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Is Your Husband or Wife Having an Affair? Know These 7 Top Signs

And understand why men or women have affairs outside their marriage

- | 83 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

Husband or Wife Having an Affair
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Having an affair after marriage is not uncommon. It’s not only men who’ve extramarital affairs, women too have affairs with other men while being married. We get many queries on our blog asking how to know if my husband or wife is having an affair? Well, sure there are signs of your spouse having an affair and we’ve described them in this updated post. But you also need to understand why men or women have affairs – what drives them to take this step. We hope that with this knowledge you’ll be able to bring changes in yourself and in your relationship to negate chances of any partner having an affair in the future. ~ Ed.

 

If you feel your spouse is having an affair, you need to look out for the signs. And also understand the reasons behind why your husband or wife is cheating on you.

Is it you, or something else that led your spouse to have an affair?

Is it just boredom that’s taking people away from their spouse – or could there be any other reasons?

Why has your partner suddenly turned indifferent towards you? Where has the love gone? Need answers to these questions – then read on.

It all starts with small drifts in the marriage and expectations that do not fulfill.

Don’t undermine these drifts because these only drive a partner to get into an external love affair.

Nowadays with technology on your fingertips, having an affair sitting at home has become common. You might not even know about your spouse’s affair because he or she may tend to become a perfect liar.

If you are married, or been in a relationship earlier, you’d be able to relate to the post. And if you aren’t married – it sure is a lesson for you to learn before you get married so you or your partner do not feel to the need to have extramarital affairs!

Let’s try and understand a little more about affairs and why they occur before we jump onto learning the signs that foretell your partner is in an affair with someone else.

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What Is An Affair

According to Wikipedia, an affair is a sexual relationship, a romantic friendship, or a passionate attachment between two people.

On the other hand, an extramarital affair specifically means having a relationship outside your marriage, where there is illicit sexual or romantic relationship, or just a romantic or passionate friendship.

Not to mention, nowadays you even have online affairs that occur through the Internet. You start off as anonymous friends, kindle remote romance, and later might indulge in adultery.

Like the face-to-face affairs, these can be casual or spontaneous affairs, and even show serious personal involvement.

Most of these occur between strangers who might have never met, though they are close to each other as they share their intimate information.

But why do people have affairs? Aren’t they happy in their marriage, or are they looking for something beyond their marriage, which they find in another person. Let’s find out the reasons for having an affair.

Understanding Why People Have Affairs

There is always a reason why a husband or wife strays in their marriage. Years ago, marriages had lesser conflicts because there was more understanding.

Husbands supported their family, while wives took care of the home and children, in most of the cases.

Nowadays, people expect a lot more from their marriage. Couples have to balance two lives – they have to work and take care of their family and children.

Women are still mainly responsible for taking care of their kids, and now even work to support the family, while men are expected to be good breadwinners and ‘sensitive’ at the same time.

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Even sex with your spouse has pressure – how often, when, what kind of orgasm, satisfaction level etc. Many couples seek an outlet for their pressures of life.

Some take to the gym, exercise, games, sports, yoga, meditation, or take to antidepressants, while others might result in having an affair.

It all depends on the choices people make, and the kind of attitude they have that results in their decision.

“The best love affairs are those we never had.” ~ Norman Lindsay

It could be that you don’t have any love at all in your relationship, or you feel the kind of love you get is below your expectations, or that you deserve more and better.

So, you might desperately seek it from another person outside your marriage.

You don’t always intentionally want to have an affair. But once involved, you believe that you can keep it hidden in one corner of your life.

You might erroneously feel that you aren’t hurting anyone, as no one knows of it.

Having an affair enables the person to be more sexually adventurous – in ways they couldn’t have done with their spouse.

Reasons For Having An Affair

There are many reasons why people have affairs within their marriage as mentioned below.

