why and where her nagging started from.

    If you must stop her nagging and complains then, you will have to first of all figure out why she does that and, the only way you can achieve this is by having a sound communication with her.

    Be good to her because sometimes, the issue might be from we guys without we knowing it and if you must find out what her problem is, you need to access yourself and then, discuss with her and see if she will open up to you.

    Most importantly, you need to take the whole situation to God in prayer because there is no condition he cannot surmount.

    This is what i can tell you now, I’m sure Aha-now readers will still give you more advice.

    Wishing you a peaceful marriage Ajay.

    @ Harleena, thanks for including this feature here.

    • Ajay

      February 8, 2014 at 2:03 am

      Thanks but I know the fundamental requirement and the components of marriage, been in it for long. No, she wasn’t so cranky, cribbing, and complaining before. I believe its the insecurities that’s causing all problems.

      Yes, communication is the key. Thanks for your advice, bro.

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      Hi Theodore,

      I’m glad you like the initiative. This is just the beginning and I’m sure more people will join and share their problems.

      Thanks for sharing your pearls of wisdom and I hope it helps Ajay in resolving his problem. I really appreciate your cooperation sparing time to helpout.

      Do have a great weekend ahead! 🙂

  4. Anchit Shethia

    February 7, 2014 at 11:51 pm

    Is sex a factor to be considered in a relationship? Or, a relationship can be healthy and last longer even without it?

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Hi Anchit,

      That’s a good question. You’re talking about a sexless personal relationship. This is not something new and I’ve read that many people practice such a lifestyle. Truest for of love is not dependent or based on sex at all.

      Whether a sexless relationship can be healthy or successful depends on the couple’s beliefs, mental strength, understanding and many other factors. A sexless relationship is not a problem only if both partners share the same belief and have such an understanding that doesn’t lead to desires.

      For one thing, if you’ve sex on your mind and not practice it in the relationship, then I’d not call it healthy. However, if you believe that sex is only for reproduction and not for recreation, then you might not have it always on your mind, and your relationship will be healthy.

      To answer your question, you can have a relationship without sex, and it is not a primary factor. Having said that, sex in a relationship helps intimacy, closeness, and creating a bond between two people.

      When you look for your life partner or fall in love, you don’t think of sex. That generally comes later after you forge a relationship.

      I don’t think sex or no sex has anything to do with the length of a relationship. I’m sure there will be varied views and I look forward to them.

      Thanks for your question, Anchit, and I hope this helps. Do have a great weekend ahead! 🙂

    • Jodi

      February 10, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      It totally depends on the couple. All of this has to be negotiated. If a couple is match in what they want, this is fine. But all too often one person feels differently than the other. This is when problems come in, because who shall get what they want? It is important for both partners to move closer to each other than one of them doing it all.

  5. Corina Ramos

    February 8, 2014 at 12:09 am

    I agree with Theodore, Harleena. I think this is a wonderful thing you’re doing for your readers! I think it’s going to help a lot of people.

    Ajay, I’m sorry you’re having this problem and hope things will get better for you and your marriage.

    Have a wonderful day everyone and a great weekend.

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      Hi Corina,

      Thank you for your motivation and support. It surely helps. It’ll take some time for people to come out of their shell and share their problems, but I do hope it helps them.

      Thanks for visiting and you too have a great weekend ahead! 🙂

  6. Philip Verghese Ariel

    February 8, 2014 at 12:28 am

    Hi Harleena,

    This is really a good initiative. Indeed the helpline here can surely find some solution to the people who opt for, wonderful idea, I will come back again with some info and suggestions in this regard later tomorrow. I am sure many can join here and seek their help thru the blog community
    I appreciate you for bringing it out for the people.

    A very time movement. Keep up the good work
    Have a Happy and profitable weekend
    Phil

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Phil,

      I’m glad you like this initiative. Yes, the underlying idea is to create a helpline. I do hope more and more people will share their problems and see guidance or solutions.

      Thanks for your motivation and support and those kind words. I do look forward to your visit and wish you have a great weekend ahead! 🙂

  7. Jeanne Melanson

    February 8, 2014 at 6:57 am

    I love this idea of having people leave their issues here and having other readers give their opinions and advice. That’s very nice. Personally, I don’t have many issues in my relationship with my fiance. We get along very well and I am thankful for that. Best of luck to all of you! Peace

    • Harleena Singh

      February 8, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Jeanne,

      I’m glad you like the idea. As a community, we should be there to help out each other, isn’t it? We all are rich in life experiences, and its all a matter for spending some time to help others.

