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Beware of These Friendship Problems

- | 47 Aha! comments | Posted in category: Love & Relationships

a girl pointing finger to boyfriend having friendship problems
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Let’s face it, who doesn’t have friendship problems? For that matter, every interpersonal relationship does come up with problems at some time or the other.

However, every problem has a solution. In fact, there are no magical solutions because mostly the solution is inherent in the problem.

All you need to do is understand the problem in detail, introspect, change perspectives, use some borrowed wisdom, and a lot of common sense.

But this doesn’t mean that you don’t try to avoid these friendship problems. Of course, you’ve to be aware and beware of them!

In one of my earlier posts I had mentioned the acronym for LUCK that goes as – Love, Understanding, Compassion, and Kindness.

If you adopt and follow LUCK in your life, you can avoid any friendship problems, or any other relationship problems for that matter.

So, here we’re talking about friendships – one of the most beautiful human relationships.

And also about the petty issues that can ruin such relationships. But you don’t have to worry as I’ve got some solutions too, that can help you avoid the friendship problems.

Remember: it’s easy to make friends, but when it comes to solving friendship problems, the task could be seemingly daunting and difficult, but not so if you continue to read further. 🙂

“Forget your enemies. It’s your friends you frustrate that cause all the problems.” ~ Richard Bach

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10 Friendship Problems You Might Face and Their Solutions

Problems in friendship can have any face, and can be of any type or nature. Sometimes they’re real or  imaginary, while at other times they results due to misunderstanding and confusion.

There are friendships issues that occur at all ages, whether among children, teenagers, and adults.

Here are some common problems in friendship that teenagers and adults face, some of which even lead to breakups.

Although I’m no expert, yet I’ve tried to provide solutions or suggestions based on my own friendship and life experiences in an attempt to solve these friendship problems.

However, I’d also like you to give your own views and suggestions as you read the problems in this post – in the comments at the bottom of the post.

1. Bullying

A strong or bossy person tries to control and bully a weak or submissive person – that’s the rule of nature. You might experience the same in your friendship.

Not only in classrooms and at workplaces, but bullying is being observed also in online friendships.

If left unchecked or uncontrolled, bullying can negatively influence the mind and personality of the person on the receiving end. At times, bullying also ends up in physical harm.

Your dominating friend wants you to do or follow whatever he or she says. If you don’t, then either you’re humiliated, embarrassed, abused, or punished.

Solution:

One thing you can do is balance the relationship by developing self-confidence and believing in yourself, if you’re at the receiving end.

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If you have self-respect, self-esteem, and feel good about yourself, you would not accept the submissive role. Nor would you allow yourself to be bullied or mistreated.

Be willful and don’t buckle under pressure or give in to your dominating friend’s demands and to any mistreatment.

Let him or her know that you don’t like to be bullied and you like to be respected for your views and who you’re.

If you feel by doing so you endanger yourself in anyway, then seek external help or move yourself away from such a friendship.

2. Manipulation

Many a times you might feel that you are being used by your friend. Or even think that he or she has a selfish motive behind being friends with you.

You might find that your friend is trying to manipulate you to believe in or do something that is not right for you.

Your friend may only be interested in receiving personal benefits directly or indirectly by having friendly relations with you.

Solution:

If you‘ve any such doubts then express them to your friend. It’s always good to have transparency in friendship, and good communication helps resolve many a friendship problems.

Be straightforward and direct in your approach and have a meeting with your friend.

Convey that you wish to have a true relationship based on trust and mutual cooperation, and that you don’t like to be used, nor do you use anybody for selfish motives.

From the response, you might know if you’re dealing with a good friend. If your friend doesn’t understand or changes his or her behaviors, then you got to reconsider the relationship.

3. Mistrust

Friendship problems arise when you start doubting your friend’s honesty, integrity, and sincerity – the suspicions create a general feeling of mistrust.

You might mistrust your friend based on his or her actions or words, which you think are not in your best interests.

In such cases, based on your assumptions, you try to avoid your friend and not trust him or her with anything.

Solution:

Talk and convey your thoughts and fears. Ask your friend the reason for the mistrust, or tell the reason in a candid manner, if you’re the one who mistrusts.

Your friend might come up with an explanation that you’ll have to evaluate using your personal judgment based on the relation and experience with the person.

Trust and faith are two important holding pillars of friendship; if broken, friendship falls. Reengage in activities that help in regaining the trust in your relationship.

