How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love

5 simple rules to secure your own forever loving relationship with your partner

- | 64 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love
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“I love you.”

You used to fear that you’d never hear those sweet words.

That you’d never meet your soul mate.

And that if you did, you’d never hold onto them.

And now you are in a relationship; you still stress over the disagreements, the differences of opinion, the difficult times.

When all you’re trying to do is stay together.

When all you want is a lifetime of loving and being loved.

I too used to worry myself crazy that love would never find me. And that it would swiftly walk out if it did ever stumble into my world. But after 28 years with my forever partner, I’ve laid those fears to rest.

Together we’ve built a rock-solid relationship that our hearts love.

Which is why I want to share the secret with you. Because you too can build a forever relationship, whether you are still finding love or trying to hang on to it.

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5 Rock-Solid Relationship Rules

You just have to follow these five simple rules to secure your own rock solid relationship.

The heart wants what it wants – there’s no logic to these things.” – Woody Allen

1. Don’t Think

You see, when you’re surrendering your heart to another, you’re acting 100% in tune with your raw emotions. There’s not an ounce of reason or logic, just every fiber of your being connecting one on one with the one you love.

But then you go and try and build a relationship your heart and head will love.

You try to find logical reasons as to why your partner did or said something. Why they didn’t do or say something.

Listen, your brain doesn’t need to get involved.

Why?

Because it will over-think everything.

And then you will start worrying, fearing and imagining every possible but unlikely scenario under the sun…

  • What did she mean by that?
  • What made him do that?
  • What if she stops loving me?
  • What if he finds someone else?
  • What ..?

Endlessly cycling through the same worries and fears.

And yes, sometimes in relationships these things happen. But the reality is, by constantly thinking about it, many people unconsciously make these things happen.

I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. – Jim Carrey

Your thoughts have the power to create your own reality. Or to put it another way, what you constantly think (and worry) about, ends up coming true because how you think leads directly to how you act.

Now your heart only has two simple rules to keep you happy and alive:

  • don’t clog me up with too much saturated
  • don’t interfere with me creating a loving relationship.’

So leave your head out of the equation and use your heart to create your own universe of love.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” – Brené Brown

2. Don’t Hide

Building a relationship strong enough to ride out life’s storms takes both partners being totally open with each other. Totally vulnerable.

And that’s a scary thought.

You’ll tell yourself that it’s too risky, too scary to be totally open. That if let your barriers down and you open up totally to your partner, you could get hurt if things were to go wrong later on.

And that’s exactly why you have to be open with each other from the beginning. Otherwise, things will go wrong later on. Relationships thrive on trust, and it’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t confide in you.

Always putting your genuine thoughts and emotions out there will ensure there are no misunderstandings, no assumptions, never any doubts. Sharing all your feelings and your anxieties will allow your partner to understand the real you, the inner you that the rest of the world doesn’t see.

Talk through your fears and frustrations as well as your dreams and goals. Not only will it build trust and understanding, but it will also build the perfect platform for you to discover common ground on which to design a fulfilling life together.

Don’t hide away your thoughts and feelings, wear your heart on your sleeve. Your partner will be able to see (and hear) it better there.

So make sure your fear of being vulnerable doesn’t scupper this amazing thing called love.

You give loyalty; you‘ll get it back. You give love; you‘ll get it back.”Tommy Lasorda

3. Don’t Falter

I don’t believe love is blind; that’s just cliché nonsense.

Loyalty, however, oh boy, that wears a blindfold blacker than any knife thrower ever dared put on.

Partners who build a rock solid relationship have unshakable loyalty. Mark and I have got each other’s backs no matter what happens. Period.

You see, it’s easy to tell someone you love them. Most of the time, it’s easy to show that you love them as well. If you want to build a rock-solid relationship, however, you need to be prepared to tell and show them when it isn’t easy.

It’s the times when the whole world seems to be trying to tear you apart that you need to dig deep and stay loyal.

And remember, we’re not talking about a relationship that isn’t sound to start with. We’re talking about one where two people are deeply in love with each other and are committed to staying together.

Rock solid relationships work on giving each other the ultimate security – the promise of always staying loyal no matter what – and never doubting your partner will show the same loyalty back.

