Relationship Issues: How to Avoid Them

- | 98 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

Man and woman having relationship issues

Relationship issues are common to you, me, and everyone. Like me, you too are bound to face them at some phase of your life.

Such issues might exist in your family relationships, friendship, marriage, or even in relationships with office colleagues and lovers.

When you’ve the problems, it’s easy to blame others, but remember that it takes two to tango, as I’ve often mentioned.

Sometimes you too are a part of the problem, but you might not even know about it.

Logically, there could be three sources of issues in a relationship between two people – problems in nature and behavior of one person, of the other person, and the external influences or issues.

Out of the three possible options, you can first choose to work on yourself rather than on others because you really don’t have much of a control on them.

The only way to avoid problems in a relationship for you is to be aware of the problem, know its cause, and bring a change in you so that these problems don’t take root.

Don’t wait for the other person to change – take the initiative yourself.

After all, it’s about your personal development as you stand to benefit from the changes you make in yourself, and you even develop your relationship skills.

Remember, no matter what type of relationship problems you’ve in hand, you hold a part of the solution within you.

“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “ ~ Deepak Chopra

How to Avoid Your Relationship Problems

No one wants issues in their relationships. Yet, such issues creep into their interpersonal life.

Whether these relationship issues will affect you or not largely depends on your reactions and personal qualities.

Let me try and explain it through an example –

How can water enter airtight containers? Obviously, only if there are any gaps or holes that you fail to seal. The container would not be filled with water if these openings were sealed.

Similarly, there are some aspects of your personality that you overlook, which act like gaps or holes and allow problems to enter into your relationship.

You can avoid your relationship issues by sealing these gaps with your positive personal efforts, specifically by improving your personal qualities.

Like, whenever you’re presented with a problem, you’ve a choice to react in a particular way, or not react at all.

Understanding of a problem helps you to make smart choices. You can prevent a relationship issue from getting worse if you are prepared.

I’m not saying that you’re the only one who’s responsible whenever there’s a relationship crisis. But sometimes you don’t come to know of your own faults unless they’re pointed out.

It could also be that it’s not you but the other person who has problems with himself or herself, which leads to relationship issues.

Whoever the concerned person is, he or she and you – need to introspect and analyze your “Self”.

The relationship begins to fade away when you or your relations have a problem with EBB, which as per me is the hidden cause of relationship problems.

If you and your relations take care of these personal aspects, you may be able to avoid problems in your relationship.

“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. “ ~ Stephen R. Covey

Couple having relationship problems

EBBing Away the Relationship Issues

Don’t wish for a life or a relationship that is free of issues, because that rarely happens.

Even in the best and closest of relationships, you witness issues or problems in some form or the other. It is said that there’s always friction between two people, and sometimes a little of it is alright too.

No matter how close you and your friend, partner, or relative are, you are still different personalities.

Every personality has a different configuration of qualities. These factors largely determine the kind of issues the person might have in relationships.

To assess your personal qualities that strongly affect your relationship, remember EBB.

EBB signifies:

E – Ego

B – Belief

B – Behavior

Whenever you’ve problems with your relationships, you’d observe that one of the above three factors is at work. Let’s get to know more about them.


Everybody has an ego. We use the terms ‘big ego’ and ‘small ego’ to denote the varying desire for “self-importance” in people.

Ego can also be defined in other terms as “self-image” or opinion of yourself. It generally means an inflated feeling of pride in yourself that makes you believe that you’re superior.

When two people having “big egos” interact or co-exist, there are chances of ego clashes. In such cases, they find it difficult to compromise as that would lower their importance.

Egoist people remain stubborn and cling to their viewpoint, because they feel that accepting or changing their stand would be deemed as their failure, defeat, or as an act of giving up.

Even if two people have a healthy relationship, ego hassles can arise any time, in both or one of them.

If neither of the people involved is willing to lower their egos, there will be ego conflicts that would eventually lead to problems in their relationship.