      I’m so happy for your relationship and wish it long happy years. 🙂 Thanks for taking out time to visit and bless this new initiative. Do have a blessed weekend ahead! 🙂

  8. Balroop Singh

    February 8, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Hi Ajay

    The problem you have stated is quite common, many wives nag but men must know it should not be ignored. There is always a reason for nagging and this brings to my mind the famous novel of Jane Austin, in which the husband had to deal with a nagging wife and the reason was, she felt he was not doing enough for her daughters who were of marriageable age!

    Often men ignore the nagging, blame the wife and even make fun of it but never try to get to the root cause. So when it continues and the wife doesn’t get any attention, it becomes her habit. A loving husband would pay attention to it right in the beginning. As many opinions correctly point out, communication is the key…Have you ever discussed this problem with her? Have you tried to find the reasons of her frustration? Have you tried to reassure her that he will take care of all the issues she nags you about? Have you ever had a constructive discussion about how much this nagging habit has been hurting you as well as her? OR Have you just IGNORED it?

    I disagree with you that she is ‘not understanding’, every individual has that power…all what is needed is love and support and you have to keep telling her that you love her, that you understand her problems and disappointments. You must count your blessings…think of all the positive ways in which she has been taking care of you and you family, think of how much time she has put in to bring up your children (I say so because often men pass on the responsibility to wives) and then think how much positivity you have contributed.

    A married relationship thrives on give and take- the respect you give, the care you show and the love you bestow. If you have done that introspection, you will never think of spiritual refuge as her companionship would be the best spiritualism.

    Hope you will make another beginning to get closer to your wife. All the best!

  9. Michael Belk

    February 9, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Harleena, my last relationship ended because of incompatible lifestyles. She bred large dogs and I live alone so I am not used to being interrupted during my computer time or watching tv.

    So I chose to step away because we did not see eye to eye on that subject.

    I could not ask her to give up something she enjoyed.

  10. Soniya

    February 9, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    My boyfriend is not agreeing for marriage

    I’m a 22-year girl in love with a boy a bit elder to me. I want to be married to him but he insists on a live-in relationship. We’re at loggerheads on this issue and it is troubling me a lot. It’s scary to think of a breakup but there’s no way my boyfriend would agree for a marriage. What should I do?

    • Elissa P

      February 9, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      Soniya

      Oh, Soniya you are young, please don’t throw your life away on someone who is not willing to commit to you. I am not sure of the whole situation surrounding your relationship, but I do think if you are willing to settle now, you will always be settling for LESS than you want or NEED out of life. I think you should walk away now before you invest more of your time and energy into a relationship that is not going anywhere. Believe me, you may think he is the only one for you, but he is not, take if from someone who as been there. At 22 you think this is it, but God as more, much more, for your life. Please trust Him.

      I am not sure if you and your boyfriend are christian, but moving in, in my opinion, is not a good idea. If your boyfriend is not willing to commit to you now, it will only get worst. Do you want children in the future? Do you want to live out your life in the country or in the city? Questions like these need to be answered now. If he doesn’t want to dedicate his life to you now for better or for worst, he will not want to give in to other things.

      Please pray about it. Ask God what He wants you to do. I will pray for you tool

      Blessings.

  11. Shalu Sharma

    February 9, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    Good idea Harleena. You are coming out with good ideas about this blog. I think this is the best blog about relationships. I will certainly come to find help on your blog if required. Although, I did have one, how do you deal with jealous friends?

  12. Balroop Singh

    February 10, 2014 at 2:45 am

    Hi Soniya

    I agree with Elissa. Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve you…walk out before it is too late. Don’t waste any more of your time and emotions. Such men never realise what your feelings are…you are so young, why stick around and face a person who refuses to commit! Live in relationships shun responsibility and you are too young to foresee all that mess you will make of your life. If there is the time to quit, it is now.

  13. Steen Rasmussen

    February 10, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    How about just being honest with her partner at if there is something which is not related to the relationship it can explain many misconceptions out

  14. Ahsan

    February 10, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    Your aha-now site is going stronger day by day. It has good bondage between readers & you. Now you have taken a good initiative to help others. in our long life, there is always complication in relationship. Still I didn’t face any major problem in relationship. Your blog will certainly help me in need.

    Have a nice day 🙂

  15. Debbie

    February 10, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Wonderful post Harleena. You hit this one out of the ball park.
    This statement, “The first thing that most people do while experiencing a relationship problem is to cut the connection or stop communication.”
    Communication is the most important part of any relationship. When we are communication we have to remember to be honest, don’t take things personal and keep the ego in check.