If your fears are proven true and you don’t feel like you can trust the person again, then it’s time to move out, or let the friendship wean off slowly.

 

Two girls ignoring a girls due to friendship problems

4. Jealousy

This is a negative behavior that is common in everybody, though some say that it is a feeling females harbor the most. What do you say?

Jealousy or envy may occur due to a feeling of competitiveness or a complex because your friend is better than you. Jealousy can also creep in among best friends and create friendship problems.

You might avoid the person or your jealous friend might stop talking to you. If so, then it’s a sign that you’ve a friendship problem at hand.

Solution:

True friends love each other. And, where there is love, jealousy has no place. Remember the LUCK acronym and make it a part of your life.

Accept your friend, for who and as he or she is. If your friend is better than you in some aspects, be happy for him or her. But that does not mean you cannot become better.

Instead of investing in negative feelings and feeling insecure, be positive and play fair in the spirit of competition.

Get motivated by your friend and work towards removing your complex, as it’s not a friendship issue but your own problem that you need to work on.

5. Betrayal

Did you or your friend break the promise and talk behind each other’s back about things that were supposed to be confidential?

Well, breaking promises is quite like betrayal. Even cheating or flirting with each other’s boyfriend or girlfriend is called betraying each other – isn’t it?

Betrayal is breaking the trust; an act of treachery and sign of disloyalty. Obviously, such acts would create friendship problems, or any relationship problems for that matter.

Solution:

Always keep your promises, unless you’ve strong reasons to believe that divulging the information might be more helpful. Don’t talk or do anything that you wouldn’t want your friend to do.

Convey to your friend about how you felt on being betrayed. Be clear that betrayals can break the friendship – and really do that if you feel the person is not regretful or has gone beyond the limits.

Some people flirt with their friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend to show they’re better, and to feel superior. Such people cannot be good friends and you should avoid them.

6. Differences

It could be that you and your friend have dissimilar interests and hobbies. In such a case you might find yourselves incompatible because you think your differences make you different.

You might undergo reorientation and have a change of interests and ideology, therefore you or your friends find it difficult to remain friends.

On this basis, you exclude your friend, or dump him or her. Or it could be that your friend ignores and rejects you.

Solution:

Though people with similar interests get along well in a friendship, but it is not always possible to have friends whose interests match yours completely.

You should adopt the principle of “unity in diversity” and develop tolerance to account for differences in your friendships.

In fact, some differences make the friendships more interesting and you get to learn more from each other.

If you both really feel that you’ve to go in different directions and it’ll really be difficult to maintain the active friendship; talk about it and happily part ways, keeping the hopes to be friends again.

However, if you’re the one who’s excluded, then talk to your friend and convey how you’re worth and can be an asset to him or her, and how you feel about the friendship.

It’s possible that your friend really likes your thoughts and you’re back to being friends again.

7. Inconsistency

Sometimes, you and your friend might not be able meet or talk on a consistent basis. Your friend might be regular for some period and then disappears for a long time period.

In such a case you feel disconnected and distanced from your friend and feel you’re having friendship problems. Does such a thing happen with you too?

Solution:

Time and distance don’t affect good friendships. But yes, there’s a difference in the level of interaction and intimacy of friends who meet regularly and occasionally.

You should try to be in touch with your friend frequently using any medium like phone calls, emails, chats, through social networking sites, or best in person.

Same is the case with online friends; you feel more connected to the ones who’re in regular touch with you. And, you can cure the friendship problems by raising the level and frequency of interaction.

If any of your friends is not able to maintain regularity, just enjoy his or her company whenever you are together.

Remember, there might be a reason why they can’t meet you often, or they could be undergoing some other personal problems also. To really know the reason, simply ask – don’t just assume; assumptions may lead to misunderstandings.

However, if you feel that your friend does not value your friendship, then you may demote him or her from your list of friends.

8. Conflicts

Conflicts and fights are one of the major causes of creating rifts and distances between friends.

Arguments and heated discussions often create issues in friendship that are harbored for a long time – sometimes not only for many years but even carried forward to the next generation.

Solution:

Arguments and disagreements are normal in any kind of relationship, and having them does not imply the end of the relationship.

Be the first to initiate restoration of the earlier status of friendship even if it requires you to forgive or be forgiven. We all make mistakes and sometimes lose our cool and temper.

