Beware of These Friendship Problems

- | 47 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

a girl pointing finger to boyfriend having friendship problems

Let’s face it, who doesn’t have friendship problems? For that matter, every interpersonal relationship does come up with problems at some time or the other.

However, every problem has a solution. In fact, there are no magical solutions because mostly the solution is inherent in the problem.

All you need to do is understand the problem in detail, introspect, change perspectives, use some borrowed wisdom, and a lot of common sense.

But this doesn’t mean that you don’t try to avoid these friendship problems. Of course, you’ve to be aware and beware of them!

In one of my earlier posts I had mentioned the acronym for LUCK that goes as – Love, Understanding, Compassion, and Kindness.

If you adopt and follow LUCK in your life, you can avoid any friendship problems, or any other relationship problems for that matter.

So, here we’re talking about friendships – one of the most beautiful human relationships.

And also about the petty issues that can ruin such relationships. But you don’t have to worry as I’ve got some solutions too, that can help you avoid the friendship problems.

Remember: it’s easy to make friends, but when it comes to solving friendship problems, the task could be seemingly daunting and difficult, but not so if you continue to read further. 🙂

“Forget your enemies. It’s your friends you frustrate that cause all the problems.” ~ Richard Bach

10 Friendship Problems You Might Face and Their Solutions

Problems in friendship can have any face, and can be of any type or nature. Sometimes they’re real or  imaginary, while at other times they results due to misunderstanding and confusion.

There are friendships issues that occur at all ages, whether among children, teenagers, and adults.

Here are some common problems in friendship that teenagers and adults face, some of which even lead to breakups.

Although I’m no expert, yet I’ve tried to provide solutions or suggestions based on my own friendship and life experiences in an attempt to solve these friendship problems.

However, I’d also like you to give your own views and suggestions as you read the problems in this post – in the comments at the bottom of the post.

1. Bullying

A strong or bossy person tries to control and bully a weak or submissive person – that’s the rule of nature. You might experience the same in your friendship.

Not only in classrooms and at workplaces, but bullying is being observed also in online friendships.

If left unchecked or uncontrolled, bullying can negatively influence the mind and personality of the person on the receiving end. At times, bullying also ends up in physical harm.

Your dominating friend wants you to do or follow whatever he or she says. If you don’t, then either you’re humiliated, embarrassed, abused, or punished.

Solution:

One thing you can do is balance the relationship by developing self-confidence and believing in yourself, if you’re at the receiving end.

If you have self-respect, self-esteem, and feel good about yourself, you would not accept the submissive role. Nor would you allow yourself to be bullied or mistreated.

Be willful and don’t buckle under pressure or give in to your dominating friend’s demands and to any mistreatment.

Let him or her know that you don’t like to be bullied and you like to be respected for your views and who you’re.

If you feel by doing so you endanger yourself in anyway, then seek external help or move yourself away from such a friendship.

2. Manipulation

Many a times you might feel that you are being used by your friend. Or even think that he or she has a selfish motive behind being friends with you.

You might find that your friend is trying to manipulate you to believe in or do something that is not right for you.

Your friend may only be interested in receiving personal benefits directly or indirectly by having friendly relations with you.

Solution:

If you‘ve any such doubts then express them to your friend. It’s always good to have transparency in friendship, and good communication helps resolve many a friendship problems.

Be straightforward and direct in your approach and have a meeting with your friend.

Convey that you wish to have a true relationship based on trust and mutual cooperation, and that you don’t like to be used, nor do you use anybody for selfish motives.

From the response, you might know if you’re dealing with a good friend. If your friend doesn’t understand or changes his or her behaviors, then you got to reconsider the relationship.

3. Mistrust

Friendship problems arise when you start doubting your friend’s honesty, integrity, and sincerity – the suspicions create a general feeling of mistrust.

You might mistrust your friend based on his or her actions or words, which you think are not in your best interests.

In such cases, based on your assumptions, you try to avoid your friend and not trust him or her with anything.

Solution:

Talk and convey your thoughts and fears. Ask your friend the reason for the mistrust, or tell the reason in a candid manner, if you’re the one who mistrusts.

Your friend might come up with an explanation that you’ll have to evaluate using your personal judgment based on the relation and experience with the person.

Trust and faith are two important holding pillars of friendship; if broken, friendship falls. Reengage in activities that help in regaining the trust in your relationship.

If your fears are proven true and you don’t feel like you can trust the person again, then it’s time to move out, or let the friendship wean off slowly.

 

Two girls ignoring a girls due to friendship problems

4. Jealousy

This is a negative behavior that is common in everybody, though some say that it is a feeling females harbor the most. What do you say?

Jealousy or envy may occur due to a feeling of competitiveness or a complex because your friend is better than you. Jealousy can also creep in among best friends and create friendship problems.

You might avoid the person or your jealous friend might stop talking to you. If so, then it’s a sign that you’ve a friendship problem at hand.

