How to Become the Person You Have Always Wanted to Be

You can become the person that you want to be by making some efforts to bring about a few positive changes. Here are the steps you need to take to do so.
A girl in a garden happy to become the person she wanted to be

You always wanted to be somebody or be a certain type of person. But sometimes things do not happen as you want to be. Circumstances can change your personality or make you become a negative person. However, this can change. You can become the person that you have always wanted to be. All you need to do is make some efforts to bring about a few positive changes. Here are the steps you need to take to grow into your desired kind of person. ~ Ed.

We are living in a time when loneliness is romanticized, and this has led to a culture that promotes the easy lifestyle of isolation.

For a long time, I was no exception to this.

When I was 11, I suffered the loss of a parent. My single mother could not afford to give her six children stability.

We moved around so often that I attended five different middle schools. I had no friends or social support.

To survive loneliness like that, I convinced myself I never needed those things to begin with. My lifestyle began to suffer, and I had to turn into a person I wasn’t proud to be in order to survive it.

As I grew and looked around me, I noticed that I was not the only person to feel like that.

If you are suffering through this, don’t worry; I have found a way to grow out of it and become the person you have always wanted to be!


My Personal Awakening

I continued through the next couple of years with that same mentality, unable to escape from my earlier self’s philosophy.

After graduating from college, I wasn’t sure who I wanted to be, and the immense feeling of being lost transformed into the worst depression I have ever had. I was stuck in that mindset for a long time.

The fear of feeling that way forever convinced me to try to move past the pain of loneliness, and I was lucky enough to form a romantic relationship with someone who had the patience to help me build myself back up.

In the beginning, the relationship was awkward and tense. I had little doubt that most of the trouble was coming from my inability to let go of the past pain.

But then my partner said something to me.

One of our talks had twisted into a tense, uncomfortable discussion. My partner asked me if I was someone who went out of way to create conflict.

That was the moment I had to pull myself back and reflect. I knew that’s not who I used to be, nor was it who I wanted to be.

But it was possible that years of loneliness might have turned me into that person.

I decided that I didn’t need to reflect on this question any longer. The bare truth of the matter was that I wasn’t going to be that person, regardless of whether I had become it.

So, from that day forward, I began making positive changes to my life to help me become the person I have always wanted to be.

All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.

Calvin Coolidge

11 Changes I Made to Become the Person I Have Always Wanted to Be

Making a daily routine and habits consisting of positive tasks and positive changes can help you become the kind of person you want to be.

Begin Journaling

When I first began my journey to become the person I wanted to be, I began journaling.


I recognized that I was having toxic thoughts and that these thoughts were shaping the way I interpreted my life, and the role I had in it.

In order to reshape the experience I was perceiving, I had to change the way I thought about things. I began writing down most of my thoughts.

I knew the key was to target my thought patterns so that I could understand where my thoughts were going wrong.

Write down every thought you have until you can target where your mentality problems stem from.

Create a Strict Schedule for Yourself

To change from the person you are now into the person you want to be, you’ll have to change some things in your life.

To begin to bridge the gap from who you are now and who you want to become, create a schedule that includes the activities you want to make a common part of your new life.

For instance, at the beginning of my journey, I adopted a high school-like schedule to include a variety of subjects until I could target which things really inspired me.

Experiment with what works for you.

Stay In Touch With What You Want

In order to continue your journey into building the life you want, you will have to pay attention to the things you’re building into your new life that really please you.

Build more of that into your schedule.

It is important to understand what you want, as that directly relates to who you are and who you want to be. It would be impossible to make positive changes if you don’t understand how to get there.


Exercise is a known stimulant and mood-booster, which are two things you will definitely need when taking this journey.

I began my journey with something as simple as daily walks. Not only did this help me begin to get my body used to daily bouts of exercise which would help it get used to harder workouts later, but I found the time I spent on walks improved my mood and helped me find clarity by sorting my thoughts.

Start slow and easy if you need to, but don’t be afraid to push yourself.

Create Both Short and Long Term Goals

When you are on this journey of becoming the person you want to be, you will be constantly putting in work to change yourself.