If the whole world tells you to doubt your partner, tell the world where to get off. Immediately. And don’t be polite!

So defend your relationship with the impregnable armor that loyalty gives.

Love is a game that two can play and both win.” – Eva Gabor

4. Don’t Compete

Even long standing relationships can fail if partners are forever competing in the relationship. Fighting for attention, recognition or even dominance are all serious challenges to the foundations of love.

Partners who see each other as competitors, or opponents rather than two equal parts of a whole risk their relationship and their happiness.

Conflict is inevitable at some time; you’re human after all. However, letting a small argument or disagreement spiral out of control into something larger and more damaging is not the way to a loving, lasting relationship.

Ask yourself, do you want to be ‘right’ more than you want harmony? Being ‘right’ really isn’t so important. And usually, both partners are as ‘right’ as each other. It’s mostly a matter of opinion or perspective.

So accept that you don’t need to be right. Accept that your version of ‘right’ may be wrong anyway. If you do this, your relationship will thrive.

You can still believe in your opinion and clear a space for your partner’s views to flourish. If you have different views, respect that your partner isn’t being stubborn or inconsiderate.

Instead, recognize that they are voicing an opinion that is genuine to them. By understanding this and still paying attention to your needs, you can free up enough loving creativity to get you both what you need.

…And if you can see that the stage of love is wide enough for you to stand side by side, you can work through any anxiety over feeling less significant or needing to be recognized more.

So build a relationship of two beautiful halves. Two equal, but different shaped halves that snugly fill each other’s gaps.

If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” – Bob Basso

5. Don’t Forget

Your partner’s way too busy. You’re way too busy, for sure. Life’s got so overfilled with earning enough, doing enough and being enough that it’s amazing there’s any time left for love!

But to build a forever loving relationship, there’s just one essential element you must find time for – and that element is fun.

Love doesn’t flourish on earnest romance alone. Remember to build fun into every day. It’s the world’s best stress-buster, temper-soother and memory-maker. Couples that laugh together stay together

So swap running over the frustrations or disappointments of your day for laughing and playing together to keep your relationship healthy forever.

Love is not only something you feel; it is something you do.”– Tom Robbins

Build A Rock-Solid Relationship

Love needn’t be a mystery.

It isn’t always an elusive, complicated beast. It can actually be a tangible way of life with just a few, clear rules.

A forever loving relationship can be yours. Your heart can be held securely by another for the rest of time.

Imagine never having to regret losing the love of your life because you got it wrong or misunderstood how love works.

Picture never having to worry that love isn’t on the cards for you.

Dream of loving and being loved forever.

Realize that you have the power to make your dream your absolute reality.

Here’s to your happy heart…

Over To You –

Are you trying to build a rock solid relationship? What are the rules you’ve found to be most helpful? Please share your tips and thoughts in the comments below.

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64 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Swadhin Agrawal

    July 25, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Hi Laura,
    This is a great post about building a healthy relationship. I like the idea that you have to be open in a relationship. Hiding can often result in small potholes in the relation which can eventually damage the trust factor.

    I don’t know where the competition thing arises from but it surely kills the love within a relation. Couples should support each other and see their success in their life partner’s success.
    having fun surely makes a relationship more lively and more rocking. 🙂

    Thanks and have a great day.
    -Swadhin

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 25, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      Thank you so much for adding your wonderfully positive thoughts Swadhin. It’s amazing and unfortunate how many relationships falter through pure misunderstanding or insufficient connection – both of which can be avoided by being totally open with each other. Competition can arise in several ways, such as between partners who feel they need to earn, achieve or accomplish more than each other or in needing to be right during arguments – both of which only result in tension, frustration and bad feeling. Fun, fun, fun and putting your relationship first will build rock solid foundations that will withstand even the strongest storms life throws your way.

  2. Ilka Emig

    July 25, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    Hi Laura!

    Very encouraging Post! Trust and being open are crucial for a good relationship. I don’t really understadn why partners should be in competition with each other, but I see it a lot.

