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Letting Go: How It Helps You

Profile photo of Donna Merrill - | 60 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Self Improvement

child letting go of stress and happy

Letting go does not mean giving up! In fact, it helps you gain peace of mind and move forward.

Today I’ve a special guest – please welcome Donna, who’s an intuitive life coach and personal development expert. Let’s read all that she has to share with us today – over to her.

Letting go of anything is so difficult for some people. It can be a hurtful family member or just a piece of furniture.

When we refuse to let go, what happens? We remain stagnant.

Our life is so cluttered with the old, often useless and dysfunctional stuff that we have no room for new things to come in.

I know how difficult it is when a loved one passes on. We mourn our loss and go through a ritual such as burying or cremating the person. Each culture has its own way of facing the “ending”.

We give ourselves time to mourn and then let go. I don’t want to sound morbid by using this example, but it is the ultimate experience of letting go.

Death is something everyone learns to handle because it is an inevitable part of the natural life cycle.

But what happens to people when they become entrenched in a specific lifestyle, or a particular journey and they just can’t adjust to any alteration or modification?

Why People are Afraid of Letting Go

People may stay at a job they don’t like because of fear of what is beyond their potential. Some stay there for years and do not allow themselves to grow and enjoy the things they may love to do.

I notice that when people refuse to let go of things that just don’t work for them any longer, their happiness and sense of self worth start to melt away. They cannot enjoy their spouse, their family, etc.

They may get angry or play victim to the very circumstances that they foster. In any case, they won’t allow themselves to try to extend themselves even for a job interview, let alone starting their own business.

And, often enough, if they do step out of their comfort zone and things don’t work out, they quickly play the blame game to make things somebody else’s fault.

Letting Go of Things in Your Life

I know a woman who is quite a hoarder. Now, this is a physical and transparent form of refusing to let go.

This person cannot let go of her furniture because it reminds her of her past. Her garage is full of surplus furniture and she always complained about it, and begged me to help her get rid of it. But first, I extended myself by visiting her to take pictures of everything, from furniture down to the silverware.

I made a photo album for her so she could keep those memories without cluttering her home. Little by little, she started to give away something here and there. But she didn’t let go of these things without anxiety.

So each time she gave something away, I suggested that she look at the picture we took. After two years, her house has nothing but the essentials in it. Now she is even ready to move to a new place.

Unsurprisingly, this woman’s willingness to let go of her furniture has opened her to letting go of some negative relationships in her life. As she has done so, she’s been able to replace them some good and positive relationships that she had previously avoided.

This is one simple way to illustrate how letting go of things go in our lives enables us to grow, and to move on to new adventures and possibilities.

woman happy after let go of stress

Letting Go and Starting Your Business

When it comes to our wonderful world of business on the internet, I find that lots of folks are fearful of letting go of menial jobs that are going nowhere in order to start their own business.

So, what can we do with the person who can’t let go of dead-end jobs and careers, even though they are fully capable of doing better?

“Create a back door!” I usually suggest. Go on working as usual, but create time to work on your own business. Nothing happens overnight.

Start your new venture part time, utilizing spare evening or weekend hours. There are many successful people who are doing business part time via the Internet.

That phrase “create a back door” is comforting to those who find it difficult to let go all at once. All one has to do is be diligent, persistent and a business will bloom.

Time is not necessarily of the essence here. “Letting go” is.

Starting an online business part time affords a comfort zone to many people that I’ve consulted with.

They can rely on the job that keeps them financially and emotionally comfortable, while taking daring little chances for a few hours a day.

It’s really not uncommon that before they know it, they are able to totally let go of the go-nowhere job and mentality, and apply themselves fully to doing what makes them happy.

Letting Go of People in Your Life

Letting go of people that are toxic is a biggie, too!

I must have heard a hundred stories about people that won’t let go of a toxic or worse, abusive relationship.

I feel this is the worst form of refusing to let go, especially if there are children involved in the situation.

It is often not an easy thing to let go of a partner because of financial situations, or worse, the syndrome whereby one spouse believes that they cannot survive without the other, even if it puts them (and others) in harm’s way.

Now, if there are children involved in this situation, they are being abused, too. Yes! If daddy is putting down mommy or even worse, displaying violence, the children will suffer, too. To me that is criminal.

But hey, I’m not Queen of the world. I just know this from my own personal experience!

When the abused spouse lets go of the abusive partner (and sometimes it is best to get help before one does it), they end up gaining strength. Why? Because it takes so much strength to deal with that situation, when it is over, the victim who couldn’t let go – turns into the victor who did.

Conclusion

So you see – letting go is often required in order for you to move forward in your life, and in your business.

We all need to let go of some things in our lives in order to grow. The above examples may be pretty extreme, but try applying it to even small things in your life.

