Are You Good at Making Friends

Table of Contents Why Do We Need to be Good at Making FriendsIs it Hard to Make FriendsWho…
Two kids find making friends easy

Are you good at making friends or do you take time to make friends? Do you feel making friends is easy or do you find it challenging to make friends or keep up with existing ones? Have you ever evaluated yourself on this aspect?

Those who believe they are good at making friends can read this post to enhance their friend making skills. Whereas, I’m sure the ones who aren’t already good enough will also find the post really helpful.

We usually know if we take time to make friends or to upkeep the existing friendships. If it really becomes a cumbersome task, we are even forced to question the relevancy and need of having friends.

“Be slow to fall into friendship, but when you are in, continue firm and constant.” ? Socrates


Why Do We Need to be Good at Making Friends

Each one of us needs friends, because a friend relieves the feeling of loneliness and helps you enjoy life. They even help to improve your health and reduce stress.

Having good friends in helpful especially when you are undergoing depression, experiencing panic attacks, phobias, delusions, or have had major surgery, and lost someone close.

Making friends does help us in many ways, moreover, if it is a requisite skill then we better be good at it, as simple as that.

Making friends is both an art and a skill, which most of us learn with time. Some are born with the skill and others develop it with time and experience.

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”  ~Donna Roberts

Is it Hard to Make Friends

I had recently read about why it’s so hard to make friends for those who are over 30, and thought to raise this topic in today’s post.

I do agree to quite an extent that as you age, you tend to make fewer friends, though for some people making friends as they age gets easier.

The beauty is that anybody can learn this art at any age. When trying to make friends, you neither have to follow complicated procedures, nor do you have to perform any rigorous tasks.

Making friends can be an uphill task or an exciting one, depending on your circumstances and your personality, but finally it is rewarding.

Remember, it is not hard to make friends if you really want to do so. But before you proceed to be good at making friends, you need to understand more about what really makes a friend.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Who is a Friend

Let’s try to understand who a friend is and what can you do to make friends. Here are some indicators that may help you in making friends.

A friend:

  • Checks in without bothering about the distance. The friendship doesn’t end when your car pulls away or the plane takes off!
  • Takes interest in their friends lives. They are always there, supporting and learning from them.
  • Is willing to share, care, understand, and love you unconditionally.
  • Compliments you without going overboard, yet is fair enough to tell you your faults.
  • Is kind, compassionate, fair, and knows you through and through.
  • Always remains loyal and is ready to make sacrifices when the need arises.
  • Always puts forward their shoulder to lean and cry on if required.
  • Encourages, motivates, and inspires you to move ahead in life.
  • Is trustworthy; someone who you can blindly rely on and share anything under the sun.
  • Likes you as you are without really trying to change you, even if they don’t understand you fully.
  • Gives you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes.
  • Allows you to express your emotions and feelings, without criticizing, judging, or teasing you.
  • Doesn’t take advantage of you, instead gives you good advice when you seek it.
  • Will not flatter you; instead tell you honestly what they think of you.

Furthermore, we don’t really have to keep in mind where our friends come from when we make friends, because they come from all walks of life, with all sorts of belief.

They might have different jobs, religion, background, or status. Sometimes they push us to the limit, while at other times they make mistakes – sometimes small and sometimes big. But they still remain our friends.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ~ Aristotle

I had to share this wonderful song that I’m sure all of you must have heard by Stevie Wonder and his friends – That’s What Friends Are For – enjoy!

[youtube id=”EtGF2m102Wg” width=”620″ height=”360″]

 That’s what friends are for ~ Stevie Wonder ~ You Tube Video

The Art of Making Friends

Making friends, either new ones or keeping up with older ones is not difficult, nor is it that easy. It all depends on you and the friendship you build or maintain.

However, before you start making friends you need to like yourself and feel that you are valuable. If you don’t think others will like you, you might have a hard time reaching out to those who may become friends.


You need to work on building your self-esteem and finding your inner-strength by treating yourself well. Learn to love yourself with all the faults you have because this helps you to love your friends with all their faults as well.

Do this by eating healthy food, getting plenty of rest and exercise, and doing things you enjoy. Remind yourself that you are a very especial and worthwhile person.

Also, remain your original self without trying to portray a fake personality. Let your friends see the real you, and if they are unable to accept you for what you are, then it’s time to move on and make new friends.

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~ William Shakespeare

Ways to Make Friends

Making friends is an art or more of a skill that each one of you can accomplish. All that’s needed is that you develop trust in your friendship and follow the following ways to make friends:

1 – Talk to people

You can do this by joining clubs, going to the church, or at school and college. Remember, if you want to make new friends, you need to spend more time around people by putting yourself among them.

Friends don’t normally come to your doorstep, and it’s mostly you who will have to make the effort to reach out and connect first.

You can even volunteer to work together, where you get the chance to meet people of all ages. Even community activities like sporting events, concerts, art shows, movies, or special interest groups are nice places to make friends.

You don’t really need to have lots of common interests to make friends. In-fact some of the friendship between two people works well where both don’t have much in common.

All you need to remember is to talk and communicate with people, anywhere and everywhere possible, without really being picky.

Ask questions about their hobbies or their likes and share yours. Keep the conversation cheery and light initially. Most conversationalist suggest following a 30/70 pattern, where 30% talking and 70% listening occurs during small talk.

2 – Make online friends

Making friends online has picked up a great deal nowadays. Speaking of which, I have some wonderful online friends now than I ever did before. In-fact, I have more of online than offline friends!

Social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, BlendAbout are great places to meet new people and learn more about them.

3 – Initiate a conversation

You don’t really have to wait for the other person to talk to you. Instead, you can start a conversation on your own.

Some ways to do this are by commenting about things around you or the immediate environment. Or compliment the other person, ask questions about the person, show them that you are interested in them also.