On the other hand, even if one person continues to have a big ego, it becomes difficult for the other person to accept the relationship.

People with minimal ego find it easy to compromise, which is the quickest solution of all relationship issues.

Relationship Tip – Lower your ego and you’ll lessen the chances of having issues in your relationship.


Belief is a feeling, idea, or an impression that you hold to be true. It is also your confidence and trust in something or someone.

A belief can change your life, and it can also change the nature of your relationship. Positive beliefs promote trust and strengthen relationships.

If you harbor negative beliefs and thoughts, your attitude too would turn negative. This could adversely affect and create problems in your relationships.

The same goes for the people in your relations – if they’ve a negative opinion about you, they’ll have problems with you.

Many relationships have problems only because there are some misunderstandings that aren’t resolved, as the people have negative views about each other.

If you think ill of yourself or others, you’ll not be able to get along. Remember that you become what you think – if you’ve self-doubts and your beliefs are self-limiting, you’ll create barriers.

Don’t let your beliefs become a barrier in having great relationships. You need to eliminate certain beliefs that create problems.

You should have strong self-belief and confidence in yourself to shun away the negativities that attack and surround you.

Relationship Tip – Think good and think positive about yourself and others, you’ll probably not have relationship problems.


Behavior is the manner of acting or controlling yourself. According to psychology, your behavior is the aggregate of your responses, reactions, or movements.

Beliefs are limited to thoughts, whereas, behavior is their expression in the form of words and actions. Your behavior too is of utmost importance to keep your relationships devoid of issues.

If you unreasonably use bad and wrong words for others in a relationship, then things can turn bitter between you and them.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Your activities and conduct will create an impact on your associations, so be careful!

Similarly, you’re affected by the words and actions of people in your relationship. You may not like their behavior, and could form a negative opinion about them in your mind.

Even a single incident of negative behavior can hurt the relationship that has been maintained for years.

If you’re selfish or have ulterior motives, and the other person comes to know about it, he or she might feel hurt.

The golden rule or ethic of reciprocity – “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself” holds true in this case.

Relationship Tip – Be good and understanding in your words and actions, and you’ll be able to avoid relationship problems.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~ Joseph F. Newton Men

Friends have relationship misunderstanding

Don’t ebb away your relationships by creating problems through your ego, beliefs, and behaviors.

Now that you know the basic reasons that cause relationship issues, you can control yourself and help others improve themselves so that these problems don’t occur.

You’ve the capability to avoid your relationship issues with your personality. The steps you take to maintain your relationship will probably motivate the other person to do the same.

Even if it doesn’t, you should carry on developing this capability and practicing it. Emphasize on improving yourself, as it will help you in your other relationships.

However, these are only some of the personal factors for relationship troubles. There are more relationship problems that one needs to consider.

I’d mention and describe them in one of the future posts, instead of making this one lengthy, for a change. 😉

I sign off with my personal opinion that the issues of relationship don’t have a one-sided solution. But if you take the initiative, it could set off the change and encourage the other person to follow suit.

To really avoid relationship problems, all parties concerned should adopt the EBB formula:

EBB Formula = minimal EGO + positive BELIEF + good BEHAVIOR

When you have a positive personality – your relationship issues will ebb away. However, if your personality is negative, then there are more chances that your relationship itself will wane.

If you don’t follow the formula, then you’re bound to create issues in your relationships and make your life miserable.

But if you do, you’ll become a person that everyone would like to be with, love, and be attracted to. So, what’s stopping you from creating beautiful relationships now that you know the secret 🙂

“Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

Over to you –

Do you think you can partly avoid relationship issues by improving your personality? Share your views and experiences of avoiding relationship problems in the comments below.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos

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98 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Altamash

    2014-04-27 at 4:34 pm

    Nice post just more than exception type post, great!!! where it’s blog or relationship your post always provoke me to bookmark your articles 😉 🙂

  2. Pooja Sehra

    2013-11-07 at 6:29 pm

    For me love and respect are the two things that creates bond between two people. Any relationship without these two things will never sustain. Also you need to practice few things in life: Listen, Accept, and Believe in your relationship.