Are you holding on to something that you just cannot shake? Do you dream of anything at all that you aren’t doing right now?

What are you waiting for? Let go of ANYTHING that is holding you back and realize that you never stuck in time, you are always evolving. Growth and development never end!

Over To You

Do you believe in letting go? What can you let go of to make room for growth and improvement in your life? Share in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos



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60 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Profile photo of Harleena Singh

    Harleena Singh

    October 18, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Hi Donna,

    Welcome to my blog as a guest blogger!

    I’ve always been so inspired by your posts on your blog and your comments on my posts. Your suggestions are always so wise and practical. I’m happy that you’re sharing more of your advice with my blog readers to help learn to let go to progress and be happy.

    I totally agree with you that we often hold grudges against people, cling to things that we don’t need, and even keep feeling bad about our mistakes and find it difficult to overcome the sad feelings.

    As you suggest, we just need to let go! Release the burden and unchain from the negative feelings and thoughts that hold us back. But I agree that letting go is not that easy!

    You’re right – mourning is the ultimate experience of letting go. Though the process doesn’t have to be always sad and you can also let go of things or people holding you back in a happy and understanding way.

    It’s really interesting how you helped the lady let go of her attachment to things that were just not needed. And how giving away of things also helped her let go of negative relationships in her life!

    Yes, nothing happens overnight, and it’s a great strategy to “create a back door”. Letting go is so important not only in your personal life but also your professional life and in your business.

    I’ve written about abusive relationships in my previous post and there, most of us strongly suggested people in such relationships to let go and free themselves from such toxic contacts that poison their lives.

    Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom about how letting go can help us move forward in life. We all need to do this in our lives. Holding on to negativity never helps.

    I’m sure my blog readers have lots to share with you and shoot their questions – so it’s over to you Donna – I’m not coming in at all, except to welcome the new readers! Hope you’ve a great time at Aha!NOW. πŸ™‚

  2. Donna Merrill

    October 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Harleena,

    I am so flattered by your wonderful introduction. I am an avid read of your blog and am honored to be here.

    I find that one of the first steps in growth is Letting Go! The example I’ve given of one of my clients illustrates how it does not happen overnight.

    We must work on it. And Yes…if we are in a toxic relationship we need to let go. Once we take that first step, we get a little taste of empowerment.

    -Donna

  3. Ryan Biddulph

    October 18, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Hi Donna and Harleena!

    Releasing precedes acquiring. Letting go is the toughest thing to do because we love comfort and familiarity. Donna, love seeing you here and Harleena, thanks for having Donna as a guest poster.

    Love the insight here. Letting go precedes growing, of course, but doing so is painful. Once we can simply embrace that surrendering is the way to go, and that we will create a vacuum by releasing, we are far more likely to let go.

    Thanks Guys!

    Ryan

    • Donna Merrill

      October 18, 2013 at 10:27 pm

      Well Said Ryan!

      Love is the insight here! Letting go can be a painful process, but once we do, a whole new world opens up for us.

      Thanks so much Ryan for your insightful addition to this post.

      -Donna

  4. Kumar Gauraw

    October 18, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Hi Donna,

    What an awesome way to start the post with ‘Letting go does not mean giving up’

    And you are absolutely right. Letting go of guilt, past, toxic people, orthodox beliefs, anger, resentment is absolutely critical to a fulfilled life. It is very hard to not let go of things and people who are holding us back. Thank you for such a wonderfully crafted article to remind us of that as we are all looking forward to having a great weekend.

    I have had an eventful week and I definitely needed to read this and I take this opportunity to thank you for a great reminder.

    You have a wonderful weekend and a successful next week!

    Regards,
    Kumar

    • Donna Merrill

      October 18, 2013 at 10:31 pm

      Your kind words are dear to me Kumar!

      Yes, there are many things we must let go of when they are holding us back.

      The most difficult ones to me are the kind of things we learn from childhood. A pattern of acceptance is born. That can lead us into trouble sometimes.

      The funny thing is, when we do let go and change…be prepared because people close to you just might resent it. They are used to us being one way, then we change. It is quite normal to get a negative reaction from people who carry negativity.

      I see this all the time!

      -Donnd

  5. Babanature

    October 18, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Hello Donna and welcome to Harleena’s blog,

    You have indeed put up a nice and motivational post here today and i must confess that i indeed loved it :).

    There are somethings that are impossible to let go. I do always let some few negativity go but my soul and mind never lets some beautiful moments die off like that. The one thing that kills a man slowly is, when he keeps something in his mind (festering).

    Thanks for the lovely post and do have a beautiful weekend start…

    • Donna Merrill

      October 18, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      Hi Babanature,

      Oh boy…that could really be a problem. When we cannot let go no matter how hard we try, sometimes it is good to go to a third party.

