5 Golden Tips On How To Deal With Anger

- | 63 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Health & Wellness

Woman learning how to deal with anger

Anger is not bad, but it’s the way we deal with it that really matters. While we all know how to get angry, we should also know how to deal with anger to avoid troubles in life.

One of the earlier posts on this blog tells you about the reasons why you get angry, while there’s another one with an interesting story on what harm can anger do to you and your life.

Now, even after being aware of all these facts, most of you still get angry – don’t you?

Well, don’t worry, because as I stated earlier, getting angry is not that much of a problem if you know the right ways to deal with it.

It happens with everybody, including myself – that sometimes you just can’t help but get angry. And that’s okay, though it’s better if you can avoid doing so or get angry within limits.

However, something that you should certainly do is to help yourself on learning how to control your anger.

Anger is an emotion, and as with any other emotion, it’s alright to go through it in constructive ways.

Whenever you feel the anger, know that you can release or deal with it in various positive ways.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~ Gautama Buddha

Tips on How to Deal with Anger

There are many tips and techniques for controlling anger. Nevertheless, here are some of the ways that I use to control anger and find them quite effective.

Basically, you need to try and achieve these objectives whenever you get angry:

  • Gain time so that you don’t react instantly
  • Control the thoughts in your mind and changes in your body due to anger
  • Release your anger in ways that are not harmful

Do you also use any of these anger management techniques? If not, then probably you can learn and practice them in your life.

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” ~ Thomas Paine

1. Remove Yourself

Pull yourself away from the person or situation that angers you.

If someone or something makes you angry – you need to try to remove yourself temporarily from that situation or go away from that person.

If not that, then try ways so that the other person goes away and you can have time to deal with your anger.

Yes, take a timeout because that will reduce the chances of you giving back an instant reaction, which is often uncontrolled, unreasonable, and hurtful.

It’s not running away – but being wise, because it’s unlikely that you’ll deal with the person or situation in the best manner when you’re angry.

You can even sleep and later talk about what angered you when you wake up with a refreshed mind.

Anger Management Tip: Take a walk in the garden or listen to soothing music to distract your attention. By doing this or picking up any hobby you like, you can shift the focus on other things to let the “anger triggering” situation pass by.

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

2. Breathe Fully

It’s not always possible for you to physically get away from the person or situation that angers you. In such a case, you can exercise controlled and deep breathing.

The trick is not to get involved in the anger trigger moment, and just breathe deep. It helps – try it out! 🙂

Your breathing fastens with the rise in your blood pressure as you get angry, and one way of dealing with anger is to control your breathing.

Practice diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing to inhale and exhale air using the diaphragm and abdomen so that you breathe fully and slowly.

This helps you maintain your cool and your blood pressure, besides reducing stress and increasing stamina.

Another trick is to slowly count up to 10 and synchronize your breathing with it, and keep doing so until you feel that your breathing is normal or stabilized.

Anger Management Tip: Breathe consciously by paying attention on each aspect of breathing, right from the time you inhale to exhale. This practice is a part of mindful meditation, which helps to control your mind and not let it get involved in the commotion.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” ~ Bible

3. Exercise Physically

When you’re angry, you’re full of negative energy. If you cannot control and eliminate this feeling with understanding, you need to release it in a healthy way that doesn’t harm others.

One of the easiest ways to deal with anger is to engage yourself in physical activities. These include sweating out activities like walking, skipping, jogging, running, swimming, playing some sport, and even gyming!

Exercising reduces your stress hormones and pumps the feel good Neuro-chemicals in your brain, which calms you down and elevates your mood.

Aerobic exercises and yoga can also help you lessen your anger and stress levels.

Anger is related to stress and anxiety, so you can use stress balls or a boxing bag to punch out your negative emotions if you feel that your anger is on the verge of eruption.

Anger Management Tip: If you can’t exercise, then try progressive muscle relaxation while sitting or standing by contracting and relaxing the muscles of the body from neck to toes. This helps reduce the stress in the body, and ultimately lessens your anger.

