Are You Good at Making Friends

- | 66 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

Two kids find making friends easy

Are you good at making friends or do you take time to make friends? Do you feel making friends is easy or do you find it challenging to make friends or keep up with existing ones? Have you ever evaluated yourself on this aspect?

Those who believe they are good at making friends can read this post to enhance their friend making skills. Whereas, I’m sure the ones who aren’t already good enough will also find the post really helpful.

We usually know if we take time to make friends or to upkeep the existing friendships. If it really becomes a cumbersome task, we are even forced to question the relevancy and need of having friends.

“Be slow to fall into friendship, but when you are in, continue firm and constant.” ? Socrates

Why Do We Need to be Good at Making Friends

Each one of us needs friends, because a friend relieves the feeling of loneliness and helps you enjoy life. They even help to improve your health and reduce stress.

Having good friends in helpful especially when you are undergoing depression, experiencing panic attacks, phobias, delusions, or have had major surgery, and lost someone close.

Making friends does help us in many ways, moreover, if it is a requisite skill then we better be good at it, as simple as that.

Making friends is both an art and a skill, which most of us learn with time. Some are born with the skill and others develop it with time and experience.

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”  ~Donna Roberts

Is it Hard to Make Friends

I had recently read about why it’s so hard to make friends for those who are over 30, and thought to raise this topic in today’s post.

I do agree to quite an extent that as you age, you tend to make fewer friends, though for some people making friends as they age gets easier.

The beauty is that anybody can learn this art at any age. When trying to make friends, you neither have to follow complicated procedures, nor do you have to perform any rigorous tasks.

Making friends can be an uphill task or an exciting one, depending on your circumstances and your personality, but finally it is rewarding.

Remember, it is not hard to make friends if you really want to do so. But before you proceed to be good at making friends, you need to understand more about what really makes a friend.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Who is a Friend

Let’s try to understand who a friend is and what can you do to make friends. Here are some indicators that may help you in making friends.

A friend:

  • Checks in without bothering about the distance. The friendship doesn’t end when your car pulls away or the plane takes off!
  • Takes interest in their friends lives. They are always there, supporting and learning from them.
  • Is willing to share, care, understand, and love you unconditionally.
  • Compliments you without going overboard, yet is fair enough to tell you your faults.
  • Is kind, compassionate, fair, and knows you through and through.
  • Always remains loyal and is ready to make sacrifices when the need arises.
  • Always puts forward their shoulder to lean and cry on if required.
  • Encourages, motivates, and inspires you to move ahead in life.
  • Is trustworthy; someone who you can blindly rely on and share anything under the sun.
  • Likes you as you are without really trying to change you, even if they don’t understand you fully.
  • Gives you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes.
  • Allows you to express your emotions and feelings, without criticizing, judging, or teasing you.
  • Doesn’t take advantage of you, instead gives you good advice when you seek it.
  • Will not flatter you; instead tell you honestly what they think of you.

Furthermore, we don’t really have to keep in mind where our friends come from when we make friends, because they come from all walks of life, with all sorts of belief.

They might have different jobs, religion, background, or status. Sometimes they push us to the limit, while at other times they make mistakes – sometimes small and sometimes big. But they still remain our friends.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ~ Aristotle

I had to share this wonderful song that I’m sure all of you must have heard by Stevie Wonder and his friends – That’s What Friends Are For – enjoy!

[youtube id=”EtGF2m102Wg” width=”620″ height=”360″]

 That’s what friends are for ~ Stevie Wonder ~ You Tube Video

The Art of Making Friends

Making friends, either new ones or keeping up with older ones is not difficult, nor is it that easy. It all depends on you and the friendship you build or maintain.

However, before you start making friends you need to like yourself and feel that you are valuable. If you don’t think others will like you, you might have a hard time reaching out to those who may become friends.

You need to work on building your self-esteem and finding your inner-strength by treating yourself well. Learn to love yourself with all the faults you have because this helps you to love your friends with all their faults as well.

Do this by eating healthy food, getting plenty of rest and exercise, and doing things you enjoy. Remind yourself that you are a very especial and worthwhile person.

Also, remain your original self without trying to portray a fake personality. Let your friends see the real you, and if they are unable to accept you for what you are, then it’s time to move on and make new friends.

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~ William Shakespeare

Ways to Make Friends

Making friends is an art or more of a skill that each one of you can accomplish. All that’s needed is that you develop trust in your friendship and follow the following ways to make friends:

1 – Talk to people

You can do this by joining clubs, going to the church, or at school and college. Remember, if you want to make new friends, you need to spend more time around people by putting yourself among them.

Friends don’t normally come to your doorstep, and it’s mostly you who will have to make the effort to reach out and connect first.

You can even volunteer to work together, where you get the chance to meet people of all ages. Even community activities like sporting events, concerts, art shows, movies, or special interest groups are nice places to make friends.

You don’t really need to have lots of common interests to make friends. In-fact some of the friendship between two people works well where both don’t have much in common.

All you need to remember is to talk and communicate with people, anywhere and everywhere possible, without really being picky.