Some people like to introduce themselves at the end of the conversation, while others start a conversation by introducing themselves.

Either ways, once you introduce yourself, the other person also does the same and that can be the start of a wonderful conversation.

4 – Smile and be cordial

People are less likely to be receptive to you if you don’t smile or have an unfriendly appearance.

You need to be friendly, approachable, and not look bored. Don’t frown, or keep your arms folded that show you aren’t interested. Instead, just be your natural self and try to get to know the other person.

5 – Learn to listen

While talking is required, you also need to listen to what the other person is saying, especially if are trying to make friends.

You need to show that you are interested in the talks and remember important details about them, like their likes, dislikes, or interests.

6 – Plan a get-together

Once you feel that you have talked a little and there are things that you can carry onto another discussion – then plan getting together.

You can talk your heart out as you get more familiar with each other for which you need to meet more often. Meet up at any place that is common to both of you, or choose an entirely new place, whichever is suitable.

You could even plan to go out for lunch or share a cup of coffee to get more acquainted with one another.

7 – Don’t pressurize

If someone isn’t interested in making friends with you, then let them be. Don’t call them repeatedly or stop by uninvited if they are not keen.

Making friends takes time and if you are not sure about where your friendship is headed, then it’s best to ask and clear things up.

Sometimes old friends suddenly change or there is a breakup due to any reason. At such times, give things time and if they still don’t get alright, accept the change and learn to move on.

8 – Enjoy yourself

While making friends, have a good time by spending time with your friends doing interesting and fun activities, together.

Try going for movies, play ball, go to the beach, work on an art project, watch a fun video, cook up a meal together. Anything that gives you both happiness; and take turns to initiate such activities.

9 – Keep in touch

Once you have made friends, it’s important to keep meeting up often to keep in touch. Making friends isn’t a one time affair or something that you work on once and then leave it. You need to keep working on building your friendship.

You can enrich your friendship by making home visits to your friend’s place and spending time with one another. Make your friend feel welcome and comfortable at your home as well.

If you are too busy to meet, call your friend and let them know when you can meet next, or express your desire but inability to meet. You must keep in touch either ways.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus

Speaking of myself, my husband is my best friend! He is one person who is always around and with whom I can share just about anything.

Similarly, if you are married, you too can make your spouse your best friend and make your life’s journey worthwhile. You don’t really need anyone else if you have each other in your lives.

Yes, it seems hard to go out and make new friends, but you need to push yourself through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you made friends.

You might like to take this interesting poll to know how good you really are at making friends. Remember, making new friends is not easy, but it’s not difficult either.

Finally, when you are making friends, remember to be a true friend to your friend and stand by them. Though friendship usually takes a lot of time to cultivate, but if the seeds are sown well, they do reap good results.

“Like wine, a good friendship only improves with age.” ~ Turkish saying

So, this Friendship Day, reach out to all your friends and express your gratitude and show them how much they mean to you.

Happy Friendship Day!

Over to you

Are you good at making friends? How do you feel about making friends – is it easy or difficult? Do you feel with age you make more or less friends? What tips would you give to get better at making friends? Share you experiences of making friends in the comments below.



Photo Credit: phaewilk

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  1. At the beginning of this post, I felt I was bad at making friends. But as I was reading it, I realized that I’m in fact really good at making friends.

    Me and my best friend did have a few hiccups but we got over it and our friendship is all the more stronger now!

    Thanks for this awesome post, Harleena!

    1. Welcome to the blog and glad you liked the post Aditya!

      There are always some hiccups in any kind of relationship, and one shouldn’t be wary of this fact. If the intentions are good, and efforts genuine, people pass through the adjustment phase and develop a better and stronger relationship with time.

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. 🙂

  2. Making friends is really important in life because without friends we cannot enjoy..Friendship rocks and your ideas regarding making new friends can be really helpful to those who have less friends.

    1. Welcome to the blog! I wish I could refer to you by a real name, and provide the link to the site that you really own.

      As I wrote in the post, I treat the whole world as a friend, so definitely we cannot be and enjoy without friends. Thanks for you input! 🙂

  3. This is awesome post!

    Friends are very important part of our life, they help and suggest time to time when facing some problem. The best time for making friends is Now.
    Keep it up.

    1. Welcome to the blog, Ravi!

      I’m glad that you like the post. The clichés “Friends are forever,” “Friends are family,” and “A friend in need is a friend indeed” speak volumes about the importance of friendship.

      Thanks for contributing your views. 🙂

  4. Hmmm, you asked me whether I am good at making friends, I simply don’t know 😀

    For me, I haven’t tried that hard to make many friends, but I do have had many friends over the year, mainly through School. In school, in most of the classes, it was like a “fight” in everything – Boys versus Girls, we even had a fight in who could get the better grades. It was all fun. But, looking back now, I can see that they are all my friends, even if we competed against each other and saw ourselves as “enemies”.

    I think that life would be boring without any friends and enemies (We need both, a good balance is great). Because, there are friends who can teach us and motivate us, at the same time, there are friends who accidentally try to bring us down, and enemies, they can motivate us to do better (Some enemies even go to an extent bring us down).

    I think making friends is an easy task – as long as we don’t think about it. If we think about it, worry over why we don’t have many friends, we are going to find making friends a hard tasks. We, human beings are social creatures. Sure, we may classify ourselves as different personality types with intrinsic or extrinsic traits. After, these can be changed.

    Because every human, to an extent, depends upon someone else (That some one else can be human or just another living creature like a Dog). A friendship isn’t limited by the difference of spies 😀

    Oh, yes tips.

    Don’t worry about it.

    And be careful too – because there is a thing called peer pressure that can make us do unwanted things (friends who try to use peer pressure to make us do bad things aren’t good friends – either they aren’t good friends, or they aren’t aware of the dangers).

