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A Bad Temper Can Leave Scars


By with 85 comments

kid showing bad temper with a hammer in hand

Do you have a bad temper that you wish you didn’t have? Can you imagine the damage such a temper can do to you and others? It can leave lifelong scars that are often difficult to heal.

Bad temper is a persisting angry mood that any of us can have. It is merely a way to remove or displace your frustration, but only few think about what happens after that.

Nothing good really happens when you have a bad temper. Not only does the person at the receiving end suffer both mentally and physically, but you also make a dent in your persona.

A person with such an ill temper will affect others around him by making things unpleasant. It can cause stress, which leads to many health problems.

“We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority.” ~ Alfred Adler

Let me take you through a story, which is an excerpt from what I read somewhere that inspired today’s post. It’s about a little boy who had a bad temper and what it resulted in. So, here we go.

What a Bad Temper Can Lead to

Once there was an extremely bright and talented boy. But sadly, he possessed a bad habit; he had a very bad temper.

Whenever he was angry, he did and said things that often hurt people because he had little regard for those around him.

Though he would sometimes realize and accept his mistakes, but still he had very few friends to call his own.

This made him sad as he could not understand the reason why people stopped being his friend. He decided to seek his parents help

His parents also remained worried about his irritable nature and temper. Finally, one day the father had an idea.

He asked his son to try out a little exercise. He gave him a bag of nails and a hammer.

He told him that, “Whenever you lose your temper I want you to really let it out. Just take a nail and drive it into the old fence with the oak boards in the backyard. And hit the nail as hard as you can.”

It wasn’t easy for the son to drive the nails into the weathered oak boards in the old fence because they were tough as iron. More so, the hammer was pretty heavy.

However, by the end of the first day, the boy had driven 39 nails into the fence! Wasn’t he really one angry young man!

Gradually, within a few weeks, the number of nails on the fence dwindled down. Guess what? Yeah, keeping his bad temper in control was easier than driving nails into the fence!

Finally, the day came when there was no nail on the fence because the boy didn’t lose his temper. He felt proud of himself as he shared his achievements with his parents.

The boy’s father told him that, “as a sign of your success, you will now pull out one nail, and do that each day when you don’t lose your temper even once.”

It took a lot of efforts for the boy to control his temper, but one day he was able to report proudly to his father that all the nails were gone.

“Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

Lesson Learnt About Bad Temper

The father appreciated his son’s efforts as he walked along with him and took a look at the fence. But there’s a lesson that each one of us can learn from what the father told his son about bad temper.

The father said, “ You’ve done well, but I want you to notice the holes you have left in the fence. Whatever happens now, this fence will never remain the same.”

He carried on saying, “When we say or do hurtful things in a bad temper or anger, it produces the same kind of result. It leaves such holes and scars.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times you say you are sorry, or how many years pass, the scars remain. And a verbal wound is as bad as a physical one, often worse.”

“Similarly, people are more valuable than an old fence. They make us smile.  Some even become our friends and support us, share our joys and sorrows.”

“And if these people trust us, then we need to treat them with love and respect. We need to prevent as many of those scars as we can. If we don’t then people will not like to be our friends.”

“Keep your temper. A decision made in anger is never sound.” ~ Ford Frick

Moral

Wasn’t that a beautiful story with a valuable lesson? Isn’t it a reminder most us need from time to time?

Everyone gets angry sometime or the other and some of us even have a bad temper, and that’s alright. But remember, once the scars are formed, they take a long time to heal.

Therefore, the real test is what we do with that temper and how we handle things.

Over to you

Do you have a bad temper? If you do, how do you deal with your temper? Did you leave any scars behind? Share your comments below.

 

Photo Credit: 123RF Stock Photos


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Avatar of Harleena Singh

About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

85 Comments

  1. Corinne Rodrigues

    October 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    I used to have a terrible temper, Harleena. Now too, I do get angry, but I’ve learned to be more effective about conveying my feelings to the other. I’ve read this story before, but it is always relevant!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 5:54 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Corinne!

      Ah…some of us do have a bad temper, don’t we. But if we can learn to control and handle the situation, nothing can be better. I too get angry sometimes, though it’s not a bad temper and it’s very rare or when I am nearly driven to a situation that upsets me to quite an extent.

      With the amount of reading you do, it’s not a surprise that you’ve read this story before! I think we can all so well relate to it – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  2. Mayura

    October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Wonderful story dear :) When I read it halfway, I remembered I read it somewhere. But couldn’t remember the whole story :)

    Well, I get angry too. But not usually. There are very few times and I can name ‘em too :) My father has a bad temper and I can relate to the scars/holes there. I was very afraid. I’ve got angry that time, but never let it out, though I haven’t done any wrong there. I’m used to it :) Kinda advantage for me. It taught me to be patient. But I feel it ruined my self-esteem and I’m still afraid of it. Anyway I can improve it :) No point of thinking of it but I can use that experience to be a better father.

    I’d like to ask this Harleena. I remember Carolyn said how to deal with teens :) How about elders? In this story, father can teach his son. What if the father is the one who gets angry? I can’t think of anything, but just being afraid of it and do what he says. Do you think there is a good way to overcome? Just like to know how you think about that as a parent :)

    Cheers…

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 7:46 pm

      Glad you liked the story and lesson Mayura!