    Thanks for great tips and reminders, Ilka

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 25, 2016 at 11:30 pm

      Thank you for joining this discussion Ilka. You’re so right that trust and being open are crucial. It’s tragic if the fear of showing one’s vulnerability for fear of being hurt is the root cause of a relationship failing. Honestly opening up is actually more likely to build your relationship rock solid.

  3. Lea Bullen

    July 25, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    I think I’ve built a pretty solid relationship. But it wasn’t always that way. In the beginning I held back, not allowing myself to get completely in it. Because of that it always seemed like something was missing. You really have to be willing to be all in for it to be meaningful.

    ~Lea

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 25, 2016 at 11:32 pm

      Thank you for adding your own experiences and lessons to this Lea. I’m delighted that you’ve built a solid relationship – all credit to both of you as it does take concerted, conscious effort. Enjoy loving and being loved.

  4. Donna Merrill

    July 25, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    Hi Laura,

    It took me until my third and final marriage to learn how to do this lol. But seriously, we both built a solid relationship so strong that I had to ask my therapist if it was one of a symbiotic nature…we do EVERYTHING together and enjoy it.

    We have a strong bond, respect each other, are business partners and most importantly laugh all the time. I find that is the key!

    It is difficult when it comes to relationships because we need to have that balance and communication between two people.

    Great advice!

    -Donna

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 25, 2016 at 11:36 pm

      Hey Donna, things don’t always work out despite our very best efforts. All we can do is give our relationships every chance of not just surviving but genuinely thriving. Look where you are now, it’s a wonderful place to be and you’ve brought all that you’ve learned to make this relationship truly rock solid – enjoy, delight in living a life of love.

  5. B k Chowla

    July 26, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Most important rule of building a relationship is mutual trust..
    Nothing else will come in the way once that trust is established.

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 29, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      Thank you B K for adding your thoughts on the importance of trust. I whole-heartedly agree, trust, and I’d say with loyalty too, together these are the greatest armor any relationship will ever need. Enjoy your rock solid relationship.

  6. Ravi Chahar

    July 27, 2016 at 12:30 am

    Hey Laura,

    Love is something people crave of. But the point is that the people are afraid to fall in love with someone.

    Maybe the fear to get cheated or something. I like that you have mentioned not to think much. Thinking much about love can be dangerous.

    To be loyal with your partner is very important. For a healthy relationship, both should be loyal to each other.

    Thanks for this article.
    Have a great day.
    ~Ravi

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 29, 2016 at 1:41 pm

      Thank you so much for joining this discussion Ravi. You’re right, people are afraid of love, afraid of being hurt, afraid of losing their partner, even afraid to get too deep in love and feel they’ve lost their own identity perhaps. But love, true love, I believe is worth facing any fears to achieve. Loving and being loved makes me feel whole, happy, secure. But it isn’t always easy not to think! And anyone who takes a bold step in sharing the real person they are with someone else is doing something amazing.

  7. Carolyn Mohr

    July 27, 2016 at 1:25 am

    Hi Laura, Great advice! I particularly like your suggestion of laughing. You’re right, that can really produce a strong bond. When we laugh together our problems can melt away. I also like your idea of loyalty. When people complain about their spouses constantly, that can be a red flag of trouble ahead.

    I like to try to do something nice for my husband every day. Even if it’s something little, it shows I’m thinking of him and that he matters in my life.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom here at Harleena’s place, Laura.

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 29, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      Thank you for sharing your own great advice too Carolyn. Doing something nice for your husband every day is making time for both of you, it truly is saying ‘I love you’ – I think little things are often the best, it’s those tiny acts of thoughtfulness, mini-acts of extra care that say ‘we’re in this together forever’.
      Enjoy your wonderful rock solid relationship Carolyn.

  8. Lisa Thomson

    July 27, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    Hi Laura, I agree with all of these points. one I would add is to refrain from ‘nitpicking’ where we focus too much on details that really aren’t consequential. I feel blessed in that I’m in a strong loving relationship. I believe that it’s possible for everyone! Great post!

