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Understanding True Love between Two People


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boy and girl understanding true love by loving each other

Understanding true love is not easy, especially the love between two people. The understanding of true love takes a lot of time, patience, and the readiness to accept each other when there is love between two individuals.

There are many kinds of love and each depends on what we feel for another. There could be love that you may have for your parents, children, pets, friends, relatives, or just about anyone, other than the love between two people.

The topic about true love is so wide that it gets tough to pen down within a few words, but I will try to focus today’s post on how we can understand true love or the love between two people.

 “We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.” ~ By Thich Nhat Hanh

Starting with the very basic – what does love mean to you? How do you relate to love and what do you feel about it?

What is Love?

Simply stated, love is the feeling that you feel for another, which comes from within. Love is the emotion that makes you blush and feel elated, makes you feel on top of the world and just not yourself anymore!

Love is profound and shouldn’t be treated lightly. It is a natural wonderful feeling, and so powerful that it can cause us pain.

Love shared between two people creates an awesome feeling that wraps us and makes us very protective of the love we have.

Sometimes love hurts because we stop thinking of ways to keep the fondness burning, to keep it safe. Love is not one-sided and you can never win in the game of love, which is the saddest part.

Love between two people is a shared feeling about their interest in one another. It is not about jealousy, conflict, testing, instead love is a positive feeling.

It is the total surrender of your heart to another person when you have that confidence that they will treat your heart better than you will.

Love feels good, not bad. It should want to make you a better person, not lead you to do something damaging. It makes you glow and soar in spirit.

Love knows no limits, no boundaries, and no limitations. It is unconditional, limitless, and always flowing. We can’t avoid getting hurt in love, but just as Tennyson said:

“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Love between Two People

Understanding true love takes time, and though you can never find out your feelings or the feelings of another person about love, there are some signs that show that love between two people is blooming.

  • You know that love between two individuals is present, because you have been told by your partner and your feelings are returned in kind.
  • You feel joyful and serene when you are with your partner.
  • You try to find ways to be romantic with each other, not only on Valentine’s Day, instead make each day as good as Valentine’s.
  • The objects of your affection and love makes you feel good about yourself, and you feel so special.
  • When you feel jealous you don’t let that thought come to you because you trust your partner. You know that your partner won’t hurt your relationship or betray you.
  • When you quarrel with your partner you normally make up within a few hours. You believe that nothing is more important than being able to express your true feelings, even if they cause conflicts.
  • Both you and your partner don’t feel the need to test each other’s feelings or loyalties.
  • Your partner doesn’t ask you to choose between your loyalties to your friends and family and him/her. And if you do choose your partner over them, you have a valid reason and it’s based on your decision alone.
  • The love shows when you are more of yourself when you are with your partner, rather than when you are with somebody else. You become best friends with your partner.

When you see love between two people, something is moving, changing, and flowing. They live in an aura and their vibrations reach one another even if they are not together.

In such kind of love sometimes there is no need for words as there is a deep understanding prevalent between two people. Instead, there is an exchange between their souls or a soul-to-soul connection.

“Love is like the sunrise; hope appeared at the same time on two faces and in two souls connected by the same wonders and tears of life.” ~ Mariana Fulger

Speaking of myself, my husband and I do have our problems and small conflicts. But we make that sincere effort to work things out by talking and trying to resolve issues.

I won’t say I have a full understanding of true love yet, or there is a soul connection between us, but I am close and working towards it. I guess when both sides work towards one goal, things do happen.

forever in love

Understanding True Love

My heart really hurts to read and see so many people breakup and move on, because the love between both people was not strong enough. I guess their lack of understanding of true love led them to this situation.

For me, true love is all about the willingness to accept another for who and what he/she is, even if they are totally different from you. And yes, accept them willingly and happily without really trying to change them. If need be, you could try to change yourself or accept the change and adjust.

“True love is born from understanding.” ~ The Buddha

Some traits that are usually present when there is love between two people are as under:

1- When you are ready to sacrifice your needs

True love is about being ready to sacrifice your own requirements and desires for the one you love, and put them before you. You are ready to make small sacrifices for one another, because you love them so dearly.

2- When you are ready for commitments

True love is the keenness to commit, forgive and be forgiven, to engage in and maintain understanding within the relationship, and the willingness to enter into a long-term commitment.

3- When you are ready to accept one another

Most importantly, I feel true love is the readiness to accept the shortcomings in your partner without any conditions. It is also the willingness to reveal your own imperfections without the fear that you will be evaluated or rejected.

4- When you are able to open up yourself & share things

When you are willing to be vulnerable where love is concerned, you are opening yourself up to another person. This means that you are disclosing things about yourself that you don’t know will be taken up well.

It is about sharing everything of your past, present, future dreams and hopes, good and bad times, desires and needs, material possessions, emotions, and just about every smallest of your life with your partner.

5- When you are content and secure

Where there is true love, you know and feel loved. You know that the love is true because you feel content that where you are, is a safe and secure place.