“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” ~ Confucius

4. Think Rationally

You should think of the consequences when you get angry. What would be the end-result of your act of anger? Is it really worth the damage it will cause?

You can’t always act on the spur of the moment.

You’ve to be responsible and think about how or what you say or do, as that will affect you or the other person. Things like health, relationships, business, career and family need to be considered.

Try to be logical and analyze the root cause of the problem that led to the anger instead of flowing away in the stream of negative emotions.

Accept your angry feelings and adapt, adjust, compromise, negotiate, and talk about the trigger situations and its causes.

Resolve the problem amicably and intelligently, and let your head overrule your heart while dealing with anger.

Anger Management Tip: Use “I” statements in place of “You”, which place the blame on the person at the receiving end. Be calm and express your anger in decent words. Use non-confrontational language to clarify the facts with an intention to solve the problem.

“Whenever anger comes up, take out a mirror and look at yourself. When you are angry, you are not very beautiful.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

5. Express Creatively

You can release your negative feeling through many creative ways.

You could deal with anger by writing or express your feelings – either on paper, or if you have a blog, even through blogging.

Maintaining a daily journal is a healthy way of keeping anger and stress at bay, and not letting them affect you.

You could even use dance and music as a form of catharsis. You can diffuse and make the situation lighter by using your sense of humor, but never use sarcasm as it can make matters worse.

Talk about your feelings of anger with your best friend or family member. Getting to know different perspective might help change your mind and mood.

If you feel like your anger is about to erupt, then take a newspaper and tear it into pieces, or if you’re alone – just scream and let off the steam! You’ll feel light and easy. 🙂

Anger Management Tip: Practice visualization from wherever you are by closing your eyes and imagining yourself in a place where you feel happy and peaceful. Force a smile on your face and you’ll feel calm and relaxed.

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Woman smiling and trying to deal with anger as other gets angry

Keep your cool to confront anger

Remember that nothing good comes out of anger, and it only makes things worse.

Always be assertive and look out for possible solutions instead of being aggressive and finding reasons for confrontation.

But if you’re angry, then don’t drink it down – don’t suppress it forcibly because there might be chances of it erupting later like a volcano.

The best way to eliminate and deal with anger is to apologize, forgive and let go, and engage yourself in positive self-talk.

Don’t hold any grudges, instead try to be understanding. You should try to emphasize by getting into the other person’s mind and understand their perspective to assess the reasons for the anger.

Once the tension in the environment has calmed down, then sit and talk out matters. Always think before you speak because words once spoken cannot be taken back.

But remember to not talk about your anger when you’re rushed, tired, or before your sleep time.

However, if you fail to control your anger using all the tricks in the bag, then you should see a mental health professional or a therapist for more guidelines.

Don’t suffer from anger. Instead, be smart and learn how to deal with it in the right way.

Here’s a short video that will show you how to control your anger in your daily life.

How to Control Your Anger ~ Howcast ~ YouTube Video

Did you notice that “Anger” is just one alphabet short of “Danger” (D-anger)? So, I hope now that you know how to control your anger, you’ll keep yourself out of danger. 🙂

“He who angers you conquers you.” ~ Elizabeth Kenny

Over to You –

What do you do when you get angry? Is controlling anger easy for you? Share your tips on how to deal with anger in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net



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63 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. suzy

    July 29, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Anger is good because it lets you vent the feelings that you otherwise keep bottled up.So once you’ve vented you feel relieved.I know i do. But i cannot say the same about the people face my wrath. LOL. In my opinion , once you weed out stress , you’ll be less angry. I weeded out strees by delegating my work to my VA ( Habiliss)

  2. Martha Lockie

    May 10, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Another fabulous topic. I was actually creating a top ten ways to deal with anger – great minds think alike! I like to use “restraint of pen and tongue.” I can certainly fire off a nasty e-mail if I don’t let sufficient time pass to calm down. I’ve never been sorry when I’ve done that!

  3. Tom Jamieson

    October 14, 2013 at 4:01 am

    Hi Harleena!

