5 Golden Tips On How To Deal With Anger

Profile photo of Harleena Singh - | 63 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Health & Wellness

Woman learning how to deal with anger

Anger is not bad, but it’s the way we deal with it that really matters. While we all know how to get angry, we should also know how to deal with anger to avoid troubles in life.

One of the earlier posts on this blog tells you about the reasons why you get angry, while there’s another one with an interesting story on what harm can anger do to you and your life.

Now, even after being aware of all these facts, most of you still get angry – don’t you?

Well, don’t worry, because as I stated earlier, getting angry is not that much of a problem if you know the right ways to deal with it.

It happens with everybody, including myself – that sometimes you just can’t help but get angry. And that’s okay, though it’s better if you can avoid doing so or get angry within limits.

However, something that you should certainly do is to help yourself on learning how to control your anger.

Anger is an emotion, and as with any other emotion, it’s alright to go through it in constructive ways.

Whenever you feel the anger, know that you can release or deal with it in various positive ways.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~ Gautama Buddha

Tips on How to Deal with Anger

There are many tips and techniques for controlling anger. Nevertheless, here are some of the ways that I use to control anger and find them quite effective.

Basically, you need to try and achieve these objectives whenever you get angry:

  • Gain time so that you don’t react instantly
  • Control the thoughts in your mind and changes in your body due to anger
  • Release your anger in ways that are not harmful

Do you also use any of these anger management techniques? If not, then probably you can learn and practice them in your life.

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” ~ Thomas Paine

1. Remove Yourself

Pull yourself away from the person or situation that angers you.

If someone or something makes you angry – you need to try to remove yourself temporarily from that situation or go away from that person.

If not that, then try ways so that the other person goes away and you can have time to deal with your anger.

Yes, take a timeout because that will reduce the chances of you giving back an instant reaction, which is often uncontrolled, unreasonable, and hurtful.

It’s not running away – but being wise, because it’s unlikely that you’ll deal with the person or situation in the best manner when you’re angry.

You can even sleep and later talk about what angered you when you wake up with a refreshed mind.

Anger Management Tip: Take a walk in the garden or listen to soothing music to distract your attention. By doing this or picking up any hobby you like, you can shift the focus on other things to let the “anger triggering” situation pass by.

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

2. Breathe Fully

It’s not always possible for you to physically get away from the person or situation that angers you. In such a case, you can exercise controlled and deep breathing.

The trick is not to get involved in the anger trigger moment, and just breathe deep. It helps – try it out! 🙂

Your breathing fastens with the rise in your blood pressure as you get angry, and one way of dealing with anger is to control your breathing.

Practice diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing to inhale and exhale air using the diaphragm and abdomen so that you breathe fully and slowly.

This helps you maintain your cool and your blood pressure, besides reducing stress and increasing stamina.

Another trick is to slowly count up to 10 and synchronize your breathing with it, and keep doing so until you feel that your breathing is normal or stabilized.

Anger Management Tip: Breathe consciously by paying attention on each aspect of breathing, right from the time you inhale to exhale. This practice is a part of mindful meditation, which helps to control your mind and not let it get involved in the commotion.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” ~ Bible

3. Exercise Physically

When you’re angry, you’re full of negative energy. If you cannot control and eliminate this feeling with understanding, you need to release it in a healthy way that doesn’t harm others.

One of the easiest ways to deal with anger is to engage yourself in physical activities. These include sweating out activities like walking, skipping, jogging, running, swimming, playing some sport, and even gyming!

Exercising reduces your stress hormones and pumps the feel good Neuro-chemicals in your brain, which calms you down and elevates your mood.

Aerobic exercises and yoga can also help you lessen your anger and stress levels.

Anger is related to stress and anxiety, so you can use stress balls or a boxing bag to punch out your negative emotions if you feel that your anger is on the verge of eruption.

Anger Management Tip: If you can’t exercise, then try progressive muscle relaxation while sitting or standing by contracting and relaxing the muscles of the body from neck to toes. This helps reduce the stress in the body, and ultimately lessens your anger.

“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” ~ Confucius

4. Think Rationally

You should think of the consequences when you get angry. What would be the end-result of your act of anger? Is it really worth the damage it will cause?

You can’t always act on the spur of the moment.

You’ve to be responsible and think about how or what you say or do, as that will affect you or the other person. Things like health, relationships, business, career and family need to be considered.

Try to be logical and analyze the root cause of the problem that led to the anger instead of flowing away in the stream of negative emotions.

Accept your angry feelings and adapt, adjust, compromise, negotiate, and talk about the trigger situations and its causes.

Resolve the problem amicably and intelligently, and let your head overrule your heart while dealing with anger.

Anger Management Tip: Use “I” statements in place of “You”, which place the blame on the person at the receiving end. Be calm and express your anger in decent words. Use non-confrontational language to clarify the facts with an intention to solve the problem.

“Whenever anger comes up, take out a mirror and look at yourself. When you are angry, you are not very beautiful.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

5. Express Creatively

You can release your negative feeling through many creative ways.

You could deal with anger by writing or express your feelings – either on paper, or if you have a blog, even through blogging.

Maintaining a daily journal is a healthy way of keeping anger and stress at bay, and not letting them affect you.

You could even use dance and music as a form of catharsis. You can diffuse and make the situation lighter by using your sense of humor, but never use sarcasm as it can make matters worse.

