Developing Trust in Friendship

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Trust in Friendship

Do you think you have been successful in developing trust in friendship? Some of you might affirm positively, and would probably agree with what I personally think that trust can never be build overnight.

Developing trust in friendship sometimes takes longer than you can imagine, as it involves the combination of many subtle mental processes, and gross social experiences.

A friendship, whether online or offline is where two people share, unite, and enjoy being with each other. It is a state where the concerned persons are at total peace with each other and feel like being in their comfort zones.

Your friend almost becomes like a family member, and slowly you begin trusting the relationship and develop sincere feelings for the person. Friends become part of your life and when they are away, you miss them, their chats, talks, the closeness, sharing, and the enjoyable feelings you have when they are around.

Developing trust in friendship needs loyalty, sincerity, honesty, and respect, where trust is one of the sole foundation to make the relationship last. You need to be open with the people you trust, and share things openly with them. It can be done by doing simple things like sharing a glass of wine, chats over the phone, regular beer, walk down the path, just being together, or whatever works for you.

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it’s the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

A true and trusted friend will not steal your ideas, hurt or alienate you, deceive you, neglect you, find faults with you, exploit your contacts, or make life harder for you. Instead, they want to see you bloom and flourish, see your life, your work, and your relationships turn out to be more fruitful. Thus, you allow these trusted friends into your lives, give them space to speak the truth, even if at times it hurts, because the wounds of a friend can be trusted.

Some things you can do for developing trust in friendship-

1.       Remain Honest  

Always tell the truth, no matter what it may cost you. When your friend commits a mistake, be bold and yet gentle to rebuke or confront them. Let your friend know that you do not hate the person, instead hate the deed they did. Your friend will trust you more, because you are not afraid to tell the truth and are a trustworthy person.

2.       Keep a secret

While developing trust in friendship, it is important that you keep your friends secrets and not share it with others. If something has been told and shared only with you, as a true friend, you should not lose the trust that is hard to regain later. Instead, by keeping your friend’s secret, you are keeping your promise and you allow them to trust and share things with you.

3.       Remain considerate

You need to be understanding and considerate, without putting any kind of pressure on your friends in any circumstances. Instead, try to find ways to help and support your friend that will build trust between both of you.

4.       Make time

To develop trust in friendship, you need to communicate and make time for each other. You need to do things together, but also give the required space to each other at times.

5.       Listen

You need to listen to your friend when they need someone to talk to, without suggesting your opinion or giving your advice when it is not asked for. You cannot trust someone who always gives unsolicited advice, and should wait when your opinion is asked.

6.       Encourage

When your friend is down; take care to encourage them by showing compassion, concern, and your loyalty. Let them know that you are always there whenever they need you. Affirm your friends of their strengths and help them get over their weaknesses.

7.       Offer help

Always volunteer to help when your friend is in need, even if they don’t ask you. Sometimes, friends feel embarrassed to seek help thinking that they might disturb your work or privacy, or don’t want to bother you with their own personal concern. But as a true friend, you need to offer your help and develop trust in friendship.

8.       Sharing things

Always share everything with your friend without any kind of reservations. Plan to have a get together, have fun and share your blessings. Let your friends know that they are always important to you and they will also develop trust in friendship and share things back with you.

The beauty of developing trust in friendship is that friends can provide you a non judgmental fresh perspective, look at the situation in your life from a place where they know you, and care and love you for who you are.

Trust begets trust and if you build your trust to somebody, they will give back the trust on you. While developing trust in friendship, let them know that you are allowing them into that special place on your heart.

How do you develop the trust in friendship? What have your experiences been while making friends?

 

 

Photo Credit: 123rf

 

 

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About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

30 Comments

  1. Daca

    October 24, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    I really like your choice of priorities. You have mentioned basic things that every long lasting friendship must have. Great post!

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 24, 2011 at 9:44 pm

      Welcome to the blog Daca!

      Glad you liked the post and could relate to it. Yes indeed, one of the very basis for friendship is trust- without which things cannot move forwards.