    I am going to stop here for now (so, that I can come back and add later when you reply :D).

    1. Hey, I’m a bit late in replying back, but thanks for being there Jeevan!

      I feel making friends is easy, you do not have to try hard, rather, take one step as an initiative, rest all happens by itself. School friendships are influenced by hormones and immaturity. But later on, people realize they’ve been foolish, and those who accept and forgive, become friends again.

      As you mentioned, even the enemies can help motivate to make efforts and progress – so, they too turn out to be friends in disguise, in a way. Isn’t that a beautiful perspective that makes everyone in the whole world a friend? Life is no longer boring then! 😉

      We as human beings can live a solitary life, but by default we need companionship, friendship, and togetherness. I feel one doesn’t really have to change one’s core nature – even the introverts can make friends, may be a bit less than their counterparts. But it’s the quality that matters rather than the quantity, I hope you agree.

      Worrying never gets you anywhere, but to a psychiatrist! Thanks for the great tip. I think the pre-requisite to making friends is to be happy with your own self. And always remember, like attracts like.

      And good that you included the other living species too. A dog is man’s best friend. Why only dog, any animal that responds to our expressions and actions in fact passively or actively communicates with us. Anything that is a receiver to your emotional outlet becomes a friend – some people even talk to the walls, and for some books are the best friends! Well, while the books are okay, it’s better to replace the walls with human beings. 🙂

      You give a good message – never do any wrong just to be in a friendship. Those who make you do that aren’t really your friends.

      Great conversation and good contribution. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  5. I am fairly good at making friends, but I need time. I’m slow and picky 🙂

    My biggest struggle is to keep in touch with people. I have only a few close friends and I talk to them at least once a week.

    It’s hard to keep in touch when you have a wife and two kids 🙂

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Jens!

      Some people do take time and they are careful at making friends, which is good because you are then sure of your friends too. Ah…yes indeed! Keeping in touch with friends is the toughest part for me too because of my kids and family who take the time I have left after I end my work!

      I guess it’s only the weekends that we usually have, when we can meet up with friends and discuss things. But yes, that’s the only time we have for a family outing too, so one needs to balance out things then too – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. 🙂

  6. Harleena, I’ve noticed that I don’t have much choice about who I become friends with. They aren’t always the most useful people but I just like them. And they can tell I like them and we just get along. Even after years of being apart, we will start back on the conversation we were having years before. Many of my friends are strange but they have one thing in common: I really like them!

    1. Glad you could resonate with the post Astro, and it’s good to see you back!

      Making friends isn’t easy, nor is it easy to maintain the old friendships unless we make an effort, just like we need to do in any relationship. We don’t really have to make friends with useful people, because when we make friends we don’t really see who or where the person has come from, nor what use they are to us. A person and the nature just clicks and you see to gel, which leads to friendship – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, even when years pass by and we meet our old friends, we do pick up the threads from where we last left them and that’s how it should be as well. It’s wonderful that you like your friends and value them a great deal. Hope they learn to like and value you too. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  7. I’m not good at making friends. I am good at meeting a lot of new people and being friendly. To me, a friend is someone who will do anything for you; I take friendship very seriously. It takes a long time & a lot of vetting to be my friend. But it’s easy to talk to me and have you at least be an acquaintance.

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Mitch!

      Meeting new people and being friendly is how most friendships start, though few of those become real friends. Yes indeed, a true friend would go out of the way and do anything for you, without giving things a second thought. Making friends might be easy for some people, but finding those valuable friends among many is where the real art lies because it does take a lot of time and patience.

      Thanks for stopping by and nice to see you back. 🙂

  8. Funny I’ve had friends for 30+ years, since our teens, and we still see each other almost monthly and connect on phone or email (They are not on any social media).

    I find it easier with newer friends to be friends after working with them, but not without. I also found that even with having 2 kids, my 3 dearest friends never had kids. Seemed easier to be with friends with those w/o kids who had time than those with. I have since made close friends with others w/kids but don’t see them often because their kids are smaller (mine are grown).

    I had one friend through the years that only connected when she WASN’T married, and as soon as she married I never heard from her (it happened twice) – felt bad about it. I could not imagine life without friends. I’d say keep it light to start new friendships…..

    1. Wonderful indeed Lisa!

      To be able to maintain friendship for that long is what’s the mark of a real friend. And yes, at the time when we were teens, it was always the hand-written letters, cards, phone calls or now emails. There was no social media, and yet we were able to keep those friendships every fresh and alive – isn’t it?

      I found it easier to make friends when I was younger somehow, though when my kids were growing up, making friends with moms whose kids were friends with my kids was another kind of experience. But it never was like the old friends I had. However, I am quite content and happy with the online friends I make and have been making the past few years. 🙂

      Sad to hear about your friend who changed after marriage, which happens in some cases. I guess their priorities change and most of them find better pastures and turn their focus on their life-partner, with whom they have to spend the rest of their life. But yes, that never means you cut off links with old friends.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. Happy Friendship Day as well. 🙂

  9. Thanks Harleena!

    It’s been one heck of a 2012. I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster ride. While I enjoy riding coasters, I’m ready to get off and become grounded, again. 🙂

    1. I can well imagine your roller coaster ride Amandah!

      I know you have your hands full and are doing your level best by helping out your sister and her kids. This is again destined and meant to be, and we can really do nothing more than accept His will and enjoy the journey. 🙂

  10. Lovely post!

    I resonated with, “Checks in without bothering about the distance. The friendship doesn’t end when your car pulls away or the plane takes off!”