Talk about your feelings of anger with your best friend or family member. Getting to know different perspective might help change your mind and mood.

If you feel like your anger is about to erupt, then take a newspaper and tear it into pieces, or if you’re alone – just scream and let off the steam! You’ll feel light and easy. 🙂

Anger Management Tip: Practice visualization from wherever you are by closing your eyes and imagining yourself in a place where you feel happy and peaceful. Force a smile on your face and you’ll feel calm and relaxed.

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Woman smiling and trying to deal with anger as other gets angry

Keep your cool to confront anger

Remember that nothing good comes out of anger, and it only makes things worse.

Always be assertive and look out for possible solutions instead of being aggressive and finding reasons for confrontation.

But if you’re angry, then don’t drink it down – don’t suppress it forcibly because there might be chances of it erupting later like a volcano.

The best way to eliminate and deal with anger is to apologize, forgive and let go, and engage yourself in positive self-talk.

Don’t hold any grudges, instead try to be understanding. You should try to emphasize by getting into the other person’s mind and understand their perspective to assess the reasons for the anger.

Once the tension in the environment has calmed down, then sit and talk out matters. Always think before you speak because words once spoken cannot be taken back.

But remember to not talk about your anger when you’re rushed, tired, or before your sleep time.

However, if you fail to control your anger using all the tricks in the bag, then you should see a mental health professional or a therapist for more guidelines.

Don’t suffer from anger. Instead, be smart and learn how to deal with it in the right way.

Here’s a short video that will show you how to control your anger in your daily life.

How to Control Your Anger ~ Howcast ~ YouTube Video

Did you notice that “Anger” is just one alphabet short of “Danger” (D-anger)? So, I hope now that you know how to control your anger, you’ll keep yourself out of danger. 🙂

“He who angers you conquers you.” ~ Elizabeth Kenny

Over to You –

What do you do when you get angry? Is controlling anger easy for you? Share your tips on how to deal with anger in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net



Show Comments

63 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Mike Henry

    September 28, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Thanks for your post Harleena. For some people this is a God send they need to read this. I in particular have a son who gets angry very easily, I’m sure he doesn’t know or understands why but does it nevertheless.

    I will show him your post because you have some great tips in there. Interesting how close the two words “anger” and “danger” are, I bet a lot of people have never considered that before. I know I haven’t.

    I’ll tweet this post because it’s such a debilitating reaction that I’m sure the people that it affects wishes that they could control it.

    At least there’s no Incredible Hulk out there…is there?

    All the best
    Mike

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 12:08 am

      Hi Mike,

      Welcome to my blog! I’m glad you like the post. I’ll be more than happy if your son benefits by any of the tips to deal with anger.

      Children do find it difficult to control and understand their emotions, and sometimes it is not even their fault. At a young age, the emotional centers in their brain are not that well developed, which happens in more or less their late teens.

      There can be other reasons as well, but they can’t get away with that and always need to be reminded, educated, and trained to manage their anger in constructive ways.

      Honestly, I think I read somewhere about the special similarity between the words anger and danger, and how truly related they really are!

      Thanks for spreading the word about this post, and I hope it helps as many people. We all have the ability to control our anger, and we just need to know the right ways to do it.

      We don’t really need incredible hulk, but what we need are incredible humans, don’t we?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wonderful thoughts. Hope to see you around. 🙂

  2. Michelle Spear

    September 28, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I really like the anger management tips – very practical and doable! I would recommend that folks print them out on a small business card that can be carried in their wallets as a reminder and a “how-to” guide.

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 12:15 am

      Hi Michelle,

      Welcome to my blog!

      I’m glad that you like the tips mentioned in the post. They’re indeed very practical and you’ll find more related information on the web. You really have an ingenious idea to promote the useful tips on a business card!

      Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend! 🙂

  3. kunal khosla

    September 28, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Awesome tips i really follow all these tips because i am having a lot of anger this post will help me to reduce the dirty anger which spoil the person life

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 12:19 am

      Hi Kunal,

      Welcome to my blog!

      I’m glad you like the tips and it’s really good to know that you follow these in your daily life. I’m sure these will help you and make your life better.

      Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend! 🙂

  4. Pramod

    September 28, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Excellent article Harleena !

    To be honest , I’ve been practicing the first 2 trips successfully . When I lose my temper I immediately switch myself to some other place and breathe in deeply as when angry, I can’t control my mouth .I don’t want to hurt anyone or break-relationships in just few minutes.

    Thanks for sharing these tips with us and do have a great Sunday !

    -Pramod

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 12:27 am

      Hi Pramod,

      It’s good to know that you follow some of the tips to deal with anger.

      I think the best thing you’ve done is to accept that you’ve an anger problem. Many people are just not ready to accept the fact, and sadly they miss out on rectifying and improving their ability to control the emotions and lead a better life. I’m so glad that you’re not one of them! 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your personal experiences. I’m glad you like the post and I wish you’ve a great weekend laden with happiness and peace. 🙂

  5. Babanature

    September 28, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    This is indeed a nice tutorial, I mean some nice tips for everybody 🙂

    In this life, everybody is liable to go angry but the ability to control your anger is what makes you a man (As taught by my papa).
    At my teenage, I was a product of anger. Seriously, I love getting angry at every little thing but as times develop, I realized that life is more than just what it seems :).