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 29, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      Such a great addition Lisa, thank you. You’re so right ‘nitpicking’ can destroy a relationship because even thought it might seem like one is criticizing small things in the other, the message it gives is enormous! It says ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘I don’t like that aspect of you’,. In truth it really says, there’s something about you I can’t love – and that’s no basis for a rock solid relationship.

  9. Sia

    July 28, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    I especially like your recommendation of snickering. You’re correct, that can truly create a solid bond. When we snicker together our issues can dissolve away. I likewise like your concept of devotion. At the point when individuals whine about their mates continually, that can be a warning of inconvenience ahead.
    Thanks a ton!

    • Laura J. Tong

      July 29, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      Thank you for adding your thoughts on this Sia. Laughing or snickering together honestly helps ride out some very rough storms which, rock solid relationships are bound to hit, perhaps even more than weaker ones, simply because they last longer. More years together means more of life shared together and life brings some downs as well as ups. Laughing together is so much easier when your heart knows you’re in this life together because it feels secure and whatever the issue that comes along, it can deal with it more easily knowing that there are two of you. Two together in a rock solid bond have the strength of a hundred.

  10. Kenny Lee

    July 28, 2016 at 10:49 pm

    I like the Don’t Hide part. I’ve made the mistake once and it has cost me dearly. Now I’m in a better relationship and its forged based on transparency and honesty. In my opinion this should be the number 1 criteria for every succesful relationship in the long term.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      Thanks for adding a great point Kenny, with your word ‘transparent’. If you are obvious, evident and up front about everything, there is much less room for misunderstandings. This can be a little tricky because even in a rock solid relationship you are two different people and therefore will think differently about some things which means you can innocently misinterpret the words or actions of your partner. In those situations, it’s best to be transparent again and ask. Ask gently and kindly. Think kind and gentle thoughts about your partner and the opportunities to be hurt or upset will be greatly reduced. I’m delighted that you’ve found this to be the best strategy for you and that you are now in a strong relationship. Enjoy.

  11. Debbie D.

    July 28, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    Excellent tips! Communication, openness and honesty are so important for a successful relationship. My husband and I will be celebrating our 43rd anniversary next week, so I know how difficult it can be and also wrote an article about it.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Thank you for joining this discussion and congratulations! 43 happy years – I think that definitely counts as a rock solid relationship. Communication is such an important element in a rock solid relationship and can be a great way to look at strengthening it even further. it’s easy to forget that communication is a two way thing, no matter how clearly you think you’ve said something, if your partner doesn’t get it, you need to find another way to say it, perhaps try coming from a different angle. It could save a lot of kissing and making up. Look forward to hearing about your 44th anniversary celebrations.

  12. Elizabeth

    July 29, 2016 at 1:27 am

    Hello, Laura,

    It’s an interesting article but it hasn’t else other important points in solid and strong relationship.

    The points are:
    1. Respect your Partner; 2. Appreciate your partner; 3. Care your partner; 4. Support your partner in everything; 5. Help your partner. 6. Understand your partner; 7. Feel your partner by your heart.

    Good luck to everyone in relationship and not only!

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      What a great comment Elizabeth – I absolutely agree with all of the extra points you’ve made. There is a lot to building a rock solid relationship. It takes conscious thought and effort as your extra points show so well. I really appreciate you contributing your thoughts.

  13. Kim Orr

    July 29, 2016 at 3:48 am

    Thanks for this post, Laura. Among all of the good advice, this is a jewel: “. . . letting a small argument or disagreement spiral out of control into something larger and more damaging is not the way to a loving, lasting relationship. . . Ask yourself, do you want to be ‘right’ more than you want harmony? Being ‘right’ really isn’t so important.”

    This is a great reminder to keep in our hearts.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this with us all Kim. I honestly think it is tragic, in the true sense of the word, when a small disagreement over something neither partner really cares about becomes so big that it rocks the relationship’s foundations. It’s always better to be in a harmonious relationship than be right, I believe.

  14. Ravi Roshan Jaiswal

    July 29, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Hey Laura,
    So glad to meet you.. 🙂

    Thanks for taking interest to write on wonderful topic that is building a rock solid relationship. This is the perfect post for modern time. These five tips are wonderful to build a perfect relationship. Specially, I would like to describe my best tip from above is #2 Don’t hide. We should always share our feeling and views with partner.