Solution:

True friends love each other. And, where there is love, jealousy has no place. Remember the LUCK acronym and make it a part of your life.

Accept your friend, for who and as he or she is. If your friend is better than you in some aspects, be happy for him or her. But that does not mean you cannot become better.

Instead of investing in negative feelings and feeling insecure, be positive and play fair in the spirit of competition.

Get motivated by your friend and work towards removing your complex, as it’s not a friendship issue but your own problem that you need to work on.

5. Betrayal

Did you or your friend break the promise and talk behind each other’s back about things that were supposed to be confidential?

Well, breaking promises is quite like betrayal. Even cheating or flirting with each other’s boyfriend or girlfriend is called betraying each other – isn’t it?

Betrayal is breaking the trust; an act of treachery and sign of disloyalty. Obviously, such acts would create friendship problems, or any relationship problems for that matter.

Solution:

Always keep your promises, unless you’ve strong reasons to believe that divulging the information might be more helpful. Don’t talk or do anything that you wouldn’t want your friend to do.

Convey to your friend about how you felt on being betrayed. Be clear that betrayals can break the friendship – and really do that if you feel the person is not regretful or has gone beyond the limits.

Some people flirt with their friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend to show they’re better, and to feel superior. Such people cannot be good friends and you should avoid them.

6. Differences

It could be that you and your friend have dissimilar interests and hobbies. In such a case you might find yourselves incompatible because you think your differences make you different.

You might undergo reorientation and have a change of interests and ideology, therefore you or your friends find it difficult to remain friends.

On this basis, you exclude your friend, or dump him or her. Or it could be that your friend ignores and rejects you.

Solution:

Though people with similar interests get along well in a friendship, but it is not always possible to have friends whose interests match yours completely.

You should adopt the principle of “unity in diversity” and develop tolerance to account for differences in your friendships.

In fact, some differences make the friendships more interesting and you get to learn more from each other.

If you both really feel that you’ve to go in different directions and it’ll really be difficult to maintain the active friendship; talk about it and happily part ways, keeping the hopes to be friends again.

However, if you’re the one who’s excluded, then talk to your friend and convey how you’re worth and can be an asset to him or her, and how you feel about the friendship.

It’s possible that your friend really likes your thoughts and you’re back to being friends again.

7. Inconsistency

Sometimes, you and your friend might not be able meet or talk on a consistent basis. Your friend might be regular for some period and then disappears for a long time period.

In such a case you feel disconnected and distanced from your friend and feel you’re having friendship problems. Does such a thing happen with you too?

Solution:

Time and distance don’t affect good friendships. But yes, there’s a difference in the level of interaction and intimacy of friends who meet regularly and occasionally.

You should try to be in touch with your friend frequently using any medium like phone calls, emails, chats, through social networking sites, or best in person.

Same is the case with online friends; you feel more connected to the ones who’re in regular touch with you. And, you can cure the friendship problems by raising the level and frequency of interaction.

If any of your friends is not able to maintain regularity, just enjoy his or her company whenever you are together.

Remember, there might be a reason why they can’t meet you often, or they could be undergoing some other personal problems also. To really know the reason, simply ask – don’t just assume; assumptions may lead to misunderstandings.

However, if you feel that your friend does not value your friendship, then you may demote him or her from your list of friends.

8. Conflicts

Conflicts and fights are one of the major causes of creating rifts and distances between friends.

Arguments and heated discussions often create issues in friendship that are harbored for a long time – sometimes not only for many years but even carried forward to the next generation.

Solution:

Arguments and disagreements are normal in any kind of relationship, and having them does not imply the end of the relationship.

Be the first to initiate restoration of the earlier status of friendship even if it requires you to forgive or be forgiven. We all make mistakes and sometimes lose our cool and temper.

Your ego is the factor that stops you from reaching out to your friend to reconnect. If you drop your ego, chances are that your friend will understand your gesture and reciprocate in the same manner.

However, if things get out of hand and even after trying to resolve the conflict – nothing works, you could seek help, or then let go of such a friendship.

9. Bad Company

You might find that your friend is going on the wrong path and decide to end the friendship or distance yourself from him or her.

Or perhaps you are in a company of friends who as per you don’t conform to the standards of decency that you prefer and respect.

It is a major friendship problem that hurts your conscience, because you are stuck in the bad company of friends. What do you do in such a case?

Solution:

Bad company should always be avoided. It is true that a person is known by the company he or she keeps.

Your friends do affect and impact you with their personalities, and you should make the choice to distance yourself from such friendships.

However, if you’ve a friend who gets lost or diverts onto the wrong path, you should play your part as a friend to help him or her rediscover and return on the right track.

10. Non-commitment

Sometimes, a friend of yours might not be able to help you when you require his or help the most. You develop a grudge against your friend and stop talking or interacting with him or her.

What do you do then?

You assume that your friend is not committed to the friendship and doesn’t support you. You consider this as a major friendship problem and decide to end it.

Solution:

There’s no doubt that a friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend who comes to help when needed most is better than a friend who is with you all the time but disappears when you need him or her.