Your ego is the factor that stops you from reaching out to your friend to reconnect. If you drop your ego, chances are that your friend will understand your gesture and reciprocate in the same manner.

However, if things get out of hand and even after trying to resolve the conflict – nothing works, you could seek help, or then let go of such a friendship.

9. Bad Company

You might find that your friend is going on the wrong path and decide to end the friendship or distance yourself from him or her.

Or perhaps you are in a company of friends who as per you don’t conform to the standards of decency that you prefer and respect.

It is a major friendship problem that hurts your conscience, because you are stuck in the bad company of friends. What do you do in such a case?

Solution:

Bad company should always be avoided. It is true that a person is known by the company he or she keeps.

Your friends do affect and impact you with their personalities, and you should make the choice to distance yourself from such friendships.

However, if you’ve a friend who gets lost or diverts onto the wrong path, you should play your part as a friend to help him or her rediscover and return on the right track.

10. Non-commitment

Sometimes, a friend of yours might not be able to help you when you require his or help the most. You develop a grudge against your friend and stop talking or interacting with him or her.

What do you do then?

You assume that your friend is not committed to the friendship and doesn’t support you. You consider this as a major friendship problem and decide to end it.

Solution:

There’s no doubt that a friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend who comes to help when needed most is better than a friend who is with you all the time but disappears when you need him or her.

However, before running to any conclusion you need to give your friend a fair hearing. Did your friend purposely stay away from you or was there any other reason for him or her to keep away from you?

If you’ve substantial proof that your friend isn’t the kind to help and support, you may keep him or her out of your inner circle of friends.

man and woman having friendship problems

“Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding.” ~ Sri Chinmoy

Treasure your Friendship

This list of friendship problems is not exhaustive, and I’d ask you to contribute and add on to this list by mentioning the friendship issues you faced in your life.

However, remember one thing that “Every problem has a solution.”

If you go on with this attitude and adopt this approach, it becomes easy to resolve problems that otherwise may seem unsolvable.

You and your friend need to work together, as it takes two to tango. And, no reconciliation or resolution of problems is possible without proper communication.

I reiterate that friendship is a beautiful relationship. Don’t lose it, as it’s precious. Most friendship problems occur because of misunderstandings others.

Friendship is a garden that needs attention and care, and then only will the flowers and fruits of friendship blossom.

However, if you feel that things have come to a head after even after making your attempts to resolve the problem, you might have to let go of the friendship.

You never know when things, time, and people change. Your friendship problems might disappear, and you and your friend might be back rocking on the bandwagon of friendship once again!

“We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.” ~ Amy Marie Walz

Do you wish to have true and loving friends in life? Then go on to read this article:

>> 6 steps to have loving and true friends in life

I’m sure if you’re aware of these common friendship problems and take the right steps to resolve them, you’d become good at making friends for life.

Remember, if you lose your old friends, it does hurt and take a while to get over them. But you can always make new friends – isn’t it?

So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and tell your friend’s how much you love and value them. 🙂

“Life is nothing without friendship.” ~ Cicero

Over to you –

Did you ever have friendship problems in your life? What were they and how did you resolve those friendship issues? Do share in the comments.

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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47 Comments - Read and share thoughts

  1. Bharat

    April 3, 2016 at 12:49 am

    Wow Harleena, this is a very good post. Although I am blessed to have friend since I was in grade 7. He is in India and I am in Canada but still we are in touch and he takes good care of my family also back home. He always puts me first before him, and I too feel solid respect and care for him.

    Respect is such thing that, I believe, goes both way. Self respect is nothing without having respect for others. And the health of any relationship is measured by the openness and freedom that we are willing to give others.

    I strongly believe that not only in friendship, in any relationship, the best way to tie a person with you is to untie him or her completely and give hundred percent freedom. I guarantee, the person will never leave you. Because the kind of personal space and freedom to choose you offer is the best thing one can experience j. Any relationship. Let go, give them a break, breathe, smile 🙂

  2. DEbbie

    November 12, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Fantastic tips for having those true friends.

    Many people go through life without having one true friend. You are right in the LUCK of friendship. My hubby has had a friend for over 40 years. They meet when they were in the service together. They trust each other, sometimes they see each other a lot and sometimes not as much. They always know that if one calls and needs the other they will be there.

