Are You Being a Good Father
Being a good father is not an easy job, but if you really want to become a great father to your kids, it’s not difficult either.
Even though I am a mother, I can say about what a father should be like since I’ve seen my dad, who is a living example of being a wonderful father to us kids – someone I am proud of.
A good father makes all the difference in the life of a child, because he is the perfect person they look up to. He’s always a pillar of strength, discipline, and support.
But yes, just like mother’s, a father’s work is endless, and most of the times, a thankless one, which I hope would be valued and appreciated some day by their children.
However, at the end of the day, the work of parents pays off when it shows in the well-adjusted, sound, settled, and the well groomed children both the parents raise with so much of love and care.
“Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.” ~ David Gottesman
I did write about my father and all that he’s taught and instilled into us, which makes him an exceptional father in the real sense. Similarly, if you are a daughter or son, you would be able to relate to the post.
However, if you are a father yourself or plan on becoming one or you have been absent and not involved in your child’s life due to various reasons – then today’s special tribute on Father’s Day may hold more meaning for you.
Nevertheless, I’m sure the rest of you are already trying your best at being a good dad, and a few tips may help you further.
Tips for Being a Good Father
Most of you are wonderful dads, and try your level best to become a better parent. However, for those of you who want to know more about being a wonderful father to your kids, the following tips may be of use.
And don’t fret if you find something that you aren’t following; it’s never too late to start!
“It is much easier to become a father than to be one.” ~ Kent Nerburn
1- Stay calm
Children mostly do things that upset or provoke you, sometime intentionally to seek your attention, sometimes unintentionally.
In such situations, a good father needs to keep his temper, and not yell, scream, shout, or punish them for their minor flaws, because he is angry.
You need to remember that if you do any of the above, that is what your kids will learn and carry it forward. Yes, sometimes it’s not easy to keep your cool, but it’s the only thing that works.
Just as you are not perfect, so you shouldn’t expect perfect children too, though keep guiding them to do what is right. Just enjoy your kids and learn to listen to them more than anything else.
My father wasn’t really calm either, but he learned the skill with time, especially after my mom who was a very special person, and now he rarely gets angry with us.
2- Remain patient
Often times you may wish as a father that your kids would just get around on their own and learn things, or be responsible and take care of their own tasks and chores, without you having to remind or tell them anything a 101 times.
These are the times as a good father; you need to be patient and understanding. You need to remember that children are children and take time in learning things, so give them your patience, time, and attention because they are worth it.
My dad learnt the art of being more patient once he started doing meditation, which enabled him to convey things or his feelings to us in a better way.
3- Be loving and caring
I’m sure all father’s and mother’s must love and care for their children, but for those of you who aren’t able to show your feelings, it’s important to remind your children that you love and care for them.
You need to show and tell them how much you love and care for them, by supporting them when they need you, being there to wipe away their tears, and not to forget to hug them, even when they grow up.
This is something I have always appreciated about my dad and mom, because they both have always been very expressive in showing their love for us children.
4- Be proud of your kids
As a good father, you need to be proud of your children and their smallest of achievements. It’s important to tell your kids, and not just your co-workers, family, or friends, how proud you are of them.
Your children need to hear it from you that you’re proud of them, because they would mostly do those things again to make you proud. And it certainly boosts your self-esteem, morale, and confidence levels!
If you tell them that you are proud of their grades, they will try to get good grades every time. Or if you tell them you are proud of the way they are becoming better or taking care of their siblings, or whatever else, they will always try to do the same things to make you proud again.
I remember my father always praised and appreciated the smallest of my efforts, which made me reach cloud 9!
5- Always be honest
Children look up to their parents, mostly dads or moms who are their role models, and who need to lead by examples. Thus, you need to be honest with your kids, because that’s what your children will learn from you.
Often times, you may try or want to hide things from your kids because it’s inappropriate or for other reasons. You need to be honest and explain it to them as to why you aren’t disclosing certain things, instead of lying or covering it up with other lies.
Whenever I had questions which my dad felt I was too young to understand, he always told me that he would explain them to me once I grew up, and I appreciated that honesty.
6- Teach them about respect
It is of course vital that your kids respect you, but it’s also important that you learn to respect them and their decisions.
However, when you respect their decisions it allows them to grow and learn, and you are able to talk to them as separate individuals.