However, before running to any conclusion you need to give your friend a fair hearing. Did your friend purposely stay away from you or was there any other reason for him or her to keep away from you?

If you’ve substantial proof that your friend isn’t the kind to help and support, you may keep him or her out of your inner circle of friends.

man and woman having friendship problems

“Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding.” ~ Sri Chinmoy

Treasure your Friendship

This list of friendship problems is not exhaustive, and I’d ask you to contribute and add on to this list by mentioning the friendship issues you faced in your life.

However, remember one thing that “Every problem has a solution.”

If you go on with this attitude and adopt this approach, it becomes easy to resolve problems that otherwise may seem unsolvable.

You and your friend need to work together, as it takes two to tango. And, no reconciliation or resolution of problems is possible without proper communication.

I reiterate that friendship is a beautiful relationship. Don’t lose it, as it’s precious. Most friendship problems occur because of misunderstandings others.

Friendship is a garden that needs attention and care, and then only will the flowers and fruits of friendship blossom.

However, if you feel that things have come to a head after even after making your attempts to resolve the problem, you might have to let go of the friendship.

You never know when things, time, and people change. Your friendship problems might disappear, and you and your friend might be back rocking on the bandwagon of friendship once again!

“We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.” ~ Amy Marie Walz

Do you wish to have true and loving friends in life? Then go on to read this article:

>> 6 steps to have loving and true friends in life

I’m sure if you’re aware of these common friendship problems and take the right steps to resolve them, you’d become good at making friends for life.

Remember, if you lose your old friends, it does hurt and take a while to get over them. But you can always make new friends – isn’t it?

So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and tell your friend’s how much you love and value them. 🙂

“Life is nothing without friendship.” ~ Cicero

Over to you –

Did you ever have friendship problems in your life? What were they and how did you resolve those friendship issues? Do share in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net



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47 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Jodi Okun

    June 15, 2013 at 3:09 am

    “You should adopt the principle of “unity in diversity” and develop tolerance to account for differences in your friendships.” I really like this – especially since many students have room mates and struggle with overcoming differences.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 3:51 am

      Welcome to the blog Jodi – nice to have you over 🙂

      Glad you liked those lines, and yes – it does hold good for all those undergoing friendship problems. I agree with you there, students do have problems where their roommates are concerned, not to mention the other problems they face as well – reminds me of my college days too!

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  2. Lisa

    June 15, 2013 at 5:24 am

    Harleena, this post is very timely for me.

    I have been friends with someone since the age of 10. (Almost 40 years) We haven’t spoken in 2 years. She never called me or returned calls so I stopped calling. I continued to send cards and gifts at holidays. She did not acknowledge this past year’s or send one. Her birthday is Sunday and I’m thinking of emailing her a picture of when we were little. It’s on a baseball field in a blog post I did on my nature blog. I wanted to see if it would open the lines of communication. I got tired of always being the one to initiate the phone calls. I just got tired of always being the one to initiate everything. She comes from a big family and I always attributed it to that, that she was so busy with her big family. I just feel bad we haven’t spoken in years now.

    I’ve had other friends for over 30 years and no issues. I treasure my friends – they are priceless! Great topic Harleena.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      Nice to know that this post on friendship problems came at the right time for you 🙂

      Wow! 40 years is a nice long time and reminds me of friends I too had, though we lost touch a few years back. It was nice of you on your part to pursue the friendship till as long as you could, but I guess after a while when you get no response you must be thinking what to do about it and whether it’s worthwhile to carry on or stop. Or wonder if at all your messages, gifts, and cards are reaching her at all.

      Ah…I like that idea of sending her your old picture for her birthday that would remind her of your old times, and I think it just might do the trick! I can understand how it must be getting to always be the one to initiate things and worse still, when you get no response from the other side. Yes, perhaps she’s involved in her big family, but to be able to take out a few minutes for your old friend’s isn’t asking for much. And that’s what weekends are for, when I’m sure she must be having some spare time in hand. I do hope it works for you both 🙂

      Yes – friends and their friendships are priceless and we all need to learn to treasure them. By giving this example, you’ve surely shown us all that you are playing your part well enough, and I’m sure she too would respond to your email (hope it’s her right one though!)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  3. Ahsan

    June 15, 2013 at 9:43 am

    Hello Harleena,

    I always amazed to read your each content. All articles are related to our life. Each post starts with some problem then you solve them with great style.

    Friendship is certainly an unique bondage by which we can share our feelings & everything. It can’t be compared to any other bondage. But as you said Friends have some problems too.

    I think the main reason is dishonesty & ego problem which in other word jealously. If we are free mainly from these 2 negative effects, we can solve other problems very easily.

    You mentioned all key problems to break friendship & also added nice solution. I keep this in mind

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Ahsan,

      Thanks so much for your kind words of appreciation 🙂

      I agree, most of my posts are related to real life issues and their solutions because that is what we come across in our daily lives. I feel that if I undergo these problems – so must others, and if I can find my way about, perhaps someone else too could use my experience to solve their problems, and that’s why these posts come up.

