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How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love

5 simple rules to secure your own forever loving relationship with your partner

- | 64 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love
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“I love you.”

You used to fear that you’d never hear those sweet words.

That you’d never meet your soul mate.

And that if you did, you’d never hold onto them.

And now you are in a relationship; you still stress over the disagreements, the differences of opinion, the difficult times.

When all you’re trying to do is stay together.

When all you want is a lifetime of loving and being loved.

I too used to worry myself crazy that love would never find me. And that it would swiftly walk out if it did ever stumble into my world. But after 28 years with my forever partner, I’ve laid those fears to rest.

Together we’ve built a rock-solid relationship that our hearts love.

Which is why I want to share the secret with you. Because you too can build a forever relationship, whether you are still finding love or trying to hang on to it.

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5 Rock-Solid Relationship Rules

You just have to follow these five simple rules to secure your own rock solid relationship.

The heart wants what it wants – there’s no logic to these things.” – Woody Allen

1. Don’t Think

You see, when you’re surrendering your heart to another, you’re acting 100% in tune with your raw emotions. There’s not an ounce of reason or logic, just every fiber of your being connecting one on one with the one you love.

But then you go and try and build a relationship your heart and head will love.

You try to find logical reasons as to why your partner did or said something. Why they didn’t do or say something.

Listen, your brain doesn’t need to get involved.

Why?

Because it will over-think everything.

And then you will start worrying, fearing and imagining every possible but unlikely scenario under the sun…

  • What did she mean by that?
  • What made him do that?
  • What if she stops loving me?
  • What if he finds someone else?
  • What ..?

Endlessly cycling through the same worries and fears.

And yes, sometimes in relationships these things happen. But the reality is, by constantly thinking about it, many people unconsciously make these things happen.

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I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. – Jim Carrey

Your thoughts have the power to create your own reality. Or to put it another way, what you constantly think (and worry) about, ends up coming true because how you think leads directly to how you act.

Now your heart only has two simple rules to keep you happy and alive:

  • don’t clog me up with too much saturated
  • don’t interfere with me creating a loving relationship.’

So leave your head out of the equation and use your heart to create your own universe of love.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” – Brené Brown

2. Don’t Hide

Building a relationship strong enough to ride out life’s storms takes both partners being totally open with each other. Totally vulnerable.

And that’s a scary thought.

You’ll tell yourself that it’s too risky, too scary to be totally open. That if let your barriers down and you open up totally to your partner, you could get hurt if things were to go wrong later on.

And that’s exactly why you have to be open with each other from the beginning. Otherwise, things will go wrong later on. Relationships thrive on trust, and it’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t confide in you.

Always putting your genuine thoughts and emotions out there will ensure there are no misunderstandings, no assumptions, never any doubts. Sharing all your feelings and your anxieties will allow your partner to understand the real you, the inner you that the rest of the world doesn’t see.

Talk through your fears and frustrations as well as your dreams and goals. Not only will it build trust and understanding, but it will also build the perfect platform for you to discover common ground on which to design a fulfilling life together.

Don’t hide away your thoughts and feelings, wear your heart on your sleeve. Your partner will be able to see (and hear) it better there.

So make sure your fear of being vulnerable doesn’t scupper this amazing thing called love.

You give loyalty; you‘ll get it back. You give love; you‘ll get it back.”Tommy Lasorda

3. Don’t Falter

I don’t believe love is blind; that’s just cliché nonsense.

Loyalty, however, oh boy, that wears a blindfold blacker than any knife thrower ever dared put on.

Partners who build a rock solid relationship have unshakable loyalty. Mark and I have got each other’s backs no matter what happens. Period.

You see, it’s easy to tell someone you love them. Most of the time, it’s easy to show that you love them as well. If you want to build a rock-solid relationship, however, you need to be prepared to tell and show them when it isn’t easy.

It’s the times when the whole world seems to be trying to tear you apart that you need to dig deep and stay loyal.

And remember, we’re not talking about a relationship that isn’t sound to start with. We’re talking about one where two people are deeply in love with each other and are committed to staying together.

Rock solid relationships work on giving each other the ultimate security – the promise of always staying loyal no matter what – and never doubting your partner will show the same loyalty back.

If the whole world tells you to doubt your partner, tell the world where to get off. Immediately. And don’t be polite!

So defend your relationship with the impregnable armor that loyalty gives.

Love is a game that two can play and both win.” – Eva Gabor

4. Don’t Compete

Even long standing relationships can fail if partners are forever competing in the relationship. Fighting for attention, recognition or even dominance are all serious challenges to the foundations of love.

Partners who see each other as competitors, or opponents rather than two equal parts of a whole risk their relationship and their happiness.

Conflict is inevitable at some time; you’re human after all. However, letting a small argument or disagreement spiral out of control into something larger and more damaging is not the way to a loving, lasting relationship.

Ask yourself, do you want to be ‘right’ more than you want harmony? Being ‘right’ really isn’t so important. And usually, both partners are as ‘right’ as each other. It’s mostly a matter of opinion or perspective.

So accept that you don’t need to be right. Accept that your version of ‘right’ may be wrong anyway. If you do this, your relationship will thrive.

You can still believe in your opinion and clear a space for your partner’s views to flourish. If you have different views, respect that your partner isn’t being stubborn or inconsiderate.