6- When you are compassionate towards one another

True love is also about being compassionate towards your partner, to be able to heal old wounds, and to ease their pain and suffering. You help them overcome their fear and hurt.

It sure is that feeling you get in your heart when you see your loved one in front of you, which makes an instant connection when there is love among two people.

7- When you are patient and gentle

When there is real love, you will be patient with the one you love, because you love him or her. And such patience is visible in your actions.

True love is also gentle as its character is to care and cherish one another. One of the most loving actions is a gentle touch that conveys a great deal. Or even things like correcting the one you love in a gentle manner – shows that you care.

8- When there is sheer joy

There is absolute joy in the smallest of things like when you wake up next to your partner, or even during tough times, when you should be grateful that you have your partner beside you.

Understanding true love is all about making the love between two people shine right through. Your partner should be able to make you laugh when you want to cry, and they should be able to hold you even when you make them mad! (I know this is really tough!)

True love listens; it always waits, and is patient, kind, caring, joyous, and free!

“True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.” – Antoine De Saint-Exupery

I know that it’s tough to understand true love, and along with love comes the hurt and pain too. I wanted to continue writing about why does love hurt in a relationship, but as this post is already long enough, I shall be writing about it next week. So, look out for next Friday’s post on why love hurts!

So, though understanding true love between two people is tough, but it’s not impossible. And once people learn about it they cherish it lifelong, as true love is the greatest gifts in the world.

Over to you

Have you been in love? If so, what was your experience like? Did you have trouble in understanding true love? Do you feel that the love between two people is incomplete without a proper understanding of true love? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

Photo Credit: Candida Performa


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Avatar of Harleena Singh

About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

58 Comments

  1. Vidya Sury

    April 20, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Such a beautiful post, Harleena!

    I just love that poster in the beginning of the post. The quotes are all gorgeous. Thank you for such a wonderful take on love!

    Hugs! Happy Friday!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 20, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Glad you liked the post Vidya!

      Thanks for liking the poster and the quotes. You won’t believe it, but hunting for an image that’s apt for the post and putting up the right quote within the picture and in the post, takes me longer than actually writing the post. :)

      But I love doing all that I do, guess it explains things much better – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. Hugs back to you! Have a wonderful weekend too. :)

  2. Claire Wagner

    April 20, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    I’ve been married nearly 28 years and when divorced friends ask me why it’s lasted, I don’t have a pat answer. But one thing I believe has helped is that I fell in love with someone I admire, who has great integrity and values. That has been so important over the years. He is also very loyal. There is no single “formula,” but you have given some excellent guideposts.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 20, 2012 at 10:36 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Claire!

      Married for 28 years – Wow! I guess being married that long in itself speaks a great deal, and yes, sometimes you really don’t have the right answers for the questions asked.

      Yes indeed, having a loyal partner whom you admire, trust, and respect, and who has integrity and values is half the battle won. There is no definite formula for things to work, nor a surety that you will fall in love if you do the required. I guess it is all based on your own experience and feelings that you undergo – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  3. Azam

    April 21, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Hello Harleena

    True Love is the asset of life. Love develops among human beings when we plan to care for one another or the activity of one person is liked by another, intentionally or unintentionally.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Azam!

      Perhaps you meant to say that true love is the essence of life, which is quite true. Love takes time, and true love comes only when there is a deeper understanding of love between two people.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  4. Sylviane Nuccio

    April 21, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Ah! there’s so much to say about true love and you’ve said it very well here.

    The reason why so many people separate or divorce is because , obviously, there is not true love or it’s gone. The reason why a spouse or partner cheats is also because of lack of true love.

    True love can be wonderful if it’s shared by both parties but it can be so painful if it’s not. In such casees love can lift you up to the clouds or bury you down to despair and anguish.

    The thing with love is that it’s a two way street, it’s not only about if YOU can fall in love but can someone can fall in love with you and that has to happen in unison.

    Love for family members never leaves or so I thought. It never left me, but nowadays I tend to think that it left some members of my close family.

    Your pets, always love you, no matter what. That’s their beauty.

    Thanks for this beautiful post about love, Harleena :)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Sylviane!

      Yes indeed, the topic of love is endless and no matter what we say, there’s always a lot left unsaid. :)

      Couple or partners separate or divorce due to lack of understanding of true love, or they are not careful enough to nurture it. Often times it’s even their egos and pride that comes in-between, while at other times it’s just the boredom with one another and taking each other for granted that fades away the love that was once there.

      There could be so-so many reasons, but what matters most is that despite all the differences the love between both partners remains ever young, which only come when they understand each other completely and are ready to do things for each other selflessly.

      True love does cause lots of pain and hurt, and that’s why it’s really not easy to be in that state because many people are not really ready to bear that pain or hurt. I guess when you really love someone that dearly, there is bound to be pain, which is part and parcel of a relationship.

      You are right about love being both sided, and its not only about you falling in love. The other person should be wanting to fall in love with you as well.