      Thanks for commenting :)

  2. Bryce Christiansen

    October 25, 2011 at 3:11 am

    Thanks Harleena for the advice.

    It’s sometimes harder than said to offer help to your friends. We don’t always know what it is we can offer, but I always enjoy just stopping by with some treats or some kind of baked foods. Seems to always help them feel appreciated and know we are thinking about them.

    Bryce

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 25, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      You are most welcome Bryce!

      I agree that it does get tough at times to offer help to your friends, as each person is different and so are their natures. However, if your friends are someone who trust you and vice versa- things get a lot more easier. Taking gifts, treats, or even baked food as you mentioned is indeed a sweet gesture as well :)

      Thanks for commenting!

  3. Justin
    Twitter:

    October 25, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Great topic Harleena and something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. Whenever making a new friend I can tell that they have issues with trust. I know that I am trustworthy but they don’t know that so it takes time and experiences to establish trust between us.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      Glad you could connect to the post Justin!

      I think building the trust comes foremost while developing friendship with someone whom you have known as a friend for along time. Once the trust is built from both sides, which surely does take lots of time and efforts from both sides- things turn a lot more easier and your friendship is sure to bloom.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post :)

  4. Mike Maynard
    Twitter:

    October 25, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Very interesting, I need my friend to read this!

    We do have to build trust in all relationships for them to work. I think we also have to be charitable not only with our possessions but charitable when we make judgements of others. We shouldn’t judge people too harshly.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 25, 2011 at 5:41 pm

      Welcome to the blog Mike!

      Glad you could relate to the post, and yes, the concept of being charitable sounds interesting as well. I think we ought to show the care and compassion also while judging others. Harshness is an absolute no-no, as it would only drift people apart, instead of getting them closer.

      Thanks for commenting, and do visit the blog again :)

  5. Bonnie
    Twitter:

    October 25, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I really enjoyed your post. The importance of trust in a friendship cannot be undervalued. It does go both way and you have to be able to trust as well as be trustworthy. Your comment that a friend can almost become like family caught my eye. In fact I think that good friends are family as much as any other. Somewhere I either heard or read the idea that friends are the family we get to choose. :)

    Lovely and uplifting post.
    Bonnie recently posted..What is your Spirit Whispering?My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 25, 2011 at 11:39 pm

      Welcome to the blog Bonnie!

      Glad you liked the post and could connect to it. Yes, you are right that developing the trust in friendship works both ways and it’s something that develops gradually, with passing time. Good friends become dearer than family members also at times, of course- once the trust develops. It all depends on how you handle your friendship and take it to the next level.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post :)

  6. Deeone
    Twitter:

    October 26, 2011 at 4:46 am

    Absolutely lovely article, Harleena! I think this one was back to the basics! ;)

    The rules of the game are simple and if we ever find a true friend, we should cherish it as though it was golden. They seem to be a rarity these days, so I know that I want to let those that I have shared the title with, know that they mean the world to me. This post shined a light on those rules for me. :) It was sweet, honest, to the point, but most of all it was very, very true.

    It bought back to mind an old saying, You can go hours, days, weeks, months, even years without even talking with a great friend, but whenever you’re reconnected with your true friend; it’s like a minute never even past.

    Awesome reintroduction to Friendships 101!
    Deeone recently posted..Own Your Butterfly Wings!My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm

      Glad you liked and could connect to the post Deeone- yes it is indeed back to the very basics!

      I agree that true friendship needs to be valued, cherished, and develops gradually- which of course is a rarity- but not impossible to achieve. I loved your saying that is so true- that whenever you are connected to a true friends time seems to stand still.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post :)

  7. Jimmy

    October 26, 2011 at 5:38 am

    Hi Harleena,

    I am new to your site here. But I am extremely glad that I am joining in at this post. Coincidentally, I have written a post on “What is true friendship?” just yesterday. I have scheduled it for release in about 10 hours. I wrote that post with a lot of feelings of loneliness that I felt lately. Your post came at a right time to offer another perspective to this subject.