      Friendships are great ways to bond and connect with people, and I think everyone has, and needs a friend – isn’t it? Yes, sometimes we all have friendship problems that are at times out of our hand, or occur due to various reasons. I agree with you, people with massive egos have a problem with all relationships, not just with friendships. Dishonesty again should be avoided in all relationships as it only leads to further problems. I hope these solutions help those who need them.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post 🙂

  4. Oluwaseun Babajide

    June 15, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Harleena,

    We all have friendship problems and there are definitely no magical solution to every problems. I don’t pay too much attention to friends like I used to. I always make sure I be the best I can and leave the rest for people to judge.

    Do not forget that friends come and go. No matter what you do some people will never be satisfied! I now put all my focus on my family and God 🙂
    Thanks for the share.

    -Seun

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Seun,

      Oh yes…all of us face friendship problems sometime or the other, and surprising it’s mostly starts from a small misunderstanding – isn’t it?

      Ah…I think we sail in the same boat, and the reason being because now we are concentrating more in our work or trying to build our business and blogs. I think the main friendships made were during our college or younger days as compared to the few friend’s we make now, at our age. Perhaps things are different for those who are in the offline world, because they interact and meet more people when they go for work, as compared to the online world folks who are home bound or work through the Internet, where you are working and self-learning more and that does need a lot of your time. I might be wrong here, but that’s just how I feel 🙂

      I agree with you – be the best you can and help those in need, rest you have to leave it to people to judge, though I think we are no one to judge others 🙂

      You’re right – friend’s come and go, and we shouldn’t really get too attached to them because then it hurts. Yet, there are some people who carry on and live up to their friendships even after so many years, just like Lisa was mentioning above. I guess if you live in the same place it also makes a difference, though not necessarily.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us 🙂

  5. Shalu

    June 15, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    So right about the problems about friendship. Jealousy is a very common one. It often creeps in every now and then but that is all human nature. As long as it does not affect the friendship in anyway then it should be OK. Lack of communication can often hurt friendships.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Shalu,

      Yes indeed, jealousy is a huge problem and if it occurs between friends, there are bound to be friendship problems between them. It is part of our nature but if it becomes too much it does cause problems. Lack of communication means no connectivity in a way and if its there for a long time, a person just becomes out of sight out of mind. Yet for some, distances and such things doesn’t affect their friendship, though I wonder how they must be carrying on.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  6. Theodore Nwangene

    June 15, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Hi Leena,
    Happy weekend, hope you’re enjoying it to its fullest, doxology :).

    Among all the friendship problems listed above, the one that is the worst that can easily ruin any friendship in my opinion is Betrayal. Even the bible said it, the worst thing that you can do to your friend is to betray him. This often leads to mistrust and you are most likely to loose that friend forever.

    It is therefore very important to always maintain the trust our friends have on us because, it takes years to build trust but only a second to loose it.

    Thanks for sharing Harleena and do extend my regards to your family.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Theodore,

      Happy weekend to you too, and I can see you are surely feeling lighter and better after your exams – hope they went off well 🙂

      Ah…yes betrayal in any relationship is disastrous I would say, especially if you are dating each other and betray the trust, or fall for someone else. Even others-wise if you betray your friend’s trust, you’ve lost it all. I agree with you there, it takes years to build trust and only a second to break it. I wish more people would realize this fact and try and be good friends with each other.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing your views. I surely will, and you too have a relaxed weekend 🙂

  7. Peter

    June 15, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Nice post Harleena,

    Friends are one of those things that makes life sweet and worth while but, that’s when you have the good ones.

    If you have the good type of friends by your side then, consider yourself lucky. That’s where this posts comes in hand, you have to know all the do’s and don’ts of a friendship in order to have a good friendship.

    Know and avoid those things that can turn your friends away from you as listed here and, you will have a lasting friendships.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 10:05 pm

      Hi Peter,

      Glad you liked this post on friendship problems 🙂

      I agree with you there, and friend’s can really make a huge difference to our lives too – again, provided we have the right ones.

      If we have good friends they can really make us, while the bad ones can also break us – or shall I say they affect our lives positively or negatively. I guess if you do have friendship problems, which again could be many more than the ones listed here, and if you are able to find solutions for those and be aware – you would make sure your friends and friendships don’t suffer – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂

  8. Steve

    June 15, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    I like how you organized this post and broke it down into sections. Communication is key in relationships and friendships. People should think about what they can do to fix problems instead of complaining about them.