      Oh..you too seem to have read it someplace, that’s wonderful. I read it for the first time few days back and liked it instantly and thought to make a post out of it. Yes, the real story was longer but I guess I wanted to make it short and to the point, and this ways I was also able to write a ‘shorter’ post. :)

      I know you did mention about your father’s bad temper earlier, which must be a reason you make sure that your anger isn’t as bad. It’s mostly the case with parents and children. If one of the parent has such a bad habit or way, the growing child notices it as they he or she is part of it and sooner or later, in most of the cases, finds ways not to imbibe those very habits in their nature. So, even in such situations when things turn sour, bitter, and negative, you have something positive to take back home – a lesson learnt – isn’t it? All the more reason to be grateful for giving you the opportunity to learn not to be like your father in this aspect. :)

      Yes indeed, I’ve also seen a few family and friends and how their parents get angry with them, though the children quieten up and go within themselves in such cases. Like you, because of the fear, they also do as they are told when they see their father’s bad temper. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is what they face in their lives thereafter, because anger in any form is bad, and when the young child is witness to such anger – it deeply affects their heart and mind. Kid’s tend to go in their own shell, just as you did too, and don’t let out their feelings because of the bad temper of one or two people in the family.

      However, I am glad you are a changed person now and have worked your way out Mayura, which is commendable. Taking those obstacles to pave your new path towards building your self-confidence and self-esteem is what it all must have taught you.

      Ah…that’s a good question about what if elders get angry, and what do kid’s or other family members do. Well, though I am no authority, but yes from my experience as a parent and also as a daughter all I can say is that be patient and let your father (or any elder in your family) get angry to their heart’s content at that moment. It’s tough to remain quiet, but if both sides lose their temper nothing works out – so remain quiet till your father (here I assume the elder is your father as an example) lets out his anger.

      After that, when he is in a cool state of mind, everyone as a family should have open talks regarding what were the issue that upset or led him to get angry. Nothing works better that talking things out and communicating. Sometimes, it could be that your father is facing some internal or external issues, while at other times it could be something troubling him about his other family members. And he might be taking out his anger as an outlet of the pain he is undergoing within on you or others, though of course that’s wrong, but it could be a reason. While at other times it’s said that they get angry most with those whom they love the most too. There could be many more unforeseen reasons too, which we really can’t pinpoint.

      Overall, it’s not to lose temper,especially in-front of your kid’s and if you do, which again is normal for some people, be quick to apologize and make up. Hope this helps. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. I loved replying to your question. :)

      • Mayura

        October 31, 2012 at 4:58 pm

        Hi Harleena,

        You could write another post I guess :)

        I’m glad I haven’t lost my temper that time dear. I always believe elders are experienced and know a lot more than me. So usually, I obey ‘em if that’s a good advice that I can agree with.

        I remember I wanted to scream that time and tell the world what I’m going through. But as a result of that, I failed my Advanced Level exams that time. I think the anger hidden inside made me do it. You know, if we try to deal with anger and hide it from others, we burns ourselves :) Can be spark anytime. It did for me. But I didn’t know what to do :)

        Some days I was dreaming my father and we all would get together and talk about it in a friendly manner. Never happened :) Still, I don’t think as we can because are still afraid of him. So I just pay attention on what I do, and that’s it. May be that’s why I spend a lot of time with PC and friends :) But if I talk about my mother, it’s totally an opposite story.

        Thanks for your kind words and they are really helping dear :) I don’t keep thinking about it, as I hang out with friends, do blogging and my stuff. But I strongly feel that my so-called own life will start after my marriage like a free bird :)

        Cheers…

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          October 31, 2012 at 7:18 pm

          I would do that Mayura!

          You are absolutely right about not losing your temper at the time when your Dad get’s angry, because you really don’t know the real reason for their anger, nor would he have kept quiet if you would have said something that time. That’s because when people have a bad temper, they really don’t realize what they do or say, or why they do, and in most cases the anger is directed to people who are closest to them too.

          Sorry about your exam, which I think happened because you too were going through a turmoil with your pent up feelings as you couldn’t shout back or get angry, nor tell anyone really close about how you were feeling. In such cases, your inner feelings and hurt take other forms, which in your case was the failure in your exams, because all that you underwent remained with you for days later too – it affects us mentally and emotionally a great deal.

          It’s tough to make the first move to have open talks, especially if it’s your father whom you haven’t been very close to. I guess someone else, like your brother or sister, or mother can help here to initiate the discussion, which again is if your father doesn’t get as angry with them as with you.

          Nice to know that your mother is just the opposite, which must be a relief for you as you have someone to talk to and who understands you. And of course having friends, other family members, and your computer and work helps a great deal to keep such thoughts out of your mind. Yes indeed, your real life will start when yo get married and have kid’s of your own, though I am so sure that you would be just the opposite of your Dad and hardly get angry. :)

          Thanks for your wonderful contribution to the post. :)

  3. judy belmont

    October 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Love the story – great image – did you make that up that story or where did you get it from ? I would love to include it in the book I am finishing writing this week on my section of metaphors and parables. Thanks – Judy

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

      Glad you liked the story and image Judy!

      I think the image too went perfectly with the topic raised in the post. :)

      No, I didn’t make up this story and it seems I forgot to mention that in the article, which I’ll do right away. Thanks for asking the question. In fact, I read a longer version of this story online a few days back while I was surfing – I don’t remember where. However, the story did get imprinted in my memory and I was able to pick up a few important aspects of what related to the topic I had in my mind.

      Ah…looking forward to your book, which I think is due sometime in November – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  4. Jodi Heal Now and Forever

    October 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I have gotten angry so much in my life.

    Of course, I am human. So I can relate to anger. I get it, ya know? But I think once we allow it we can pass through it quickly and this may be the key to it. If we judge ourselves that is when it increase, I think and causes the most damage. This is important to teach our children.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 8:44 pm

      That’s absolutely alright Jodi – so do we!