      There were times in my life were I tried everything to let go, but I didn’t have the tools to do so. One time fear took hold of me for 30 years! It was fear of storms that made me stop in my tracks. I knew in my mind it was transference from an abusive relationship, but I just couldn’t shake it.

      I wanted so badly to stop. I tried every therapy, prayed, did it all. Then I found EMDR therapy and Viola! Now I can go out on a stormy day, with caution of course and not be gripped by fear. I let go and feel so free.

      The point is: Where there is a will, there is a way. If there is something in your mind, subconscious mind, it can be fixed.

      Bless you,

      -Donna

  6. Ahsan

    October 18, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    Hello Donna Merrill,

    Wow.. its a superb topic. I never thought of this topic before. It’s not easy to let it go of everything, to forget the past or to leave your family back etc. It’s not so easy as we say. In practical life, it’s hard. But as you say we have to do it in order to live.

    Anyway have a great weekend πŸ™‚

    • Donna Merrill

      October 18, 2013 at 10:39 pm

      Hi Ashan,

      I come from an alcoholic family. Oh boy did things get me down! I still love my family, but letting go, within myself and learning how to deal with them brought me the freedom and happiness I well deserved.

      In an abusive relationship, I do feel that we need to try first, then run away! he he

      It is not easy, but in order to live the life we truly deserve, we cannot accept ANYONE to stop us.

      Now, we can still be connected to toxic or negative people such as family members, but we can find ways not to let them “get to us” and be strong enough to create boundaries.

      Wishing you well,

      -Donna

  7. Susan Neal

    October 18, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    Hi Donna and Harleena,

    Lovely to see you on Harleena’s blog, Donna, and a wonderful inspiring post you’ve given us here.

    There’s a lot of truth in what you say, and I can particularly relate to your points about sometimes needing to let go of people (very painful and difficult) as well as things.

    I think we often need to let go of things like guilt, anger and regret about the past. I’ve found you need to do that in order to move forward – there’s no point in continuing to weep over things in your past that can’t be changed – you have to let go of them if you’re going to move on.

    I’ve found I’ve also needed to let go of some limiting beliefs about myself, particularly false beliefs about what I can and can’t do, in order to be free to develop my creative talents. We often hold onto the labels and stereotypes we create for ourselves, or that others attach to us, and they can be crippling.

    Thanks, Donna – a great share πŸ™‚

  8. Susan Cooper

    October 19, 2013 at 4:19 am

    I love your message. It’s way easier to hold on to stuff. That includes misperceptions and negative behavior. We sometimes don’t see it until someone points it out. When they do, we get upset, reflect and if we’re smart consider what was said and make some changes. πŸ™‚

    • Donna Merrill

      October 20, 2013 at 12:14 am

      Hi Susan,

      Oh yes! When someone points out to another that they may be holding on to past or present anger, negative attitudes, etc. The response usually is “I am not!” But some people we can talk to like that and some we just know we cannot. Those we cannot (I know many in my family) I just accept the way they are, remind myself that it is their negative energy and not mine. Plus….I never let it get to me. OK…sometimes when it does, I retreat, take a few deep breaths and do some self talk. Works for me!

      Hopefully those that hold negative behavior that they won’t let go will eventually choose to change themselves.

      -Donna

  9. Viola Tam

    October 19, 2013 at 6:22 am

    Hi Donna & Harleena,

    It is wonderful to have you, Donna, on Harleena’s blog. D + H = Double Happiness (which is a common sign in traditional Chinese weddings) πŸ™‚

    Letting go is perhaps the hardest thing for people who may have been challenged multiple times in the past. It takes courage to step into the unknown. This is why Donna’s suggestion is the best: β€œCreate a back door!” By starting something by the side, it is much less scary.

    As Donna pointed out, nothing happens overnight. In network marketing, in particular, it usually takes about 2-5 years to create a decent stream of income. we do not recommend others to start by quitting their day job or business at the beginning.

    May more readers embrace the idea of letting go so that more wonderful things can happen in their lives.

    Great insights, Donna!

    Viola Tam – The Business Mum

    • Donna Merrill

      October 20, 2013 at 12:17 am

      Viola

      That is amazing D and H = Double happiness. I will never forget that one. Thank you so much!

      Yes, the same holds here for network marketing. It does take time and we need to create a back door. Actually ANY business at all – offline or online will take some start up finances.

      So glad you made that correlation Viola!

      -Donna

  10. Donna Merrill

    October 19, 2013 at 6:58 am

    Thank you for this wonderful addition to this post Sue!

    Letting go of our past belief system about ourselves that are limiting may take a while to do. But which ever road we go on it is a MUST DO!

    Oh and that past stuff like guilt, anger and regrets, just keep you down. One cannot move forward without letting go of these emotions. I know someone that holds on to regrets for almost 50 years. Still in the same relationship she doesn’t like, still in the same home she grew up in, and STILL talks about regrets. Of course, I cannot enable this conversation because it does her no good! Nor me!