      Love for family members always remains, even though sometimes we may have our differences, which at the back of our minds we know are temporary and will go away once things are resolved. And yes, the love that we have for our pets is completely different – I think they love us unconditionally, and they are ready to forgive and forget no matter how we may treat them.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. :)

  5. Anne

    April 21, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Oh, Harleena. I write so much about true love.

    I can definitely completely relate to this post. I always tell people that true love (like you said) is largely about accepting a person for who they are. Of course, one has to be picky and stand up for their principles. They can’t and shouldn’t put up with people who hurt or disrespect them.

    At the same time, the ‘perfect’ person you imagine you’ll be with – 6 ft tall, brown hair, doctor who has a big yellow car etc. doesn’t exist. He only does in your mind because you made him up. So when you find a Prince, (or princess – I write for women) a totally remarkable man who’s kind and loving and meant for you, he may be a slightly balding dentist who’s just 5 ft 9. You can’t give up on him because he doesn’t fit the description of the phantom in your mind.

    True love can only be experienced after you’ve worked on yourself to actually decide who you are and what you want. How can you expect others to love you when you’ve not become who you want to be yet?

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 21, 2012 at 6:31 pm

      Nice to know that you could relate to the post Anne!

      True love is all about accepting the other person for who they are, without really trying to change them, or trying to make them like yourself. I think it’s more about accepting, adjusting, and making sacrifices for each other. And doing so willingly and happily!

      I liked all that you wrote about the imagining a perfect person to be your life partner! It happens most of the time that people have fixed notions about the partner they want, and if they don’t get such a person they remain upset with what they find or keep hunting till they find what they are looking for. But during all this time they miss the opportunities that come their way, which could have been better than what they had imagined.

      I guess it’s the person within that we should ideally be seeing, rather than their physical appearance or what we expect them to be – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, we require to work on ourselves, learn to love ourselves first – so that others are able to love us as well. However, sometimes people love you for and as you are too. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. :)

  6. ntathu allen

    April 22, 2012 at 3:40 am

    Love has soooo many facets and dimensions.

    The love I feel for my children runs deep and as you say love is gentle, kind and patient. Having come through a long divorce I realise how fragile “love” can be and next time round, I feel I will be more tolerant, patient and try and see life through my partner’s eyes. Ummm..lots of food for thought.

    Thanks my dear for writing about such a vital matter.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2012 at 6:28 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Ntathu!

      Yes indeed, love has many dimensions and forms, though it’s tough to cover everything in a single post, so I decided to just take up the topic on true love between two people.

      Love we feel should be gentle, kind, and patient to really make the connection with others, be it your kids, pets, parents, or just about anyone. Love needs to be handled ‘with care’, all the time! I guess in your case, next time you would be more sure of your love and perhaps experience true love too. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. Always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  7. Jack

    April 22, 2012 at 6:30 am

    When I think about true love it means that you accept the other person for who they are and not who you want them to be.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      Absolutely Jack!

      I think accepting the other person or your partner for who and what they are, without really trying to change them according to what you like them to be, is the essence of true love.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  8. Corinne Rodrigues

    April 22, 2012 at 11:05 am

    It’s hard to explain true love, but you did a fine job of it, Harleena.

    I spent many years looking for it, plenty of mistakes on the road, but I’m so glad that the person I married is my true love. For the first time, I have the ‘permission’ to be me – no explanations needed, just acceptance of who I am and all I can be. Not that we don’t have our arguments, it wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t! But true love to me is a relationship where you are given roots and wings!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm

      Absolutely Corinne!

      True love isn’t easy, and its tougher still to express or convey it in a few words.

      We all do make mistakes, and hit and trials are part of life too. I am glad that you found your true love finally, which is what matters most. I guess the freedom to be just you, and the person willingly accepting you for who you are without trying to change you – is what true love is all about – isn’t it?

      Arguments and occasional conflicts add more spice to life and make the journey worthwhile, something that most of us experience. I love your last line – true love to me is a relationship where you are given roots and wings! – Absolutely!

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. :)

  9. Dangerous Linda

    April 22, 2012 at 11:28 am

    True Love is a fascinating topic and one I’m truly passionate about. You are a brave woman to put yourself ‘out there’ on this very personal and controversial subject! Thank you!

    I disagree with most of your ideas about what you call ‘True Love’.

    For example, you say: “It is the total surrender of your heart to another person when you have that confidence that they will treat your heart better than you will.”

    How can I ever expect someone else to treat my heart better than I will? I set the standard for how my heart will be treated and I will attract a True Love who treats me as well as I treat myself.

    Or this: “My heart really hurts to read and see so many people breakup and move on, because the love between both people was not strong enough. I guess their lack of understanding of true love led them to this situation.”

    I have left relationships because they did not work for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love that person or the love was not strong enough. In fact, I am able to love my ex-husband more than ever when I don’t have to feel oppressed by his controlling behavior. Love should not be judged by whether a monogamous relationship is able to be maintained between two people. Some loves are meant for different purposes, but that doesn’t make them less ‘True’.