    Right now when I get angry, I listen to music to calm the soul down because as they say; music is the fruit of life :). And sometimes, when I get to my PC, it magically calms me down.Those are the two things that calms me when i am angry. I tried taking a stroll once to calm my anger but it didn’t end up well…

    Thanks for this wonderful tips dear friend. Do have a blessed weekend 🙂

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 12:41 am

      Hi Babanature,

      I’m glad you like the post and the tips on how to deal with anger.

      I must say that your father did share an important wisdom tip of life with you. Indeed, controlling anger is difficult, and that’s really a commendable feat to achieve.

      It’s great to know that you transformed yourself and learned positive ways to deal with anger. Listening to music is certainly a very good choice to tackle anger and stress.

      Your PC surely keeps you busy and makes you forget your negative emotions, as it helps you shift your focus. That’s really very good for you as a blogger.

      Every person has different mental and physical constitution and different liking, and so the different ways of dealing with anger that suit them. You’re lucky to have found your anger cure pills – music and PC! 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your personal experience s with anger. Have a great weekend ahead. 🙂

  6. Laurie

    September 28, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    We most often get angry or frustrated because the other person won’t say or do something that we want them to. (Really think about that one and see what the reasons are the next time you get angry). When we realize that we can only control our own behavior…. when we REALLY realize it … and try to release the expectations of having others “bend to our will”, it can be eye opening AND releasing.

    I don’t remember where it came from, but I remember learning “we are the ocean, our feelings and emotions are the tides, let them wash through, acknowledge them and then let them pass” I have found this statement to really help decrease the amount of anger and frustration that I have had in my life… what do you think?

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 1:02 am

      Hi Laurie,

      Thanks for mentioning some surprising but true reasons for getting angry. We sometimes do become dominating and possessive that we start feeling we own the person. And when things don’t go your way, you feel bad and angry.

      I agree that the realization as you mention would help the person very much. Many people spend their lives trying to control others, and they end up creating problems for themselves and others too. The release you talk about becomes so important.

      It’s so true that you should not ever suppress any emotion, feeling, or even thought. Just observe them and let them pass and pay attention to only those that help you positively. Suppression can be risky and bad, instead you need to accept the problem and then only can you find a solution.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and views. I do wish I can see you if you’ve a gravatar! Have a great weekend! 🙂

  7. Sumanth

    September 28, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    This is what I have been looking for . Anyway I have now decided. Every time when I’m angry I will either start running or do the meditation. Thanks for the tips. Not having much to say on this because I really hate anger . 🙂

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 1:11 am

      Hi Sumanth,

      I’m glad you found what you’ve been looking for!

      Great choices you’ve made as ways to deal with anger and I wish you the best with them.

      Anger is never a good friend but then it doesn’t harm us if we deal with it in the right way. So, I’d say let’s not hate anger, as it’s not bad but only the way we deal with it that makes it bad, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend! 🙂

  8. Christy Garrett

    September 29, 2013 at 2:25 am

    These are some great tips and I appreciate you taking the time to share them. I have learned that it doesn’t help things when I am angry. If I take a step back and access the situation, I am more likely to come up with a reasonable solution.

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      Harleena Singh

      September 29, 2013 at 11:31 pm

      Hi Christy,

      You’ve learned the right lesson in life and thanks for sharing it with us all – anger doesn’t help you!

      Yes, it helps if you look at things from afar – being non-attached and non-involved, you see things differently and your perspective too changes, right?

      I’m glad you like the tips for dealing with anger.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and views. Have a great week ahead. 🙂

  9. Jeevan Jacob John

    September 29, 2013 at 3:37 am

    Great Post, Harleena 🙂

    I am trying to control my all of my emotions, so anger is on the list 😀

    I am doing good, but not enough. These days I only get angry when I feel that I am wasting my time (or if a situation doesn’t require my presence, which I would consider as wasting time). I often get angry at my laptop, for not working properly (I hate it when the cursor doesn’t respond). I suppose I have to work on that.

    Breathing is my best tool too. Although I like to do analysis along with it. Analyze the situation: should I respond? How should I respond? How would the other party respond if I choose to respond in a certain way? Or should I not respond at all? It works great for me 🙂

    I don’t want to remove myself from a situation. I have done it in the past, but I want to control my emotions, not the other way around. And the best way to do that is face the situation. Force myself to control my urge to respond.

    I haven’t tried expressing creatively (I don’t think that would work very well with me, but I should give it a try). I have also tried other techniques, such as watching or listening to something I like 😀 If you are going to watch something, humor works best – watch comedy shows 😀

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 12:05 am

      Hi Jeevan,

      Well, I know emotions can be sometimes too overwhelming, and you require to channelize and control them like you’ve to do with anger. However, some emotions are good and helpful too.

      You must’ve heard of the concept of Emotional Intelligence, and in fact our emotions help us progress faster and help to take out the best in us. Sometimes, you don’t control your emotions and just let it flow, but yes definitely not in case of anger, and you’re right in your efforts to control it.

      I think we all should practice self-control so that external things and situations do not disturb our internal thoughts and emotions. Getting mad at inanimate things like laptop for instance makes no sense, and you know that, but still you’ve to express the anger and take it out of you, and that’s where the tips of the post come in handy.

      We should not let situations and things get better control of ourselves, because if we’re disturbed, then it means we’ve given power to them. It’s here that our patience, perseverance, and self-belief help us to be really free.