      I think it’s very natural to get angry sometime or the other, though having a bad temper can be worse than getting angry – isn’t it? You are absolutely right, once we get it we need to know how to get through it quickly, and how to handle ourselves with others too. It sure is an important lesson for our children, and how we behave when we have a bad temper is what they notice immediately. So, one’s got to be all the more careful as that’s a lesson for them to learn.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  5. Punam

    October 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Dear Harleena,

    I have been at the receiving end of these scars and I tell you.. the story touched me like it hit the sore spot…
    Awesome story… never heard/read it before.. but it is something I will pass on to my kids, if I ever have any. :P

    So.. anger is bad, and the world generalises and gives men the permission to be angry becoz they are men.. which is very bad, but then.. that’s how the world is – moreso a patriotic society like ours that loves to establish its patriarchy via “brawny” means, which includes anger outbursts and tossing and hurling of things in the air with the intention of creating the perfect rejoinder/underscore to the anger.

    Here I also want to highlight one more important point that you missed, Harleena – this post deals only with people who have an “issue” called anger.. and sidelines a majority of those who “use” anger as a primary source of ego-stroking. There is a surprisingly big number of such people and how does one deal with anger that is deliberately engineered to suppress/dominate? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

    Always in awe of your posts,
    Punam

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 8:30 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Punam!

      Yes, history is witness to how cruelly men have used their anger to control and torment women – anger has been used has a tool to dominate and as a primary source of ego-stroking, as you say.

      However, I can vouch that not all men are such so we cannot generalize and associate anger with men only, as women too have this fiery element in them, which they might use differently – isn’t it? But yes, generally anger is seen more in men as compared to women, though it shows up in various other forms, other than pure anger at times.

      I guess it’s we, and not the world, which gives permission for men to use their anger to establish authority. It’s up to us to seek a solution to such horrid situations, which logically are – to change the person, to change yourself, or to remove yourself from the situation. If nothing works, you only got the last option.

      I agree such men who patronize anger find heaven in the patriarchal societies, which need to purify and improve and root out this disastrous evil from their system.

      Aha…this story post is mainly to get a simple lesson across about what happens when we have a bad temper and how you can overcome it. I haven’t really talked about bad temper and everything related to it, as I normally do in my other usual posts, which I would be covering up later.

      But to answer your question – Yes, such people do exist who dominate and suppress others, and feel wonderful doing so through their anger. If such is the case then I feel not revolting to such criminal sufferings is also not right – if people use anger to suppress or dominate, they should be given a suiting reply. Not by you also getting angry in return, because just as I mentioned to Mayura above, if one person is angry and tries to dominate or suppress others, and the other person too does the same – you can never really come to a solution. You need to let the storm pass and let the person get the temper out. Once done, then sit and talk things out when they have cooled down. Solutions can always be found, if we are ready to find them.

      Of course, when you have tried talk therapy and everything else in your power and are rendered physically powerless against such tormentors, you need to choose beneficiary support of powerful friends, relatives, or organizations to either sort the person or pull yourself out of such conditions. Hope this helped!

      Thanks for stopping by, and I enjoyed replying to your question too.:)

      • Punam

        October 31, 2012 at 11:02 am

        Dear Harleena, agree to your thoughts.

        But I wasn’t referring to gender or generalizing that all men get angry – what I was saying is how we as elements of the society LET men go easy by accepting their rights to be angry, but for women, we have other rules. Women are expected to be sehensheel, kind, calm, and blah blahs – Do you know, one nice Brahmin lady who comes and does poojas in our house also went to the extent of saying that a woman must be so kind and gentle that even her footsteps should be light on earth – they can cause the earth pain. :)

        It is fair to say that we as human beings (men or women) tend to get as much angry as happy, sad or scared – and we have to be able to judge the consequences of our reactions and adjust/change accordingly. In my experience, such people do not usually cooperate with talking and get so staunchly and stubbornly defensive that it is impossible to get across the wall of ego.

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          October 31, 2012 at 12:14 pm

          This happens perhaps only in our society I guess and not as much in other places Punam!

          But yes, here men are given more rights and power than woman, and this has been the case right from the start, though few things are changing nowadays. However, generally what you mentioned still holds ground. Women are ‘supposed to be’ docile, homely, kind, giving, while the men can get away with just about anything (but yes, there are exceptions too).

          I guess that Brahmin lady must be a real kind soul to think like this, but some people think like that, which nowadays isn’t possible.

          People who know they are at fault or that they are harming themselves and others around them, will be ready for change and negotiations through talk and other mediums. But yes, those who feel they have a right to get angry and behave the way they do, will never cooperate nor talk, because they don’t feel they are at fault, or have done anything wrong. They are egoistic, stubborn and just to prove their point, they don’t budge from their stand. I guess they don’t realize the pain they cause others and really don’t care. It’s best to avoid the company or interact with such people.

          Thanks for your contribution. :)

  6. Annie Andre

    October 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Harleena,

    What a great story. It hit me between the eyes. I have a very bad temper and I know it. It’s something I constantly work on. Mostly it is with my children. I want them to do more, try harder, study more, clean more and it sometimes takes over my body.

    But I’m trying to let go now that they are older. It’s only been a few months but ever since trying to control myself and letting things go, I’ve noticed I’ve been happier in general. It doesn’t really serve any purpose to get angry because the results are usually the same. SIGH! Now I just drink more wine..(with my husband of course)..

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

      Glad you liked the story Annie!

      Aha…being a busy Mom to your adorable kids and working too does have an affect. And often it’s the kids or our spouses whom we take out our anger on – who else do we have. :)

      I guess it’s the daily chores besides us being parents that causes pressure to build up. And we want the best for our kids. So, we keep trying ways so that they study harder and excel in their class or become good teens and adults. It’s mainly while teaching them things or disciplining them that we tend to lose our anger, which happens with me at times too, but again as I’d mentioned earlier – it’s rare or till I’m driven to it.

      Nice to know that you no longer get that kind of a bad temper as you used to earlier, and you are seeing the positive results from that as well. I’m sure your kid’s too must be noticing this wonderful change in you.

      You are so right, there’s actually no point in getting angry when you can get the same work done without getting into a rage. A bad temper can only cause you harm and hurt your loved ones, nothing else. Also, because our kid’s are young, it leaves a negative impression in their mind about how you react, so one’s got to be careful there.