  • Loneliness – When you and your spouse don’t feel close enough to share everything, it could lead you both to seek out closeness outside your marriage.
  • Differences – Arguments, fights, and differences within your marriage might make you believe that your partner doesn’t care for you. This could lead to infidelity or even divorce.
  • Incapability – Lack of interest of your spouse in having an intimate relationship could turn you towards a person who would want it. Having an affair is but natural for some people in this case. They feel it’s their right, and think it’s justified.
  • Excitement – If the, love, excitement and understanding is missing in the marriage, you and your partner may have affairs with those who are able to give them all of these.
  • Unhappiness – Boredom, sadness or dullness in the marriage can lead you or your spouse to have an affair. Sometimes it occurs in mid-life crisis too when a partner wants to change their life or wants more out of life.
  • Revenge – Getting back at their spouse because they are angry – yes, some people start having affairs to vent their anger. Some even do that to retaliate when they come to know of their spouse’s affair.
  • Suffocation – If you feel suffocated in a marriage, you might feel that having an affair would be a good escape as it takes you away from your spouse for a while.
  • Incompatibility – When a spouse feels he or she has found a soul mate who complements and shares similar thoughts and views – it make them believe they were meant to be together. This happens because they are no longer compatible with their own spouse.
  • Abuse – If you experience abuse in your marriage, and if your spouse is constantly hitting you or battering your self-esteem, you find a good outlet in an affair.
  • Sexuality – If they are gay men and lesbians who are in a heterosexual marriage. They stay in a marriage to keep their families intact or don’t want to hurt their spouse. But they have an affair because they want a sexual relationship also with someone of their own gender.

Now you know why men or women have affairs.

I hope you get some idea why your husband or wife is having an affair.

An affair can create a crisis for married couples. It affects the marital relationship, whether the spouse knows about it or not, because the signs are so evident.

The spouse who has an affair is so preoccupied with his or her lover that it affects their ability to connect with their spouse.

When a spouse discovers that there is an existing affair, he or she WILL be angry, shattered, and heart-broken from being lied to and deceived.

All of this can lead to bad marriages, separation, or even divorce.

Even the spouse having an affair feels guilty for hurting their partner. While some believe they are entitled to their share of happiness – and if it means being with another person – so be it.

However, there are certain signs that your spouse might be having an affair that can help you to make amends in your relationship before it’s too late.

man and woman having an extramarital affair

Signs Your Spouse (Husband/Wife) Is Having An Affair

You need to keep a check on these indicators that show your partner is heading for an affair.

I need to mention here that these signs are similar to those of a relationship that is disconnected due to other reasons. And these might actually not be the signs of having an affair.

However, the signs of married people having an affair often are quite similar to these.

1. Your gut feeling says so

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When things aren’t good between both of you or there are problems in your marriage, and you get that gut feeling or instinct that something’s not right.

Why? Because you are leading different lives, remain distant, keep arguing or fighting, don’t make love as often as you used to, and don’t have fun being together any longer.

Your gut feeling at times might be out of fear or jealousy, or your spouse spending more time with buddies or the gym might just be to do something different for a while. Just be sure before you suspect.

2. Your spouse spends more time and money, but not on you

Yes, there could be other reasons for this like gambling, picking up a hobby, or lack of time from their work. But it usually indicates they are having an affair because they aren’t spending that time with you.

Your spouse might be spending more time at the work place, gym, or make friends with those who stay out late nights.

This might happen because there’s a problem between both of you, and could lead to an affair.

Or your partner may spend more time on chats, dating sites, Internet, emails just to be with that one specific person. They might do all of these so secretly that you might never know.

Your spouse might want more privacy and start locking things. Sometimes they might just put passwords on their emails and other accounts, which they hadn’t earlier.

Or they might shut off their computer the moment you walk in, or remain very secretive about their cell phones, messages, and use the bathroom for it!

Your spouse spends time and money on the new found lover, and might spend a lot more to remain secretive about it, like take up hotel rooms etc.

So, if you see your bank balance drop from what it was earlier, or your credit card shows funny figures, and your spouse did not tell you about the expenses, you can guess where it’s all gone! I guess the signs will tell you all.

3. Major change in your spouse’s behavior towards you

This might be a huge indicator that your spouse is having an affair.

When you are no longer friends with your spouse, signs like lack of phone calls, not hugging or kissing, or making love as you used to earlier – all indicate that something isn’t right. It could be a sign of an affair.

Sometimes there might not be negative changes at all. Your spouse might do things he or she never did before like bring you flowers, be extra happy, and call you often.

They do this to make up for the guilt, though of course, many do it in the right spirit also – so don’t get me wrong there 🙂

4. Shows interest in their own appearance

In your relationship, between the both of you, there wouldn’t be any formal ways of dressing up, or you wouldn’t bother much about how you look as you are used to each other the way you are.

But what happens in your spouse suddenly changes his or her ways of dressing or looking!