Even though you will be non-stop working on your mentality and schedule, it may feel like you are not making progress to show for it.

That’s not true, of course, but sometimes it can help to see visual progress. A good way to do this is to create short term goals.

Make yourself a list of things you want to do throughout the day, no matter how simple. It can make you feel really good to cross your list off.

Also, as you are figuring out yourself and becoming who you want to be, you should be setting long term goals as checkmarks.

This is a great way to measure your progress.

Allow Yourself to Be Creative

To continue on your journey to becoming someone you haven’t been before, or that you’re trying to get back to, you have to open yourself up to see your full potential.

Letting loose and being creative can show you hidden passions, or show you what you’re capable of. It has the capacity to give you great pride in yourself.

Be Aware of the Mindset You Have and the Content You Consume

One of the most difficult parts of this journey for me was altering my mindset. This was directly influenced by the questionable content I was consuming through movies and online apps.

Also, a lot of my old habits were directly related to escapism. I had unhealthy coping mechanisms that romanticized escapism.

This means that I had trouble dealing directly with problems, and I would often run away from them.

Once I filtered the content I was regularly consuming and looked at things through a positive perspective, it began to feel more comfortable until it became natural.

So make sure that the things you are regularly taking in are things that reflect who you want to be.

Be Yourself When You Socialize With People

Before I began my journey to become the person I wanted to be, I had a bad habit of telling people what they wanted to hear just so that I could avoid conflict with them.

A big part of that was that I regularly associated with very confrontational people.

I changed the people I hung out with and started making real friendships when I started being honest with people and really expressing myself, despite the fear of judgment or conflict.

Reach Out to People for Support

The journey of becoming the person you want to be can be a long, twisting one. If you find that you can’t see yourself clearly or that your progress is being impeded, it’s so important to reach out to people to support you.

You can ask them for clarity on things they like about you, the strengths you have, or things you could begin to work on.

It never hurts to see things from a fresh perspective.

Focus on Solutions

This journey is, in large part, an emotional one.

Emotional progress can be difficult to track when you’re new to it, or having a difficult time. It can seem like you’re going in circles or not making progress.

These harsh feelings can make it easy to get fed up or give up on your journey to become the person that you want to be.

A good way to avoid these feelings is to focus on the solutions that will lead you away from your problems.

A good practice here is to reflect on what is causing these harsh emotions, instead of focusing on the emotions themselves. Once you understand the exact thing that is bothering you, you will be able to chart a path directly to the solution.

Forgive Yourself if You Cannot Meet All of Your Goals Right Away

Once again, this is a difficult journey to take.

It requires that you be able to look at yourself and realize there are things about you that you want to change, and it also requires that you have to strength to go forward with the change.

Loneliness is enabling and can feel good to succumb to, so it takes real courage to understand that there is a better way to live.

As long as you keep moving on your journey, and make progress at your own pace, you owe it to yourself to forgive yourself if you make mistakes along the way.

Wrapping Up

If you are feeling lonely, or like you’re not the person you’re not meant to be but don’t know how to grow, don’t worry. I felt that way too and found my way out of it by following these eleven steps.

I was able to change my life and become the person I have always wanted to be. Now I can recognize that I don’t have to be lonely, and life has the meaning I assign it.

My partner and I have moved passed the bumps in our relationship, I have a healthy support network, and I have pride in the person I have become.

Use these steps to lead your path away from loneliness, into the person you were meant to be.

Over to You

Which of these 11 steps do you think will be most useful in helping you grow into the person you have always wanted to become? Let me know in the comments down below!


Disclaimer: Though the views expressed are of the author’s own, this article has been checked for its authenticity of information and resource links provided for a better and deeper understanding of the subject matter. However, you're suggested to make your diligent research and consult subject experts to decide what is best for you. If you spot any factual errors, spelling, or grammatical mistakes in the article, please report at [email protected]. Thanks.

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  1. Thank you for this article. I’ve been on this journal for a while and found a few things that help but you have really covered so much more! I have been beginning my way with charting goals and plans and I’m looking forward to incorporating other thngs to help me carry it through the day more consistently. Wow–cultivating a tea garden sounds wonderful. Tea helps everything!

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