      It’s good that you think before reacting, and that you think of the consequences. Though controlling anger is very helpful, it also helps to pull yourself away if you feel you can’t control your negative feelings.

      You should definitely try out the creative expressions and outlets of anger, and you never know something that you never imagined before really works for you!

      Comedy shows are really good to make yourself and the situation light and less tense, else you can laugh generally or at the situation itself to clear the air of tension from it.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing so many personal experiences and thoughts about controlling anger. Have a great week ahead! 🙂

  10. Gladys

    September 29, 2013 at 4:42 am

    Hello Ms. Harleena,

    As always you have great articles. Thank you.

    As you have said, everyone gets angry. Anger is an emotion that needs to be controlled.

    Around three years ago, I took an on line course on anger to be more prepared to help my clients.
    Some of the tips you gave we’re part of the course.
    The breathing technique works well because we take our mind away from anger and we place it on our breathing.

    One area that I teach clients is to be mindful on their REACTION. Usually our reaction is coming from the action.
    It’s all about choices.

    Thank you

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      Hi Gladys,

      I’m glad you liked the article.:)

      Yes, I feel it’s difficult to eliminate anger in your worldly life, and you’d achieve a saint’s level if you’re able to do that! 🙂

      However, what we can do is control and minimize it. We do need to be understanding and educate ourselves, and it’s great that you did a course on anger to help your clients.

      You’re right about the breathing technique and its advantages. Besides diverting our attention, it has many physical benefits too.

      Definitely, it’s all about your reactions, which is eventually all about the choices you make. So, in the end, anger is a choice. You can choose not to be angry, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thought provoking comment. Do have a great week ahead! 🙂

  11. Malika Bourne

    September 29, 2013 at 9:17 am

    As a child, I got upset and fell apart easily. by the time I started school I knew exploding was going to be embarrassing. I often escaped into books.

    As an adult, I have taken classes and read lot. Now, I don’t fly off the handle. I give my self a time out.

    My favorite point in your list was to breathe. I know when we all get stressed we tend to not breath deeply or not at all. Our head gets muddled. Deep breathing really does help to balance.

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Malika,

      Some kid’s are like that, and I think parents often take that to be a kind of temper or temper tantrums in kid’s even when it’s not. Ah…taking to books is a great alternative, though it’s often said that you should let your anger out, though in better and productive ways.

      I agree with you there, once you become adults, you really need to know how to deal with anger in the right way. Giving yourself some space or time-out works best.

      Our breathing tends to become heavier when we are angry, and this can often lead to other health issues like raising the blood pressure etc. I think deep breathing helps a great deal to slow down and calm you, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  12. corinne

    September 29, 2013 at 10:27 am

    This is great! My downfall is getting mad at my kids. I am working on my yoga breathing to calm down before reacting in any way. It’s hard to remember sometimes but I’m getting there. I noticed my 5-yr-old has my temper and she has to go into her room for a little calm down time too.

    Thanks for the tips!

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 8:40 pm

      Welcome to the blog Corinne – good to have you over 🙂

      You aren’t alone there, because working mothers often have to juggle between work, family, kid’s, and a lot more than meets the eye – and all of this is NOT easy for her. If she lets-out sometimes, I think it’s very understandable, though it should be within limits and perhaps in productive ways.

      Breathing does help, and so does counting till 10, slowly. Yoga is another effective method, though you need to devote some time for it daily.

      Of course, kid’s also have their own share of temper and all the rights to get angry sometimes. But as you mentioned, she goes to her room to calm down and that’s pretty good because most kids that young don’t usually do that, which means you trained her pretty well 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  13. Shalu Sharma

    September 29, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    Hi Harleeena

    Very interesting topic and something that affects a lot of people.
    Although, I don’t get angry or least I think I don’t. You have some interesting ways how to deal with anger. I think, its a mind set. You have to decide how you want to deal with it. The best thing is to remove from the source of anger and walk away. But then its easier said than done.
    I like the concept of breathing, I think it’s a good technique for the long run.

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Shalu,

      Glad you liked the post, and yes, anger does affect a lot of people 🙂

      I feel the same way, but if you ask my kids or hubby, they would have their own say about it…lol..

      Absolutely! The right mindset is essential and if you can find ways to control your anger and turn it towards a positive way, you’d only be helping yourself. It’s not easy to remove the root cause of anger, though many people have done that too, or perhaps with age and other techniqus you can. I guess for us, we just need to know how to deal with it, isn’t it? Yes, deep breathing helps as you remain in control and it helps you calm down as well.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂

  14. vishalbheeroo

    September 29, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Thanks for the inputs on anger management. It is very helpful and I realized that writing, walking or even listening to music soothes the nerve. Moreover, getting carried away make us act and think in the most irrational and ludicrous manner.

    • Profile photo of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      Welcome to the blog Vishal!

      Glad you liked these tips about anger management and found them useful 🙂

      Oh yes…music does help, and so does writing down your thoughts, or taking up anything that diverts your mind from that angry moment. You need to find ways that work best for you so that you can deal with the anger and not get carried away, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

      BTW – Kindly grab yourself a Gravatar so that we can see who we are talking to next time. I do see a Gravatar at your blog, so perhaps you can use the same one. 🙂

  15. Cynthia

    September 29, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    I love all the tips for dealing with anger. I always try to think before I say something in anger or do something that I might now have done if I was not so angry. I have been dealing with this with my mother for years. She reacts before she thinks things through. So I guess being a product of that has helped me deal with my anger in a different way.