  9. Babanature

    June 15, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Hello Harleena,

    What a lovely post on friendship problem and and the perfect solution to clear things up.When i was still in school, the person that is now my best friend was once my bully. yes! i was afraid to go to school because of him because he was just like a devil sent to disturb my life 🙂 . What i actually did was simple; i quench my fears and face him because i was just so tired of the bullying. we fought seriously and after then, we became best friends till the end. We don\’t have mistrust and we do things like brothers.Friendship is great especially if both parties understands each other 🙂 Thanks

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Babanature,

      Nice to know that you liked these common friendship problems and their solutions 🙂

      Ah…nice to know that! I wonder how and what made your friend change from a bully to a real friend. I think you took the right and bold step at that young an age, which is commendable. So, facing your fears worked well for you, I’d say. I think because you cleared up all your differences long back – you became clear in your friendship and there’d be no place for mistrust of any of the other problems to creep in. I hope and pray your friendship remains as it is and only get better with time 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  10. Hiten

    June 15, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    This was a wonderful article, indeed and one I really needed to read.

    I’ve been having some friendship issues with a friend who I used to be very close with and have recently become quite distant. Your point about inconsistency best describes this situation. Although he’s not being making much contact, I’ve been just as bad through stubbornness and not getting in touch myself. By assuming he doesn’t want to be friends, I’m certainly not sure of this. Your article has inspired me to give him a call.

    Thank you.

    • Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Hiten,

      Nice to know that you could resonate so well with the post and it came at the right time for you too 🙂

      Ah…I can well relate to that one, or perhaps it happens because with time and the busy lives we lead, we do tend to get a little more involved in our own work and not really pay attention to our friend’s, though this happens once we start thinking more about our work and careers. But as they say, everything has a solution and this one too might just have. I guess if you know where the problem lies, all you might need to do is just get in touch with him once again, and get your friendship on track once again. Yes, if we keep our egos aside and without waiting for our friend to make the first move – we move ahead and contact them, we would make a difference. I DO hope you give him a call, and why wait – if possible do so now 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  11. Mary Stephenson

    June 16, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Hi Harleena

    Great advice on friendships.

    May be I am just slow to make friends, but I would rather not become friends with someone too fast, just in case we are so not able to get along. There was this lady once that was much more friendly than I would like and was in my face interrupting my day. She never took into consideration what I might be doing and that I should be delighted to drop everything and welcome her. It soon fizzled out. Don’t really like people that are so bold and quick to not be considerate.

    Sometimes I think it would be great to have people pop on by, but at other times I know I don’t want them to. So I take my time to be friends with people and usually refer in the transit period as “acquaintances”. I find it uncomfortable to end a friendship.

    I did find someone that I had not seen in almost 50 years and emailed her. She was delighted to hear from me. But although we have sent an email back and forth a bit, I realize our lives are so different. I am sure she would welcome me with open arms if I came to see her and we would have a great time, but probably nothing would ever come of it later after we left.

    I have a good friend we call each other on the phone a couple of times a month and we feel good when our conversation is over.

    I think if friends can’t make you feel better after spending time with them, that may be they should not be friends for the long haul.

    Mary

  12. Bren

    June 16, 2013 at 4:13 am

    Hi Harleena and thanks for sharing this.

    I’ve moved around a lot in my years so friendships have been hard to hold onto. I went to my high school reunion 2 years ago and rekindled some of those and made new ones. What I’ve learned over the years is, true friends are hard to find. The older I get, the more skeptical I get about friendships. Sometimes they only want to be friends because you can do something for them. Or your friends with a couple but when that couple splits, the friendships stray. I find it hard to take people at face value and keep friendships at a distance until they prove themselves worthy. Is that horrible?

    I’ve met many people via blogging and I have to say, there are several that I do call friends and know that we will continue to be in touch, even if I or they ever stopped blogging.

    Friendships fall apart for many reasons. I admire those who have been friends forever, consistently, like Lisa has.

    Thanks for sharing this post.

  13. Sebastian Aiden Daniels

    June 16, 2013 at 7:11 am

    This was a great article. I had a former friend who fit a lot of these. The bullying and manipulation were so strong that I couldn’t do it anymore. We held different values. In the end I just distanced myself from him because I figured it was the best thing to do. He would just tell me that I was too serious when I brought up my issues and that I needed to relax. It was just too much for me over time. The biggest thing was how he talked about other people and his mentality on life. He bragged about how he was a misogynist. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

    I liked all the solutions. Thanks for the post.

  14. Corina Ramos

    June 16, 2013 at 9:15 am

    After having read this post I feel so blessed that I don’t have people in my life that carry these traits. It almost sounds like an abusive relationship because my ex certainly had these.

    I did have a friend in junior high who I looked up to but she wasn’t such a good friend after all. I’m glad she was only in my life for short time. I honestly believe when people come and go in our lives it means they were only supposed by there for that time.

    I love how you included a solution for the problems, wonderful advice for anyone experiencing this to follow.

    I hope you’re enjoying your weekend. By now it should be Sunday for you, right? 🙂

  15. Tim Bonner

    June 16, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Hi Harleena

    I’ve struggled with friendships ever since I’ve been at home with my daughter.

    It seems harder to keep in touch with people and when you’re out of sight, you’re also out of mind.

    Like Bren, I’ve moved around quite a lot, so it’s been difficult to keep up with friendships.