    Many times we can get stubborn, because of our egos. Love is patient and understanding. When we do this we can always find that middle ground with each other.
    Thanks again Harleena. Your wisdom is wonderful.
    Debbie

    • Sebastian Aiden Daniels

      June 22, 2014 at 4:59 am

      I agree Debbie that communication is so key. We can not be successful in any relationship if we are not able to communicate openly. One of the worst things to deal with is being in a relationship with someone who is extremely passive aggressive or someone you have to walk on eggshells around.

      You are right. Love is patient and understanding. 😀

  16. vishu sachdeva

    February 11, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    one of best thing to solve problems in any relationship is that share your feeling with others.
    this not only help to give suggestion but also help you to build +ve attitude towards your relationship…
    great work done…i really appreciate it..:)

  17. Donna Merrill

    February 11, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    Harleena,

    It is so great that you have started this. Reading through the comments, I see everyone trying to help. It’s amazing!

    For me, my relationship issues are fine now. But in the past I was a “victim” of mental, emotional and physical abuse. I left and got help FAST.

    But for the past 20something years, I’m in a healthy relationship. I attribute it to “fixing” mySELF. Going to therapy and changing the way I had chose men in the past.

    When I met my husband he was not my type: That was a good thing for me. But I can honestly say that we are a perfect fit. I enjoy communication with him the most and think that communication is the key to every relationship.

    We are not only married, but business partners as well. We both work at home and find it fascinating. We never run out of things to talk about, especially when it comes to business.

    We even have a “blended family” whereby we consider each other’s kids as our own. I do have a great relationship with his ex wife. We became good friends and call each other “wife-in-laws” lol.

    This is an amazing place to be. Thank you Harleena for setting this up.

    -Donna

  18. James

    February 12, 2014 at 2:18 am

    Hi harleena,

    Kudos for posting such a really helpful topic on this controversial issue.

    However, I must say that my wife has been so understanding and I thank God for her being part of my life. Though, at the beginning of our marital life, there were issues, conflict and misunderstandings; but all those things are gradually eroding away.

    Thanks for being motivational with this topic and your advice will be a great resource help for most people.

    Cheers.

  19. Babanature

    February 12, 2014 at 2:18 am

    Hello Harleena,

    This is a big innovation and inspiration to other bloggers. It is nice to know you are lending a willing hands to those who needs it.

    I don’t have any relationship problem as at now, but i do know that your blog have helped me a lot, in terms of relationship and outside relationship.
    This is a big innovation and i am joining the train as well 🙂
    Thanks and do have a faithful week ahead…

    P.S. . . Sorry for dropping by late…

  20. Dr. Erica Goodstone

    February 12, 2014 at 2:55 am

    Hi,

    What a wonderful site. You are reaching out and inviting people to share their thoughts and offer their collective insights into some very real problems that so many of us have experienced in the past, are currently dealing with or may encounter in the future.

    Warmly,

    Dr. Erica

  21. michael

    March 4, 2014 at 4:26 am

    its much more harder these days to maintain a relationship not like our parents time i wonder why?Was it because our mothers at that time agreed to what he said to most of the time or is it any other reason

    • Sebastian Aiden Daniels

      June 22, 2014 at 4:56 am

      I think there are a lot of reasons for this. Part of it is because women are more independent now, which is a fantastic thing. Part of it is because both men and women are waiting longer to get married. I think now people realize that they don’t have to stay in a bad relationship, where in the past they might have stayed in a bad situation. Part of it is because pursuing a career is really important for a lot of people now and they would rather do that. Marriage isn’t as important as it once was. People can now take care of themselves better, which goes back to the independence thing.

      There are so many reasons.

  22. Avi

    June 14, 2014 at 10:07 am

    Hi,
    I am in a serious relationship with my girlfriend. When our relationship started I clearly told my girlfriend about my last relationships and that I m not a virgin. Nowadays my girlfriend fights me on this that I slept with someone else in past. But that was before her. I love her so much. But nw she says she will sleep with someone else before we get married so as to make me feel how she feels. She feels that I can never be her’s. I dont knw she says it seriously to break her virginity with sm1 before we get married. But it hurts me a lot. What should I do?
    Help!!

  23. Maria

    July 25, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Why my marriage broke? What were my faults? Please tell me. I need advice.