    I believe your last list of 8 qualities that ‘prove’ True Love should be self-generated and not dependent on another person. Loving myself this way makes me the person I am who would attract my True Love, not that I would be dependent on him to give me these feelings.

    I appreciate the fact that you stated you are still learning.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 22, 2012 at 10:55 pm

      Welcome to the blog ‘Dangerous’ Linda! (I like the name!)

      Glad that you liked the topic of discussion and yes, this topic is close to my heart as well.

      Everyone would have their own personal experiences to share and are free to express their views about true love. What works for me, may not necessarily work for you or for anyone else for that matter. And you are at complete freedom to disagree with what I have written, because it’s something I have experienced and you may not have.

      Let me try and clarify a few of your doubts. Firstly, regarding surrendering your heart to another person, etc, the person you attract to yourself would love you for who and what you are. When you are in true love, your partner gets to knows you much better than you know yourself after sometime. And that is the time when you are able to give yourself up fully to your partner, without any doubt or hesitancy because you know he understands you entirely – true love involves complete transfer of trust. The boundaries of ‘self’ disappear and then there’s no question of my or your heart – the couple take care of each other’s heart as they would of their own. You develop that confidence that no matter what, the person will take care of me better than I can of myself. (Again, I speak from voice of experience.)

      Secondly, about the sentence on my heart really hurts etc. Again, what you have experienced is different from what I have. I don’t quite understand the reason for your leaving the relationships you had, when as you say, you still loved the person! If there was true and strong love, there is no question about leaving one another, no matter what personal differences or compatibility problems – if there’s no understanding, it’s a sign that love hasn’t reached its true depth.

      You are able to love your ex-husband better now because he is no longer on the scene or living with you – isn’t it? In your case, perhaps you were not able to adjust nor did you like his controlling behavior. Perhaps your husband also had problems with your nature etc. But isn’t true love all about understanding each others flaws and learning to accept and adjust with one another? Isn’t it all about making small sacrifices for the one you love? If it were not, every second person would be landing in divorces or living separated! In true love, understanding and sacrifices are part and parcel – virtues that really separate true love from simple love.

      I agree that some love are meant for different purposes, but those are the other kinds that we have for our parents, kids, etc. Here we are talking about two individuals, where there is complete commitment and dedication to one another. One can certainly fall in love with many, and be true to all too, but that really takes a heart of gold – but even that person would finally like to settle with one.

      The last list of 8 is what’s normally present where there is love between two people, it’s not self-generated, though you can add a lot more to this list. You feel these things when you are in love with another person.

      Of course, I am always learning something new about true love every single day! And I am loving knowing more about it.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with everyone.

      • Dangerous Linda

        April 23, 2012 at 12:08 am

        Dear Harleena,

        Thank you for you thoughtful response. It seems that our views on this subject could not be much further apart — haha! I appreciate the fact that we can discuss our ideas respectfully in spite of our vast differences of opinion ;-)

        With such a contrast between our POV’s I find the best way to learn is through experience and over a long period of time so I hope we’ll have that opportunity to keep an eye on each other’s worlds peripherally.

        Love, Blessings!

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          April 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

          Always a pleasure Linda!

          That’s the beauty of blogging I guess – that we are able to share our views and ideas across various platforms, even though we may not be on the same line or agreeing with one another. :)

          Yes indeed, there can be no better teacher than experience. I think when we experience things for ourself over a period of time, that helps understand things much better and we are in a better situation to express our views openly with everyone.

          It was nice getting to know your views about the post, and yes, I hope we continue sharing our diverse views, even if we do not have many in common :)

          Thanks for stopping by. Love and blessingsto you too!

  10. Susan Gregg

    April 23, 2012 at 1:30 am

    Aloha Harleena,

    Love is …. and so often what people call love is really a non-negotiated trade agreement: as long as you do this I will love you. It is sad to watch two people do that dance and call it love.

    This is my favorite passage about love:

    Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

    Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

    Thanks for the great post,
    Susan

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 23, 2012 at 11:36 am

      Welcome to the blog Susan!

      Yes indeed, I think you’re absolutely right. Often love is taken like a non-negotiated trade agreement, just as you mentioned, almost like a tit for tat condition! True love can never be demanding or even binding.

      That’s a wonderful passage by Khalil Gibran – one of my favorites, and thanks so much for sharing it with everyone! I guess we all require that space and freedom to do things differently the way we want, even though we are in love and together. True love has no limitations, no boundaries, just as I had mentioned in the post – it is free flowing. :)

      One doesn’t have to lose his or her individuality to be in true love; in fact, this is the misunderstanding most people have and they break relationships because of the fear of losing freedom or their individuality. I think true love caters to a dual mode of relationship – maintaining individuality and losing individuality to become a combined unit – just like a perfect teamwork.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with everyone. :)

  11. Heal Now

    April 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Long lengthy comments, Harleena!