    I like your point 7 and I think I was also really hurt by friends whom I thought were true friends. These friends of mine did not come forward to offer any help when I needed it most. I was not looking for anything major, but even a small commitment to my end would have meant a lot. In the end only my family a two friends came to my aid. I am thankful that I have these people.

    True friends are like family. They will be there when you need it. No questions asked. If friends cannot be that way, I think I will safely classify them as just friends. I strive to be a true friend. What my ‘true friends’ did I will never do. I will automatically step forward when the time comes and do what I can to help.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 26, 2011 at 6:34 pm

      Welcome to the blog Jimmy!

      Nice to learn about your post as well, which must have come up great as well. Glad you could connect to the post, and yes, there are times when more than friends it is our family members who turn up as better friends, and are better as our trusted ones.

      True, trusted, honest, genuine friends, though are a rarity- but turn out to be almost like your family members and vice-versa. I guess, we on our part should keep doing what is best to develop and maintain our friendship. And someday people will realize and value the friendship you offer to them as well, and return the same trusted friendship.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post :)

  8. Adrienne
    Twitter:

    October 27, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Ah, great topic and even better post. I agree with Deeone, back to the basics.

    I think in any relationship, trust takes time to build. It’s definitely a very important part of any friendship but it’s not going to happen overnight.

    I am extremely fortunate to have such wonderful and trusting friends in my life. Some I’ve known for over 30 years. I have had two very long friendships that I ended over six years ago due more to negativity then anything. Always bringing me down and constantly trying to pull me to their level. I made a decision that I didn’t want that in my life any longer. So the remaining true friends that I do have always have my back and I look at a few of them as part of my family. I’ll tell you one thing for sure, they want to adopt my Mom. :-)

    But whether you are online or offline, communication is the key to building a lasting friendship. Being there for them when they need you and listening instead of talking sometimes is best. That’s what I’ve learned over the years and it’s worked really great for me.

    Enjoyed the post Harleena, thank you for that.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted..Get In On The CommentLuv Premium GiveawayMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 27, 2011 at 11:14 am

      Nice of you to stop-by Adrienne!

      Glad you liked the post- and yes it is back to the very basics of true, trusted friendship. Yes, you are so right that trust is vital for any kind of relationship to develop, and it never happens overnight- for that matter it takes a very very long time- where both friends are involved. Your mom surely seems like an adorable person- no wonder your close friends wants to adopt her :)

      Wow! Having good, trusted friends for such a long time as 30 years- sure speaks volume about the kind of person you are! Moreover, to maintain the friendship and take it to higher levels- is commendable! And yes- communication is the key with which you can move forward for any kind of relationship. Your decision to end a friendship where there is negativity seems only right- as that would only have brought more unhappiness to the relationship. To have a few selected, true, trusted friends is the one thing that does work for me as well.

      Thanks for adding more value to the post and I admire the way you have managed and handled your relationships and friendships :)

  9. AstroGremlin
    Twitter:

    October 27, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Nicely laid out, Harleena. I mentally went through the checklist and indeed have real friends. I don’t have many true friends, but the ones I have are golden treasures. I came here looking for a premium CommentLuv site and found a sweet article on friendship.
    AstroGremlin recently posted..Blog Grader for Free WordPress SEO ReviewMy Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 27, 2011 at 11:03 am

      Welcome to the blog Astro!

      Glad you liked the post and nice to learn that you do have real true friends, something that is really important. It is not the number of true friends but the limited few or even one true friend for that matter- is enough to pull you through.

      I have recently switched from Blogspot to WordPress and have installed CommentLuv Premium on the blog as well- so it sure is nice to meet you here while you were looking for such a site. :)

  10. Carolyn
    Twitter:

    October 30, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Great post and awesome comments, Harleena.

    I agree with you and your commenters as well! You brought up a lot of very important points for developing and nurturing friendships. I agree with Deeone that a sign of a true friend is when you haven’t been in touch for a while and when you re-connect you pick up where you left off.

    I also agree with Adrienne that I will tend to let friendships expire if the people get negative. Adrienne is 100% correct, friends should lift you up, not bring you down.