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Cynthia, good to have you back 🙂

      Nice to know that you liked these tips and could relate to them 🙂

      That is awesome if you are really able to think beforehand, which is rare with most people. I think the instant reaction to a person who gets angry is the one that’s the most hurtful, and if you can control your anger that time, it would help you and the other person as well, isn’t it?

      Ah…now we know your secret! This actually comes with practice I think and as you say you’ve been dealing with your mom as regard to anger, you are able to deal with anger in a much better way now. Great going indeed 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  16. Hiten

    September 29, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Excellent post, indeed!

    You’ve included some wonferful tips to deal with anger. I would like to emphasis one point you explained, which is about thinking rationally. I’ve found that it is always best not to react out of anger. We usually will end up regretting doing so later.

    Thank you.

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Hiten,

      Glad you liked the post and the tips shared on how to control your anger 🙂

      Absolutely! The immediate reaction to anger is what we actually need to control, and that can help many a situation from getting worse. However, this is easier said than done and I think deep breathing or counting up to 10 slowly are a few things that have helped people. Meditation, yoga, exercises etc., also help, but not for the instant reaction that comes up when we or someone else gets angry with us.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  17. Shailesh Jangra

    September 30, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Nice tips Harleena.

    You mentioned a no. of ways to get control over tongue and hands. These ways are good but do you really think these can help you in extreme conditions?

    Some time anger depends on your circumstances and physical condition, sometime on work and some time angers comes because of emotions.
    Personally, I don’t think one can beat anger. According to me- Fear is a good factor to control over anger.

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      Welcome to the blog Shailesh!

      Nice to know that you liked the post 🙂

      I hope that you mean “words” and “actions” when you mention regards getting control over tongue and hands – I don’t think I’ve used these specific terms in the post. I think it’s more about controlling your thoughts, feelings, and the mind, besides making the right choices.

      I believe the trick is to practice the tips and the ways to deal with anger persistently in your daily life over all small and big incidents that can arouse anger. Once you’ve practiced it well, then you’ll find it possible to implement them even in the extreme conditions.

      You’re right that sometimes it seems that it’s not possible to control your anger due to the circumstances. However, you can always try to either not let your anger do harm to you or others and this depends on many things, including your mental state.

      I don’t advocate to eliminate anger or even to suppress it. It is to be expressed in constructive and positive ways. You can use rational thinking to deal with anger instead of fear, which would cause suppression of anger.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂

  18. Kumar Chandan

    September 30, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Hi, Harleena Mam,

    Anger is a natural filling, we cannot avoid it but we can control it by controlling our reaction. Sometimes we get our self in such a situation which make us angry, believe me these situations are very helpful if we want to learn how to control our anger, so, we can take it as an opportunity to test our ability of anger management.

    Anger is very harmful unless we are unable to have a control over it. It burns our positive energy and converts it into negative one. Ultimately, we find our self in morass. Mind it, it is our energy what is burning into anger. It is very clear in your quote by Gautam Budhha.

    I am agreeing with your five ways for dealing anger. These are helpful. Thinking about consequences of your anger can able to change our mind. This is nothing but engage our self in something different situation which finally reduces our anger as we get some delay time. Once again, I love the quote by Confucius.

    One of my friends uses his creativity, whenever he gets anger. He uses to write poetry and comes with some wonderful line. I don’t how.

    I would like to add one more point which helps in getting rid of anger. Meditation, it is useful and helps. 🙂

    At the end, video is wonderful and interesting.

    Thank you very much for sharing such focused article.
    Have great week. 🙂

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 10:03 pm

      Hi Kumar,

      You are absolutely right there – anger is a normal and natural feeling and we shouldn’t try to stop ourselves when we feel angry either. Instead, we need to know how to deal with our anger, whenever it arises. Doing so in a positive way would only help us and the other person, isn’t it?

      Many relationship are known to break because of anger and it does harm us and the other person in more ways than one. Yes, our negativity is all out when we get angry – ah…good you liked that quote of The Buddha 🙂

      I love quotes, and feel they fit in and make a difference somewhere in the post too, don’t they? I agree that the best way to deal with anger is to divert yourself into doing something positive, where your negative energy will change to positive ones, and this can easily be done by taking up tasks you like doing and those that keep you involved.

      I think your friend needed the ‘anger triggers’ to get his creative juices flowing in the form of poetry 🙂

      Yes, meditation and yoga helps but you need to practice them for sometime before seeing the results. I liked the tips shared in the video too, simple, yet effective, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post through your wonderful comment. Have a nice week ahead as well 🙂

  19. Ashley Faulkes

    September 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Hey Harleena, some great tips as always. Anger can really get us down. I rarely let it get to me for too long, but I can always improve.

    I actually read something in a book recently that “venting” your anger can be a really bad idea – perhaps you should look that up. Apparently it creates a great feeling, then you want it again and it becomes cyclic and people becoming addicted to that release. not something I can attest to, but apparently someone did a test on it.

    For the rest, great ideas
    ashley

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      It’s great that you’re effectively able to deal with anger. It’s really one of the biggest challenge for most of us.

      What you mention is absolutely right that venting your anger in its real or crude form is a bad idea. But then, if you’re feeling angry, you’ve to got to deal with it in some ways, isn’t it?

      You can either give it time and let it subside by itself, or forget, forgive, and then let go of it, or come to an understanding using rational thinking and dissolve it.