    When I moved to Arizona in 2007, I lost most of my friends, a couple of family members too (they weren’t for my highest good anyway). I was amazed how people dropped me like a hot potato. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had the guts to move to a different city/state by myself. I didn’t know anyone and took a risk. I ended up moving back to my home state. Of course, at the time I was devastated. I now believe in what people call the ‘divine plan’ for your life. My sister separated from her husband last October, and I’ve had to pitch in with picking up my nephew from school and taking him to and from work. Who knew this would happen? Who knew I’d become a surrogate parent? I guess a higher power knew. 🙂

    1. Glad you liked the post and could resonate with it Amandah!

      Oh yes! I’ve so often noticed how friends just give up on one another or tend to end their friendship just because either of them has moved or relocated to a different place. I guess distances shouldn’t really come between friends – isn’t it?

      In your case too, perhaps those friends weren’t really true friends or were just not happy for you and your achievements. It surely must have been devastating for you to move to a new place with no one to really call your own, especially when you need all the support you can get from your friends and family.

      I like what you mentioned about the ‘divine plan’, which I think is what is destined to happen and beyond our control. I can understand all that you are undergoing by literally raising your sister’s son, which again is something that was meant to be and might be a blessing in disguise that you would learn about only later.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. It was nice to see you back again. 🙂

  11. Hi Harleena,

    I like your article. I want to share my experience with you. I was not good at making friends in early days. When I was in college I was a shy girl who can’t even talk to any one. Now I am working for a company. I have many friends here. Some of mine friends broke my trust.

    However I think friendship means NO EXPECTATION. If we are expecting something from our friend, we are doing wrong with us and also with our friend. Friendship is something that just need Trust, and on its basis Friendship can run friendship for a long time.


    1. Welcome to the blog Neha!

      Glad you liked the post and could resonate with it. Yes indeed, some people are either friendly and good at making friends when they are young, while some are shy and open up with age, which I think is what happened in your case. It must be feeling wonderful to have many friends in now. 🙂

      We shouldn’t expect anything in friendship except trust and honesty with one another, but it’s easier said than done I guess. Some people are able to give themselves fully for another without any expectations, while some take time and do need some kind of reciprocation.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  12. Hi Harleena,

    Thank you so much for putting your heart into crafting such a wonderful post!

    Taking the time to connect and care is a real challenge in our fast moving world. However, we can learn to put time aside for that purpose 🙂

    I love the point about making our spouse our best friend too. True acceptance of our spouse is something that needed to be worked on 🙂

    I appreciate your sharing!

    Viola Tam

    1. Glad you liked the post Viola!

      Yes indeed! With our busy lives and everything taking so much of our time, it does get tough to take out time to make friends or maintain older friendships. But if we want to connect with one another, there’s nothing better than keeping in touch with one another by taking out a little time from our busy schedule – isn’t it?

      Our spouses can actually become our best friends if we really work at the relationship and want to make them our best friend. I guess we know that we are going to share a lifetime with them and it only makes sense to make friends and share our lives with them.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always nice to have you over. 🙂

  13. Harleena – I have to say that I am slow at making friends, i take a lot of time initially to get close and intimate with a new individual. I have always been like that, but once I do get into the comfort zone, then there is nothing stopping me!!!!

    I go all the way out and make good for the initial days, it takes a while for me to understand and get the person into my “circle of trust”.

    Wonderful article with a great song to accompany. I love the point “Learn to Listen” 🙂

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Praveen!

      Some people are slow at making friends, and that’s absolutely alright. I guess we really can’t open up to strangers the first time we meet someone, though some people are very quick at introducing themselves and take the initiative to start a conversation. And yes, once you get familiar, things go smooth. 🙂

      Ah…I love that song too, it’s always been an all time favorite and I just thought it to be the right time to share it with Friendship Day just round the corner.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

        1. Happy Friendship Day to you as well Praveen. I am indeed lucky to have a wonderful friend like you. 🙂

  14. Hi Harleena,

    Okay, I’m definitely getting much older and I don’t have as many friends as I use to. I have acquaintances, a lot of those but my really really really good friends are a much smaller number now. I still believe I make friends easily.

    Here is my problem, little did I realize it but over the years I always attracted the people to me that were needy. They wanted their ego’s stroked and they wanted someone to always be there for them but they weren’t willing to do the same in return. So as I’ve grown older I’ve finally come to see that in them and I’ve ended a lot of friendships.

    The ones I still have and my oldest one is 41 years now, we still love and respect each other to this day. I know that the good friends that I do have will always be there for me and I’ll be there for them.

    I hope that a lot of the friendships I’ve been making online and I feel have blossomed into true friendships will stand the test of time as well. I have a feeling a good bit of them will.

    Wonderful post Harleena as usual. You really get us to thinking and you share so many wonderful topics here. I just hope you know how much I appreciate you as well.

    Take care young lady and enjoy your week. Thanks again.


    1. Glad you could resonate with the post Adrienne!

      You might be getting older but you don’t look it, and that’s what really matters – isn’t it?

      I guess as we grow older, we make fewer friends and are somehow happy and content with the real friends we make. They then last a lifetime in most cases, and keeping up with those friends is what real friendship is all about.

      Ah…your case sounds quite similar to Nikky where people make use of you and come to you when they feel the need, but when you need them, they are the first ones to show you a cold shoulder. You did the right thing to end the friendship with such friends, because they are not real friends anyone would like to make.

      I’m sure the friends you have made earlier offline, and the online friends that we all make are going to always be there – at least we hope so. I guess life is all about trusting one another, more so when we are online most of the time – isn’t it?

      Thanks for those warm and kind words Adrienne. I do try to share all I know and learn with everyone here, with the hope that it helps someone somewhere. I then get a feeling of happiness and contentment. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you as well, and am lucky to have such a wonderful friend like you. 🙂

  15. This post reminds me of my friends; although we are now in different career paths, we still find time to interact with each other. After all, each member of our group is only a phone call or private message away.