      I think just let go where things get out of control, though it’s easier said than done in parenting. But when you have teens, you need to adjust a lot more – isn’t it? Hey…don’t drink too much of that wine…it has it’s adverse effects too. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. :)

  7. Aditya

    October 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Wow that was a beautiful story.

    I must admit I have a really bad temper. I lost my cool very recently and I did say some hurtful things. I guess I’m going through those teenage blues but I must get a hold of it before it complete wreaks havoc in my life. I usually get a hold of it immediately but sometimes the magnitude is so much, I just let myself lose only to realize that I made a big mistake.

    I’m in the learning process and my mum’s a great help! I guess I made a considerable number of holes in the fence!

    Aditya

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

      Glad you liked the story and could relate to it Aditya!

      Getting angry sometimes is normal I think, though if you do have a bad temper, then yes, you should find out ways to ease out and cool down. Or perhaps there are reasons that drive you to get into that kind of a temper – is it? Sometimes that happens with teens due to their hormones also, though if we can manage to control ourselves and handle the situation, the temper cools down on it’s own.

      Just as you mentioned, you said some hurtful things to someone, it must have hurt you and the other person to. Yes, the teenage years are known for such mood swings, though the anger comes and goes soon too. Don’t let it stay too long or it would affect your health. Nice to know that your Mom is always with you, who must be a great support at such times.

      Don’t worry about the holes in the fence, because you have all the time with age in your favor to change yourself in time before it leads to scars – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. :)

      • Aditya

        October 31, 2012 at 12:54 am

        I fully agree with you. I repent immediately as soon as I cool down. Like I said, I’m learning to get it under control.

        Anyway, it’s good to be back reading your blog again, I’ve been pretty busy lately making the transition from Blogger to WordPress. It does feel good to be back again!

        Aditya

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          October 31, 2012 at 8:40 am

          It happens with all those who get angry Aditya!

          However, words once said can never be taken back and they DO hurt and tend to leave scars too, so one’s got to be careful there. Glad you are working on it, which I’m sure you would easily be able to really soon because you want to and know it’s affects.

          Ah…yes, I was about to ask you about your absence from the Blogosphere. That’s wonderful news that you finally made the transition. And it sure is nice to have you back again. :)

  8. Unknown Mami

    October 31, 2012 at 3:08 am

    That is an excellent story. I have a temper and truly it does no one any good. I will remember this story.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 8:44 am

      Glad you liked the story Claudya!

      It’s nice when we can acknowledge the fact that we do have a temper and know that it’s not good. I really does no good to anyone, as it affects the person getting angry and the one who comes under such wrath.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  9. Sarah Park

    October 31, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I really have a bad temper especially when I am pressured with work. I easily throw bad words to the people around me. But now that I have kids already, though the pressure is still up because of responsibilities at work and at home, I still try to keep calm when problems arise. I do not want my kids to see me as a bad example for them.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 7:38 pm

      Welcome to the blog Sarah!

      Ah…yes indeed – pressure of work and if you are also a Mom with kids, it does bring about bad temper. It used to happen with me too when my kids were young, though I never got beyond getting angry with them. A bad temper can be really bad and detrimental in such cases.

      Keeping your cool and learning more about time-management helps a great deal for working Moms like us, that’s what helps me. Absolutely – this is the last thing your kid’s should see because their’s is an impressionable age, and whatever they see is what they learn and pick up – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  10. colleen

    October 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    This is very thought provoking and insightful.

    I believe one can become angry but the true test comes in what we do with our anger. If we lose our temper frequently then we have an issue with a great and serious lack of control. If we are angry but can channel it or direct it, it can occasionally be a force for good. Not always though!:)

    A bad temper is a very destructive thing and can tear families and other relationships apart. I certainly say things I shouldn’t at times…I try to pray for more self control as I don’t want to be a person who is controlled by anger. I also notice that those who are angry and indulge in their bad tempers try to use it as a control method.

    What an excellent post…I must think more about this!:)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 3:03 pm

      Welcome to the blog Colleen!

      Glad you liked the insightful post. Yes indeed, getting angry is something common with most of us, though how we deal with and handle the anger is what makes the difference. Either ways, anger of any kind is bad, though getting angry occasionally is better than having a bad temper often that gets out of control. We need to learn and find ways to manage and direct the anger, just as you mentioned, till we learn to overcome it.

      Absolutely! A bad temper can destroy relations and break up families sooner than we know, as hurtful words once said leave their scars deep within. Keeping your anger suppressed is also not right because that would harm us internally. It’s best to learn and gradually find ways to let go of the anger we have towards people or things that upset us, which is for our betterment and others too.

      Thanks for stopping by and for your words of appreciation. :)

  11. Sylviane Nuccio

    October 31, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I really, really liked that story. (So when is your mid-week post already? :) I keep missing it)

    Anyway, here I am. Yes, I loved that story because it shows how much damage bad temper can do. It will definitely isolate you because no one likes to be around someone who loses his temper often.

    I like that fact that the father pointed out to the holes that planting the nails did. This illustrate how even after the bad temper is gone some people around you and even you, might still have deep scars from the past behavior.

    Bad temper can also become a bad habit of reacting that way to whatever we don’t like, and we don’t want to get into such habit.

    I know someone who has a bad temper and will send him your post :)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      Glad you liked the story Sylviane!

      The posts are on every Tuesday and Friday of the week. :)

      Absolutely! We often don’t realize that we are damaging relations with people when we are in a bad temper, and yes, no one would like to be friends nor go near such people.

      The father’s plan worked in the story because that’s how the son was able to realize his mistake. He pointed out the damage and scars left by the holes to his son, and thereafter asked him to remove those nails on the days he didn’t lose his temper, which was tough for him. I guess it taught him a great lesson this ways. This is exactly what happens with us when we lose our temper too because we don’t realize the scars we leave behind in the hearts and minds of people.