Instead, recognize that they are voicing an opinion that is genuine to them. By understanding this and still paying attention to your needs, you can free up enough loving creativity to get you both what you need.

…And if you can see that the stage of love is wide enough for you to stand side by side, you can work through any anxiety over feeling less significant or needing to be recognized more.

So build a relationship of two beautiful halves. Two equal, but different shaped halves that snugly fill each other’s gaps.

If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” – Bob Basso

5. Don’t Forget

Your partner’s way too busy. You’re way too busy, for sure. Life’s got so overfilled with earning enough, doing enough and being enough that it’s amazing there’s any time left for love!

But to build a forever loving relationship, there’s just one essential element you must find time for – and that element is fun.

Love doesn’t flourish on earnest romance alone. Remember to build fun into every day. It’s the world’s best stress-buster, temper-soother and memory-maker. Couples that laugh together stay together

So swap running over the frustrations or disappointments of your day for laughing and playing together to keep your relationship healthy forever.

Love is not only something you feel; it is something you do.”– Tom Robbins

Build A Rock-Solid Relationship

Love needn’t be a mystery.

It isn’t always an elusive, complicated beast. It can actually be a tangible way of life with just a few, clear rules.

A forever loving relationship can be yours. Your heart can be held securely by another for the rest of time.

Imagine never having to regret losing the love of your life because you got it wrong or misunderstood how love works.

Picture never having to worry that love isn’t on the cards for you.

Dream of loving and being loved forever.

Realize that you have the power to make your dream your absolute reality.

Here’s to your happy heart…

Over To You –

Are you trying to build a rock solid relationship? What are the rules you’ve found to be most helpful? Please share your tips and thoughts in the comments below.

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64 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Maria

    July 4, 2017 at 9:51 am

    That’s right! Well, it’s probably easy to fall in love yet hard to keep it. I agree with what you posted, especially with “don’t hide” this is very important in a relationship. It may be hard but it will surely make your relationship stronger.

  2. Vashishtha Kapoor

    March 19, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    I am still single. I definitely have to follow your tips.

  3. Isabelle Ives

    March 19, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    This was a wonderful and heartwarming article on how to build a solid relationship. I love the fact that you wrote this inspiring piece! Couples need to work together instead of competing with one another.

  4. Helen Speak

    December 6, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    I think its also been important to remember that relationships go through cycles and my husband of 20 years and I are always amazed at how when we are in a good place we can’t believe we could ever go into a bad one….and when we are in a bad place we can’t believe we could get back to a good one. Even though this is always how it feels we now know and remind ourselves that it is true and can cope better with the bad times and move more quickly back to the good ones.
    great post thanks x

    • Laura J. Tong

      December 13, 2016 at 1:30 am

      Thank you for adding such a good point, Helen. You’re right, relationships can go in cycles, after all, there are people involved – and humans are so often consistently inconsistent! I’m delighted for you and your husband that you have the love and strength to recognize that relationships don’t run on a dead straight, completely flat plane – they can roll around like a ship at sea. But we’ve absolutely found that by building our relationship according to the strategies in this post, our lifelines keep us safely aboard and afloat. Better still, they keep us fighting every storm together.

  5. Maurice

    August 19, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    Laura, I haven’t had a stable relationship before I read this, but i have this confidence after reading this… thanks a mega deal for posting this amazing teaching for me. God bless you.

    • Laura Tong

      September 7, 2016 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Maurice

      I’m sure you’ll have more luck now:) And remember Harleena has a great forum on Aha-now to help with relationships.

  6. Ikechi Awazie

    August 17, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    Hi Laura

    Love this post and you discussed a very crucial topic. The tips you mentioned build a solid relationship. However, communication is so key and I like the idea of being open even though, most people are not comfortable with it.

    Thanks for sharing such as awesome post. Take Care

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 18, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      Hi Ikechi, it’s always to great to hear your thoughts, thank you for joining this discussion. Communication is crucial and it’s hard to remember it’s a two way thing sometimes – if we feel misunderstood, it’s possibly because we haven’t communicated clearly, even though what we said or did makes perfect sense to us. And you’re right, being open is not always a comfortable feeling for many people. Shweta makes a good point on that from her own experience above.

  7. Shweta

    August 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    Hi Laura,
    Nice post. And lots to learn from it.
    However, I don’t agree completely with you on the point of “Don’t Hide”. It actually depends on the type of personality your partner has. Everyone has arguments; having arguments is no measure of how rock solid your relationship is. But you have to first ensure your partner is not prone to getting back at you using what you shared, before baring your heart to him/her.
    After 19 years with my partner, I know what I should share with him, and what I should not. And not sharing does not mean I am hiding something!! It’s all about maintaining a balance between your individuality and your relationship.
    Cheers!!
    Shweta.

    • Laura J. Tong

      August 18, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Shweta, thank you for your positive words and also for sharing your opinion, I really appreciate that. And I totally agree with you about arguments not being a measure of how rock solid a relationship is, for many people I think it’s very healthy! Just depends on personalities. Saying what you really think, even if that’s heatedly, is another way to be transparent which is important. However, I also take your point that it might not always be best to share everything if you feel it may generate conflict or difficulties. After 19 years, you know you and your partner and your relationship way better than I do and I’m delighted that you’ve found strategies that work for you. It’s great that you shared your thoughts Shweta, thank you.




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How to Build a Rock Solid Relationship Your Heart will Love

by Laura J. Tong time to read: 6 min