    You are doing swimmingly! Love the topic! It is hard thing to write about since people think of it so differently. It can be defined so many ways! I like to think of the purest form a love, the light of God. Just presence.
    Love,
    Jodi

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 24, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      Yes indeed Jodi!

      The readers of the blog are free to express their thoughts and feelings via their comments, and I love hearing what everyone has to say, besides adding what I feel. It’s almost like a conversation going on, though online. :)

      It sure is hard to write about love as people have different views, but that’s why I tried to write about just a particular topic of true love that exists between two people,so that it doesn’t run that wide. The love for God is of course the highest and purest form of love, and just as He had also said, loving one another is loving God, so it all turns back to doing just that – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  12. nikky44

    April 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    I love this subject, and I love your detailed description of it.

    I have written about what is Love for me last month . I think that Love is equal for everyone. It is there always, but its the problems we face in life that change this perception and transform it. Maybe it’s just a wishful thinking, I don’t know. I love to believe that love is for everyone.

    Thank you Harleena.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm

      Glad you could resonate with the post Nikky!

      Yes indeed, the topic of love is very close to my heart as well, and it surely cannot be written in a few words.

      I wouldn’t totally say that love is equal for everyone, because for some people we feel more love, while for others it’s more of a liking. I think love is either present or not present, and when there is love, it ideally should be true love – isn’t it?

      Love does remain, though as you rightly mentioned that the problems or complications we face in our lives, changes the perception of the love we feel. Sometimes when we love someone dearly and there is some problem or issue with them, the love we feel doesn’t go. It just takes a back seat and remains till things are resolved, but it stays. Thanks for sharing the link of your post that I would go through.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with everyone. :)

  13. Adrienne

    April 25, 2012 at 3:11 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Sorry I haven’t made it by before now. I just needed some time before reading this post and responding.

    Have I ever been in love? Hell yes!!! Real, true, deep, soulful love. Absolutely I have and it was the best feeling in this entire world. But then I have to question everything that I know because he left me at the altar. So was that real true love after all? I don’t think that I’ll ever really know.

    I want to think that it was real, I’m almost certain it was because he had problems over the next ten years moving on. Yet he’s the one that left, he’s the one that broke off the engagement right before our wedding. It just makes me question the entire commitment part which is why I’m still alone today. Oh yes, I do have issues.

    Had he been the only one I would have worked through it but there were two more after him and they did the exact same thing.

    I know, I just haven’t found the right guy, I hear it all the time. The problem is, I thought I had found the right guys. I just guess this is definitely not my area of expertise.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      Not a problem at all Adrienne!

      I know all that you have been undergoing lately, and having to cope with all other work as well as commenting sure does take time.

      I did read about your past where your so called partner left you right at the last moment and we talked a little about it in an earlier post. It still amazes me as to how could he or what must have really overcome him to take such a drastic step, especially when you were both so much in love. Perhaps he wasn’t bold enough or ready enough to take on the responsibility of a marriage, or someone talked him out of it. But then, the way he reacted was no way at all. And he was troubled perhaps because of his decision, thus he had problems moving on with his life for a long time.

      I don’t think it was real or true love, though it must have been love initially when you had started off. Had he stood his stand and been really committed, things would have been totally different for both of you, and your outlook towards life and such relationships would have been different too. But sometimes there are better things lined up for us that we get to know of much later in our life.

      Taking the positive aspect of things, had all this not happened way back then, you wouldn’t have been what you are today – isn’t it? I doubt it really! Nor would you have had Blake or Kayla in your life, who loves you selflessly. :)

      However, I have my finger crossed for you, and hope and pray that this time the right person finds you – some day really soon – you never really know. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. Always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  14. Janet Callaway

    April 25, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Harleena, aloha.

    Yes, I definitely believe in true love. Like Jack, I believe when you love someone, you accept them for who they are rather than who you want them to be. You take the complete package–the good and the not-so-good; the wonderful qualities and the less than desirable qualities.

    “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

    When you love someone, you want for them what they want–and more!

    Maintaining and indeed fanning the flames of that love is ongoing. Love must grow or it stagantes and then withers.

    Harleena, this post was simply magnificent.

    Thank you. Aloha. Janet

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

      Glad you could resonate with the post Janet!

      I agree with Jack there too, as true love is in fact taking the one you love for who and what they are, without really trying to change or mold them to your liking. Yes indeed, you take the complete-package, as-it-is!

      Those are wonderful lines, and have a lot of meaning in them. Thanks for sharing them Janet. :)

      True love means wanting the best for your partner, wanting them to excel in what they do, and yes, want for them what they want and much more. I guess you always wish well and good for your partner, no matter how things may be.

      Love truly needs to be nurtured and the flames of love need to keep burning constantly, or else it withers and stagnates, just as you mentioned. There are times however, when things take a dip or both the partners may not be aligned in their thoughts, which again is natural. But those are the times when both partners need to realize what’s happening and make an effort to re-connect once again and get over their problems – isn’t it? That’s what love is all about, accepting and adjusting to each other and doing so happily.