    I have a friend that I have known for 20 years. We don’t live close together but we talk on the phone just about everyday. To be a good friend you have to have the communication and accept each other and love each other even when you don’t agree or life changes on one of you or both.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom once again Harleena.
    Debbie

  3. Ebenezer

    September 1, 2013 at 1:40 am

    Having a good sense of humor is one way of overcoming friendship problems -You need to understand and accept that people will always be what they are and don’t necessary need to be what you want them to be.

    During my high school days, I lived in the hostel as a boarding student and I have come to understand that trying to change peoples personality (in a possessive way) is the beginning of every friendship problem.

    Nice post Harleena, keep up the good work!

  4. Kalina Slavkova

    August 15, 2013 at 8:45 am

    Awesome post, Harleena!

    This is just what I was looking for because I’ll be leaving my best friend soon as I head off to college. I realize that we’ve had a bit of trouble with jealously and inconsistency, and I’ll admit I’m sort of the instigator there. I am not jealous of him but feel threatened when he makes other good female friends. I know we’re each other’s #1, but I get carried away by suspicions. Your post reminds me to just trust in our friendship and to stop letting silly notions get to our heads. Thank you for your supportive words. They really helped 🙂 Have a lovely week!

    ~Kalina~

  5. Andrew

    July 13, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Jealousy is the biggest problem in friendship for me. I like defferences! I don’t like people who are like me!

  6. Sana

    June 22, 2013 at 11:07 am

    For good friendship always keep the followings points in mind

    i- Always define your limits and never let the friends to cross that
    ii- Build and trust worthy and caring attitude
    iii- Only on your own positive way and never build a castle of expectation
    iv- Always avoid from conflicting issues

  7. Indu Chhibber

    June 20, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I was surprised to see that the ambit of your concerns is very similar to mine-strange!
    Like i just read your post on self esteem before this one;and i had published a post on the same topic in Jan 13.But the perspective & treatment are different. Very interesting.

    As regards this post, you have covered all the pit-falls friends might stumble into—-thanks!

  8. Carol B

    June 20, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Great post Harleena!

    A true friendship is worth it’s weight in gold. And hard to come by! I am fortunate to have a few people in my life that I consider true friends. I have one friend whom I’ve known for 25 years now – and though we live 1000 miles apart, I know she is there for me, as I am for her. I’ve also had my share of “rough patches” where someone I thought was my friend, turned out not to be. But that only made me value my true friends even more.

    Have a great day!

  9. Chetan Gupta

    June 20, 2013 at 5:01 am

    Hey Harleena

    Actually i am not agree with this that ” jealousy is a negative behaviour that is common in everybody”. First thing as i think it is not neccessary that jealousy is always be negative behavior for all. Sometime It motivates many people to achieve success. Suppose Ram and Shyam are the two friends. Ram is rich and have all the facilities which Shyam have not. Due to this, If Shyam feels jealousy then due to this jealousy, Shyam can motivate himself to get success and everything like Ram. This jealousy can create a craze in Shyam to achieve all the things like Ram. In this way, it is positive for shyam. Right???

  10. Sonal Kalra

    June 19, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Hey Harleena,

    I do find your post interesting. Its my first time on your blog and I must say that I like your blog.

    As for friendships, my opinion is that communication is the root cause of every relationship.
    If there is communication, then too the relationship may come to an end. That is so because most of the times people don’t want to understand what the other person is saying and they draw their own conclusions. They take things for granted and then Friend reaches the end.

    Efforts should be made on both the sides if one wants a friend in their life.

  11. Daya

    June 18, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    I like this post because it applies not only to friendships, but family as well. Thanks for the perspective!

  12. Neamat Tawadrous

    June 18, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    First, welcome back from your vacation and I hope you enjoyed it.

    That’s a great topic about friendship and its problems and I really liked how you provided the solution for every problem.

    These are all valid friendship problems and we all go through at least one of them if not more. I have gone through bullying in my school years and in my early adult life and it is not fun at all. I am glad I left the country where it all happened and I am far away and I don’t know anything about them anymore. As they say, friends come and go and during their presence in our lives, they teach us a lesson.

    Manipulation and betrayal are another two problems I went through by the same person (friend). My opinion if a friend betrayed you, then that’s it, there can’t be anymore trust and for me, the friendship is ended and I don’t think any solution will resume such a friendship.

    Thanks Harleena for sharing these wonderful topic which we all go through in our lifetime. Have a great week ahead.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat




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Beware of These Friendship Problems

by Harleena Singh time to read: 11 min