    I think letting go of people is the most difficult. Especially if it is a spouse, a family member or even one’s child. Some people have kids that go down the wrong path of drugs, or whatever. Tough love needs to be implemented here. I think that is the hardest thing to do.

    Thanks again!

    -Donna

  11. Jeevan Jacob John

    October 20, 2013 at 6:41 am

    Good to see you here, Donna πŸ˜€

    I have had difficulties with letting go off things. Like the friend you mentioned in the post, I had sort of connection with the material things of life – from old pencils to clothes :D.

    But, I don’t have that problem. I have no problem with letting go of things. I am trying to take it to a next level – gaining control over my emotions, and letting go of the unwanted emotions – unwanted “rupture” of emotions πŸ˜‰

    Sometimes, I think that I am trying to become a machine – with no emotions (even if I could, that would be a shortcut to dealing with emotions. And, I don’t like shortcuts very much).

    Anyways, thank you for sharing your insights on the topic, Donna πŸ˜€ Appreciate it!

    • Donna Merrill

      October 20, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Jeevan!

      Great to see you here too! I just had to laugh because my daughter has the same problem of letting go of clothing and pencils! I have a pencil box since she was a kid (now 30 years old) that is in my basement. Sometimes it is like memories that one wants to keep.

      But dealing with the REAL problem of emotions. Don’t ever think that you will become like a machine. Emotions are there to help us. If someone dies, we feel sad. If things are funny we laugh.

      The ONLY time we need to deal with emotions and let go is when it stands in our way. I was a very quiet kid and never spoke my mind. In school I would NEVER raise my hand because I was afraid someone would laugh at me or I would give the wrong answer. I was terrified of authority.

      But, once I went to college, I had to speak up. So I did a lot of “self talk” to myself. My mantra was “So What!” In time I was able to let go of this crippling feeling and spoke my mind. Guess What? No one cared and people did like what I had to say.

      That is one example to share. We do need emotions to tell us what is dangerous, what makes us sad, happy, etc. They are ques for us to grow. If we didn’t have any emotions at all, I guess we would be like our computers lol.

      You just have to take a picture of your pens and pencils he he he! Then throw the out. (Only kidding)

      -Donna

  12. Shalu Sharma

    October 20, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Hi Donna,

    Very timely post as I am finding difficult to let go of things. To be honest, I find things difficult to let go irrespective how bad it is if I keep holding on to it. It’s the fear as you that keeps them holding on and not letting go.

    I am not sure how to get rid of this negative thought but I am sure there are some good techniques. I am shocked to learn that people even find difficult to let go of furnitures. Because of this very fear, people are not able to do things in their life such as starting their own business. Something like this must be looked into as its one of the most common fear and negative thoughts that people have to suffer.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 20, 2013 at 8:57 pm

      Hi Shalu!

      It may sound silly of not letting go of furniture, but it does have a deep subconscious root. It is like that with many things. Once we find what it is, then we can deal with it.

      Sometimes a negative thought from fear is there to protect you from whatever it is to happen again. If that is the case, a good third party like a therapist or counselor can help.

      Here is an analogy for you: You fall down a flight of steps at a young age. Then all your life you are afraid of heights. You may or may not connect the two, but your subconscious mind is there to protect you from falling again. Does that make any sense to you?

      I can share my own deep fear with you: I loved looking at a good lightning storm with my dad. To me it was always spectacular. Then I married a man who was abusive. I was pregnant and there was a storm. I found myself under the dining room table shaking with fear.

      From then on, if I heard the weather was going to be stormy, I wouldn’t leave my house. Now I knew that this was transference, but the fear wouldn’t leave me. I suffered for decades. I went for hypnosis, therapy, you name it…I did it.

      Then a therapist introduced me to EMDR therapy (Google it because it is interesting) My fear is now gone. I shared it in a blog post some weeks back because I wanted people to know…where there’s a will…there is a way.

      Blessings to you,

      -Donna

  13. Theodore Nwangene

    October 20, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    A very interesting and eye opening post Donna,

    First of all, welcome to Aha, Its a very lovely and awesome community to be, wouldn’t you agree :).

    Coming to your post, letting go off some things in our lives at any moment in time can be one of the best decisions we can make at that period.

    And yes as you said, many people always find it very difficult to let go off their old stuffs but, letting go off those old ones is always the best way to get new and better ones.

    I was once in a relationship that I cherished a lot but over time, it started turning into a nightmare, and I never wanted to lose the girl but, after reading the handwriting on the wall, I concluded that keeping her will only be causing me more pains and heart break and so, I had to let go and, I’m so glad I did.