    If competition not arise in between partners then we can live a happy life. We should always motivate each other in difficult situation too. Also, try to communicate through eye contact otherwise faith downs time to time from partners because of thinking that he/she doesn’t care about me.

    You have written very well and hope it will help everyone to strong their relationship bond.
    Thanks.
    – Ravi.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:34 pm

      Thanks so much for joining this really interesting discussion Ravi. You have added a great extra point here – that it is important to motivate each other in difficult situations. That is the best support you can offer a partner and if you can make it the way you always tackle difficult times, you will both feel confident that the support will always be there.

  15. K.J. Hutchings

    July 29, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    Another great post Laura! I think many of us definitely over-think our relationships and as a result strip away a lot of the joy we get from them. You are spot on about it being way better to be happy and in harmony than a right-fighter. What we think of as “right” is usually an just opinion and not always a fact. We all need to make more time for our relationships and re-assess our priorities, and not forget to nurture the relationship we have with ourselves too. Thanks for sharing!

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 1, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Thank you so much K.J. You’ve added another really important point with the need to ‘re-assess our priorities’ which I think you mean in the . Particularly in a rock solid relationship which lasts over many years, the world, your lives, your situations, your desires and goals will all have changed, so it’s essential to keep coming back to your priorities to ensure your relationship stays rock solid.

  16. Abhilash PS

    July 30, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Amazing Post!! I like your style of writing,I think this post can be used as a guide for married couples. Relationships are important than everything else. Thank You.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:07 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to add your kind words Abhilash. I’m delighted you found this post resonates with you – here’s to rock solid relationships the world over.

  17. Lorraine Reguly

    August 1, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    You forgot one: Don’t believe and trust blindly.

    I did this recently.

    The relationship didn’t work out. Of course, I chose to end it, for other reasons.

    But I like the points you made here.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      Thank you for adding such a great point Lorraine. You’re absolutely right ‘trust blindly’ to build your rock solid relationship. Please can you explain what you mean by ‘don’t believe’?

      • Lorraine Reguly

        August 11, 2016 at 10:39 am

        What I meant was don’t believe everything you’re told. Some of it may be untrue!

  18. Cylon

    August 5, 2016 at 5:56 am

    Laura,

    What a great post! After 10 years of marriage, I feel very lucky to be in a nurturing and loving relationship with my wife. This post will inspire me to keep fine tuning to make my relationship even better. Thank you 🙂

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:12 pm

      Thank you for bringing your fabulous positivity to this discussion Cylon and for sharing your own happy relationship. Here’s to your forever rock solid marriage with your wonderful wife.

  19. Sanu Siddharth

    August 5, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    HI Laura,

    First of all good to see you on this amazing platform blog of Harleena Mam, Yes! you are right building social relationship is good in many way and specially for bloggers like us because we need it a lot .

    So here i read many awesome methods to build solid relationship and yes! this is really important for everyone in any way i hope they will understand .
    Btw Thanks for share 🙂

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:16 pm

      Thank you for joining this discussion Sanu, and yes Aha!Now is a fantastic platform – such a wonderfully positive community, building on the incredible resource Harleena and Vinay created. It is an absolute pleasure to have the opportunity to contribute a little something back with this post, which you may have guessed, is on a topic that is very close to my heart.

  20. Yvonne I. Wilson

    August 6, 2016 at 4:52 am

    Hi Laura

    Very insightful post indeed. It’s a reminder of how important it is to work on our relationships in order to become rock solid. #4 Don’t compete and #5 Don’t forget resonated with me the most.

    Good open communication, respect and trust are very important values for me that I believe are critical to relationships staying strong and to last a lifetime.

    Thanks for sharing. Cheers! 🙂

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      Thank you for adding your great thoughts here Yvonne. Isn’t it wonderful that relationships can last a lifetime? To love and be loved for so long is an incredible gift that I absolutely treasure and as you say, communication, respect and trust are super critical elements.

  21. Cori Ramos

    August 9, 2016 at 1:38 am

    Hi Laura, Hi Harleena,

    It’s nice to meet you. This is great advice. This just goes to show that building a relationship takes work and it involves both parties.