      Thanks so much for the kinds words of appreciation, and it’s always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  15. Ilka Flood

    April 26, 2012 at 1:52 am

    Hi Harleena,

    What a beautiful post! And I absolutely love the picture and quote in the beginning.

    Ahh, true love! Must be something beautiful. (Just kidding!) My husband and I will be married 32 years this October. I left my home country for him and moved clear across the ocean, my family basically disowned me (talk about sacrifices) but yet, I would probably do it again.

    We’ve yet to have our first door-slamming fight as a matter of fact, we almost never fight. He’s my best friend with whom I share all the good as well as all the bad. I don’t believe it can get any better than that….except if we could all move back to Germany again :)

    Thanks again for sharing such a wonderful post!

    Be blessed,

    Ilka

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 26, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      Glad you liked the post Ilka!

      Ahh…I loved the saying too and just knew if had to find it’s place on this post. :)

      Wow! Married that long is surely an achievement. Your story just looks out of the romantic movies, where you moved across oceans and countries, just to be with the one you love!

      You never fight! Hmmm…well we sometimes do, though never a door-slamming one! I guess sometimes it adds a little spice to life too. There can be nothing better than having your husband as your best friend, as you really don’t need anyone else then. Guess you become so open with your spouse that you can share all your joys and sorrows, or whatever is in your heart with them, without thinking twice – isn’t it?

      Thanks so much for stopping by. It’s always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  16. Betsy Cross

    April 28, 2012 at 12:59 am

    “Understanding true love is all about making the love between two people shine right through. Your partner should be able to make you laugh when you want to cry, and they should be able to hold you even when you make them mad! (I know this is really tough!)”

    Maybe just practicing the best kind of love that we understand will bring us through the trials of life with the gift of looking back and seeing all of the evidences of love that we enjoyed, took for granted, missed and lost.

    Thanks Harleena. Great post to contemplate this weekend!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      April 28, 2012 at 5:32 pm

      Welcome to the blog Betsy – nice to see you here!

      I am glad you could relate to the post and these lines. I truly believe these things happen (as mentioned in these lines) when you are in love and if there is deep understanding between both partners, though I know it comes with a lot of time for some people and it isn’t easy either. :)

      Life surely is a great teacher, and if we can look back and learn from what we have missed and lost in love would be wonderful for our present and future relationship and bonding.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  17. mshoneydoll

    May 1, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    This is a very nice post.

    I wasn’t aware of what true love was; until I opened the Bible and read 1 Corinthians chapter 13, which explains how true love never fails, how it is not envious or jealous – like you mention. How it does not boost in wrong doing, how it is unconditional.

    I am in love now. I was corrected by my partner early on in our relationship on how I was loving him based on conditions. He had to give out a lot for me to receive him. I was a selfish lover, wanting things my way and was only concerned about my needs. But I had to realize in order to love I needed to put my self aside and work towards making my partner happy. I was causing a lot of tension between us because I was so self absorbed.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 1, 2012 at 2:03 pm

      Glad you liked the post!

      Yes indeed, true love is not envious or jealous, and is unconditional and free flowing, with no ties or bounds. :)

      Nice to know that you are in love now, though it took you sometime to understand that love isn’t based on conditions. I guess sometimes we do become selfish and want or desire things to go our way, but that becomes more of a self-centered love where we don’t think about our partner. It works best that both partners love and care for each other and develop a deep understanding of trust and faith, which takes care of the tensions and problems.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. :)

  18. Pete Goumas

    May 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I really liked the love quotations and the post. Love is a beautiful feeling I think, and we should not be late in understanding the love of someone for us and our love for someone.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 4, 2012 at 11:08 pm

      Absolutely Pete!

      Love is a beautiful feeling, and something that each one needs to experience. Understanding the love of one another may take time sometimes, but it’s still worth the wait.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  19. Dee Ann Rice

    May 7, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    Harleena,

    True Love is something very special. My fist marriage ended in divorce after 20 years because I do not think there was ever true love. I knew I should not be marrying him the day I did and in the end he confessed that he did not think he was capable of love. A very sad situation.

    I am now remarried and I think this is true love. This marriage has everything the last one did not. It is not perfect but none are. It is so nice to have true love after all of those years of misery.

    Great post.

    Dee Ann Rice

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 8, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Dee Ann!

      Yes indeed, true love IS very special and it’s something very few achieve. Sad to know about your first marriage, though it ended after a long time of 20 years. I guess sometimes we just aren’t able to judge our own instincts and just tend to go with the flow, only to realize the mistakes we have made – but it’s already too late by then.

      However, I am happy for you now because you have found the right person and can feel the real love in your present relationship, which wasn’t there in your earlier one. No marriage is ever perfect I think and little ups and downs are a part of most marriages, which is good in a way too as they add a little spice to the relationship – isn’t it?

      Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. Always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  20. John Ernest

    May 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    I see a lot of things wrong with my current relationship when I read this post. But hey I can’t let anybody say what to do if I love someone right? Great post anyway

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post John!