    You know what they say that when the perfect thing enters, the imperfect has to go and I so much agree with that phrase, so let’s start letting go of those things which we know we don’t need again Donna :).

    Thanks a lot for this awesome piece and, thanks to Mrs. Harleena too for allowing you to share your wealth of knowledge with us :).

    You both have a wonderful week ahead.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Theodore,

      It must have been difficult to let go of that relationship, but I’m sure you are glad you did now. When relationships cannot be worked out, and we find it toxic, it is time to go!

      As we close one door another always opens.

      Thank you so much for sharing your story and adding to this post.

      -Donna

  14. Mary Gottschalk

    October 20, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    A thought provoking post, which I’ve shared through Triberr.

    I am reminded of the Buddhist notion that suffering is caused by attachment. My own version of that is wanting things you don’t have, or trying to hold on to things that you do have. Another version, from Judaism, says that happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

    Both of these are key to the concept of “letting go” of things/people that are not appropriate at that time and place in your life. And I do believe, as you noted, that letting go is the key to personal growth.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 20, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Mary,

      Thank you so much for adding insight to this post! I like the Buddhist notion because we do suffer when we are attached. Life is ever-changing and when we become attached, we cannot grow. It reminds me of the changes in seasons. Nature shows us that all the time too.

      The saying in Judaism: “happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have,” is something that I would love to have posted on my wall for all to see!

      I’m the kind of gal that appreciates what I have. I do pray a lot and my prayers are always thankful for what I have from people in my life to a cool summer breeze coming in from the window.

      These two sayings to me are the key to a happy healthy life. Things happen and with these sayings in mind, it can get us through the worst of things.

      Thanks so much,

      -Donna

  15. Hiten

    October 20, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    Hi Donna,

    This is a wonderful post and Harleena, thanks for having Donna over.

    Donna, you explained such an important topic brilliantly. My own perspective of this area is that being able to let go is critically important. I reckon if there was a survey of the top 10 reasons why people are miserable, not letting go would be a primary cause.

    If we do not let go, we can end up spending years of lives unhappy, which could even include holding others back.

    Thank you.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Thank you so much for your kind words Hiten,

      I absolutely agree that people who are miserable are not letting go of so many things.

      I counsel many people and I do notice that so much.

      Great to meet you,

      Donna

  16. Jan Koch

    October 20, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    Hey Donna,

    thanks for this inspiring article! I’m going through a process of letting go myself and that’s why this post really resonates with me.

    I have been building an internet business on the side for 7 months now, while working as an employee. Three months ago I decided to cut down my hours as employee to 20 per week, instead of the regular 40 hours. Tomorrow the day has come: I’m going to hand in my resignment and on December 1st I’m having my break-free day πŸ™‚

    So you can tell that it took me a lot of time and hustle to let go of my fears that held me back from quitting my job. But now the time has come and I feel great about it, even though I’m still a little scared.

    I’m really looking forward to start building my own dreams instead of working for someone else!

    Best regards,
    Jan

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 3:23 am

      Hi Jan!

      Congratulations! You have taken a giant step and I wish you all the best!

      There is so much we can take working for someone. Working for ourselves requires more time, but time flies when you are having fun!

      Of course you feel a little scared because it is a big change in your life. But I’m sure that your passion of living your dream will come true.

      Wow…only 7 months part time? Good for you! Welcome to the world for freedom.

      -Donna

  17. Christy Garrett

    October 21, 2013 at 5:46 am

    These are excellent tips. Sometimes in order for us to move forward we have to let go of the things that are weighing us down. πŸ™‚

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Christy,

      You said it! When trying to move forward and things keep us from it, we need to let go of whatever it is.

      Great to meet you,

      -Donna

  18. Arbaz Khan

    October 21, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    To move ahead in your life, you must learn how to forget about things and go ahead. But there are times that somethings and someone are so attached to your life that letting them go becomes the most difficult task.
    However its always a good thing to say bye to your past and move on to a better future.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 11:41 pm

      Hi Arbaz,

      You are absolutely correct! But sometimes people just get stuck. We are all unique and have different personalities.

      I can easily move forward in some aspects of life, while others cannot. When letting go becomes difficult, there is always a way to get some help doing so.

      -Donna

  19. Ellen M. Gregg

    October 21, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    How wonderful that you’ve hosted Donna, Harleena! πŸ™‚

    Donna, I do believe in letting go, although it’s still a fairly new healing method to me. I’ve been practicing it for the past three years or so, and am consistently amazed by where its benefits show up in my life.

    One thing I do for myself, at least once a day, is complete a process I learned: ground, clear, protect. The middle part, clear, is the letting go of anything on an energetic level that no longer serves me. What that achieves is a conscious and proactive fresh start, free of extra “stuff” from both the long-ago and immediate past.