      Yes, such a habit should be changed immediately, if you know about it and are willing to make a positive change. Hope the post helps the person whom you would forward it to to overcome his temper.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. :)

  12. Debbie

    October 31, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    I have heard this story before, but thank you Harleena for sharing it again.

    I can get angry, but what works for me is cleaning my house. When I get angry I can get a lot of work done.

    My hubby has had a problem with anger which stems from a head injury he had when he was in his early 20′s. He has worked very hard to over come this. I also have learned how to handle him better. People that have head injuries can end up with this kind of problem and you have to learn about it and understand them.

    I was reading what Mayura was saying about his father. One thing he might try is writing his father a letter and explaining to him how this makes him feel and asking in the letter if there is anything he can do so his father doesn’t get so angry. Talk to his father from the heart in the letter.

    Another thing that I did with hubby is to record him when he would get angry. When they hear or see themselves, it can make a big difference.
    When I did this with hubby he was really shocked at how he was coming across. So Mayura may want to try this. With cell phones it is much easier to do with out the person you are recording to know you are doing this.

    Thanks again and have a great day
    Debbie

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 10:36 pm

      Glad you could relate to the story post Debbie!

      Aha…that’s somewhat like me because I get a lot of work done too if I get angry, or when someone gets angry with me, though it’s all very rare nowadays. I guess I’m learning to play it all cool now. :)

      Sorry to hear about your hubby and you are right, sometimes anger and many other such problems arise due to head injuries, ailments, or even medications we might be taking – as side effects that we learn about later. But I’m glad you’ve learned to deal with all of it so well.

      Those are wonderful suggestions Debbie, and I’m sure Mayura would appreciate them and perhaps try them out. Sometimes writing letters and conveying what you are feeling works wonders, though the other person should be receptive and patient enough to read through your letter. I guess his father just might, if he’s made aware about his feelings at such times.

      Yes, voice recording also helps at such times, especially if you want to make the other person aware of their behavior when they are in a bad temper. I used to do that with a friend in college who used to snore – just record the voice and make her hear it. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing these wonderful suggestions with all of us. :)

      • Debbie

        October 31, 2012 at 11:18 pm

        Thanks for making me laugh when you told me about recording your room mates snoring. That is great.
        Thaks again for sharing.
        Debbie

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          October 31, 2012 at 11:21 pm

          That was the only way I could make her realize that she DOES snore, or else she never used to believe me. :)

          • Debbie

            November 1, 2012 at 2:47 am

            And a Job wello done I would say. Thank you for sharing it. That is the best :)

            • Avatar of Harleena Singh

              Harleena Singh

              November 1, 2012 at 7:54 am

              Thank you Debbie. I think sometimes we need to use such ways to make the other person realize – isn’t it? Ah…Nice that Mayura just replied to your comment too. :)

    • Mayura

      November 1, 2012 at 6:15 am

      Hi Debbie,

      Thank you very much for reading my comment and adding your suggestions dear :) Harleena let me know about your reply. I’m sorry about your hubby. You understood him very well and it’s the key. Really glad to hear that :)

      I’ve seen a girl writing a letter to her father and found it after she died, in a movie. Until her death, her father didn’t care for her, but afterwards he was missing her too much. Thought of it in my dreams too and questioned myself “Is death the way for it?” :) Sometimes I wanted to find if I’m an orphan. No am not :)

      Well, I had written a letter once. BUT… Never given to him though as I’m very afraid. So I tore it apart after a few months. He’s a teacher and I’ve never seen him getting angry like this with his students. I mean, not this much. So it feels like I’m alone there :) I’m used to it.

      Anyway now he doesn’t get as angry as I keep interaction very low with him. I feel so much better that way.

      Voice recording… Hmm… I’d TRY TO TRY that. Well, let’s see if I can manage to record :)

      May be I’m so afraid dear :) But I have no intention of doing the same with him. One hope I have is taking care of him when he gets old under my roof and feel him when I love my children. May be he will understand at least that time. Well, thanks for your suggestions and I may try them.

      Cheers…

      • Debbie

        November 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm

        Hi Mayura,

        Thank you for replying. that was so thoughtful of you. You mention that he is a teacher and he isn’t has hard on his students. It made me stop and think. I don’t have any sons myself, only daughter, but I have heard from many people that fathers are much harder on there son’s than anyone else. They believe this is a way of making a better man out of their sons. Is this what your father is doing and the reason he is very hard on you? He wants you to be the best you can be.

        Just a thought
        Blessings to you,
        Debbie

        • Mayura

          November 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

          Hi Debbie,

          That’s very kind of you to check out and reply dear :)

          You are right on being harder for sons :) Fathers should be to some extent, teach ‘em to cut grass instead of watching TV. Being harder makes lives better :) That’s why many sons mention father as their hero.

          I know how my uncles treat his sons. They are harder on sons too. But also shows his love to them. That’s what I feel I’m missing.

          Anyway I’ve learnt to be patient under any circumstances even if he gets angry in front of the public or scolds me for something I haven’t done :) Though he’s a teacher, I never asked a question from him myself to help in my studies. I was afraid, ’cause he asks “How could you not know that when your father is a teacher” :)

          They made me stronger inside, but it made me afraid of being in front of the public, interacting with him and followed his directions instead of acting on my own dream. But I’m getting out of it now.

          Finally, your thought would be helpful to me Debbie :) I could think of what I have gained out of that and I challenging myself to acquire what I couldn’t that time. I know there are boys who have gone through many circumstances like me.

          Hope for the best ;)

          Grateful to Harleena for bringing up this topic.