It’s respecting their decisions even if you don’t agree with them, or even if you think it’s not right for them. It doesn’t mean you stop guiding them; instead just accept that sometimes they need to find their own choices, which helps them grow up emotionally and mentally.
Also, you need to respect and support your child’s mother. When kids see their parents respecting one another, they feel that they too are accepted and respected, and this lesson passes on into their lives.
There were times when my dad on purpose left certain tough decisions on me, and he’d respect the ones which I chose to make. That helped me make independent choices later in life.
7- Be a father and a friend
Children need someone who they can confide and talk out things with, though that doesn’t mean that you just remain their friend. Kids need a father more than they need a friend, and you as a dad are the best option for being one.
Being a father is all about being a caring, loving, and understanding parent to your kids, besides taking full responsibility for them. However, if you are not a good father to them, they would look for that influence elsewhere.
Also, don’t have unreasonable expectations from your children. Their lives are already filled with pressure and stress at school, with friends, teachers, and other things.
Instead, help them understand their desires, know their capabilities and their limitations, and help them set goals that they can achieve. Don’t compare them to others, instead encourage their achievements and understand the importance of family time.
My dad was always a father to me more than a friend, but as I grew up he started treating me as a friend and I would go to him for guidance about so many of my life’s decisions.
8- Be firm
It doesn’t mean being firm in the sense of creating strict rules, which if broken lead to physical punishment. Instead, be firm in your decisions, and when you make rules, stick to them.
If your kids are supposed to return home at a particular time, and turn in later, have certain punishments set for them, though ensure you carry them out. This makes them realize that you mean what you say, so that they are careful next time and don’t repeat things.
However, don’t be unbendable and let them have a little freedom just in-case a rule breaks, though making things clear about what you really want.
My dad was a disciplinarian, and whenever we crossed our limits about certain things, we were grounded for a day till we learnt to abide by the rules.
9- Be who you are
When you want to be a good father, you need to remember to be yourself around your children. Some people are totally different around their kids than they are when around other people.
Remember, your kids see all this and it has a negative effect on them. It shows them that you are being deceitful as you can’t really be two different people, thus you erode their trust in you.
It also teaches them that they too can play such dual characters when they grow up in life, or sometimes they may begin showing two parts of themselves right in-front of you, without you noticing it.
My dad was always as he is, whether in-front of people or us kids, except when at parties his attention would divert to his friends, but that didn’t change the way he behaved with us.
10- Always be there for your kids
Kids need a father, who is in their life, a person who pays attention to them, spends time with them, plays with them, and who is interested in them. Also, who does things with them and asks about them.
All that children need is a little bit of quality time from you – is that too much to ask? I don’t think so, because you all know how important the role of a father is in the life of a child, even when they grow up and settle down!
I remember my dad and mom always put us first, more than anything else. They were always there for us when we needed them. I thus understand the importance of family bonding.
Remember, the most important thing about being a great father is that it’s about ‘BEing’ a good father…it’s about who you are, and not about what you do.
Also, kids grow up very fast, and it’s the time you spend with them that they value and treasure more than the materialistic things. So, if you haven’t been able to spend time with your children, reach out and connect with them.
“You will find that if you really try to be a father, your child will meet you halfway.” ~ Robert Brault
My heart goes out to all those single dads who face real tough tasks raising their kids, and to those mothers who are left alone without a father to their kids, and had to face a difficult world alone.
It wouldn’t be right if I don’t mention my husband in this post, who is a wonderful father to our children. His efforts, love, care, deep understanding, emotional support, and just being a good father is truly appreciated.
“Not every successful man is a good father. But every good father is a successful man.” ~ R. Duvall
Goodies for You
There is also a list of advice for dads worth checking out. Or if you are afraid by parenthood, head over here to overcome those fears and become a good father.
I had to put up this wonderful video that simply shows you a father’s amazing love he has for his child – hope you like it!
A Father’s Amazing Love ~ Dick and Rick Hoyt You Tube video
If you are on the lookout for some wonderful father’s day quotes then be sure to do so at Janet’s blog. Or if you are looking for technical gifts for your dad, head over to Carolyn’s blog for that.
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” ~ Jim Valvano
Happy Father’s Day Everyone!
Over to you –
So, after all that you read above – are you being a good father? What do the mothers feel makes a man a good father? Young and old fathers, how do you play your role of being a father? Also, if you’re a daughter or son, then share your experiences and thoughts about your father in the comments below.