    I fell out with someone I considered a good friend a few months ago and we’ve barely spoken since.

    But now I look back at the friendship it seemed like it was very one-sided and it was such an effort for it to continue.

    So maybe it was a blessing that we’re no longer friends!

  16. Amandah

    June 16, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    When my best friend got married, she dropped me like a hot potato. 🙂 I wasn’t surprised; I had a gut feeling this would happen. I was invited to a baby shower for her first child and it was awkward. I felt extremely out of place and kept thinking, “Why was I even invited? We hardly speak. Was I invited just so she could receive a gift?” I left the shower and thought, “I’ll never hear from her again.” Anyway…

    Fast forward to present day, and my former BFF is twice divorced. She reached out to me when I moved back to my home state, but the sting of me being dropped years ago was still present (I’ve grown since I’ve come back to my home state). I couldn’t help but think, “Why are you reaching out to me? I haven’t spoken to you in over 10 years?” I’m over it now and remind myself of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s words, “Some people will stay constantly present in your life, while others will enter your life in Act III, scene five, and leave in Act V, scene one.” I think it’s good advice.

    I do my best to practice non-attachment, but it’s nice to develop friendships that have staying power.

    Thanks again for this wonderful article!

  17. Rudraksh

    June 16, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Fortunately I have never been threatened by Bullying but I have seen many of my friends getting frustrated from this. You put out the right points mam. Jealousy is also one of the major problem now a days. I’m not saying that I’m the Bill Gates but still I’m better then most of the students in my college. So I have faced that factor a lot. Still I’m trying to beat that one. Thanks for sharing your points on this matter mam.

    Rudraksh Pathak

  18. Ashley Porter

    June 16, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    These are all things to look out for in ‘friendships’ and it’s very helpful you’ve provided solutions here as well. I had friends who I believed were manipulative or jealous and had to realize to keep those people at a distance because it helps to have genuine friends who are supportive of you. Thanks for sharing your insight.

  19. Sylviane Nuccio

    June 17, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    I Harleena,
    I’m glad I finally made it here as you’ve covered basically everything that needed to be covered about friendship, and boy did I experience some of them.

    First off; bullying. As you may already know, I’ve experienced bullying for many years at school, and some of my so called friends have sometimes ended up in the bullying team, so to speak, and if not totally joining in they have shown disdain for me. This is a great betrayal and one of the worst you could experience from a friend.

    Manipulation. I been manipulated by some “friends” at least 3 times in my life that I know of. The worst one was a friend who came to visit me on a Sunday afternoon in my Studio in Paris, just for the purpose of manipulating me into giving her a place to stay for a few months. I was too dumb and blind to see it at the time it happened, but when I did, I wrote her the longest letter to let her know about herself.

    Jealousy. Oh, boy, I’ve been the victim of jealous females more than I cared to have, and this is an ugly thing to go though. Jealous people are often very unhappy with themselves and can’t help being envious and jealousy. As a matter of fact, jealousy is very unhealthy for the one who is.

    Thought I’d share some of my unfortunate experience here to illustrate your post 🙂
    Thanks for another great post.

  20. Adrienne

    June 17, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Another great topic Harleena!

    I’ve shared with you before the reason why I no longer have some of my friends in my life today. I still have a few that I’ve know over 30 and 40 years but we seldom talk anymore.

    It’s not that we don’t love each other but one is a guy and he lives 4 hours away. He has a family so that is his life these days. We still exchange birthday cards, anniversary for him and holidays greetings. Every blue moon we’ll pick up the phone.

    My other long-term friend is someone I went to high school with. She’s the worlds worst for staying in touch. She always wants to get me caught up with what’s happening in her life because there is always some kind of drama yet she never has time to talk on the phone. I gave up a long time ago on that and I just let her call me when she’s ready. Again, we don’t live close so it’s not like I can drop in for a quick visit.

    I love that old saying that some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever and apparently they were here for a reason and gone for another. That’s how I view the friends that are no longer in my life. They were energy drainers and only here for themselves so who has time for that!

    Really great post Harleena and one I think everyone can relate to on some level. We all have friends right!

    Enjoy your week Harleena and thanks again.

    ~Adrienne

  21. Debbie

    June 17, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    i believe that #4 jealousy is a big one. After my divorce I had a very good girlfriend. Everything just seem to click with us. Then after about 3 years it just fell apart because I liked this one man and so did she. I wasn’t going to get in her way, but hey he ask me out not her. She just flat would not talk to me anymore. Even after i tried to explain, even going so far as to tell her that I would not go out with him.

    Real true friends are very hard to find, but to find one you need to know how to be a true friend. Honest goes a long way in building good relationships.

    Thanks Harleena for the reminders on how to be a good friend.

  22. Mayura

    June 18, 2013 at 3:42 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Wow! You surprise us with some wonderful topics 🙂 I like the fact that you offered possible solutions with ’em. I really do!