    1. Welcome to the blog Adam!

      Glad that the post reminded you of your friends. It’s nice that even though you are in different careers, you do manage to find the time to interact and meet one another. Yes indeed, if you want to reach out and connect, you can do so through messages or phone calls, so there are never any excuses for not reaching out – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and I wish that next time you visit the blog your gravatar is set up so that we can see who we are talking to. 🙂

  16. This is a great post!

    You just wrote down everything about making friends. You said over 30 (in average) it’s more difficult to make friends…for me it wasn’t like this. As a high-school student I had no friends, because I was so different. I think I was more serious, than the others. Other girls were interested in make-ups and parties, while I just wanted to study. Now everyting has changed. I have friends, but everyone has become more serious…they just need time to want me to be their friend.

    1. Welcome to the blog Sandy!

      Normally as we grow older, it becomes tougher to make new friends. But just as I mentioned in the post, this isn’t the case with everyone because some people find it easier to make friends as they mature, or once their kids are well settled. So, it depends a great deal from one person to another and how their lifestyles are.

      In your case, perhaphs your quiet, serious and studious nature kept you from making friends when you were in high school. However, I am glad that things are fine now and you can make friends, even though you all can’t meet up that often, which may be because of their work or family.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  17. Hi Harleena,

    I had a lot of friends when I was still living in Germany. Some of which I am still in constant contact today. However, after getting married and moving around a lot (my husband was in the military for 21 years) I found it harder to make new friends. Well I do have a lot of online friends though.

    For some reason my friends always found ME, I never had to go look for new friends. As it so happens, well it happened again just about a year ago, when someone called our home phone and had the wrong number. It happened to be a German lady living in the same town who was trying to reach another German lady who was a member of their biweekly Kaffeeklatsch (a ladies get-together to have coffee and cake and chat). The lady who had called the wrong number (she was only one digit off) invited me to join the group and I instantly made 8 new friends. I would say ….it was meant to be 🙂

    For someone looking to make new friends I have this advice…To make a new friend you yourself have to be a friend first. Just reach out to someone, be kind and helpful without an agenda and in time you will have made a new friend.

    Thanks for sharing these great tips on friendship, Harleena!


    1. Glad you could relate to the post Ilka!

      I can well understand how tough it is to make new friends once you are married and more so, moving around. 🙂

      We had the same kind of problem when my Dad was in the military as well, because he used to keep getting transferred every 2 years and by the time we started getting friendly, it was time to move to a new place! Not that we didn’t make any friends, but yes, no one to call a true friend, for which you need to be much closer and know the other person really well, which could happen only if we stayed in one place for a long time.

      However, the friends I made when in college still keep in touch even today, and that kind of friendship isn’t something I can find nowadays. But yes, I’m thankful for the wonderful online friends I’ve made like you and so many others, due to which I never miss having offline friends.

      You are indeed lucky that you don’t have to look for friends and they find you instead, because some people just can’t seem to make any friends at all, which really makes me wonder as to how do they survive. Loved the way you made 8 new friends out of nowhere. Yes it was destined to happen. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wonderful advice and experiences with everyone. Yes, you have to learn to be a friend yourself first and reach out if the other person doesn’t. 🙂

  18. I am very lucky to have many good friends. I have to thank my parents for some of that because they also pushed me to be involved in camps, youth groups and other activities where I socialized with others.

    It made it easy for me to learn how to talk to anyone about virtually anything. As an adult it has been a bit more challenging to make friends, but in part that is because I haven’t tried very hard.

    Because I have been so fortunate to have many friends I haven’t felt the same need to go out and find new ones.

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Jack!

      Ah…yes indeed- parents who push their kids when they are young to do things out of their comfort zones are actually doing a wonderful job for their future – though there may be pros and cons in this too. But had your parents not pushed you way back then, perhaps your skill of making friends wouldn’t have been as good.

      I guess when we meet people from all walks of life in places like camps and other such places as you mentioned, it becomes easier for us to open up with them. This might be because we are actually carefree when we are that age, though once we grow up and get married or have kids, the direction of our life or the purpose as such changes, and making friends or maintaining friendships isn’t as easy – unless you make that sincere effort yourself and are able to devote time.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. 🙂

  19. Excellent post Harleena!

    You always find out who your true friends are in a time of crisis. Sad as that is to say, we often discover who actually has been a friend and those that were just there to pass some time. Friendships are a lot like marriage…you have give and take, good days and bad days, it takes nurturing and patience, communication and the list could go on.

    I would guess that I have more online friends than I do offline anymore. I love my online friends but at times I wonder if the internet has brought us closer together as a society or further apart. I love talking to my online friends and check in with them but it would be nice to get to have a cup of coffee with them or something (besides video chat)

    My best friend is my wife. We both though have friends outside of each other too. We often will include those friends though in social activities of dinner, movies or playing games. Maintaining ties with people we know is very important to us. We both understand that our child will grow up and we will need those ties. Our son will leave home and go forth into the world to find his way. In maintaining our friendships we are able to keep our self identities.


    1. Glad you liked the post Aaron!

      Yes indeed, true friends stand out from the rest when there are any crisis and they are the first ones to reach out to you in your time of need. Any kind of relationship does require give and take from both ends, which some people are not able to do and that’s where the problem arises. And yes, there are always good and bad days in each one of ours lives and in the relationships we maintain.

      I guess the Internet has brought us together and that’s why we can meet online, which we can’t otherwise if we are offline due to our locations or other various reasons. It brings the world much closer together. I guess if we do have friends who are nearby, then catching up for a cup of coffee would be a wonderful idea as well, and then to meet and get friendly and better acquainted is a great way to connect.