  3. Michael Belk

    2013-11-03 at 6:42 am

    Harleena, as you suggest there will be problems in a relationship. The key is how you handle them.

    I like how you mention egos first because a big ego can make or break an agreement.

    Many people are not equipped with the coping skills it takes to come to an agreeable resolution.

    I have been in many disagreements however, I also put my ego aside at the end.

  4. kuldeep

    2013-09-06 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    You are so good in advice about relationship, I think the quote of Jasoph Newton is correct. Some people are not so friendly in nature and they do not get comfortable with people. So one should try to be happy and make others around them happy.

    In today’s fast world EGO is the biggest problem in the relationship so one should try to avoid the EGO problem in them.

  5. Vivek Baghel

    2013-09-02 at 8:28 pm

    Great Harleena Singh,

    You always share interesting & inspirational post for your audience & I think it’s a big reason that whey do you have lot of follows & audience than others, Well now let’s come to the post, I do like & understand the value of this post! It is really quite interesting relationship issues post, I do believe if the people just follow these all tips so surely they can solve their issue in love life, marry life & personal life also.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-09-03 at 12:27 pm

      Welcome to the blog Vivek!

      Thank you for your kind words of appreciation, and yes, I love to share things based on my experience, which I know my readers would love as well 🙂

      I do hope the post helps people with their relationship issues, whether they are in their personal or professional lives. I guess the best change we can bring about is the change in ourselves by following the EBB concept mentioned in the post, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  6. harshi

    2013-08-29 at 10:05 pm

    Well The EBB Thing is quite Nicely Depicted ! i never thought of it in that way !

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-29 at 10:13 pm

      Welcome to the blog Harshi!

      I am glad you liked the EBB concept and if you can use it in your life, nothing like it because it would surely help remove the relationship issues and bring happiness in your life.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  7. Ryan Biddulph

    2013-08-28 at 7:37 pm

    The Covey quote and your wonderful post sum it up. Who we are attracts who and what we see in our lives. Thanks Harleena!


    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-29 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Ryan – nice to have you back 🙂

      Oh yes…I love that quote too and I think it really says it all, doesn’t it? I agree with you there – it does work out that way often.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  8. Bilal Malik

    2013-08-27 at 12:47 am

    Hey Harleena ..!

    Really Glad to read another different topic’s post. It’s true that this one is a very delicate relationship, this relation wants flexibility if there is no flexibility in this relation then it’s too tough for both him and her.

    Misunderstanding is one more big problem in a relationship when there is no understanding between partners then relation won’t run so long. So keep everything perfect in a relationship because this relationship is delicate.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-27 at 9:08 am

      Hi Bilal,

      Yes indeed, relationships are delicate and they need to be handled with utmost care. I agree, without flexibility it’s tough for both partners to carry on.

      Misunderstandings in a relationship are bound to occur and to a certain extent they are alright too because they help you to understand each other better, but if they go overboard they can lead to relationship issues. I think using the ways mentioned in the post would help overcome such problems – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  9. Anthony Watson

    2013-08-24 at 9:56 am

    Hi Harleena,

    You made good point a EBB. In a relationship, I believe the connection among EBB is: Belief creates ego and then the ego creates the behavior. Couples often have issues with each others’ behavior usually towards to the attidude each others have, the attitude is based on how each others’ belief about how they should behave about certain issues.

    When a woman is upset with her partner’s silence treatment, she is actually upset about his attitude of note caring about her. And the reason her partner is giving her a silent treatment is because he beleives men should ignore women’s nagging, otherwise, women will nag more to get whatever she wants.

    To avoid relationship issues, you’ll have to get to know your partners’ belief.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-25 at 8:31 pm

      Welcome to the blog Anthony!