      However, if you’re not able to do any of the above, there are only two options left – either suppress it or release it. I’d go for the second option but make sure that it is done in a harmless and constructive manner. Like Scott says in the next comment – if you’re given lemons, better make lemonade from them!

      I agree with you that it’s best if we don’t have to resort to the releasing option in dealing with anger, and yes our actions become habits – but if you’ve been hurting yourself or others with your anger and you develop a habit or addiction to release that in positive ways, I think it’s worth it. What do you think?

      I’m glad you like rest of the tips. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and views, I appreciate them. 🙂

  20. SJ Scott

    September 30, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Harleena,

    You make some great points on ways to control and channel your anger. We all get angry from time to time and avoiding it completely is impossible -yet letting it go unchecked is something that MUST be avoided.

    My favorite of your tips is the one where you talk about making lemonade from lemons. Anger is not a “good” thing, but if you can use your anger as a spur to get something creative done, or to really use it as a spur for anything task oriented, it can turn something that is distracting and possibly detrimental into a “force for good”

    -SJ

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      Welcome to the blog Scott – good to have you over!

      You’re right and that’s the dilemma – neither can you suppress anger nor just release it without checking and channelizing it. And I agree that anger is not “good” – it’s best if you don’t get angry at all. But if you do, then know that its not that “bad” if you know how to deal with it, right?

      Oh yes, now that you’re angry, then why not to make best use of this energy and the whole concept is to convert this negative energy into positive energy and put it to constructive use. It’s like making best out of waste, isn’t it?

      I’m glad you like the post and the tips to deal with anger.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wonderful views. Have a great week ahead! 🙂

  21. Ellen M. Gregg

    September 30, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    I am blessedly slow to anger, and when I do, it’s short-lived. While that’s just how I’m wired, I also actively shy away from anger, because I equate it with confrontation, which I also tend to shy away from.

    I’m all for assertion, which I see as a positive, over aggression, which I see as a negative. And since I feel aggression walks hand-in-hand with anger, I also see anger as a negative, for the most part.

    That all said, I know it isn’t healthy to squelch anger. I used to squelch it, which was not to my benefit. Now, I diffuse it through mindfulness, breathing, and allowing myself some headspace from the situation.

    Great topic, Harleena! 🙂

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Ellen,

      You really have a gift – anger is a negative element and you naturally overcome it through your positive self and personality. 🙂

      Being assertive rather than aggressive is the way to be. You’ve got your facts right and the good fundamentals in place.

      Yes, suppressing anger is never the solution, instead you breed it and transform it into a demon. I think you follow just the right ways that’s required to effectively deal with anger.

      Thanks for sharing your views, which are just ideal and should be followed by everyone. I appreciate your contribution to the post and wish you have a great week ahead! 🙂

  22. Temilola Globalwalyy

    September 30, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. We all get angry, but we surely need to know how to get rid of it and cool of bad temper You really mentioned some ways we can get rid of bad anger
    Thank You..

    Regards
    Temilola

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      Harleena Singh

      September 30, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      Hi Temilola – good to have you back 🙂

      Yes indeed, it is almost like burning coal that you hold in your hand ready to through at someone, but you also get burnt and hurt yourself. So, anger harms you, as well the other person, isn’t it? Anger is part of us, and while some have less of a temper, others have much more of it. Unless people learn how to deal with anger, they are going to land in a lot of trouble. Hope this post and the tips within help them realize this fact.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  23. Olili Bob

    October 1, 2013 at 12:16 am

    Hi Harleena,

    I must say I love this post, I have been thinking of writing a book on anger management after seeing alot of damages done as a result of anger. I was in that situation where I get angry very easily but I started working on myself. I started working on the things that get me angry, visited places that makes me get angry and then worked on how to calm myself. Anger can ruin your family, relationship and other good things you can not get back when thrown away.

    I love your 4th point which is Think Rationally, it sure helps in alot of ways and also been logically sure does help. I have learnt some good points here,thanks alot for sharing

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      Harleena Singh

      October 2, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Bob,

      I’m glad you love the post. I can understand that you’ve gone through a lot related to anger in your life. Yes, anger can really be damaging and very hurtful.

      It’s great to know that you were able to work on yourself and bring about positive changes. You sure have made lot of efforts to calm and contain your anger and I’d look forward to your ways to do that in your future anger management book!

      This is a very important statement you made – “you cannot get back what good things in your life you throw away due to anger.” So, before getting angry, everyone should know this consequence, right?

      Yes, rational thinking works best to dissolve and resolve anger at its roots, instead of avoiding it and finding ways to release it.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and experiences. I appreciate it and wish you’ve a great week ahead! 🙂

  24. Adrienne

    October 1, 2013 at 3:51 am

    Hey Hareleena,

    Man, I’m so glad I’ve never had a nasty temper. For the most part I’m one of those people who prefers to sit down and talk things out. Now some of the people I’ve dealt with in my life didn’t exactly want to do that but I’ve only been around a total of maybe two people who really had a temper and it wasn’t pretty when it came out.

    I’ve gotten mad before, that I definitely won’t deny and as I was reading your post the first one that stuck out to me was just breath! That’s definitely one that really does help. I mean whenever you feel anything at all boiling up inside just take some very deep breaths and then of course walk away.