      Nice to know that you too consider your spouse to be your best friend – I think nothing can be better. And yes, your circle of friends grows bigger each time both of you make new friends – isn’t it? This is something your son would also pick up from you, so there’s always learning in disguise for him too. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. 🙂

  20. A very well written and relevant post, Harleena.

    It reminded me of the ‘conversation’ we had recently on Galen Pearl’s post about making friends. I’ve lost a few friends in the last few years, but I’ve made so many more online and I find these relationships too are like offline friendships. To have a friend, you must be a friend, is something I strongly believe.

    Thank you for the gift of your friendship, Harleena. ♥

    1. Glad you liked the post Corinne!

      Yes indeed, that was a wonderful conversation we had at Galen’s blog. I guess we all do lose friends or they get busy in their own lives, which hardly leaves us much time to interact and communicate with one another. But just like you, I’m grateful to my online friends and the connections we have made with one another, as they are much more precious than the offline ones we have.

      You need to be willing and ready to make friends with another person, if you really want to have a friend, there are no two-ways about it.

      Thanks for stopping by and thank you for being a wonderful friend as well. 🙂

  21. I was never good at making friends because I was too shy to participate to any activities with them. In fact, I used to be a very good friend for others, by helping and listening as much as I could, but could never took someone as a friend in real life. I usually become more like their therapist. They used to come to me when in need and forget about me when feeling good. I don’t have a problem with that since I know it is my fault not to be able to socialize with others.

    Things have changed in the very last few years. I started building new real friends although they are all online friends. I often wonder if I will be able to maintain these friendships once I meet with the person. I always feel I’m not good enough, they won’t like me if they see me. I look awful, I dress ugly, I’m obese, I’m too depressed and have a lot of problems. I know that is not a nice reply to such a beautiful post, but that is how I truly feel. I love my online friends so much, but I’m so scared they will abandon me if they were to meet me.

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Nikky!

      Just the fact that you were a good friend to so many shows that you were much valued by others, which is the reason they shared things with you – just like a therapist. And you were a good listener and helped others, which are important when we are trying to make friends. Finding real friends is never easy, unless you really connect with one another instantly, or get to know each other, which again happens with time and patience.

      Some people do just that…use and throw you or come to you in time of need and turn their back when we need them the most. Such is life I guess, but during this whole process, don’t we learn so much? Doesn’t all this make us stronger within?

      Nice to know that things have changed for the better for you once you started making online friends. You don’t really have to think that they will not value or like you Nikky, because it’s you who they know and like, and not how you look or your face. Just as you don’t know me, nor have you seen or met me, yet there is something that connects us to one another, which is higher than these petty issues – isn’t it?

      I can well understand when you talk about how you look and feel in real life, which once your online friends get to know, they would perhaps not like to be friends with you any longer. But if that be the case, then they really weren’t really good friends, or they never knew the real you. And remember, all of us have problems, we do undergo phases of depression, we might be not be always dressed well, and may not even be beautiful enough, but does that make us not worth-while? Is beauty only skin deep? I don’t think so, it’s much deeper than that. So, don’t think that you are not pretty looking or have problems or that your online friends won’t like you when they get to know about all these things. Just reach out, connect, and open up with them by revealing all about you and see the reaction then.

      The online community of friends is very vast, giving, and understanding. This is what I have understood from having wonderful online friends as well. The are indeed to be valued and treasured, which you can do by just being your own true self with them.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. 🙂

  22. Hi Harleena,

    Now that I’m more mature and have made a few mistakes of making the wrong friends I would say that we attract the type of friends that resonate with us. So, my advice as a more mature person and coach would be this… if you want to make the right type of friends, first work on yourself.

    I have complained for years of making the wrong friends which I called “fake friends”, the type of friends that would love me for what I could do for them and often turning out to be very disappointing. However, back then I didn’t know that I was attracting such people into my life because of my own issues. Issues that were deep in my subconscious mind and which I wasn’t aware of.

    A good friend is someone who will love you the way you are and let you know when you’re wrong for your own good. That’s how I would discribe a true friend.

    Thanks for this, Harleena 🙂

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Sylviane!

      You are right about working on ourselves before reaching out and making friends with just about anyone. I think when we learn to love and know ourselves better, we are able to make better friends and are easily able to do so. And yes, we all do learn through our mistakes, but what we learn at that time always stays with us – isn’t it?

      I guess when we are younger, we really can’t make out the real friends from the fake ones who simply want to take advantage of us or want us to do something for them and once that work is done, they show their true colors. I also have undergone that learning phase when I was in college. But I think with time, as we mature we are able to understand the different kind of people, their nature, and can choose the kind of friends who would remain true to us.

      True friends love you unconditionally and fully accept you for who and as you are, without really trying to change you to what they like. And they are the first ones to let you know when you make any mistakes – for which we need to be thankful to them.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. 🙂

  23. Hi!

    I am absolutely wonderful at making friends! Yes, I am not modest about it! 😉

    I have always been good at talking and initiating conversations and that has helped me a lot in networking and reaching out. One thing that always helps in initiating conversations. You have to make the other person comfortable; some people are hesitant and don’t take that initial step. If you have to mix and mingle, then you might have to take the first step.

    Just listen to others! And see how friends will make such a huge difference to your life!

    1. Glad you could resonate with the post Hajra!

      We all know how good you are at making friends because of the pleasing and honest nature that you have. 🙂

      When we want to make friends, we have to leave our shyness or hesitancy and simply reach out to connect with people. And once the conversations starts, which you say you are good at starting, then everything else falls into place. Most people have a problem with starting a conversation with a new person, but once they break the ice – the rest is easier as compared.

      Absolutely! If you have good listening skills, you are bound to make lots of friends because people want someone to listen to them half the time. But yes, be truthful and listen intently to what they say before giving your views about things.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. 🙂

  24. Hi Harleena,

    What a fantastic post on making friends! I loved it.