    I’m truly grateful enough for having the friends around me right now 🙂 I haven’t got many friends but I know they are the right ones. They are (Yeah, including you) indeed an inspiration for my life 🙂

    At first I was so worried about some friends who left me ’cause I felt they were around me just to get the help 🙂 Yeah, Manipulation. But it’s true that I tend to give rather than take or ask, which my parents always warned not to. But that’s me 🙂 So I just happy for what I’ve did. But thereafter I learnt if someone wanna go, I should let ’em go ’cause the right ones will always be there with me 🙂

    I’m jealous of my friends. How awesome they are! 😀 lol… I know, we always heard that jealousy is popular among women but the last working experience of mine proved, it’s not restricted to women but men tend to envy too. It’s just not visible until some point though. One thing I learnt is that they always tend to drag you down, so better off from ’em as much as possible.

    I think inconsistency depends on the person Halreena 🙂 Some friends of mine wanna talk every week and call me if it’s important or not. But some others feel bad when they don’t get a call once a week. However I don’t feel bad for not getting calls or such ’cause trust is always there. Yet, it doesn’t work for some of my friends 😉

    Communication affects on multiple facts you mentioned. Isn’t it? 🙂 At the time I’m involved in higher studies, the friends I had have different personalities. So conflicts occurred during projects and assignments. But we discussed them openly and prevented some incidents that could have gone so far.

    So friends are friends. It doesn’t matter how crazy they are. Isn’t it? 😉 What I like about true friends is that it doesn’t matter what or who you are ’cause they love the way you are.

    Having true friends is priceless and it’s one of those best things that ever happen to someone 🙂 No friends, life is just boring!

    You have a lovely week over there dear 🙂 Hope you had a great time with your family and father…

    Cheers…

  23. Liz

    June 18, 2013 at 4:20 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Boy jealousy was a big one for me. I’ve had 3 friends be jealous of me and was so sad to find that out. I really felt a connection with them.

    For that very reason I’ve leaned not to be jealous of anyone. It’s a wasted emotion.

    Maybe it can be hard to feel close to someone you feel in competition with, but that’s where self-esteem and learning to accept who you are and love yourself becomes the most important thing.

    Great reflective post Harleena 🙂

    Liz

  24. Deone Higgs

    June 18, 2013 at 4:50 am

    These are really great, Harleena!

    You’re right, we’ve all been there at some point or the other. It can be challenging when we have to confront issues that arise in our friendships, but we can’t afford not to confront them. If we don’t confront them, we risk becoming a doormat and not the friend we were hoping to be.

    I think it’s important for us to get to know people before we share the term “friendship” with someone, who may have had a track record before they came into our lives of using and abusing friendships. Somethings people just aren’t able to hide for too long. The truth is impossible to hide. Eventually, it presents itself.

    I’ve had to eliminate a few friendships for many of the reasons you’ve listed here. One of the biggest issues for me with past friendships were non-commitment and inconsistency.

    It’s just funny to me how some people can only present themselves available to the friendship when they need something from you, or will be needing something in the very near future. Otherwise, you won’t hear a peep out of them or from them. Those types of people I have learned to step back from, excusing myself from the relationship altogether. I won’t even confront it, because frankly, I believe people are well aware of their actions and intentions. If they aren’t going to respect the friendship (as I would for them) and appreciate what I bring to the table, while bringing something other than requests; I have no problem releasing them out of my life.

    Nowadays, I don’t have as many friends as I used to have, but the few that I do have are faithful, consistent, and want the best for me – just as I am for them.

    There’s an old song that I remember my mother used to play when I was growing up, which went on to say, “I can do bad by myself, I don’t need no help…” Those are my sentiments concerning friends exactly. If one wants to be friends, they will show themselves friendly. If not, then they probably won’t. All we have to do is pay attention to what their actions are saying.

    Great message, beloved. Thanks for sharing your insights with us.

  25. Shan Naqvi

    June 18, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I really like your this post like always 🙂 and I’m the one of those who’re facing problems in friendship and you are right making friends is easier then solving the friendship problems along this I wanna say that this post has clearly defined the solutions so let’s try … Thanks for sharing

  26. Ferb

    June 18, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Love this post, I should definitely try to think more positive instead of thinking about all other bad stuff people do or talk about. And get in touch more with people that you meet everyday is important or they will find weird to talk or even look at you.

  27. Neamat Tawadrous

    June 18, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    First, welcome back from your vacation and I hope you enjoyed it.

    That’s a great topic about friendship and its problems and I really liked how you provided the solution for every problem.

    These are all valid friendship problems and we all go through at least one of them if not more. I have gone through bullying in my school years and in my early adult life and it is not fun at all. I am glad I left the country where it all happened and I am far away and I don’t know anything about them anymore. As they say, friends come and go and during their presence in our lives, they teach us a lesson.

    Manipulation and betrayal are another two problems I went through by the same person (friend). My opinion if a friend betrayed you, then that’s it, there can’t be anymore trust and for me, the friendship is ended and I don’t think any solution will resume such a friendship.