    I like how you said we need to be totally open and vulnerable with each other…and you’re right it can be scary.

    Thankfully I found someone and have been building a relationship for 24 years now.

    The one rule we have is to be honest and communicate with each other. It’s worked so far ;).

    Thanks for sharing. Have a great week Laura and Harleena.

    Cori

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Thank you for sharing your own relationship rule – I’m delighted that you’ve built such a strong and healthy relationship over 24 years. You’re so right that building a rock solid relationship takes two and it takes being a little out of our comfort zone sometimes, like being vulnerable. As you’ve proved, it’s worth taking that small risk – here’s to your wonderful relationship.

  22. Imaobong

    August 9, 2016 at 2:59 am

    If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” – Bob Basso

    This was the one that stuck.
    Such a brilliant post, and great advice too.
    If you heart isn’t loving what you’re in, wholeheartedly, why are you even in it?
    It’s a question with scary acts attached but we need to ask ourselves more often

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and kind words Imaobong. I truly believe that fun gets forgotten far too often in relationships, especially when there are responsibilities to fulfill. But at the end of the day, building our rock solid relationship needs to be a priority for the other important elements of life to flourish.

  23. Amanda

    August 10, 2016 at 6:30 am

    Great post! No matter how long the relationship has lasted, sometimes it can feel like more and more work. That’s what a solid relationship is all about though – the work that the two of you promise to put into it. The first rule about not thinking is sound advice. I know I tend to over-think and question everything! Guess I need to tone it down some! 🙂

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:29 pm

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Amanda and for being so honest 🙂
      Over-thinking is such a relationship stressor, for sure. I love your description ‘the work that the two of you promise to put into it’ – beautiful. That’s the only commitment a rock solid relationship asks for, that you both work at it. And ‘working’ includes things like making sure you have fun too.

  24. chiranjit

    August 10, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Building relationship is really tough, all we need to do is trust each other and respect. In my view love is just what we create among us that we need to fulfill each other dreams and wants.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 10, 2016 at 9:32 pm

      Thank you for joining this discussion with your positive thoughts Chiranjit. I love how you’ve described what love means to you ‘fulfilling each other’s dreams and wants’ – now that’s a loving, rock solid relationship.

  25. Mi Muba

    August 11, 2016 at 12:09 am

    Hi Laura

    Good to see you here at Harleena’s blog and nice to meet you.

    As long as trust is there no one can shake the foundation of any kind of relationship. It is rightly said that it is so easy to build the trust but to maintain it is damn difficult.

    The way you explained how to build rock solid relationship shows your power of communicating in simple way the most complicated things. It shows you command over the topic.

    With these five rules a person can not only build the rock solid relationship but can equally make it more pleasant and every passing of day it would become stronger and mightier.

    Many thanks for sharing such a wonderful post.
    Have a great rest of the week.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 13, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words Mi. It’s wonderful to meet you here too. In truth, I wouldn’t ever pretend that building a rock solid relationship is easy – it is simple, in that if we follow the rules in this post, along with all the excellent extra points Aha!Now Readers have added in this great discussion , we have a blueprint for a forever relationship. I won’t shy away from saying it does take effort and determination and a commitment but oh boy, is it worth every minute. I love the way you describe a relationship becoming ‘mightier’ – that’s such a perfect way to think about, getting stronger, more invincible every day.

  26. Bisco Ibitade

    August 12, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    Hello Laura, this is an amazing post.

    Personally,I have been shying away from relationships partly because I’m very busy, but to a large extent because I’m scared of relationships that don’t work. Recently I found a sweet lady and couldn’t resist throwing my hat in the ring, and so far it’s been worth it.
    Your post now exposes me to a series of tips which would help me further strengthen my relationship. I have heard and seen lovers accuse themselves of competition and your post x-rays how competition hurts our relationship so I’ll make sure this doesn’t set in.

    I also noted that the use of “our head” is wrong. If I’m not wrong,you mean our emotions should take the lead, instead of trying to logically find reasons,which might be wrong.