    Great post. Thank you! πŸ™‚

    • Donna Merrill

      October 21, 2013 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Ellen!

      Bravo! Practicing this method is fantastic! Once you clear you get rid of all that past junk and eventually it can even clear that subconscious stuff that lingers.

      You are successfully training your brain to clear. Now the good part is you are open for new and wonderful things that come into your life.

      All this is awareness and once you reach the level you have, it only grows.

      Isn’t it fascinating?

      -Donna

  20. Adrienne

    October 22, 2013 at 12:27 am

    Hey Donna,

    You didn’t mention you were writing here at Harleena’s place. So great to see you as I stopped by today to comment. Love the topic and using death as the first example is so appropriate.

    I still haven’t deleted Scott’s number out of my auto dial on my home phone or my cell. I still have him in my contact list on my computer and in my address book. I just can’t seem to delete him. I was missing him terribly this past weekend too but I’m doing so much better then I was. I guess you could definitely say that I’m having a hard time letting go and with the holidays coming up and knowing how very much he loved decorating it’s really going to be hard.

    I think for me the death is the hardest part of letting go but some relationships are pretty difficult too. I usually just get to a place where I know there’s no turning back and once I reach that there is no turning back. Not for me. I’m pretty determined in that way ya know.

    Great topic and one that I know Harleena’s readers really enjoy. Thank you Harleena for having the lovely Donna at your place this month and I enjoy this post ladies.

    Hope you both have a wonderful week now.

    ~Adrienne

    • Donna Merrill

      October 23, 2013 at 8:24 pm

      Hi Adrienne,

      When it comes to death of a loved one – Scott, you cannot just let go so fast. It is said that it takes two years to finish mourning. So girl, you have a long way to go.

      When people pass on, we have to go through our mourning process. This is why we have funerals. For the one’s left behind to start closure. And it takes time. We need to give ourselves time for that.

      Scott’s death was so recent, I wouldn’t try to let go at this time. Yes, the holidays are going to be hard to face. It always is when we loose our loved ones. There are so many memories of getting together and celebrating and they are not with us.

      So give yourself time girl, and remember there’s a reason for tears!

      Love Ya,

      -Donna

  21. Olili Bob

    October 22, 2013 at 3:23 am

    Hi Donna, welcome to Harleena’s blog,

    I must say this is a very wonderful article, Alot of people I have come across are afraid to let go because they are scared of starting all over again and think they do do not have the patience and energy to. But letting go also makes you free and helps you discover that energy towards making anything you are going into work. It is only when you let go that you give yourself a chance to grow and also reach the maximum level of your potential. Great post. Have a great week ahead.

    ~Bob

    • Donna Merrill

      October 23, 2013 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Bob,

      Nice to meet you here at Harleena’s place!

      Absolutely! Letting Go does make you free. And when we learn that, so many opportunities come to us. It makes us stronger and we learn that we can do just about anything, if we put our mind to it!

      -Donna

  22. sherman smith

    October 22, 2013 at 5:27 am

    Hey Donna,

    This reminds me of the song “breaking up is so hard to do”… at least I believe that’s the title LOL.. anyways, yes letting go can be a bit of a challenge for all of us.

    But Im glad your mentioned that when people don’t let go their happiness and sense of self worth start to melt away. That was my experience in a relationship some 10 years ago. As soon as I let go, I felt like I lost a lot of weight LOL. It was so refreshing, mind was a lot more clearer, I could focus on the things I really want to do, and at the same time I felt like my growth wasn’t stunted.

    Fear tends to hold you back and you feel so trapped and congested. When you’re able to let all of this go, you feel so light as though you can fly. Not to over-exaggerate but this was how I felt and I notice others who felt the same way!

    Great share Donna!

    • Donna Merrill

      October 23, 2013 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Sherman,

      Now after reading your comment I feel like singing the song “I believe I can fly…” if that’s the name of it.

      Yes, I do understand how that is! I too had the same experience. I was in a toxic relationship for years. Lost my self worth and so much more. But, once I believed I could let go and did it, I did feel like I lost weight.

      That’s our bodies telling us something isn’t it? Now I’m going to be singing these two songs all day lol!

      -Donna

  23. Barbara Charles

    October 22, 2013 at 6:16 am

    Hi Harleena and Donna,

    I was so surprised when I came on over to Harleena’s blog to find Donna here as a quest blogger. I thought ‘how cool is that’ as I know Donna well and she is awesome. Definitely a person who could talk to the topic of letting go. Donna – you are so intuitive and each of your sections covers all the areas in which we need to learn to let go.

    It was nice to see you here Donna. So many things we need to move forward in and letting go of so much is just usually the beginning of healing.

    Nice post Donna. πŸ™‚ Talk soon.
    Barbara

  24. Donna Merrill

    October 22, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Hi Barbara!