          Have a GREAT weekend Debbie and Harleena :)

          Cheers…

          • Avatar of Harleena Singh

            Harleena Singh

            November 4, 2012 at 10:09 pm

            You are more than welcome Mayura, and I am grateful to Debbie too for providing a few suggestions that might help all of us :)

            I agree that fathers have great expectations from their sons and that’s one reason for their temper too, because as Debbie mentioned, they want to make a better man out of their son. But just you mentioned, father’s show their anger, they also need to show their love and appreciate the efforts of their son – no matter what. I feel you miss that father’s love in your life Mayura, which I am sure sooner or later you would find.

            Ah…teachers always think that because they are teachers, their own kid’s should know the answers, but don’t realize that every child is different and so is the way their brain functions.

            However, I am glad you managed to find your way and still accept your father for who and what he is with the hope that he might get better. And yes, with age they do mellow down, and perhaps he would be an altogether different person with your children! So, cheer up and keep your hopes up always. :)

            Thanks so much Mayura and Debbie for this wonderful contribution to the post :)

            • Debbie

              November 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

              Hi Harleena and Mayura,

              One thing that I thought of after reading what you and Harleena said. I remember when I was young and I am a huggy loving person. When it came to both my parents, they were not. They never used the words ‘I Love You’ or gave anyone a hug. I knew that this was the way they were raised.

              I decided one day that I wanted to hug them and at the end of every visit or phone call I would let them know that I loved them by saying the word.

              After a while they both caught on and started showing there affection. It too awhile, but I taught them that it was ok. My mother told me once that she never said ‘I Love You’ because she didn’t think people really meant it.

              Many times people don’t show their affection, because they never learned to or they don’t believe they are worth of the love. Maybe this is your father’s problem.

              Just a thought I would share, hope it helps some. Understanding where someone is coming from and there reasons for there action can make a big difference.

              Blessings to the 2 of you,
              Debbie

              • Avatar of Harleena Singh

                Harleena Singh

                November 6, 2012 at 8:29 pm

                I can well relate to that Debbie!

                In my case my parents were more of the hugging kinds, while I was not. So, it took a lot of time for me to get into that habit, but am glad that it’s alright now, though I am still nothing as compared to what my Mom was, though I am still working on it. :)

                But yes, hugging and saying “I love you” to the ones you love, especially your immediate family members is so very important for the bonding to develop. And like you mentioned, some people don’t have this habit or can’t express their affection and have to learn how to, which is where other family members can help out, just as you did.

                Mayura would be a better person to answer if his father also was the kind of person to show his affection openly or not, though I know for sure all parents love their children but have different ways of showing it – isn’t it?

                Thanks so much for your helpful contribution :)

              • Mayura

                November 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

                Hi Debbie,

                Thank you very much for your idea dear :) It makes me think and open my mind.

                I think I can relate to you on this. I mean I have a similar thought of doing it after my marriage, but wasn’t so sure. Now I think it’s better.

                Is it after your marriage dear? :) I mean, you start hugging and say you love ‘em.

                Actually my plans mostly starts with marriage or as soon as I can be my own. So now I don’t think about it. I’m afraid of my father, and do what he says. Only reply to what he asks and never tell a thing about me. That’s why they don’t even know I’m blogging :) Never knew what my marks were for exams. Never asked either. So I never told. Kinda lonely you may think :) I used to.

                My mother never told me that she loves me, but she shows it and feels it. I hope your idea would work for my father :) Actually, I’m afraid of doing this now. I don’t know how, what would happen or even I can do that or not. I think you can understand what it means.

                I always think of bringing them under my roof and take care of them after marriage. And thought that way he will feel about me too when I care for him :) Well, I’m thinking far ahead. I don’t know how it will go though.

                Thanks once again dear :) You never know how I feel when we gather and talk about this. I never did with anyone except for my girlie.

                Actually though I talk, I never wanted to bother others with them. My problems are for me :) I can handle them. They were just meant to be my own secrets hidden inside me forever :) Really thanks for taking time on reading replies and engaging dear.

                I don’t know how to tell the way I feel about you and Harleena right now :) Feels like my own sisters.

                Wish you all the happiness for both of you, Debbie and Harleena…

                Cheers…

  13. Nicky

    October 31, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    I think this maybe my first visit to your blog Harleena, but gosh this was so powerful I had to comment.

    I am going to print this out and share it with my son, who has just reached teenager in years and seems to think that it entitled him to press the temper switch to on since he became 13 a couple of weeks ago.

    I loved the story and isn’t a message so much nicer to get across in a story?

    Loved it – thanks so much for sharing,
    Nicky

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      October 31, 2012 at 11:46 pm

      Welcome to the blog Nicky – yes indeed, your first visit though am glad you came over. :)

      I can well relate to that having teens myself. I guess it’s more of their hormones at play than anything else, but they ought to control their temper, or else it can just keep getting worse with time.

      I also liked the story, and thought it would convey the lesson learnt well enough too. Glad it did, and if people can learn to overcome or let go their temper – nothing like it.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  14. Cat Alexandra

    October 31, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Dear Harleena,

    This is such a great topic for consideration! I think that the points you made are absolutely true!

    Another thing about tempers…anger and bitterness manifest acid in the human body! – So not only do we poison relationships when we “lose it,” we also poison ourselves.

    Buildup of acid in the body is a factor in creating inflammation, which ultimately results in disease!

    Harleena, great tips here. This is the very kind of thing I have personally been monitoring in myself especially over the past 2 months!

    Bring on the love!! lol

    Cat

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 12:35 am

      It’s so good to have you back Cat!

      Glad you could relate to the post. You are so right about anger and bitterness manifesting acid in our body, and they are a major cause of many ailments that we come to know at a much later stage. The poison of anger can only destroy…yes- ourselves and others.