      Glad you liked the EBB concept and could relate so well to it 🙂

      I agree with you there – ego occurs due to many reasons and is often the cause of many relationship issues. Yes, behavior plays a major role between couples and the reason the conflicts arise.

      Ah…silent treatment is the worst I’d say, and it’s any day better to talk and resolve issues. Yes indeed, certain men ARE exactly like you mentioned, though I wish they would take women more seriously and try to understand why she does and what she does. Perhaps she seeks just attention of her partner, which her partner takes to be as nagging – there could be so many reasons actually, isn’t it? More than belief’s, you need to get to know your partner, beliefs would come later I think.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

      • Anthoy Watson

        2013-08-26 at 4:31 am

        Hi Harleena:

        I agree that sometimes women find their men ignore them, so they nag. Because they want to get attention. On the other hand, when men see women nag, they think they should not let it become her habit by giving her attention when she nags.

        This can go on and on like a circle of the pattern. If any couples find they are in that pattern, it’s very important to break that pattern. A good way to do that is by sharing the responsibilities. I like to use one of the saying from Zen principles “One hand can’t make a clap!” It’s like people say “It takes two to tango” in a relationship. I wrote in one blog post about how sharing responsibilities can make the communication with your partner in a positive way. I must follow the manner of this community, so I’m not going to leave the post address here, if anyone is interested reading the post, just click my name about this comment.

        About belief, you got a good point that I missed. Beliefs can change if we are not as stubborn as a donkey and have an open mind to accept and know our partner.

        • Harleena Singh

          2013-08-26 at 9:32 am

          I agree Anthony, provided he IS giving her the due attention, which perhaps for the women always falls less. 🙂

          Oh yes…the effort always has to be from both the sides or things don’t work. I think both partners need to understand each other and the respective requirements. Beliefs I think come with time, and yes, they can change too.

          Thanks once again 🙂

  10. Asaolu olubayode

    2013-08-21 at 6:14 pm

    Funny you might say, but harleena i acted on these your advises and i felt the changes in my own relation. Thanks, really appreciate that.. Always the best.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-25 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Asaolu,

      Nice to know that! And I am SO glad that things worked for you when you chose these ways.

      Thanks for stopping by and letting me know about the positive changes in your life 🙂

      BTW – Why don’t you get yourself a Gravatar so that we can see your picture and know who we are talking to 🙂

  11. Karan Oberoi

    2013-08-21 at 12:09 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I am totally agree with you the points which have mentioned above, EBB it really happens when we have problems in our relationship. There must be proper understanding in ones relationship to avoid these kind of problems.If there is no trust in the relation then it cannot go ahead, so Trust must be there to avoid such problems.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-25 at 8:02 pm

      Welcome to the blog Karan!

      Glad you liked the EBB concept and I think it does cause a major problem in relationship issues, though they can be avoided, just as mentioned in the post.

      I agree with you – if there is proper understanding, trust, and love, there is no place for relationship problems, but if they do occur, we need to find ways to resolve them, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  12. Christopher Meloni

    2013-08-19 at 3:48 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    You can suggest a various things to avoid relationship issues, but it totally depends on the mentality of the couple. How they are serious for their relationship?

    And ya, if they totally wants to break their relationship anyhow then no one can stop them on doing this.
    But this is a nice post for those who can really understand their relationship and want to continue with their lovely relation.

    Bye Harleena.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-19 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Christopher,

      Oh..there are many such posts I’ve already written under the ‘Relationship’ and ‘Marriage’ niche that you can go through. Oh yes…if the relationship isn’t working and they wish to end it, no one can stop them also.