I’ve often seen people in their 40’s and 50’s who have never had interest in their physique or looks, and all of a sudden it becomes an obsession with them. They try to look younger than their age!

But if your spouse suddenly starts to groom himself or herself, dresses up often, and if these things become priority – it might be that they are having an affair and want to impress another person.

5. Change in your sex life

When things are going on normally between both of you, and suddenly there is a change- it could be a sign of an affair.

There could be an increase, or decrease interest in sex. Your spouse might want to try out new things that you’ve never tried before. Or they just might not be in the mood any more.

Slight indications could mean nothing at all, so don’t get me wrong there. But these could be a cause of concern that your spouse might be having an affair.

6. Your partner avoids you

The common signs begin when your partner starts taking a lot of business trips out of town, or remain busy for days, or spend late nights at the office.

I guess you can make out these are the stereotype signs indicating that your partner might be heading for an affair.

Again, there could be genuine cases where the work demands a lot of travelling. So, please don’t doubt your spouse if he/she IS really working hard to make ends meet.

However, judge your intuition in such cases and have proof in hand before you start suspecting your spouse.

Sometimes due to conflicts or disconnection in a marriage you may even take these indications to be signs of having an affair, which may or may not be so.

Like, your spouse isn’t available on phone for longer periods as before. Or, the cell phone is always on silent or switched off.

Your don’t express your love to each other as you did before, or you just don’t see enough of each other.

Nor is there any conversations or love talks because your spouse has other things to do that take him/her away from you – they start avoiding you.

I mention again here – that these might not be signs of an affair, but they could be too.

7. Your spouse is always angry, agitated, or irritated with you

While anger is a part of most of us, but if your spouse gets angry for no apparent reason, it could be that he or she is having an affair.

Of course, if anger is part of your spouse’s nature – don’t think he or she is having an affair!

It might not be that they are cheating. But it can be an indicator that they are seeking another outside their marriage.

They take out their frustration and anger because they are guilty of their behavior. But again – not in all cases.

Wrapping It Up

These might not even be signs of having an affair after all, but you do need to be careful and find out the reasons for their change in behavior.

“Marriage is not a simple love affair, it’s an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Here’s a video that gives all the details about the warning signs of cheating by partners in a personal relationship. Hope it helps.

6 Warning Signs a Partner Is Cheating | Jealousy & Affairs ~ Howcast

When your husband or wife is having an affair, whatever may be the reason, you need to talk things out with your spouse and clear your doubts.

You need to ask them to be honest, and discuss things in a calm and courteous manner. But be prepared for lies too, because people having an affair are excellent liars.

If you can’t talk, seek professional help, or ask your family and friends to help out. There are various things you can do when you know your spouse is having an affair, which I’ll discuss in another post.

Marriage affairs do not necessarily mean the end of marriage.

Remember, keeping your marriage fresh and alive lies in your hands. If you feel your spouse is heading for an affair, or already having an affair – talk it all out before it gets too late.

Communication IS the key to resolve relationship problems. Hold on to your marriage with both hands, and love your spouse as before. Get the spark and happiness back in your marriage! Have a love affair with your spouse. 🙂

Over to you

Why do you feel people have affairs? Do you know of any other reasons and signs in relationships indicating that the spouse might be having an affair? Share your views below.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos

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83 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. william

    October 3, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Hey, Thanks for sharing an exceptionally fascinating and instructive post. I figure swindling is uncontrolled these days, however dependably remember that it is conceivable to get pulled in to somebody,human nature yet in the event that you are in a commitment,you ought to figure out how to train yourself. On the off chance that you are miserable and pulled in to another person, simply leave, don’t swindle.

  2. lisa thomson

    September 26, 2017 at 2:03 am

    Fantastic article, Harleena. You’ve hit on the most common and even uncommon reasons for extra-marital affairs. I remember someone saying to me many years ago “People always say they weren’t happy when they get caught having an affair. They were perfectly happy before they made the decision to screw around.” I don’t necessarily agree with that summary. But I think people don’t deal with their unhappiness in their marriage until it may be too late. Loneliness in a marriage can lead to straying but as you say communication is key to prevention.