    Hi,
    My name is Maria Khan and I am 27.
    I got married when if was 17 years old and my husband was 22, we were first cousins, our mothers were real sisters. He lived in the UK and I lived in Pakistan. he used to come to Pakistan every year or so, with his mother and elder brother to meet his family. his father died when he was 13-14.
    Our mothers already decided with mutual understanding that they want us to get married, when i was 13 i knew that we will marry each other in future, but we never talked to each other about this. finally he came to Pakistan when i was 15 on one of my cousins wedding, he liked me a lot and i liked him too. so the next year he came to marry me, we had Nikah, i was 16 and he was 21. we were too young to get married, so we had just nikah ( like engagement). it was decided that we will get married after 4-5 years after completing our education, but when he went back to UK, he started asking me for the wedding, he used to say that it was difficult to live in a country where there is a lot of distraction, and its difficult to guard his chastity, so he insisted, i said yes as he and his mother assured me that i can complete my education there. We got married within 10 months of Nikah. I was 17 and he was 21.
    At the start it was difficult for me to adjust in a new environment, new language, new people. I was a bit confused about everything, but no doubt my husband helped me a lot, he helped me enroll in college for GCSE, he helped me in learning the language, he was very caring, loving and very generous in terms of money and time he spent on me. He used to drop and pick me from college everyday.
    I used to miss my family a lot, i often cried, even then he helped me, he let me call them, and gave me money to send them gifts. His behaviour with my family back home, was also very good.
    When i first came i didn’t know what does he do for living, he didn’t have any job or business, he was studying, was doing access to higher education. I thought he must have enough money in the bank to pay for monthly expenses, but after 4-5 months he told me that he uses credit cards, he had some money in the bank to apply for the spouse visa, because he worked with his brother for sometime, but soon the bank balance reduced, he had a house too but it was in Coventry. We couldn’t live as it wasn’t in London and it would be difficult to pay its mortgage, so it was rented out to tenants.
    We lived with his mother in a council house. And i came to know that he had some £40-50k debts due to his credit cards. He used to pay monthly expenses, college fee, and the money he spent on wedding out of these credit cards.
    I didn’t mind, i thought after we will complete our education we will pay the debts. He also tried to do some part time work but not for long, he never asked me to work. He paid all the expenses out of credit cards. Everything was fine.

    In the beginning his mother’s behaviour was fine, but she would mind if i would sit with my husband on the front seat of the car and she had to sit at the back alone, she got angry on this once, so i would sit with her at the back if we are going somewhere together. She taught me how to cook. I used to clean, cook, dishwashing everything. I used to study as well. But after 4-5 months one evening, me and my husband were going to watch movie, she suddenly started shouting and screaming at me, that i don’t respect her, my parents didn’t give her enough respect during the wedding, she said to my husband that, i wont go to see my parents ever, and my husband wont go to see them too ever. She said they disrespected us, now they wont be able to meet their daughter. I started crying, my husband assured me that he will send me to see my parents after a year. But i still cried. He asked me to say sorry to his mother, i did it. She got fine. But after 15-20 days she would do the same, shout at me, get angry at me. I would get sad and had arguments with my husband. I never knew the reason, why she would shout at me, sometimes she didn’t like me talking to my parents and brother on the phone or Skype etc. I never shouted back at her, i always kept quite, and would always say sorry, without knowing the reason.
    She is a widow, her elder son lived separate with his wife, they would come every Sunday and i would cook food for them. She never said anything harsh to his wife.
    My mother in law used to help my mother in by sending her money while i was a child, when ever my mother had financial problems, she would call her sister( my mother in law) and would ask her for money. She would always help. I never remember my parents disrespect her, instead my mother always had told me good things about her, i never knew that my mother in law could have such negative feelings for my mother.
    After all that used to happen, me and my husband started having issues with each other. Like he used to talk to her mother till 3am, sometimes 5am.
    I wanted him to come to bed early, like 12am or 1am. But he used to get angry. He wanted to spent time on his PC or with his mother. We used to argue on that. I wanted him to spent some time with before we go to sleep, but we would stay with his mother till 2am, sometimes 3am talking and then would go to sleep at 4 or 5am. There was no routine.
    Then he wanted me to wear Hijab which i didn’t wanted to wear so we had arguments. He started shouting at me and started abusive language about my parents just like her mother. He would say that i didn’t like her mother and competing with her. I would always cry. The disagreements and arguments increased day by day. Once we were having argument about his mother and i was saying something harsh about his mother, his mother came in to our bedroom and slapped him, because he couldn’t stop me say that. I always said sorry. Everything got apart. His education suffered. Financial situation got worse. This all happened in a year.
    I didn’t have any guidance there, my parents lived away, i couldn’t handle the situation. I started having psychological problems like i used to have restless sleep.
    His mother went to Pakistan to see her relatives, she broke her leg, we went to see her, i was also suppose to go to see my parents, they lived in another city in Pakistan, so after visiting his mother in hospital for a week i went to see my parents for a month.
    He didn’t like that i left her mother in hospital and went to see my parents, so his behaviour got worst when i went back to London. He would throw things around, would use abusive language for me and my parents, hit me once, i also used to shout.
    His mother came back and admitted to hospital in London, i took care of her, but when she came back home from hospital, she used to tease me for small things, like she used to sit on the front seat in the car where e ever we go, would talk to his son till 4-5am in the morning. Our disagreement s increased. Sometimes he slept in a different room, our love life also affected.
    One morning i was sleeping, my husband was in the kitchen with his mother and i heard, she said to him, ” if you have problems with your wife so you can divorce her”.
    I got so angry and asked my husband that i do not want to stay in this house, i asked her mother that she never helped us to live a happy life. She also got angry and said that i cant stay in her house, i cant use her kitchen, if i want to live in her house, i can only stay in my room.
    Me and husband went out had a big argument, he wanted me to apologize his mother, i disagreed. He said if i cant apologize i can go back to my parents. He bought a ticket too.
    After 3-4 days i apologized to my mother in law, but she didn’t forgive me. I thought my marriage will end and i will have to go back to my parents, where living as a divorced girl at 19 years of age would be so disgraceful, would be a shame for my parents so i tried committing suicide. I survived and my husband sent me back.
    He used to call and use abusive language, my father and brother also used bad language for him and his mother on the phone. His mother also talked to my relatives that hid son has divorced me. But he didn’t divorce me, we only got separated.