      This post is entirely different from the other relationship posts, and if you read it thoroughly you would know that it talks of bringing about a change in yourself by using the EBB concept, which anyone can do. So, even if the other person doesn’t change, at least you can, and that might improve your relationship – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  13. Harman

    2013-08-18 at 11:47 am

    Well today day relation ships are getting a much complicated. We can blame our fast moving life for sure but as we know trust and love are the backbone of a relationship and surely it need to be stronger or i should say strongest.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-19 at 12:02 am

      Welcome to the blog Harman!

      I agree with you there, relationships nowadays aren’t as they were years ago, things are complicated, or perhaps people don’t have that kind of time to spend with each other, which is essential in any relationship.

      Trust, love, and deep understanding are a few things needed in any relationship, but if we don’t find these in the other person, we need to change ourselves and get better by using the EBB factors as mentioned in the post, because we can be sure that they will work for us.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. 🙂

  14. Ferb

    2013-08-18 at 11:02 am

    Believe and trust are really important in a relationship when you don’t believe something or looking at it in a bad way it will turn out the way you think. But positive thinkings and believe are really needed in a relationship.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-18 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Ferb,

      Yes they are essential I would say, and what we think about the other person also makes a lot of difference I think. You DO need to give yourself in when you are in a relationship, and if things don’t work the way you want them to, try to bring a change in yourself by using the EBB concept as mentioned, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  15. Ahsan

    2013-08-17 at 8:42 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I think relationship problem arises from 3 main characteristic which you mentioned – Ego, Belief & Behavior. If you are honest to your partner I think 60% problem will be solved in peace. Ego is certainly a dangerous quality. It must be omitted from one’s character.

    Lets wish all married couple should live in peace & harmony 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-18 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Ahsan,

      I also believe so, though there many more, or perhaps these I feel are the main ones that are the root cause.

      Absolutely! Honesty plays a major role, and if you can resolve relationship issues even with talks, nothing like it. It does work best to communicate your feelings to each other, but if that doesn’t happen, I think it makes sense to bring about a change in yourself and your way of thinking, because you are sure then that you can make a difference.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post 🙂

  16. Sue Price

    2013-08-17 at 11:22 am

    Hi Harleena

    What a great post on a very important topic.

    As you know I have been married for 32 years and it has not all been plain sailing. My brother in law said to me when we were first married that to have a successful marriage you have to work on it every day. I believe you do.

    Ah that dreaded ego!

    I also believe that our need to be “right” which is ego can really wreck relationships. That whole right, wrong thing is not worth it.

    A book that really helped us was John Gray’s Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It has so many fundamental truths of the differences between men and women. Things like we women like to just be heard. Men think they need to solve our problems. So if we are trying to be heard and they want to fix it there is often conflict. For us that was a biggy.

    Great post Harleena.

    Have a wonderful weekend.


    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-18 at 11:50 pm

      Hi Sue,

      Glad you liked the topic of discussion today 🙂

      I believe in that myself, and if you don’t, with time a marriage can become stale or loses its charm, which could lead to further problems too.

      Yes indeed, ego to a little extent is alright, but most people have such massive egos that it does break their relationships beyond repairs half the time.

      Ah..that was indeed a lovely book and I’m glad you mentioned it here. I do hope more people read that so that they can understand the other gender much better.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wisdom with us 🙂

  17. Ashi

    2013-08-17 at 1:55 am

    Hey Harleena mam,

    Well I have been through some problem regarding to the relationship. Just because of some misunderstanding. Well It is important to encounter the problem in right way.

    There must be mistake and misunderstanding but we can not simply blame each other. Thanks for the awesome advice will look forward to keep that in mind.
    Have a great weekend

    Regards 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-18 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Ash,

      You are surely not alone because relationship issues are known to occur in most of our cases. Yes, most of the time some kind of misunderstanding leads to such problems.

      I agree, if you cannot resolve the mistakes or misunderstandings and have tried your best, it’s best to bring the change in yourself because you are sure of that, isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  18. Maddy

    2013-08-16 at 11:58 pm

    I think trust is the most important thing every couple should have in relationships. If both have this awesome thing in relation then the relation is awesome, otherwise problems would occur. Also if one is not having trust in other and other is loyal to him/her then he/she wouldn’t love to remain loyal for a long time.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-17 at 12:12 am

      Welcome to the blog Maddy!