  3. Donna Merrill

    September 19, 2017 at 4:22 am

    Wow Harleena,

    You have successfully mapped out all the reasons why people have affairs. Plus more importantly, how to recognize those tell tail signs. In a previous marriage my husband had an affair. My gut feeling told me so, and on top of that the sex was minimum. Plus we didn’t talk much anymore. I couldn’t confront him unless I had proof. One day his “girlfriend” called and we had a long and lovely talk because he told her he was single. Ergo…the x in husband.

    -Donna

  4. sherill

    October 12, 2015 at 6:52 am

    Hi, Thanks for sharing a very interesting and informative post. I guess cheating is rampant nowadays, but always keep in mind that it is possible to get attracted to somebody,human nature but if you are in a commitment,you should learn how to discipline yourself. If you are unhappy and attracted to someone else, just leave, don’t cheat. 🙂

  5. Louise Hadley

    May 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Hi, just wanted to say that you offer a lot of great information and tips on relationships. cheating is now becoming more and more common. To find a honest and devoted and loving husband is getting harder and harder. i think that one of the reasons might be that there will more distractions and temptations out there and also the foundation we built for our marriage is not strong enough to fight off these destructive forces..I have seen couples whose marriage fell apart because one of them had an affair. Sigh, sometimes i wonder if we can ever do anything to prevent this from happening and wrecking families..

  6. Harleena Singh

    April 27, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Hi Kumar,

    Thank you for your kind words and it gives me immense pleasure to welcome you each time to the blog too. Nice to know that you like the topics selected and content too. I guess when you put your heart into your work, it does show results – isn’t it? 🙂

    I agree, it’s not easy to do so, but as you know the main aim of this blog is to help as many people as I can, and just like such topics are very part and parcel of our life – I make sure to have them here so that people can learn something from them and from the wonderful commenters via their experiences in the comments that they share too.

    Yes indeed, this is an important topic for married people and others who have a spouse having an affair or what they can do to avoid it too – if they read the signs well in time. You’re right there, the change in our lifestyles is a reason, though even lack of love and proper understanding with one another can lead to such a situation.

    I also hope this helps people going through rough times 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post 🙂

  7. Kumar Suhas

    April 27, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    As you might be aware of I have been visiting your blog regularly because I really liked the topic selection and the content too. It is not easy to maintain a personal issue blogs successful on the web but you have done it.

    While visiting your blog I could come across this post and thought of going through it. The topic is sensitive and important for every married couple. The way you have handled and in depth analysis of the causes and symptoms is really good. A must read.

    Changing lifestyle is introducing many good and bad things in our life and this seems to an effect of the same thing. I believe that this article can really rectify the approach of many people on this issue.

  8. Matthew Denos

    April 21, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I find your article (and the video) very educative.

    55% of the adult population has cheated at some point. What does this say? Obviously, people cheat because they are not getting from their relationship what they want.

    Men have sex-based affairs while women have emotion-based affairs.

    • Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2013 at 12:16 am

      Welcome to the blog Matthew!

      Nice to know that you found the post and video education 🙂

      Absolutely! People cheat and are have affairs, because they aren’t happy in their marriage and relationships. They aren’t getting what they want within their marriage, which results in then straying. I agree about men having more of sex-based affairs and women seek emotional based affair.

      However, instead of taking on this path, isn’t it be better if they tried resolving their problems and issues in marriage? If that’s not done it won’t be long before we have more broken marriages and divorces in the world. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  9. King Globalwalyy

    April 19, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Dear Harleena, This is my first time of visiting your blog, and i must confess that all your post i read today are on points.

    Its not that hard to know if your partner is Cheating on you. and Thanks for digging out more points..Your Post are always Long, i must give you an award for that LOL.

    Kind Regards
    Temilola

    • Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2013 at 12:10 am

      Welcome to the blog Temilola!

      Nice to know that you feel this way about the posts you read so far 🙂

      Oh yes…each spouse or partner I’m sure can make out of the other is cheating or having an affair, especially if they’ve been together or know each other for long. I guess their gut feeling or indicatirs help them, though I hope these signs might help those who don’t know about it.

      Yes, most of my posts are long because I like giving complete information to my readers. I’ve often to cut short or limit my post length, thinking of those readers who like shorter posts too. Ah…I accept your award humbly 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  10. margauxallen

    April 19, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    Really true! I enjoy reading this post as this issue is so controversial. However, I always believe in the saying that it always takes two to tango.

    • Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2013 at 12:04 am

      Hi Margauxallen,

      Glad you liked going through this controversial post. That’s why I wrote about it as I knew people would have various opinions about this one. 🙂

      I agree with your there – the fault always lies on both sides, though the one having an affair is guiltier than the one not straying – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  11. Dangerous Linda

    April 19, 2013 at 9:08 am

    People cheat in marriage for one reason: ‘because they are cheaters’.

    Virtually all the signs and symptoms you described are signs that a relationship could be in trouble but only a certain type of person cheats when their relationship is in trouble.

    If your relationship is in trouble you need to get help because your relationship is in trouble, not because your spouse might be cheating. That is my opinion.

    • Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2013 at 12:00 am

      Hi Linda – nice to see you after long 🙂

      Absolutely! Once a cheater always a cheater – as some of the earlier commenters mentioned. 🙂

      Yes indeed, when a spouse cheats, it does mean that their relationship within their marriage isn’t going well – something IS missing in their relationship or the bond and love isn’t that strong, which leads the spouse to have an affair.

      Counseling might help to get your relationship problems sorted out, but a person who is having an affair, might continue to do so, unless they get the trust and love back in their relationship – isn’t it? It all does come down to how strong your bond is. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion. 🙂

  12. June

    April 19, 2013 at 3:38 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Another great post from you. Affairs are destructive! I’ve had first-hand experiences of being cheated on and it really messed up my marriage. I mean to the extent that we got divorced. It didn’t end there either because my ex stalked me plus other things which I can’t discuss here.

    Anyway, I can identify to a lot of the signs you mentioned. Another one that I’d like to add is coming home with lipstick on his collar. That was a big clue. But he was great at making up excuses to make me feel like I was going mad or imagining things.

    Thank God that’s all in the past and I am totally healed from the hurt his affairs caused. The sad thing is that when you have children,they suffer too because they witness the arguments between mum and dad. It’s nasty!

    Lots of lessons were learnt. And I’m much older and wiser now. Also, I think I now know all the signs of when a man is cheating.

    Thanks for writing this article. 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 11:54 pm

      Hi June,

      Glad you liked the post and could relate to it 🙂

      Sorry to hear about you and the affair that messed up your marriage, and all that you underwent thereafter. I guess you would be the real person who could tell about these signs of a spouse having an affair.

      Ah…I did read about the sign of lipstick on the collar somewhere too, and am glad you mentioned that, which is a clear indicator he IS having an affair! How can anyone make an excuse with such an evident and visible sign I wonder 🙂

      Nice to know that all of this is behind you now, though that time I can well imagine all that you must have undergone – it’s not easy. I agree, when you have kids, it plays on them and though we might think they are small or don’t understand things, they do – and every small thing registers well into their tiny minds. I wish it wasn’t so hard on them, but I guess sometimes it’s better to move away from such a spouse if you strongly feel so, rather than stay in such a marriage. Though there have been many cases where the spouses realize their mistakes and get back together, which again, would depend from one case to another.

      Absolutely! You surely would be knowing all of these signs and much more about when a man is having an affair or cheating on his partner. Hope no one else has to use any of these signs in their marriages though 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us 🙂

  13. Corinne Rodrigues

    April 18, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Such a relevant and well-written post, Harleena.

    These days I think a lot of couples are prone to getting emotionally involved with others at work or online. To my mind, this is sometimes far, far worse than straying physically – although I’m not at all condoning that for a moment. The good news is that some people through counseling manage to forgive and heal their marriages and move on stronger than before.

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Corinne – nice to have you back 🙂

      Glad you liked the post. You are right, sometimes when people work and stay together for long working hours – they do tend to get emotionally involved, which as you said is worse than straying physically.

      However, I wish they had stronger will-power – isn’t it? Because if this happens, we would have so many broken marriages in no time. Counseling does help, though I guess it must be taking a lot of hard work on the cheating partner to develop the trust once again.

      As the lady mentioned in the video, sometimes to forgive and forget, and move on is a good option. But that would again depend from one person to another and the relationship they share with their spouse. Your inner-self, or gut feeling must allow you to do that.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  14. Mayura

    April 18, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Wow… Now I can see how careful you are when explaining 🙂 Some folks might misunderstand things if they were not explained clearly and start doubting their partners for no reason.

    I’m not much into this subject (I mean signs), but I’m familiar with the topic as my friends had gone through such situations in their relationships dear.