    Anger management surely can be a problem for some people. It definitely needs to be addressed with all sincerity. Thanks for sharing these wonderful tips! I think the best thing to do in most situations – where possible – is to remove oneself from the situation and return at a later time when tempers have subsided.

  4. Carolyn

    October 10, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Hi Harleena, Such an important topic and handled so beautifully.

    You’re absolutely correct, it’s important to know how to deal with our anger and you have outlined very effective steps to help us cope when we feel the flames of anger start to burn within us. I especially liked your suggestion of removing ourselves from the situation. That gives us time and perspective to deal with the situation and our feelings.

    I often see anger in little children which arises from their inability to cope with situations. By understanding where their anger comes from we can help them deal with their feelings. Your suggestions can apply to children as well as adults. Imagine growing up knowing how to deal with anger from the time you are young. What a gift!

  5. Suresh natrajan

    October 6, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    HI Harleena,

    Appreciated post,

    I would like to bring few points in notice with you which you have mentioned in your post.
    1.Gain time so that you don’t react instantly
    2.Control the thoughts in your mind and changes in your body due to anger
    3.Release your anger in ways that are not harmful.

    All these points needs practice so it can be in habit.You have already shared all useful topics which need to be practiced and Yes! CONTROLLING ANGER IS VERY IMPORTANT to protect our self as well as family to safe guard from getting into any unwanted situation.

    Best regards,

  6. Viola Tam

    October 5, 2013 at 2:58 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Very good topic chosen! Great tips too. I agree with Margarita that anger is related to ego. When we truly accept others as who they are, rather than seeing different values and behaviour as frustrating or confrontational, we will not get angry.

    This may sound very difficult for some people. However, I benefited so much from attending Dr. John Demartini’s Breakthrough Experinece. I got to understand how others have their own values that may not be the same as ours. Accepting what they do or not do in much easier.

    I believe your tips number 1 is the most important one. Counting slowly to 10 BEFORE doing or saying anything is a great way to start removing from the scene.

    Thanks, Harleena.

    Viola Tam – The Business Mum

  7. Swapnil

    October 5, 2013 at 12:10 am

    Hi Harleena,

    One more awesome and helpful post.

    Yes it is right no one is perfect here and everyone gets angry many times in life but the more important thing is the way of expressing your anger as you say in the beginning of your article people should be aware about conditions and place before expressing their anger.

    Thanks for nice article.

  8. Amandah

    October 3, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Hi Harleena,

    It’s been some time since I’ve stopped by AhaNOW!

    When I get angry, I count to 10 and breathe in and out deeply. I’ll go for a walk or journal. Sometimes, I allow myself to wallow for a few days because I usually have a few Aha moments.

    Often, I discover that I’m angry with myself because I didn’t learn an important life lesson. This is the case right now. I missed, or I should say, chose to ignore my gut instinct, red flags, and warning signs because I thought I was being judgmental. I struggle with this because I have no desire to judge anyone. But, it is what it is. I’ll take my medicine, again, and move forward. And yes, I finally learned my lessons…1) Trust my vibes and 2) Commit to memory the saying, “Loose lips sink ships.” 😉

  9. Johnnie Jazz

    October 2, 2013 at 6:39 am

    Thank you very much for posting this Harleena! I get angry very easily and sometimes, it takes a toll on my health. You have very interesting tips to control your anger and I will definitely keep this in mind, the next time I get angry!

  10. Sylviane Nuccio

    October 2, 2013 at 4:58 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Indeed, there’s a lot to say about anger. Anger is bad for you and can be dangerous to others as well. Some people have committed terrible act out of anger, even murder, so needless to say that’s not a small problem.

    Sometimes our anger can be way out of proportion, and in such case we need to calm down and reason.

    Taking your leave is indeed a good idea and one that works for the best. Years ago I got very angry at my boss, so I left the office for a while. This way I could cool down and came back calmer. It’s so much better than yelling your head off 🙂

    Exercise is a very good remedy again anger, because exercise and breathing have a calming effect.