    I lived in Pakistan and survived, continued my education, passed A-levels. Started taking papers for chartered accountancy. After 5.5 years my husband called me again. He wants to patch up.
    What should i do? Should I talk to him? What should I say to him?
    He thinks it was all my fault due to which our marriage broke. I was the one left him, he says if i never tried to commit suicide, he would never have left me. His mother had nothing to do with this? He thinks that i should have apologized during this time?
    Please tell me whose fault was there? Is it all my fault?

  24. Maria

    July 25, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I admit that i used to be over possessive, disrespectful, loose tempered, over sensitive and impatient at times. I would also shout, I would say things to my husband that I never wanted to say. I used to regret after wards and apologized too. I wanted to make him feel happy. But the negativity around made me an angry person. I hurt him, he hurt me.
    I felt insecure, disrespected, weak and scared all the time. I still dont know why my mother in law had issues with me and my family? Why she disliked me. Was she insecure about something?
    I wanted things to become normal, I tried hard but it didnt work out. Why did it all happen. Is it just because we were young? Or other things?

  25. ranganr

    July 27, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    What ever is the problem like ego clash etc, mutual respect and desire to strengthen the relationship in both partners is necessary. One of the other problems to notice is excessive hesitancy. This makes one create more misunderstanding than usual.

  26. ankit pathak

    October 20, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Thanks Harleena
    For this great article for sharing our relationship
    Relationship is the most important part of any ones life so we should take it seriously and always keep our relationships good with all of them.

  27. ruchi

    March 13, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    hello readers,
    I am 33. married for 10 years now, in a big joint family. I have two kids. My problem is that my husband is alcoholic. we both love each other. but the nuisances which he creates and only left me with embarrassments at home and in public. my in laws are not supportive at all. they instead blame me for the things. I tolerated thinking may be he might change but he continued. kids get scared watching him. he always committed me but never lived upto them. things became tough and difficult for me. I was like a movie in the big joint family where all are happy but only I was the one to get tortured.
    finally I decided to leave him for good concern thinking may be then his parents take a concern for him. I am now staying with my parents.my children are with me they go to school. all is well here. my parents are very supportive and they don’t want me to go back to him. but I love my husband as I know that he loves me. lately he has started taking medical treatment which includes therapies as well but he is too busy with his work that he says that I don’t need therapy. he had stopped drinking in between for somedays and wants me to go back to him. but I just cant think unless he is fully cured. we are in touch regularly. its been a year now that I left him but he is still drinking. he has reduced but not left. the pattern of his drinking can came out any time with reason or with out reason.
    please advice me. how should I go about this? thanks.




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Share Your Relationship Problems on Aha!NOW

by Harleena Singh time to read: 5 min