    I think from my experience when dealing with people that you know who in their opinion do no wrong, it’s just hard to talk to people like that. At times you can get angry so that’s the best solution. Take those deep breaths and just walk away. Laugh if you can because there is no talking to them so why bother.

    I loved the video and especially the one with him in the car. I mean when people are in a hurry they tend to lose their temper and next thing you know they’re yelling at the other drives. I’ve had that happen to me and it wasn’t fun.

    As always you have such great tips to share and boy I sure hope not many of your readers will need these tips Harleena. Laugh more, keep a smile on your face and have a positive attitude and you’ll find that you don’t get upset nearly as much. It really works wonders.

    Have a fabulous week and stay happy!

    ~Adrienne

  25. Donna Merrill

    October 1, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Harleena,

    You’ve done it again! Great advice on how to control anger. I don’t often get angry myself. But when I do, I automatically go to the deep breathing technique. When I inhale I stop for a moment and give myself a message like “I am calm” then exhale.

    Oh I can get a little angry at times, but I usually go into “thinking” mode or self talk mode. Sometimes if I get a little miffed and want to shout out, I look into the person’s eyes. My self talk is “forgive them for they know not what they do” and I’m calm again.

    I have had angry people all around me my whole life until I put a stop to that one. I don’t like the energy and try to avoid it as much as possible. But when approached by an angry person that says something negative to me, I say “give me a moment please” and breath, and then I can talk to them calmly.

    These are excellent tips you have given and Anger is a big problem. So Lets break those chains!

    -Donna

  26. Margarita

    October 1, 2013 at 10:04 am

    Hi Harlena,

    very important topic. Anger is a product of our ego. So when you say to distance yourself, it means to be able to see that this is normal for you ego. Detaching is a great way to cope with emotions.

    Also slowing down connects us with our higher self and we make good decisions. This is why I agree that breathing and a calm walk in a beautiful park will do miracles.

    Taking out the negativity is a great tip. Exercising, boxing (or other more aggressive sport), running will calm you down for sure. You will be tired to be angry (anger consumes a lot of energy).

    To me intelligence is the ability to control emotions, especially anger.

    Thank you!

  27. Jens P. Berget

    October 1, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Very interesting topic Harleena.

    Especially since we live in a world where most people are experiencing a lot of stress every day. It seems that many people don’t have the time to relax and enjoy life. Like you said, removing yourself from the situation should work. I usually try to do this if I am experiencing anything that I don’t like, for instance, if I am feeling jealous. It works great, but it’s not as easy as it might sound 🙂

  28. Sue Price

    October 1, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Hi Harleena

    Such good advice and there are many people who need it.

    I grew up with Dad that would explode at many little things. He never directed it at us but he would throw something at a wall or hit the wall with his fist yelling about whatever it was that annoyed him. Then he would be fine. Totally over it. However my Mum would be upset with him and she would not talk to him for a day or so.

    As a child I did not get it. I learned his explosions were brief but dealing with Mum as a result was the not so good bit.

    I rarely get more than annoyed and I usually only display it to the people I love most – sad isn’t it?

    I think for me though walking away is good. I learned a long time ago in business if someone did something that a reacted to with anger I would sleep on it before responding or dealing with.

    I love that video. It says it all really.

    A great post thanks Harleena.

    I hope your week is starting out well.

    Sue

  29. Dragan Palla

    October 1, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    In overcoming angry I recognized myself under #3 – physically exercise. Since I go to the gym, I find boxing bag as an excellent angry beater. It really is! Funny thing about that is I’m often being asked: who are you angry at now, while punching that bag :).

    I also find interesting #5 and expressing creatively. One guitarist in my country was kicked out of the band. He was so angry that he started to write songs and he formed his own band. A couple of days ago I heard his texts were named the best rock texts of all time. In the mean time his band reached the cult status.

    Thanks Harleena for another great post.

  30. Angela McCall

    October 2, 2013 at 4:55 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Anger can be detrimental to our health if it’s not dealt right. After all, it is a God given emotion. It’s inevitable. Even the nicest people on planet earth gets angry. BUT…there is a healthy way of expressing anger without being destructive to another fellow human being.

    In the bible it states, “Be angry but do not sin.” God didn’t say that angry is a sin. What God is saying is, get over upon your wrath before sundown. Do not hold grudges against your brothers and sisters. Do not be angry for a long time coz this can either destroy you or make you turn on the dark side of life.

    Recent research says that “anger can cause cancer.”

    Anger is like a boiling water in a pot. If you cover the the boiling water and cover it, it will explode. Or runs over. Some people who hold their anger inside them ends up having an ulcer, cancer, or hypertension. Anger is something you cannot FAKE that you’re okay inside when the truth really is…you’re NOT okay!

    When I’m so angry, I write down my feelings. That’s when journals becomes so handy. Let the keyboard take it. I don’t write in an old fashion diary anymore. But I do have a live journal that I write “for my eyes only.” Sometimes when I’m so angry, I will run around the block and release this crazy energy. I have to let it out or otherwise, I will explode like the boiling water in a pot. I cannot fake myself and say, “I’m okay. I am no longer angry about this.” That’s when RESENTMENT is conceived. They call this “re” because it keeps coming BACK!!! You *cannot* intellectualize anger but you can only *acknowledge* this in a healthy manner. That’s when you are safe.

    Some people I heard, when they get so angry they bake cookies!