    Surprise lol. Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m blushing and you know I don’t do that so easily. Your comment really means a lot to me.

    So true: Letting go is the beginning of healing!

    -Donna

  25. Mitch

    October 22, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Hi Donna,

    Letting go, is a very difficult state of mind to achieve, it’s easier said than done, letting go is about self control over body and mind and you must be in control of your thoughts. You can put it to test every time you sit down for meditation, I keep telling myself; “I must let go of all the business, work, worry, stress, anger, hate etc..” 3 Sec later I catch myself thinking again. It is a very hard process to let go and it takes years of practice, but I believe in your words, it is very true, the less you care the happier you are.
    A greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.

    Many thanks and Best wishes!

    • Donna Merrill

      October 23, 2013 at 12:22 am

      Hi Mitch,

      Yes it takes discipline. Take one thing at a time and meditate.
      Self talk is a wonderful thing to do too. It’s not easy, but keep on trying.

      Blessings to you,
      Donna

  26. Nosna E Nosa

    October 23, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Hello Donna,

    This was an emotional piece and you didn’t leave anything. Letting go is the hardest thing to do because we are afraid of the future. The truth, and one which I have learned myself is that, letting go actually does make you reflect on life. It makes you regain your sense of reasoning and create a new life. It takes only 3-6 weeks to develop a new habit, once we give it a try, it becomes part of it.

    Letting go of people in life is very essential, without that you can’t move forward. I had a girl whom I really did like, but she traveled and made a new life for herself. I couldn’t let go.. Until I saw her very happy with her new found love. Then reality dawned on me. I was holding on to imaginations and depriving others from being my friends. And before I knew it, the ratio of male friends I had outnumbered my female friends because I my thoughts about girls and relationship changed. I recently let go and things are beginning to make sense.

    Thanks again for this lovely article.

    • Donna Merrill

      October 23, 2013 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Nosna,

      Thank you so much for adding to this post. Sharing our stories I find, is the best way to learn.

      I can see you have learned a valuable lesson. Letting go is not easy at all. In your example you have deprived yourself so much holding on to imaginations. So many people do that. But the good thing is that you have acknowledged this in yourself and changed. BRAVO!

      Yes, when we are letting go, we have to go inward and face our fears. It does take work, and yes, 3 to 6 weeks of practice does become habit.

      Once we take the first step, we are free and happy.

      Again, thank you for such a wonderful comment.

      -Donna

  27. Liz McGee

    October 23, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Hey Donna, nice to see you over at Harleena’s blog!

    Love this post. It’s such an important one, isnt’ it?

    I totally know what you mean by ‘letting go’. I’ve had a lot of things I’ve had to learn to let go of in my life and it can be hard!

    Sometimes it takes changing our perception of things and maybe look at the cause of the problem or strife as a way of God’s ‘Working’ within us. There are miracles in tragedy and hardships, and looking back we can often see the good that came out of.

    Also do things and focus on things that you can control. If it’s the things you can’t control that might be holding you back it’s helpful to focus on what you can control instead.

    Enjoyed this πŸ™‚

    Blessings,
    Liz

    • Donna Merrill

      October 24, 2013 at 3:39 am

      Hi Liz.

      Ahhh…you got me when you said there are miracles in tragedies. I’ve seen so many myself. When we let go we do change our perceptions and do get stronger.

      Yes, we can only focus on things that we can control…reminds me of the “Serenity Prayer!” Which by the way is so helpful when trying to let go of anything!

      Blessings,
      Donna

  28. Debbie

    October 24, 2013 at 3:54 am

    Hi Donna. I like what you have to say. Letting go is hard, but I really like the idea of taking the picture of material things you don’t want to turn lose off. Fantastic idea.

    I don’t have a hard time letting go of things, but still think even with that the picture idea is cool! In fact as I was switching my closet for the colder weather, I did get rid of a lot of clothes I haven’t worn in a year.

    I say, If you don’t use it than lose it. It is just taking up space.

    Thanks for the picture idea.
    Debbie

    • Donna Merrill

      October 25, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Debbie,

      When it comes to clothes there is a two year rule: If you haven’t worn a garment in 2 years…time to give it away.

      I just went through the same thing – i.e. changing my closet for winter clothes. I have a giant garbage bag full of really nice clothing, and some with tags on ((blush)) that I’m upcycling to various places.

      My suits go to the homeless shelter so women that are trying to find jobs can dress appropriate. The rest goes to small organizations that are trying to help others in the community.

      I used to give to the Salvation Army, but they raised their prices. I know they are a good organization, but I run all over town, trying to find places where my clothing can be given out for free.

      It is such a great sense of freedom when we let go of our clothes…

      -Donna

  29. Karen Jolly

    October 24, 2013 at 4:46 am

    Hi Donna and Harleena!