    Thank you for this great post, Harleena 🙂

  11. Angela McCall

    October 2, 2013 at 4:55 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Anger can be detrimental to our health if it’s not dealt right. After all, it is a God given emotion. It’s inevitable. Even the nicest people on planet earth gets angry. BUT…there is a healthy way of expressing anger without being destructive to another fellow human being.

    In the bible it states, “Be angry but do not sin.” God didn’t say that angry is a sin. What God is saying is, get over upon your wrath before sundown. Do not hold grudges against your brothers and sisters. Do not be angry for a long time coz this can either destroy you or make you turn on the dark side of life.

    Recent research says that “anger can cause cancer.”

    Anger is like a boiling water in a pot. If you cover the the boiling water and cover it, it will explode. Or runs over. Some people who hold their anger inside them ends up having an ulcer, cancer, or hypertension. Anger is something you cannot FAKE that you’re okay inside when the truth really is…you’re NOT okay!

    When I’m so angry, I write down my feelings. That’s when journals becomes so handy. Let the keyboard take it. I don’t write in an old fashion diary anymore. But I do have a live journal that I write “for my eyes only.” Sometimes when I’m so angry, I will run around the block and release this crazy energy. I have to let it out or otherwise, I will explode like the boiling water in a pot. I cannot fake myself and say, “I’m okay. I am no longer angry about this.” That’s when RESENTMENT is conceived. They call this “re” because it keeps coming BACK!!! You *cannot* intellectualize anger but you can only *acknowledge* this in a healthy manner. That’s when you are safe.

    Some people I heard, when they get so angry they bake cookies!

    Depends on how you handle the situation. But the destructive way of handling this is “REVENGE” which can get you in a lot of trouble. Do not pay “evil for evil” because we already know what KARMA can do for you. What comes around goes around. So it’s better not to retaliate when you’re angry. Like I said, it is a God given emotion. Emotions can make us do stupid things when our LOGIC is being overwhelmed by emotions.

    Thanks for another great post, like always. Btw, great video!!!! You always nail it down. Hope you have a fantastic Tuesday and may you have a lovely week as well. Catch you later…

    Until then,
    Angela

  12. Dragan Palla

    October 1, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    In overcoming angry I recognized myself under #3 – physically exercise. Since I go to the gym, I find boxing bag as an excellent angry beater. It really is! Funny thing about that is I’m often being asked: who are you angry at now, while punching that bag :).

    I also find interesting #5 and expressing creatively. One guitarist in my country was kicked out of the band. He was so angry that he started to write songs and he formed his own band. A couple of days ago I heard his texts were named the best rock texts of all time. In the mean time his band reached the cult status.

    Thanks Harleena for another great post.

  13. Sue Price

    October 1, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Hi Harleena

    Such good advice and there are many people who need it.

    I grew up with Dad that would explode at many little things. He never directed it at us but he would throw something at a wall or hit the wall with his fist yelling about whatever it was that annoyed him. Then he would be fine. Totally over it. However my Mum would be upset with him and she would not talk to him for a day or so.

    As a child I did not get it. I learned his explosions were brief but dealing with Mum as a result was the not so good bit.

    I rarely get more than annoyed and I usually only display it to the people I love most – sad isn’t it?

    I think for me though walking away is good. I learned a long time ago in business if someone did something that a reacted to with anger I would sleep on it before responding or dealing with.

    I love that video. It says it all really.

    A great post thanks Harleena.

    I hope your week is starting out well.

    Sue

  14. Jens P. Berget

    October 1, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Very interesting topic Harleena.

    Especially since we live in a world where most people are experiencing a lot of stress every day. It seems that many people don’t have the time to relax and enjoy life. Like you said, removing yourself from the situation should work. I usually try to do this if I am experiencing anything that I don’t like, for instance, if I am feeling jealous. It works great, but it’s not as easy as it might sound 🙂




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5 Golden Tips On How To Deal With Anger

by Harleena Singh time to read: 7 min