      If you love somebody truly and really, you’ll always be right. Of course my post cannot be taken as a manual to follow, and things may differ from person to person, and for different cultures and ways of life. However, I only wanted to distinguish between the forms of love. As you’re a church goes and believer, I think you’d agree that the highest form of love is the divine love or love of God.

      I guess a lot depends on the relationship you have with your partner and how things work for you.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  21. Carolyn

    May 19, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Hi Harleena,

    Your posts are simply works of art. You should gather these masterpieces into an ebook, Harleena. I would love to give that book to many of my friends.

    Your thoughts on love are fascinating. It’s so true that love endures through all things. What amazes me is when I see older couples still holding hands. I love the picture on the bottom of your post of the older couple who still are obviously in love.

    As much as we may know of love, there are many couples I know in my life who are together and I can’t for the life of me figure out how they are still together. But they still are so I just accept that they are and are happy.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

      Nice to see you back Carolyn!

      Ahh…I am flying on cloud-nine now with your warm and kind words. :)

      I’ve never really thought about converting these posts into an eBook, or perhaps it’s don’t know how to go about making one yet, but it sounds like a wonderful idea. At least I know there would be someone interested in reading it, if I make one. :)

      I guess we share the same thoughts where love is concerned, especially when we see older couples still so much in love. They are the people to take lessons from for all that they have undergone and are still together. And yes, I also loved that picture the minute I saw it and put it up too. It speaks a great deal in itself – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, there can be so many couples who stay together just for the sake of holding a marriage together, or for their kids, or any other reason. But what matters most is that are they in love? Do they really care for one another in the real sense? I guess we just take it that they are happy so they are together.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  22. Sally Brown

    May 21, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Hey Leena,

    I really liked all the steps you presented. I know I wasn’t ready for love many times, but I ‘fell’ anyway. Looking back, I’m glad things didn’t work out because I had a lot of growing to do

    Now I’m ready and just waiting patiently for my true love to appear! LOL I’m just enjoying life, and liking who I have become in the process of understanding love. Thanks for this great post. Your writing is remarkable! Sally

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      May 21, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      Glad you could resonate with the post Sally!

      I think many of us are like that- not ready in the real sense, yet we ‘fall’ in love, and I think that happens because love is blind and holds no bounds, when it has to happen – it just happens and we really have no control over it – isn’t it?

      Ahh…now that you have ‘grown-up’ I’m sure your are going to find your prince charming real soon! I guess once you realize the mistakes you or your partner have made all through the years, you are more cautious about things in the future and take care that those things aren’t really repeated again.

      Thanks for your kind words Sally. It’s wonderful to have you back in blogosphere :)

  23. John Ernest

    July 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Love is sometimes the reason why two people change totally. From positive to negative and from negative to positive, there are a lot of things that could happen when a person is in love. It is through love that there are miracles even when Jesus Christ was still alive.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      July 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

      Absolutely John!

      Love has it’s strange ways, it surely can make or break people and a lot depends on how willing you are to adapt to change in love – isn’t it? Just as life is full of ups and downs, similarly love has it’s shades of negatives and positives too. Love makes the world go round as they say. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  24. sunaina sharma

    December 8, 2012 at 3:48 am

    Hi.. Im in love with a boy..who is completely different from me..but we hardly fight..and people admire our relationship…its like I spent all my 70 yrs life with him in 2yrs….but we can not marry due to some reason from his side… I understand them and never force him for the same, but there are people doubt him that he is just playing around with me..but I’m confident that he is not..it gets difficult to make them understand… is it true if u are in true love relationship you have to marry?

    I want to be with him for lifetime and so he wants too..but I understand why he is saying no… he never made any false commitment…at the start of this relationship i knew we can not be together for lifetime…but still coz we wanted to live our life together for whatever time we got…we will never break up..coz we are bestest friends … I have gone thru your post n felt the same in my relationship..learnt a lot from this relation…he is everything for me… but we both believe that above our love, parents love is also there and shouldn’t be ignored or hurt coz of the love we got in our later life… I’m so thankful to God but also question why we cannot marry like other couples… thou felt God is also with us…

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      December 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm

      Hi, Love is no crime and love has no boundaries. The real test of love is in the difficult times, on easy days even infatuations seem like true love. The fact is that loving as being lovers is easy and loving while being married is difficult. The later is truly a test of true love.

      I appreciate your honoring your elders, but it would be good if you both can find out ways to get through the obstacles and convince your families for marriage. You’re right – marriages are not necessary or even a criterion of true love. But things will change after when one or both of you gets married off due to family pressure.

      In such a situation, if you’re able to live your new life with the same love for your new partner, it will turn it into a healthy relationship. But if you’re not able to get over your past and forget your previous love, your new relationship stands at risk.

      From your account of the love between you and your partner, it appears you’re made for each other. People sometimes have valid fears, as men have proved to be deceptive in history, but the same can be said for women too, and nothing can be generalized. You told me your story, but you’d only know the other side of the story, to decide if you’re in a safe relationship.