      I agree with you – trust does play a vital role and helps in avoiding relationship issues that might arise. The trust needs to be mutual just as you mentioned, but if such qualities aren’t there in the other person then what do you do, if you want to save your relationship? I guess following the EBB concept and the formula mentioned is the only option you have left, because you can still make changes in yourself as that will work, rather than wait for the other person to change – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. 🙂

      • Maddy

        2013-08-17 at 12:41 am

        I think EBB model is good, but don’t you think that if I follow this model then I am compromising and sacrificing too much? If the other person is not soft hearted, then I don’t think I can act upon this model for a long time. What you say?

        • Harleena Singh

          2013-08-18 at 1:49 pm

          Hi once again Maddy,

          Firstly, your personal development should never be at the mercy of others. Even if others are not being “right” or “good”, you need to do what is good and right for you.

          If you adopt the EBB model, maybe your one odd relationship won’t work as well as you wanted, but it will positively impact the rest of your relationships where you’ve got a willing and cooperating partner.

          “Compromise” is the name of the game in any relationship. Either of the partners need to do that at some point in their relationship. If you’ve lowered your ego, you won’t feel bad and you’ll take the sacrifice in the right spirit.

          If your partner still doesn’t reciprocate – it’s his or her problem, and not yours. At that point, may be you can re-think on the relationship, if it’s possible, or keep making your efforts, as even the hardest of steel can melt!

  19. June

    2013-08-15 at 9:33 pm

    Brilliant post Harleena! I’ve had my fair share of relationship problems. That’s why I’m happily single and have been for a long time now.

    Seriously speaking though, you made some valid points. I love the way you broke down the concept of EBB. Ego can be a big problem in a relationship. That was a major problem in mine because of my ex husband’s ego. But I learnt a lot from his behaviour and from my failed relationships in the past.

    Thanks for another useful post Harleena. Have a great weekend. 🙂

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-16 at 2:58 pm

      Hi June,

      I know you prefer it the way you are because of the relationship issues you’ve had, and it’s commendable how you and a few other fellow bloggers I know have managed so well and are living a much happier life now being away from a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be.

      Ego does cause a lot of problems in a relationship if it goes beyond the usual. I’m glad you are through that rough phase of life and hope you have a brighter and better life ahead. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post 🙂

  20. robinson3d

    2013-08-15 at 3:34 pm

    I really do not think one can totally be free from any relationship problem. It is bound to happen. But there is aways an option available to minimize the menance in it. Just as you have mentioned. I think great minds rubbed together can build a wonderful and understandable relationship. It is all about respecting one anothers weaknesses and looking for ways to work in that weakness. Thanks for sharing the tips. There are lots of things to be learnt from what you have just written.

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-16 at 2:42 pm

      Welcome to the blog Robinson!

      I agree with you there because any relationship will have some relationship issues, which in a way is healthy too, or else a relationship can become rather dull and boring – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, if we can accept and respect each other, nothing like it. But if that doesn’t happen and we’ve tried everything in our power to make it work – the best option is to adapt the EBB concept as mentioned in the post because that we can be sure of will work as it requires us to work on ourselves, more than on others.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  21. Martina Mariu

    2013-08-15 at 2:46 pm

    Wow, some really good quality information here Harleena! Excellent stuff, you are providing such great value to people through your posts.

    Thank you for your wisdom!

    • Harleena Singh

      2013-08-16 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Martina – nice to have you back after a long time 🙂

      Glad you liked the post on relationship issues and how we can overcome them. I try to do my best to help others in the best possible way, and if I can do that – I’d be just too happy.

      Thanks for stopping by, and hope to see you around more 🙂

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Relationship Issues: How to Avoid Them

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