Ask questions about their hobbies or their likes and share yours. Keep the conversation cheery and light initially. Most conversationalist suggest following a 30/70 pattern, where 30% talking and 70% listening occurs during small talk.

2 – Make online friends

Making friends online has picked up a great deal nowadays. Speaking of which, I have some wonderful online friends now than I ever did before. In-fact, I have more of online than offline friends!

Social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, BlendAbout are great places to meet new people and learn more about them.

3 – Initiate a conversation

You don’t really have to wait for the other person to talk to you. Instead, you can start a conversation on your own.

Some ways to do this are by commenting about things around you or the immediate environment. Or compliment the other person, ask questions about the person, show them that you are interested in them also.

Some people like to introduce themselves at the end of the conversation, while others start a conversation by introducing themselves.

Either ways, once you introduce yourself, the other person also does the same and that can be the start of a wonderful conversation.

4 – Smile and be cordial

People are less likely to be receptive to you if you don’t smile or have an unfriendly appearance.

You need to be friendly, approachable, and not look bored. Don’t frown, or keep your arms folded that show you aren’t interested. Instead, just be your natural self and try to get to know the other person.

5 – Learn to listen

While talking is required, you also need to listen to what the other person is saying, especially if are trying to make friends.

You need to show that you are interested in the talks and remember important details about them, like their likes, dislikes, or interests.

6 – Plan a get-together

Once you feel that you have talked a little and there are things that you can carry onto another discussion – then plan getting together.

You can talk your heart out as you get more familiar with each other for which you need to meet more often. Meet up at any place that is common to both of you, or choose an entirely new place, whichever is suitable.

You could even plan to go out for lunch or share a cup of coffee to get more acquainted with one another.

7 – Don’t pressurize

If someone isn’t interested in making friends with you, then let them be. Don’t call them repeatedly or stop by uninvited if they are not keen.

Making friends takes time and if you are not sure about where your friendship is headed, then it’s best to ask and clear things up.

Sometimes old friends suddenly change or there is a breakup due to any reason. At such times, give things time and if they still don’t get alright, accept the change and learn to move on.

8 – Enjoy yourself

While making friends, have a good time by spending time with your friends doing interesting and fun activities, together.

Try going for movies, play ball, go to the beach, work on an art project, watch a fun video, cook up a meal together. Anything that gives you both happiness; and take turns to initiate such activities.

9 – Keep in touch

Once you have made friends, it’s important to keep meeting up often to keep in touch. Making friends isn’t a one time affair or something that you work on once and then leave it. You need to keep working on building your friendship.

You can enrich your friendship by making home visits to your friend’s place and spending time with one another. Make your friend feel welcome and comfortable at your home as well.

If you are too busy to meet, call your friend and let them know when you can meet next, or express your desire but inability to meet. You must keep in touch either ways.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus

Speaking of myself, my husband is my best friend! He is one person who is always around and with whom I can share just about anything.

Similarly, if you are married, you too can make your spouse your best friend and make your life’s journey worthwhile. You don’t really need anyone else if you have each other in your lives.

Yes, it seems hard to go out and make new friends, but you need to push yourself through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you made friends.

You might like to take this interesting poll to know how good you really are at making friends. Remember, making new friends is not easy, but it’s not difficult either.

Finally, when you are making friends, remember to be a true friend to your friend and stand by them. Though friendship usually takes a lot of time to cultivate, but if the seeds are sown well, they do reap good results.

“Like wine, a good friendship only improves with age.” ~ Turkish saying

So, this Friendship Day, reach out to all your friends and express your gratitude and show them how much they mean to you.

Happy Friendship Day!

Over to you

Are you good at making friends? How do you feel about making friends – is it easy or difficult? Do you feel with age you make more or less friends? What tips would you give to get better at making friends? Share you experiences of making friends in the comments below.



Photo Credit: phaewilk

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66 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Aditya Samitinjay

    2012-08-29 at 11:27 pm

    At the beginning of this post, I felt I was bad at making friends. But as I was reading it, I realized that I’m in fact really good at making friends.

    Me and my best friend did have a few hiccups but we got over it and our friendship is all the more stronger now!

    Thanks for this awesome post, Harleena!

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-30 at 6:54 am

      Welcome to the blog and glad you liked the post Aditya!

      There are always some hiccups in any kind of relationship, and one shouldn’t be wary of this fact. If the intentions are good, and efforts genuine, people pass through the adjustment phase and develop a better and stronger relationship with time.

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. 🙂

  2. Techboy

    2012-08-22 at 10:44 am

    Making friends is really important in life because without friends we cannot enjoy..Friendship rocks and your ideas regarding making new friends can be really helpful to those who have less friends.

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-25 at 12:04 am

      Welcome to the blog! I wish I could refer to you by a real name, and provide the link to the site that you really own.

      As I wrote in the post, I treat the whole world as a friend, so definitely we cannot be and enjoy without friends. Thanks for you input! 🙂

  3. RaviSingh

    2012-08-20 at 4:26 pm

    This is awesome post!