      You would be the best person to know about it, having undergone such a lot in the past 2 months. But I am so-so happy that it’s all gone and that you made it through so bravely. That’s commendable indeed. :)

      Thanks for stopping by, and wishing you all the very best – always. :)

  15. Suzanne

    November 1, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Harleena,

    I grew up with a father who had a very bad temper. He would “fly off the handle” at any moment. As kids growing up we were always careful not to “set dad off” in a bad mood. Some of my most painful memories are of my dad having a screaming fit, not only in my presence, but in public too.

    I think I have “inherited” some of his bad traits, but I am AWARE of my behavior and consciously try to avoid being “like dad.” During my coach training I realized that you have to show people you love them with words and actions. Today I tell my dad I love him even though I have old wounds.

    Your post is so important. Thank you.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 9:47 am

      Sorry to hear about that Suzanne!

      I think your situation must’ve been quite similar to Mayura’s when you were young too. I can well imagine the fear you must be living with just because of the thought that your Dad might just flare up. And having fits of bad temper in the public can be embarrassing for the family too. I knew of a close family friend’s father who was like this, though with age now he’s mellowed down quite a lot now.

      Certain traits kid’s do inherit from their parents, though I hope they are the good ones. But yes, with the good even the bad comes along, which is alright as long as we know how to deal with it. I am glad you realize what damage a temper can do because you have experienced it all, which would make you unlike your Dad in this aspect. I guess there is always something to learn from such situations too – isn’t it?

      Absolutely! If you can tell those who have hurt you that you love and forgive them through your words and actions, nothing can be better, though it’s easier said than done for some. I think the fear of approaching people with such temper stops one in their tracks, but yes, if you want to get things sorted out, you need to work in them this way.

      Nice to know that things are sorted out with your Dad, which is all due to your efforts I guess, something that each one of us can learn from – to win them over with love.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. :)

  16. Manickam Vijayabanu

    November 1, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Harleena,

    Wonderful post and most common issue we all face in our day today life.

    We are humans. So surely we get provoked, or get anger at times, and quite natural. Either kids or adults, We surly will pass this gate and would knock at times. The question, are you going to hold it tight and ever? The important thing about anger or bad temper would be, how to handle that moment and react to the situation.

    Situation handling is kind of a art and when we lack that would slowly lead to bad temper. Indeed, I get angry at times on different situations..Like at home, parents,friends, daughter, wife, officially and of course at myself. Only thing..I will be cautious on the words to express my anger.

    During 90′s, I had been at the marketing field and daily needed to meet lot many customers. That was really a terrific experience and I got a lot of chance to meet different tempered personalities. :). That was a learning curve! :)

    We need some work shop to overcome this habit, though it’s little tricky and difficult since little is linked to your character. There are so many root cause factors to consider and the way you brought up are all the key things.

    On other thing – there is nothing like no anger in the planet. Including Great Gandhi’s Ahimsa path approach is also kind of anger management too. How you react to the situation is what makes all the difference.

    Thanks for the thought provoking post.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

      Glad you liked the post and could relate to it Manickam!

      Yes indeed, it’s very natural to get angry for anyone, though what matters most is that we learn to handle that anger till we are able to reduce or eliminate it.

      Learning to cope with anger and dealing with the situation at hand is important for the person getting angry as well as those who face the wrath. And we do get angry more with those who we are closet to, so we need to be careful not to hurt them with our words that can often leave scars – isn’t it?

      Nice to know that you’ve come across and learnt to deal with various kinds of people, which must have taught you a great deal about their nature and yes, this in itself is a learning process.

      There are many centers and workshops I’m sure that already exist, which would teach you about anger management and how to handle the situation when you do get angry. It would surely do good to join them, especially for those people who have a bad temper and are wanting to overcome it.

      Anger of course does exist and it’s normal too, but we need to know how to manage it – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. :)

  17. Sneha

    November 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Nice article.

    As I am coming for the first time on your blog, I really loved the way you have presented your point. The thing I love the most is the explanation part that you have given as moral.

    Your blog is a nice way if you have to learn something about life and its small but valuable things.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm

      Welcome to the blog Sneha!

      Glad you liked the articles on the blog. I do try and present things in an easy and simple way, though make sure to give complete information so that the readers of the blog don’t have to look elsewhere for the same.

      Thanks for stopping by and your words of appreciation. :)

  18. Adrienne

    November 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Oh my goodness Harleena, have you been peeping into my life lately? No, no, no, it’s not me…

    I have a neighbor who is NOT a very nice guy. Just this week I’ve seen him blow up twice and it has not been pretty. Yesterday the police were called. Yep, never a dull moment at my place that’s for sure.

    He’s living with his pregnant girlfriend and her three year old. What disturbs me the most is that the child is involved. I have to witness him going off on both of them and that poor child is terrified of him. If I watch him do this one more time I’m taking matters into my own hands.

    I’ve never grown up in that type of environment. My parents never raised their voices at each other and they never said a bad word in front of us. Yep, Ozzie and Harriett type of life I had as a child pretty much. So I never had that kind of temper either. Now I can argue with the best of them I admit but I don’t have a temper.

    Guess I’ll leave it at that. Maybe I said too much where my neighbor is concerned. So here is my confession that I am going to do something about this. Someone has to.

    ~Adrienne

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      Oh no Adrienne – I haven’t!

      You surely seem to be witness to some really bad temper in your neighborhood. Gosh! How can that guy get so angry with his girlfriend, especially when she is pregnant.

      And kid’s this age are very scared to see such a temper. Poor thing is just three – I feel sorry for the girl too. I wonder what’s bothering him really – is it work pressure or just taking out his anger at home or some kind of frustration eating him up.

      I’ve also never been witness to such a kind of temper, nor did my parents get angry this way. In-fact, there were hardly any raised voices at home, and I used to be in tears with just my Dad raising his voice if I was naughty when young, so getting angry was never really required at home. Yes, my Mom used to get angry, but then that’s like all Mom’s who discipline their kid’s and want to make them better adults, though it was never a bad temper of any kind.