    Recently I went on holiday to Portugal with my best friend. Being away for an extended period gave us chance to catch up and talk about anything and everything.

    As I was reading your list of characteristics of a true friend, the friend I went away with ticked every single box. Real friends with those attributes are like real gems, and sometimes the bond can be even stronger than some family relatives.

    I definitely agree that new friends won’t come. We need to get out and make ourselves available around other people, in order to make new friends.

    As you say, I too have found that great friends don’t necessarily have to have a lot in common with ourselves. I find these through my public speaking and improvisation classes. We all come from different backgrounds and are connected through a common activity, and this then allows us to find more about each other and develop friendships.

    1. Glad you liked the post Hiten!

      Must have been wonderful to go on a holiday with your friend, more so you get to be with one another that isn’t always possible when we are home because of our respective works. I think it’s only when you are away from home – on a vacation or any such get-away place that you can really connect with one another.

      Yes indeed, real or true friends are just too precious and we can make them out from among the others – isn’t it? I guess there is an immediate connection once we start talking or conversing with them and that’s what matters most – that you click with one another. And yes, sometimes these friends become more valuable than our own family members.

      I think when we make friends, we really don’t only look for common interests, but yes, if there are it’s good because you can talk and discuss about something common. But even if there is nothing in common between two people, it gets all the more interesting because you have so much to talk about then – as each person talks of their interests and you do the same as well, which also helps you to learn more about other things beside your own interests.

      I guess at the end of the day what matters most is that you learn to reach out and connect with people, no matter how you do it, which is what making friends is all about.

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. 🙂

  25. I can never have enough friends, they mean the world to me. When I’m down, they lift me up. I think we all need people!
    Thanks for this post!

    1. Absolutely Jodi!

      I think none of us can do without friends in our lives. Some people have more, while some have less friends, but everyone does have someone or the other I’m sure. I guess making friends isn’t the tough part, though maintaining the friendship for some people gets a little tough. But then, just like we have to work with any relationship, we have to work on our friendships too and keep them flourishing – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  26. I love that song. “That’s what friends are for” – such gorgeous memories for me. I cherish all my friends – I am lucky to have decades-old friendships that are as close, and as strong as ever.

    I really enjoyed the quotes, as always, Harleena!

    Happy Friendship Day to you! 😀 Hugs, Vidya

    1. That’s one of my favorites too Vidya!

      I think the song is addictive and you even though you have heard it once, yet want to hear it all over again. 🙂

      I guess when we grow older, we only have memories left of our friends once they leave us (shift to another place), but the friendship never ends – isn’t it? But I wonder if you noticed that the friends you made long back are closer than the ones you make nowadays? It happens with me, because the friends I made in college, which was years back are stronger than the ones I made a few years back.

      Ah…yes, I guess I can’t leave the quotes behind. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. Happy Friendship Day to you as well Vidya. I appreciate you and your friendship. 🙂

  27. I’m great at making friends. I have no problem whatsoever. My friend always say that I should teach a class on how to make friends because I find it so easy to talk to people. 🙂 I sometimes talk to people my friends want to make friends with – then introduce them.

    You have to be happy and approachable. Don’t seek to impress. Just be yourself and talk about something non-threatening. 50 % of being able to make friends comes from within. It’s like an aura, I think. Sometimes people just can’t learn it. It’s a blessing – a natural gift.

    You talked about a ‘true friend’. People can sense if you would make a ‘true friend’. Sometimes they can sense your honesty and openness. These are great qualities to being a true friend. Tip: if someone has nothing in common with you, no matter how much you’re dying to be friends with them it won’t work.

    1. That’s wonderful Anne!

      Your pleasing personality must be making you very approachable to reach out and make friends. 🙂

      I guess when you are able to communicate or talk with another person freely, you automatically start a new relationship of making friends with them. You need to be just yourself and not try to portray to be someone else, or put up a false personality just to impress the other person because sooner or later they would get to know, which can end the friendship too.

      Making friends is an art and with some people it’s inborn, while with others it’s a skill they have to learn. It’s not difficult to make friends, provided you are willing to reach out and connect with others and are interested in making friends.

      You are absolutely right about how people can sense if you will make a true friend or not. I think when you are open and honest in your talks and actions, it touches people and they can make out you would make a wonderful friend. And yes, you do need something in common to become friends, though there are a few people who manage to make friends even when they don’t have anything in common – makes me wonder how they manage!

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  28. Hi Harleena,

    Friends are very important in our lives. Number 9 is the one can fall short one. We get to busy and let the days go by without keeping in touch with them.

    i don’t really believe it is harder to find friends as we get older, it is that we have learned good friends are hard to find and we get a little more picky about who we really want for a fruiend.

    My hubby is also my best friend and this makes the relationship wonderful. However I do have a lady that I have been friends with for over 20 years. We don’t see each other often, but do talk on the phone just about every day.

    As for the web, yes, i to have met many wonderful people that have become friends. I have the gentleman that does my tech work for my site that lives in the UK. I have been over to the UK and stayed with him and his wife and he is coming to the states in September and is going to spend a few days with me and hubby before going to the west coast.

    Friends are very important and smiling and listening is very important when making new friends. I love asking a few simple questions and learning about new people. People are what life is about. Building those memories that last a life time with others.

    Thank you for the wonderful post in making friends.

    1. Glad you could relate to the post Debbie!

      Yes indeed, friends are important in our lives, though sometimes we just aren’t able to find the time to connect with them. I guess at such times even a simple phone call does the trick because friends always understand.

      Some people find it tough to make friends once they grow older, while for others it’s easy because they have ample time at hand as their children have grown up. But yes, we all do tend to get choosy about the kind of friends we want to make, which isn’t the case when we were younger – isn’t it?