    I can recall an incident where a girl tend to ignore her boyfriend (But she said she never meant that way) while being with friends and it lead him to start an affair with another girl. I really believe the simple things matters. Isn’t it true? 🙂

    As I go through your signs, it’s all about changes 🙂 Sometimes we expect same everyday while not giving the same or more. If we change ourselves and embrace changes, nothing won’t change us and lead to alternatives, no? 🙂

    Cheers…

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Mayura,

      Oh yes…these signs of a spouse having an affair might be there in your spouse also, but it might not mean they are having an affair! Yes, you do need to get your alert signals up, and if in doubt – always ask before really playing the blame game. 🙂

      You are not married as yet, and I hope you never have to see these signs in your spouse either – nor in a relationship with your to-be. But as they say, it’e always good to be aware.

      I agree, small and simple things DO matter in a relationship – no matter how much you ignore them. As in the case of your friend, had she not ignored her boyfriend for another friend, he wouldn’t have gone ahead to have an affair. I guess there was communication gap and lack of understanding and love between them. Had they spoken to each other and cleared their doubts – they would have been together.

      Any change for the good, should be adopted, and yes, if we can change ourselves and get better – we really won’t have such problems.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with all of us 🙂

  15. Tanushree

    April 18, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    Marriage is the most archaic and redundant institution created by human kind. Most often it is hypocrisy personified.
    Spouses spend most of their lives trying to spy on each other. Fidelity, though a moot question, their entire life tends to revolve around it.

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 11:06 pm

      Welcome to the blog Tanushree!

      Marriage I feel is a beautiful institution that brings two people together, and even though most of us tend to think it to be otherwise – we still all eventually do get married. When there is no love and understanding between spouses, the need of having an affair or spying etc., tend to be things the spouse might take on to, though that is no excuse I would say. When there is a problem in the marriage, which all of us have sometime or the other, we need to sit and resolve issues to avoid further problems, and I think this does work. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  16. Angela McCall

    April 17, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Very good topic! It definitely catched my eyes.

    Some of the love affair are innocent. Two people started working out in the gym and little did they know they start having an affair. Or someone meet for a cup of coffee, or go out dancing with an opposite sex without their spouse…it’s perfectly innocent and yet some people are stupid. They say, “It’s never gonna happen to me, I know better.” But the same people will fall into this trap themselves.

    Just think about this. Whenever a man and a woman get together…chances are they will become attracted to each other. Well, of course, unless these people are gay and they are attracted to the same sex. I’m talking about the heterosexual people who are attracted to the opposite sex.

    Today, it’s easier to have an affair because of the new technology we called the “Internet.” First, it is an innocent flirtations of “you look great” or “you look good” and next you know the flirtations becomes heavy and become serious. Next thing you know you are in this TRAP.

    All of the SIGNS you listed there are so TRUE.
    Thank you for sharing this post, Harleena. Have a great Tuesday!!

    Angela

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Angela,

      Glad to know that you could relate well to the post. 🙂

      I agree with you there, some affairs are innocent, or people don’t get to know and they tend to start getting attracted to each other. If it just stays to a little attraction, it’s still acceptable, but when such people start crossing the limits – things do tend to get out of hand and one thing often leads to another – isn’t it?

      I would say it’s very rare that a man and woman can really remain as friends – in the real sense. Often they stray from their friendship into something more, and if they are married, it does lead to complications.

      The Internet surely has opened new options for people to have affairs, and just as you mentioned, it starts with very causal talks to attract attention, and then there is no limit to the extent it can all lead to.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. Enjoy your weekend too 🙂

  17. Neamat Tawadrous

    April 16, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    What an interesting post!

    In my opinion, a cheater is a cheater and I don’t think they should be forgiven because the harm they cause for the other partner will never be cured. Cheating on your partner is the most hurtful act one can imagine or feel. It’s telling her/him you are not good enough and it is belittling and self-doubt will creep to the cheated partner and this is very hard or I should say impossible to cure. I know ladies who have been cheated upon by their spouses and now more the 20+ years and still not healed and they ddidn’t want to re-marry because they are doubtful.

    If I ever got in that position, I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive and if I forgive, I will never go back to be his wife again. Period.

    You know in the bible, divorce is not allowed for any reason except for this one reason, which is cheating on your spouse. When you think why? Because it is the most intolerable act that can ever happen, and in this case divorce is justified.