    Thanks, I’ve found this very helpful.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 13, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your own situation re building a relationship. Yes, I do mean that using our head over our heart is a bad way to go – that means such things as overthinking or over-analyzing the words or actions of your partner. Instead let the emotions of love guide you and take everything your partner does and says at face value – that’s key to building a rock solid relationship because it has trust at its very foundations. Enjoy your relationship, I’m delighted you’ve found a sweet partner. Wishing you rock solid happiness together.

  27. Shweta

    August 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    Hi Laura,
    Nice post. And lots to learn from it.
    However, I don’t agree completely with you on the point of “Don’t Hide”. It actually depends on the type of personality your partner has. Everyone has arguments; having arguments is no measure of how rock solid your relationship is. But you have to first ensure your partner is not prone to getting back at you using what you shared, before baring your heart to him/her.
    After 19 years with my partner, I know what I should share with him, and what I should not. And not sharing does not mean I am hiding something!! It’s all about maintaining a balance between your individuality and your relationship.
    Cheers!!
    Shweta.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 18, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Shweta, thank you for your positive words and also for sharing your opinion, I really appreciate that. And I totally agree with you about arguments not being a measure of how rock solid a relationship is, for many people I think it’s very healthy! Just depends on personalities. Saying what you really think, even if that’s heatedly, is another way to be transparent which is important. However, I also take your point that it might not always be best to share everything if you feel it may generate conflict or difficulties. After 19 years, you know you and your partner and your relationship way better than I do and I’m delighted that you’ve found strategies that work for you. It’s great that you shared your thoughts Shweta, thank you.

  28. Ikechi Awazie

    August 17, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    Hi Laura

    Love this post and you discussed a very crucial topic. The tips you mentioned build a solid relationship. However, communication is so key and I like the idea of being open even though, most people are not comfortable with it.

    Thanks for sharing such as awesome post. Take Care

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 18, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      Hi Ikechi, it’s always to great to hear your thoughts, thank you for joining this discussion. Communication is crucial and it’s hard to remember it’s a two way thing sometimes – if we feel misunderstood, it’s possibly because we haven’t communicated clearly, even though what we said or did makes perfect sense to us. And you’re right, being open is not always a comfortable feeling for many people. Shweta makes a good point on that from her own experience above.

  29. Maurice

    August 19, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    Laura, I haven’t had a stable relationship before I read this, but i have this confidence after reading this… thanks a mega deal for posting this amazing teaching for me. God bless you.

    • Laura Tong

      September 7, 2016 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Maurice

      I’m sure you’ll have more luck now:) And remember Harleena has a great forum on Aha-now to help with relationships.

  30. Helen Speak

    December 6, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    I think its also been important to remember that relationships go through cycles and my husband of 20 years and I are always amazed at how when we are in a good place we can’t believe we could ever go into a bad one….and when we are in a bad place we can’t believe we could get back to a good one. Even though this is always how it feels we now know and remind ourselves that it is true and can cope better with the bad times and move more quickly back to the good ones.
    great post thanks x

    • Laura J. Tong

      December 13, 2016 at 1:30 am

      Thank you for adding such a good point, Helen. You’re right, relationships can go in cycles, after all, there are people involved – and humans are so often consistently inconsistent! I’m delighted for you and your husband that you have the love and strength to recognize that relationships don’t run on a dead straight, completely flat plane – they can roll around like a ship at sea. But we’ve absolutely found that by building our relationship according to the strategies in this post, our lifelines keep us safely aboard and afloat. Better still, they keep us fighting every storm together.

  31. Isabelle Ives

    March 19, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    This was a wonderful and heartwarming article on how to build a solid relationship. I love the fact that you wrote this inspiring piece! Couples need to work together instead of competing with one another.

  32. Vashishtha Kapoor

    March 19, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    I am still single. I definitely have to follow your tips.

  33. Maria

    July 4, 2017 at 9:51 am

    That’s right! Well, it’s probably easy to fall in love yet hard to keep it. I agree with what you posted, especially with “don’t hide” this is very important in a relationship. It may be hard but it will surely make your relationship stronger.




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Read more posts in the category: Love & Relationships




How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love

by Laura J. Tong time to read: 6 min