    Thanks Harleena for sharing these wonderful topic which we all go through in our lifetime. Have a great week ahead.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat

  28. Daya

    June 18, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    I like this post because it applies not only to friendships, but family as well. Thanks for the perspective!

  29. Sonal Kalra

    June 19, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Hey Harleena,

    I do find your post interesting. Its my first time on your blog and I must say that I like your blog.

    As for friendships, my opinion is that communication is the root cause of every relationship.
    If there is communication, then too the relationship may come to an end. That is so because most of the times people don’t want to understand what the other person is saying and they draw their own conclusions. They take things for granted and then Friend reaches the end.

    Efforts should be made on both the sides if one wants a friend in their life.

  30. Chetan Gupta

    June 20, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Hey Harleena

    Actually i am not agree with this that ” jealousy is a negative behaviour that is common in everybody”. First thing as i think it is not neccessary that jealousy is always be negative behavior for all. Sometime It motivates many people to achieve success. Suppose Ram and Shyam are the two friends. Ram is rich and have all the facilities which Shyam have not. Due to this, If Shyam feels jealousy then due to this jealousy, Shyam can motivate himself to get success and everything like Ram. This jealousy can create a craze in Shyam to achieve all the things like Ram. In this way, it is positive for shyam. Right???

  31. Carol B

    June 20, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Great post Harleena!

    A true friendship is worth it’s weight in gold. And hard to come by! I am fortunate to have a few people in my life that I consider true friends. I have one friend whom I’ve known for 25 years now – and though we live 1000 miles apart, I know she is there for me, as I am for her. I’ve also had my share of “rough patches” where someone I thought was my friend, turned out not to be. But that only made me value my true friends even more.

    Have a great day!

  32. Indu Chhibber

    June 20, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I was surprised to see that the ambit of your concerns is very similar to mine-strange!
    Like i just read your post on self esteem before this one;and i had published a post on the same topic in Jan 13.But the perspective & treatment are different. Very interesting.

    As regards this post, you have covered all the pit-falls friends might stumble into—-thanks!

  33. Sana

    June 22, 2013 at 11:07 am

    For good friendship always keep the followings points in mind

    i- Always define your limits and never let the friends to cross that
    ii- Build and trust worthy and caring attitude
    iii- Only on your own positive way and never build a castle of expectation
    iv- Always avoid from conflicting issues

  34. Andrew

    July 13, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Jealousy is the biggest problem in friendship for me. I like defferences! I don’t like people who are like me!

  35. Kalina Slavkova

    August 15, 2013 at 8:45 am

    Awesome post, Harleena!

    This is just what I was looking for because I’ll be leaving my best friend soon as I head off to college. I realize that we’ve had a bit of trouble with jealously and inconsistency, and I’ll admit I’m sort of the instigator there. I am not jealous of him but feel threatened when he makes other good female friends. I know we’re each other’s #1, but I get carried away by suspicions. Your post reminds me to just trust in our friendship and to stop letting silly notions get to our heads. Thank you for your supportive words. They really helped 🙂 Have a lovely week!

    ~Kalina~

  36. Ebenezer

    September 1, 2013 at 1:40 am

    Having a good sense of humor is one way of overcoming friendship problems -You need to understand and accept that people will always be what they are and don’t necessary need to be what you want them to be.

    During my high school days, I lived in the hostel as a boarding student and I have come to understand that trying to change peoples personality (in a possessive way) is the beginning of every friendship problem.

    Nice post Harleena, keep up the good work!

  37. DEbbie

    November 12, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Fantastic tips for having those true friends.

    Many people go through life without having one true friend. You are right in the LUCK of friendship. My hubby has had a friend for over 40 years. They meet when they were in the service together. They trust each other, sometimes they see each other a lot and sometimes not as much. They always know that if one calls and needs the other they will be there.

    I have a friend that I have known for 20 years. We don’t live close together but we talk on the phone just about everyday. To be a good friend you have to have the communication and accept each other and love each other even when you don’t agree or life changes on one of you or both.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom once again Harleena.
    Debbie

  38. Bharat

    April 3, 2016 at 12:49 am

    Wow Harleena, this is a very good post. Although I am blessed to have friend since I was in grade 7. He is in India and I am in Canada but still we are in touch and he takes good care of my family also back home. He always puts me first before him, and I too feel solid respect and care for him.

    Respect is such thing that, I believe, goes both way. Self respect is nothing without having respect for others. And the health of any relationship is measured by the openness and freedom that we are willing to give others.

    I strongly believe that not only in friendship, in any relationship, the best way to tie a person with you is to untie him or her completely and give hundred percent freedom. I guarantee, the person will never leave you. Because the kind of personal space and freedom to choose you offer is the best thing one can experience j. Any relationship. Let go, give them a break, breathe, smile 🙂




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Read more posts in the category: Love & Relationships




Beware of These Friendship Problems

by Harleena Singh time to read: 11 min