    Depends on how you handle the situation. But the destructive way of handling this is “REVENGE” which can get you in a lot of trouble. Do not pay “evil for evil” because we already know what KARMA can do for you. What comes around goes around. So it’s better not to retaliate when you’re angry. Like I said, it is a God given emotion. Emotions can make us do stupid things when our LOGIC is being overwhelmed by emotions.

    Thanks for another great post, like always. Btw, great video!!!! You always nail it down. Hope you have a fantastic Tuesday and may you have a lovely week as well. Catch you later…

    Until then,
    Angela

  31. Sylviane Nuccio

    October 2, 2013 at 4:58 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Indeed, there’s a lot to say about anger. Anger is bad for you and can be dangerous to others as well. Some people have committed terrible act out of anger, even murder, so needless to say that’s not a small problem.

    Sometimes our anger can be way out of proportion, and in such case we need to calm down and reason.

    Taking your leave is indeed a good idea and one that works for the best. Years ago I got very angry at my boss, so I left the office for a while. This way I could cool down and came back calmer. It’s so much better than yelling your head off 🙂

    Exercise is a very good remedy again anger, because exercise and breathing have a calming effect.

    Thank you for this great post, Harleena 🙂

  32. Johnnie Jazz

    October 2, 2013 at 6:39 am

    Thank you very much for posting this Harleena! I get angry very easily and sometimes, it takes a toll on my health. You have very interesting tips to control your anger and I will definitely keep this in mind, the next time I get angry!

  33. Amandah

    October 3, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Hi Harleena,

    It’s been some time since I’ve stopped by AhaNOW!

    When I get angry, I count to 10 and breathe in and out deeply. I’ll go for a walk or journal. Sometimes, I allow myself to wallow for a few days because I usually have a few Aha moments.

    Often, I discover that I’m angry with myself because I didn’t learn an important life lesson. This is the case right now. I missed, or I should say, chose to ignore my gut instinct, red flags, and warning signs because I thought I was being judgmental. I struggle with this because I have no desire to judge anyone. But, it is what it is. I’ll take my medicine, again, and move forward. And yes, I finally learned my lessons…1) Trust my vibes and 2) Commit to memory the saying, “Loose lips sink ships.” 😉

  34. Swapnil

    October 5, 2013 at 12:10 am

    Hi Harleena,

    One more awesome and helpful post.

    Yes it is right no one is perfect here and everyone gets angry many times in life but the more important thing is the way of expressing your anger as you say in the beginning of your article people should be aware about conditions and place before expressing their anger.

    Thanks for nice article.

  35. Viola Tam

    October 5, 2013 at 2:58 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Very good topic chosen! Great tips too. I agree with Margarita that anger is related to ego. When we truly accept others as who they are, rather than seeing different values and behaviour as frustrating or confrontational, we will not get angry.

    This may sound very difficult for some people. However, I benefited so much from attending Dr. John Demartini’s Breakthrough Experinece. I got to understand how others have their own values that may not be the same as ours. Accepting what they do or not do in much easier.

    I believe your tips number 1 is the most important one. Counting slowly to 10 BEFORE doing or saying anything is a great way to start removing from the scene.

    Thanks, Harleena.

    Viola Tam – The Business Mum

  36. Suresh natrajan

    October 6, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    HI Harleena,

    Appreciated post,

    I would like to bring few points in notice with you which you have mentioned in your post.
    1.Gain time so that you don’t react instantly
    2.Control the thoughts in your mind and changes in your body due to anger
    3.Release your anger in ways that are not harmful.

    All these points needs practice so it can be in habit.You have already shared all useful topics which need to be practiced and Yes! CONTROLLING ANGER IS VERY IMPORTANT to protect our self as well as family to safe guard from getting into any unwanted situation.

    Best regards,

  37. Carolyn

    October 10, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Hi Harleena, Such an important topic and handled so beautifully.

    You’re absolutely correct, it’s important to know how to deal with our anger and you have outlined very effective steps to help us cope when we feel the flames of anger start to burn within us. I especially liked your suggestion of removing ourselves from the situation. That gives us time and perspective to deal with the situation and our feelings.

    I often see anger in little children which arises from their inability to cope with situations. By understanding where their anger comes from we can help them deal with their feelings. Your suggestions can apply to children as well as adults. Imagine growing up knowing how to deal with anger from the time you are young. What a gift!

  38. Tom Jamieson

    October 14, 2013 at 4:01 am

    Hi Harleena!

    Anger management surely can be a problem for some people. It definitely needs to be addressed with all sincerity. Thanks for sharing these wonderful tips! I think the best thing to do in most situations – where possible – is to remove oneself from the situation and return at a later time when tempers have subsided.

  39. Martha Lockie

    May 10, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Another fabulous topic. I was actually creating a top ten ways to deal with anger – great minds think alike! I like to use “restraint of pen and tongue.” I can certainly fire off a nasty e-mail if I don’t let sufficient time pass to calm down. I’ve never been sorry when I’ve done that!

  40. suzy

    July 29, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Anger is good because it lets you vent the feelings that you otherwise keep bottled up.So once you’ve vented you feel relieved.I know i do. But i cannot say the same about the people face my wrath. LOL. In my opinion , once you weed out stress , you’ll be less angry. I weeded out strees by delegating my work to my VA ( Habiliss)




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Read more posts in the category: Health & Wellness




5 Golden Tips On How To Deal With Anger

by Harleena Singh time to read: 7 min