      Remember that mostly the fights between lovers only start after marriage, so don’t take ‘no fights’ as granted for a sign of an ideal love relationship. If your instincts and intuition makes you feel and think that your relationship is true and pure and you can go on like this, then you need not marry, if you can’t.

      If you’re able to be just good friends and respect each other’s individual lives and commitments after you both get married separately, and apply the same love in your new relationships, you’ll be doing nothing wrong. However, the real application to this solution depends on the cultural and religious backgrounds more than the socioeconomic status.

      In true love, you just let go when it is required and never ask anything in return, and carry on with your own lives with no hard or negative feelings. The commentary on love can go on, but you need to decide for yourself, what is best for you and your future.
      Hope this helps.

  25. sunaina sharma

    December 10, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Hi Harleena

    Thanks and i totally agree with you that the real test of love is after marriage..i will definitely try that the guy I’ill be married to shouldn’t be hurt coz of my love life..will not b able to love him like i love my bf…but will keep that relation healthy as well.. God n only i know why he is so imp in my life still he don’t wants us to be together…why he made us so strong to bear that we can bear the pain of not being together for lifetime…..I know I’m not wrong anywhere but wanted to hear the same from sum one who is elder to me as I haven’t shared with anyone in my family… his family knows about me… his dad don’t want us to get married and that has reason that he(bf) cant or don’t want to hurt coz of sum reasons and I respect him and his feelings… the only things hurts me a lot is sum people think he is playing around with me…. I really felt nice after meeting u here …hugs …

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      February 17, 2013 at 11:03 pm

      Sorry to have missed replying to your comment Sunaina!

      I just hope and pray that everything works well for you and your loved one, and that both of you find your share of happiness, whether being married or even otherwise. I can understand both your stands, though wish that some day his people accept you – hope for the best always – isn’t it?

      Thanks for sharing a part of you with us too, and it surely was nice meeting you. :)

  26. Maya

    March 9, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Hi,

    WOw… great article, i am new to your blog ,but i am really impressed with your blog and writing skills.

    I think to understand love first thing is very important that is understanding each other.Understanding each other lead to a successful love relationship and indirectly help to understand love.

    Cheers!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      March 10, 2013 at 11:03 am

      Welcome to the blog Maya!

      Glad you liked the article, and thanks for your words of appreciation about my blog and writing skills as well. :)

      I agree, if two people don’t understand each other, they can really be no understanding of true love between two people either. It’s only after they get to know each other well enough and build on their relationship, does love come in.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  27. Susan Neal

    November 27, 2013 at 2:48 am

    Hi Harleena,

    A beautiful post on a lovely subject. The only thing I’d take issue with is the statement that love is a “feeling” – I think it comes through in a lot of what you’ve said further on in the post that it’s much more than that. Our feelings change, even for those we love, and when we “fall in love”, we’re often a bit kind of “drunk” – it’s like being on an emotional high, which can’t possibly go on for ever. I think that’s why a lot of relationships don’t last, because people get disillusioned when those early passionate feelings start to wane. In the early days of a relationship, we also tend to see one another through rose tinted spectacles – we have an idealised image of our loved one, and it can be hard to cope when their less attractive traits start to show, in the cold light of day.

    As you say, true love involves commitment, compassion, understanding and accepting each other – for better or worse ;)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 27, 2013 at 11:55 am

      Hi Sue,

      Glad you stopped by this post and liked it :)

      Yes – we are certainly on a high when in love, and I don’t think we are in a state to even think the right from wrong in most of the cases. Love tends to fade as soon as the reality surfaces, just as you mentioned, and most often it results in broken relationships.

      I think if couples take the pains to get to know each other well enough, such problems won’t occur. But sadly that doesn’t happen and they are overtaken by their feeling of infatuation in most cases, which they mistake for love.

      Surely a lot goes into being a true lover :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your words of wisdom with us :)

  28. June

    November 27, 2013 at 3:20 am

    Harleena, this is a lovely post. After reading it, it made me wonder if I have ever really loved in the true sense of the word. When I was in love I always thought it was real love. But to be honest, I don’t think it was. If so, I wouldn’t be single now.

    Looking back I believe I was seeking love to compensate for not loving myself. It’s a long story. Plus, I think I felt love at the beginning of each relationship. Although, it probably wasn’t strong enough on either side for us to work out our differences and reconcile them. But all the experiences I’ve had have made me wiser.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Have a good week. :-)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 27, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      Hi June – nice to have you back :)

      Thanks for stopping by at this post. I can so well understand what you mean by feeling that your love was the real or true love. I think most of us feel the same way because we are completely blinded by love that time and can’t realize what it might lead to later…so it’s not your fault at all :)

      That’s another problem because we tend to find true love in order to compensate for other things or broken relationships we’ve had earlier. Some people just don’t give a breathing time and are ready to jump into a new relationship without being sure it’s the right one for them. Wisdom speaks!

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us. Happy Thanksgiving week as well :)

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