    Thanks so much for enriching my day with your awesome post, Harleena! :-)
    Carolyn recently posted..Why Siri is Siri-licious!My Profile

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      October 30, 2011 at 12:36 am

      Welcome to the blog Carolyn!

      Glad you liked the post and comments as well. Yes, Deeone and Adrienne both have beautifully added more value to the post by their comments! I think a true, trusted friendship needs no words and does not end easily, though takes a longer time to build. However, if there is any kind of negativity or bitterness that develops in a friendship, ending it would work best for both friends rather than to carry on with no turn ahead.

      Thanks for your valuable comment :)

  11. Audrey

    November 9, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Building trust is far more easy than reviving the trust. So all the points enumerated above must be considered by two people who want to maintain their friendship for a long period of time or maybe forever. I know time can be a factor of building your trust to somebody but there are times that you really feel so comfortable with the a person that even for a short period of time, you can build that trust to him. I guess you’ll just feel like it automatically so no right or wrong formula for building trust in friendship.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      March 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm

      Sorry to have missed your comment earlier Audrey!

      Yes indeed, to build trust is more easy than reviving a trust, though both need to be worked upon- and what matters most is how not to lose the trust- isn’t it? Time is surely a factor for building trust, so is a connectivity between two people. However, you can build trust even when you know a person for short time and that happens when you feel an instant positive vibe with them- something in your heart says that this is the person or I can trust him/her blindly.

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  12. bluesqare

    November 12, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Without trust there is no friendship… without friends there is no life.

    Thanks for sharing this post.

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      November 14, 2011 at 9:26 am

      Glad you liked the post!

      Yes indeed, without trust friendship cannot really be called a friendship, and for most people without friends there is no life.

      Thanks for stopping-by. :)

  13. Hajra
    Twitter:

    March 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Like thejoke goes “A good friend will come to bail you when you are in prison; but a great friend will be the one who says “that was great mate” from the next cell”

    The whole point is that unconditional love should be present. No matter what your friends do; right or wrong, you should be able to help them through it and not judge them for what they have done. That will show that through thick and thin only a true friend will stand by your side.

    I loved the point of keeping a secret; as kids we used to run our fingers across our lips after telling each other a secret. Lips were literally sealed! I remember my friend telling me once that a true friend is the one who forgets your secret and that makes sense also! :)

    Here’s to having wonderful friends that make living possible, fun and easy! :)

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      March 14, 2012 at 12:36 am

      Nice joke Hajra!

      You are so right about unconditional love in friendship, which asks no questions. And there should be no ifs and buts in true friendship either- isn’t it?

      Standing by your friend during the tough times is more important I feel, as that’s the time they need you most. It is the time when they need your full help and support.

      Another valid point about keeping secrets, which again few are able to follow. I had friends who portrayed to be true friends, though were quick to spread word or let out a shared secret with others. It was much later that I realized and had to stop trusting them fully with things.

      Cheers to wonderful friends :)

      • Hajra
        Twitter:

        March 14, 2012 at 12:59 am

        Yes, no ifs and buts! That is just for work! ;)

        That is like the rule that breaks the bond; once you spread the word about your friends; then there is no doing! Building trust is tough but building it after it has been broken is tougher and close to impossible for many! So tread carefully, be truthful and friendship will always be lovelier!

        • Harleena Singh
          Twitter:

          March 14, 2012 at 1:07 am

          Hmm…I really don’t use ifs and buts ever with friends, or perhaps don’t have those who are related to work. I feel there should be no need of such words in friendship :)

          Very true indeed! It is tough to build the trust in friendship, but tougher still to maintain that trust, or work on a broken friendship.

          Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post, I value your friendship :)

  14. Ahsan
    Twitter:

    June 5, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    There is a proverb – Friendship is forever & honesty is the best policy. Among all these points you added, I think trust & honesty is the best thing to continue friendship. Thanks for adding excellent points on friendship :)

    • Harleena Singh
      Twitter:

      June 6, 2012 at 9:12 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Ahsan!

      Yes indeed, trust and honesty in friendship is essential, without which there can be no foundation or base upon which you can build any relationship.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

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