    Thanks Harleena for such a great and interesting article. The signs are all valid.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat

    • Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2013 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Neamat,

      Yes indeed, your thoughts are quite similar to Adrienne’s, and once a cheater loses the trust – it’s tough for anyone to develop the trust in them again.

      I agree, that when a spouse cheats and is having an affair with another person, he or she is belittling the relationship and indirectly slapping the spouse on the face and saying I don’t love you any more so I’m moving on. But they don’t realize the hurt and pain they cause their partner.

      This is a major reason the spouse who is hurt won’t want to remarry – because they have seen how it all ends. To develop that trust and faith all over again in another person is easier said than done. I guess that’s why they prefer staying single, and some of them are doing wonderfully well that ways too.

      I like your stand, and while most of us would think that to be the right thing to do, the lady in the video suggests that you weigh out things. Each person to his/her own I guess. Just as I was mentioning to Adrienne above, each case is different and so is the feelings or emotions both spouses share for each other. Some are ready to forgive,forget, and move on in their lives, and even the person who cheated becomes alright. While in other cases, the cheater isn’t forgiven, and the relationship ends there. Or even if they are forgiven, they go ahead and cheat again. So one can never say, and it works best to go by your gut feeling and the way your spouse behaves.

      Oh yes…divorce is justified when you learn of your spouse having an affair and as you mentioned, the Bible says it too. However, I do hope and pray no one really has to go through these signs in their lives. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. 🙂

  18. Adrienne

    April 16, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    I’ve only been cheated on once Harleena.

    It happened one weekend, I found out about it within five days and I dumped his ass. He came back two weeks later begging me for forgiveness but to me once a cheater, always a cheater. They are the same as an abuser in my book.

    Old habits die hard for most and I think that like Sylviane said, they have no respect for their spouse if this is what they do. I have one friend that has cheated on his spouse and he knows how I felt about that. He used all these excuses as to why he justified it but there is no justification in my book. It just tells me what kind of person you are and that’s not a very good one.

    As you know, I’ve only been married once and that was never an issue. All of my long term relationships as well, this was never the issue with us so besides my one boyfriend, and that was not pleasant, this has not been the reason my relationships have failed. I sympathize though for all those who have had to go through this.

    Run while you can and don’t look back. They are so not worth it!

    ~Adrienne

    • Harleena Singh

      April 20, 2013 at 7:55 pm

      Hi Adrienne,

      Sorry to know that this has happened with you too, though am glad it was long back and you are over it all now.

      You were quick to find out about your boyfriend having an affair, as otherwise people don’t come to know of it because of the quiet way people go about things. I agree, there are no guarantees that a cheater won’t cheat again, and most importantly, it’s tough to trust such people.

      Cheating partners obviously don’t love and respect their spouses, and their character too isn’t all that good if they land up having affairs, even when they have a person in their life. Oh yes…there are just no justification for such acts.

      However, there are some cases where if a person has strayed and is really sorry for his deeds, which something that his spouse alone can make out from his behavior, just as the lady in the video mentioned. Perhaps there are kids or a family to consider, or some other things, which both of them have to decide among themselves. I guess it all depends from person to person and how they take their partners once they know they have had an affair. Some forgive, some don’t – all depends on their relationship and what they want to do in the end.

      Nice to know that having an affair was never an issue in your earlier marriage or relationship. I too wish no one has to ever use these signs in their marriage or relationships, but just in-case the need arises, I hope this post helps them.

      Ah…I agree with your last line – it’s not really worth it 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. 🙂

  19. Christy Garrett

    April 16, 2013 at 3:23 am

    These were all tried and true signs when I caught my ex-husband having an affair even from afar. My ex was stationed in Japan for a year alone because of my daughter’s medical condition. About midway through, something changed and all of a sudden he didn’t want to come home and didn’t seem happy about coming home soon. I knew in my gut what this meant and it was true. 🙁

    • Harleena Singh

      April 20, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      Welcome to the blog Christy – nice to have you over!

      Sorry to hear about the way things turned out for you and your ex-husband.

      You would be knowing best having undergone it through your life. I guess where the marriage or bonding is not strong enough, there can be any reason for straying. In your case, perhaps it was the distance or having other options open in-front of him that lead him towards it, though it all does come down to how committed and strong a person is.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂




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Is Your Husband or Wife Having an Affair? Know These 7 Top Signs

by Harleena Singh time to read: 11 min