    Friends are very important part of our life, they help and suggest time to time when facing some problem. The best time for making friends is Now.
    Keep it up.

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-21 at 2:22 pm

      Welcome to the blog, Ravi!

      I’m glad that you like the post. The clichés “Friends are forever,” “Friends are family,” and “A friend in need is a friend indeed” speak volumes about the importance of friendship.

      Thanks for contributing your views. 🙂

  4. Jeevan Jacob John

    2012-08-10 at 5:54 pm

    Hmmm, you asked me whether I am good at making friends, I simply don’t know 😀

    For me, I haven’t tried that hard to make many friends, but I do have had many friends over the year, mainly through School. In school, in most of the classes, it was like a “fight” in everything – Boys versus Girls, we even had a fight in who could get the better grades. It was all fun. But, looking back now, I can see that they are all my friends, even if we competed against each other and saw ourselves as “enemies”.

    I think that life would be boring without any friends and enemies (We need both, a good balance is great). Because, there are friends who can teach us and motivate us, at the same time, there are friends who accidentally try to bring us down, and enemies, they can motivate us to do better (Some enemies even go to an extent bring us down).

    I think making friends is an easy task – as long as we don’t think about it. If we think about it, worry over why we don’t have many friends, we are going to find making friends a hard tasks. We, human beings are social creatures. Sure, we may classify ourselves as different personality types with intrinsic or extrinsic traits. After, these can be changed.

    Because every human, to an extent, depends upon someone else (That some one else can be human or just another living creature like a Dog). A friendship isn’t limited by the difference of spies 😀

    Oh, yes tips.

    Don’t worry about it.

    And be careful too – because there is a thing called peer pressure that can make us do unwanted things (friends who try to use peer pressure to make us do bad things aren’t good friends – either they aren’t good friends, or they aren’t aware of the dangers).

    I am going to stop here for now (so, that I can come back and add later when you reply :D).

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-20 at 10:10 am

      Hey, I’m a bit late in replying back, but thanks for being there Jeevan!

      I feel making friends is easy, you do not have to try hard, rather, take one step as an initiative, rest all happens by itself. School friendships are influenced by hormones and immaturity. But later on, people realize they’ve been foolish, and those who accept and forgive, become friends again.

      As you mentioned, even the enemies can help motivate to make efforts and progress – so, they too turn out to be friends in disguise, in a way. Isn’t that a beautiful perspective that makes everyone in the whole world a friend? Life is no longer boring then! 😉

      We as human beings can live a solitary life, but by default we need companionship, friendship, and togetherness. I feel one doesn’t really have to change one’s core nature – even the introverts can make friends, may be a bit less than their counterparts. But it’s the quality that matters rather than the quantity, I hope you agree.

      Worrying never gets you anywhere, but to a psychiatrist! Thanks for the great tip. I think the pre-requisite to making friends is to be happy with your own self. And always remember, like attracts like.

      And good that you included the other living species too. A dog is man’s best friend. Why only dog, any animal that responds to our expressions and actions in fact passively or actively communicates with us. Anything that is a receiver to your emotional outlet becomes a friend – some people even talk to the walls, and for some books are the best friends! Well, while the books are okay, it’s better to replace the walls with human beings. 🙂

      You give a good message – never do any wrong just to be in a friendship. Those who make you do that aren’t really your friends.

      Great conversation and good contribution. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  5. Jens P. Berget

    2012-08-09 at 10:57 pm

    I am fairly good at making friends, but I need time. I’m slow and picky 🙂

    My biggest struggle is to keep in touch with people. I have only a few close friends and I talk to them at least once a week.

    It’s hard to keep in touch when you have a wife and two kids 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-09 at 11:05 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Jens!

      Some people do take time and they are careful at making friends, which is good because you are then sure of your friends too. Ah…yes indeed! Keeping in touch with friends is the toughest part for me too because of my kids and family who take the time I have left after I end my work!

      I guess it’s only the weekends that we usually have, when we can meet up with friends and discuss things. But yes, that’s the only time we have for a family outing too, so one needs to balance out things then too – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. 🙂

  6. Astro Gremlin

    2012-08-04 at 5:48 am

    Harleena, I’ve noticed that I don’t have much choice about who I become friends with. They aren’t always the most useful people but I just like them. And they can tell I like them and we just get along. Even after years of being apart, we will start back on the conversation we were having years before. Many of my friends are strange but they have one thing in common: I really like them!

    • Harleena Singh

      2012-08-05 at 11:05 pm

      Glad you could resonate with the post Astro, and it’s good to see you back!

      Making friends isn’t easy, nor is it easy to maintain the old friendships unless we make an effort, just like we need to do in any relationship. We don’t really have to make friends with useful people, because when we make friends we don’t really see who or where the person has come from, nor what use they are to us. A person and the nature just clicks and you see to gel, which leads to friendship – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, even when years pass by and we meet our old friends, we do pick up the threads from where we last left them and that’s how it should be as well. It’s wonderful that you like your friends and value them a great deal. Hope they learn to like and value you too. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

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Are You Good at Making Friends

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