      Oh yes! Our spouses are indeed our best friends in most of the cases, which creates a deeper understanding between each other. Other friends too, if we don’t meet often and if we are able to catch up with them during the weekends, or through our cell phones and the social networking site – it’s absolutely alright. I think with our lives getting so busy nowadays, everyone understands the time restraints we all have.

      Nice to know about your friend in UK, and it must have been wonderful to have met him and stayed with him too. And with him coming over to your place, it’s surely going to make the friendship only stronger.

      I guess whenever we want to make friends, we do need to be approachable and have a pleasing personality, which is what initially attracts one person to another. Once the other person know that he/she can connect or reach out to you, making friends becomes much easier.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always nice to have you over. 🙂

  29. This post couldn’t be more timely for our family! With a teenager in the house, and the ever present “shifting of friends” he has had some hard lessons learned the past two years about who really is true friend. We’ve had talks about this, but your post says it so much better! Going to have him read it too.

    1. Glad you could resonate with the post Carol!

      Ah…kids and teens always have problems while making friends because it takes time and patience, and often times that’s something they lack due to their studies and other activities. They are still learning about how to make friends that age and can’t really recognize who is a real friend and who isn’t. It’s something my teens go through too, though now the elder one is friendly with many teens her age, and has very few good friends.

      Thanks for stopping by and I hope your son enjoys the post and it helps him in some ways. 🙂

  30. Great post!

    The older you get, I see it harder to make friends, or at least in your 30’s it is. Family and kids play a key role in what kind of friends you make. Me, not having kids, is harder to keep up with some of my other friends due to their kids activities and such. Also, not having kids, some “mothers” don’t find they have a lot in common with a furmom like me (mommy to a pit bull). It is hard. Then keeping in touch is difficult at times but thank God for social networking and cellphones which does make it a tad easier.

    Love the post!

    1. Glad you could resonate with the post Brenda!

      Yes indeed, I also feel that the older you get, the tougher it gets to make friends. Just as you mentioned, once you are married and have kids as well as a family to look after, your whole time is taken in looking after them. Unless you make an effort to take out time to catch up with your friends over the weekends, it does become tough.

      In your case too, even though you don’t have kids but if your friends have their kids to take care of, it becomes difficult for them to take out time to spend with you, even though they may want to. I guess family and kids always will come first.

      Ah…yes, we are grateful to the wonderful online friends that we make and are able to connect with them through our phones or social networking sites, which is indeed a sigh of relief to many like me too!

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. 🙂

  31. Hi!

    I think friendship should not be based on any expectation. I hope you are my friend because you have shown me the ways to improve myself as I am a novice in this field of freelance writing.
    Thanks a lot!!!

    1. Welcome to the blog Kajari!

      Yes indeed, there should be no expectations in friendship, though that’s tough for some people to accept. We do need to have unconditional love for one another and give more than take when we make good friends.

      That’s so kind of you and yes, I am always here if you need me for any kind of help about freelance writing. Also, why isn’t your gravatar set up yet? Your photo shows up on your blog, so it would be nice if you get your picture up next time you comment. We would love to see your beautiful face!

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  32. Hi Harleena,

    Wonderful post about friendships dear. You have depicted who is a friend and what qualities they need to have. Most of such qualities I like to see in people I friended with. I don’t friend with each and everyone, but yeah I’m open to anyone who does know how to respect and interact with each others.

    I have friends but not much when it comes to numbers. But they are true friends, I’m really happy to say. A true friend worth than 1000 fakes, right? I’m enjoying with them as a friend and I can say almost all of my friends are so much closer like family members. Well, they are part of my family for me. Actually I don’t know whether I treat them well or not and it’s not a thing that I can answer 🙂 My actions will define me and my friends know what kind of person I am.

    If I have a friend, I always like to keep in touch. As I have few friends, it help me to be effective on friendships as I can interact more. I’d like to initiate conversations with them to get to know more about them while strengthening friendships. It’s something that I can’t avoided. I always like to get my friends into conversations 😉 Sometimes we may miss ’em but we all have our own work and need to busy sometimes. Also I believe true friends can tell bitter truth with sweet words. They know how to help us without hurting a friend. I think honesty comes first in friendships always.

    I always believe ~ We can like many people, but we will trust only few. You are one of my true friends too dear 🙂 You know that.


    1. Glad you liked the post Mayura!

      I can well understand why you could relate to the post, which is because you yourself are a very friendly person! So, you see similar qualities in others I think. You raised a wonderful point about respecting one another, which is so important in friendship too.

      I think it’s more important to have a few good friends than to have many friends, who may not be real or true friends, which is what all of us need. Yes indeed, after a while your close friends who you know so well, become almost like family members and that’s how the bond develops further. I am sure your friends are lucky to have such a wonderful friend like you. 🙂

      Once we become friends with someone, which isn’t easy for some people because it takes time and patience, we need to cultivate that friendship. Just as you mentioned, you need to interact, meet them, and be open with them in due course of time. And yes, talking with them is what makes all the difference as they get to know you and you also get to know more about them and their habits, interests, likes, dislikes and other such things.

      Sometimes making friends doesn’t take time, while at other times to make friends for some people is an uphill task. Sometimes friendships break or there are misunderstandings between friends, or sometimes your friends have to shift to another place. But I guess, if you are good friends, the friendship doesn’t end because your friend has moved away for work etc. Instead, you make use of the online or other mediums to keep in touch – isn’t it? Yes, we miss them, but they always remain close to our heart and we remember them fondly.

      Yes indeed, honesty and trust are vital in friendship. But yes, it takes time to develop trust in friendship for which you need to be patient and keep working at it. True friends will always show you the mirror and won’t lie, instead, they are frank and their words don’t hurt, because you know they mean well.

      Ah…yes indeed, you are a wonderful and precious friend as well Mayura, and I’m glad we met. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. 🙂

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