    Thank you so much for this beautiful post! Perfect timing for me to reflect on letting go. This weekend I went through my closet and got rid of anything that was no longer needed in my life today. AMAZING how much stuff I was able to let go of. After I literally dropped off 5 huge bags of clothes, shoes, bags, office stuff etc., at Goodwill, I realized that I hadn’t been able to let go of these things before because there were certain aspects of my past that I had been unwilling to let go of.

    As I drove back to the house the realization hit that letting go of the past was clearing the energy for me to move forward in every area…including my closet! Thank you for sharing this Donna!!!

    • Donna Merrill

      October 25, 2013 at 9:07 pm

      Hi Karen,

      Yes, it’s that time of year to re-do our closets. It can come easy, but it is a reminder that we can let go of much more.

      Letting go of past things does clear the energy. We have to in order for new things to come into our lives.

      Life is a constant change and if we hold on, we are really pushing all our energy against it.

      Sure glad to hear of your experience!

      -Donna

  30. Vijesh

    October 24, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Hi Donna,

    Its true that some times some relationships keep us struck without letting us go forward. I let some people go as they some times think so selfish when we have helped them in time of need and when it comes to our need they don’t come forward. So at that time its better to leave them behind on their own journey and we take our journey in a separate direction. Thanks for reminding this principle.

    @Harleena, it has been long since I have visited your blog as I got javascript errors while submitting comments. I also was quite busy these days and I just thought to see on what’s going on here and I found this topic from Donna really nice one at this moment. I am going through some situations exactly as mentioned by Donna.

    Thanks for this beautiful article Donna…

  31. Donna Merrill

    October 25, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    Hi Vijesh,

    I do exactly the same thing. When you reach out to others to help them, and they take you for granted, it is time to move along.

    When we meet people who are “takers” ones that always take and find it impossible to give, it just creates a toxic energy. Letting go is what we have to do.

    I’ve done that myself and one time someone asked me why? I explained and she realized what she was doing, went for some help, and now she is more mindful and giving.

    Sometimes our actions speak louder than words. And maybe if we can touch just one person, they can grow too!

    -Donna

  32. Sue Price

    October 26, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Hi Donna and Harleena

    Great to see you here Donna.

    I love this topic. I have let go so many times in my life. I have moved around locations, lived in many different places and had several different careers.

    I think for someone like me it is easier to let go. My husband is a hoarder and he married me. So we are good for each other. I found commitment and perseverance difficult and he found moving and letting go difficult. We have balanced each other out.

    Having said all of this when we have left behind the city we were living in I did not find saying good bye to people I loved at all easy.

    A great subject Donna. Love it.

    Sue

    • Donna Merrill

      October 27, 2013 at 12:48 am

      HI Sue,

      That so great how you and your husband balance one another out! I too find letting go so easy because I moved around a lot when I was younger.

      My husband, on the other hand has lived most of his life in one town. Since we were together we moved 3 times. It was so funny when he looks back at our home and tears come to his eyes as he bids farewell. While I, on the other hand, try not to laugh and jingle the car keys.

      I think we balance one another out too!

      -Donna

  33. Lisa

    October 26, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    Nice to see you here Donna! I think many people are afraid to let go of the familiarity and safety of the same old thing. It’s not easy to let go especially as one gets older but it sure can be done. Some days I wish I could run away and start over:) But if one can do it in baby steps that may help to let go and start fresh. Thanks for this inspiring post Donna. I hope you and Harleena have a great weekend.

  34. Donna Merrill

    October 27, 2013 at 12:58 am

    Hi Lisa.

    We all get so comfortable in our routines don’t we? Then when we have to change up a bit, no matter what facet of life it is, we tend to want to hide under our blankets. He He He

    But change is inevitable and baby steps are the best way to go if we want to get out from under our covers!

    Good to see you here,

    -Donna

  35. Rachit Aggarwal

    November 18, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    Hi

    Honestly speaking, I feel that title is misleading, at least for me. I thought it will cover something like letting go of emotions like hatred,guilty or if you don’t like some person due to some harm he/she does to you, you should forgive him for your peace of mind…something like that.

    I am not sure just poured out my heart..

  36. Donna Merrill

    November 18, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    Hi Rachit,

    Letting Go is a broad statement. Here, it was all about how to let go of certain things due to business. There are so man people that need a little “boost” when it comes to this. All those things you mentioned are so important.
    Letting go of negative emotions is one topic that is certainly important. Sorry if you were disappointed, and expected something else. But your comment holds true.
    If we don’t get let go of anger, resentment, and all those other things, we suffer internally. When it comes to that, I have a saying that I personally believe in that helps me: “Let go and let God”

    -Donna






Read more posts in the category: Self Improvement




Letting Go: How It Helps You

by Donna Merrill time to read: 5 min