      I am glad you don’t have a temper, and that beautiful smile of yours shows that you couldn’t. :)

      Yes indeed, if that guy doesn’t stop, you should take some action – someone has to before he tries harming the girl or her son because you can never know what people can do when they are this angry. Or perhaps trying to talk it out with him might help to make him realize what he’s doing.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. :)

  19. Ilka Flood

    November 1, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Beautiful story, one I won’t soon forget, if ever. It paints a real vivid picture in my mind. I can’t say that I have a bad temper, but if you push the right buttons I can get quite angry. Our oldest used to be a master in that. He knew exactly which buttons to push. Boy, he could make my blood boil. I remember saying some things to him when he was little that I’d love to take back. He probably doesn’t even remember, but I do and it’s tearing me apart. It was much later that I learned to walk away and count till 10 before I open my mouth. One thing I’m sure he knows though is that I love him as much as I possibly can.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful story with us!

    Ilka

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      Glad you liked the story Ilka!

      Ah…that’s somewhat like what I used to be. If someone really upsets me and drives to the other corner, then I used to lose my cool, though that was a very long time ago. Now, it’s just getting angry occasionally, which is normal I guess. :)

      Kid’s surely can drive you crazy and are often the triggers to get you into a bad temper, and this happens more so when they are young and need to be taught and disciplined. Yes indeed, we sometimes get angry with them and say hurtful words that we later wish we hadn’t, but once those words are said they leave their mark in the child’s mind for a long time. Perhaps your son has forgotten about it, but it pains you still – isn’t it? I guess just this much is enough to make us realize that we can control our anger and words said during that time.

      I remember reading somewhere about counting till 10 when you are steaming within, and that does help, just as you mentioned. My Dad also says that you count till 10 and if you still feel the anger then react, or else cool down.

      Of course, all kid’s know that even if their parents get angry with them, they love them dearly. And once they grow up they realize that it was all done for their good (in most cases).

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. :)

  20. Barry Wells

    November 1, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    That’s an excellent story of the father and son and I think it could help lots of people.

    I used to have a wicked temper and found it really hard to control but as I mature I find less things get it rattled now.

    As we’ve previously discussed my mum had a wicked temper as well and I think this is where we all get it from (most of my siblings have the same temper).

    Now my son has it as well and I’ve tried getting it out of him but still can’t do anything about it. If I’d have known of the fence trick years back i’d have tried it with him but as he’s nearly 23 now he’d probably bash the fence down.

    I try to talk to him to calm him down but it never seems to work so I tend to let him calm on his own and then talk to him and advise him about whatever wound him up in the first place.

    Thanks Harleena,
    Barry

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 1, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      Glad you liked the story Barry!

      Ah…you have already experienced it all then and would know how it must have been to have a bad temper, and how you feel once it’s lessened down now. I guess even your family and friends must be loving the change. :)

      Absolutely! While some genes are inherited and we do imbibe some of our parents habits, but there are others like Mayura (as he commented above), whose father also has a bad temper, but now he makes sure he doesn’t have one and keeps away from it. I guess nowadays the youngsters are more aware about improving themselves and are taking steps to get better than their parents, yes in some cases of course.

      If you feel it runs in the genes, then you must try to stop it or else it can get out of hand like it did for you, unless your son realizes and controls it too. But as you mentioned he’s 23 and at that age you really can’t try this fence example, though once he is calm, as you mentioned, you try and ask him the reason for his anger, so that should help but yes, it all does take time and patience.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. :)

  21. Galen Pearl

    November 2, 2012 at 4:13 am

    I used to have a bad temper, which, I eventually recognized, was rooted in fear. In fact, I think all anger is rooted in fear. Anger feels so much more powerful so we use it to mask the vulnerability of fear. I made a very deliberate transformation of my anger to softness and openness after my daughter observed that I yelled a lot. That was the end of that.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Galen!

      Yes indeed, oftentimes our anger is rooted in fear, though we seldom recognize it. I think once we learn to fight those fears, our bad temper also takes a back seat, though it’s not always the case in some people. Nice to know about your transformation that came about because of your daughter who must be so happy now.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  22. Steve Barrow

    November 2, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I have always been prone to having a bad temper… I think it is due to my aggressive type A personality… so thanks for the reminder of what a bad temper can lead to.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

      Welcome to the blog Steve – nice to have you over!

      I guess it’s common to have a bad temper nowadays with the hard and stressed lives we all lead. Yes indeed, those who are aggressive are more prone to having a bad temper. However, what matters most is that we learn to control our anger and divert it – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  23. mitz

    November 2, 2012 at 8:01 am

    I know a few people with such bad tempers. When they are trying to do something absolutely everything just goes wrong. I seem to have an abundance of good luck but I think it has a lot to do with attitude.

    Letting your bad temper take control only gets in the way and your thinking is clouded.

    Love the story about the hammer and nail. :)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 2, 2012 at 10:58 pm

      Welcome to the blog Mitz – nice to have you over!

      Yes, I agree it happens sometimes. Positive attitude has a lot to do with luck, and you sure are lucky! Temper is bad – in any form. I guess sooner you realize it and start working on ways to handle your bad temper, the better you and people around you will be.

      Thanks for stopping by, and glad you liked the story. :)

  24. b k chowla

    November 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I think each one of us has a bad temper.What varies is only the degree.

    Even I have a temper..but,..with time,I have sobered down. It feels better.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

      Absolutely BK!

      Most of us get angry sometime or the other or have a bad temper, though what matters more is that we find ways of controlling it or diverting it in the right direction. If we can analyze the reason for the temper and try to remove it altogether, with time, nothing like it. But yes, the process does take time, though it’s worth it – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  25. Betsy/Zen Mama

    November 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Love the nail story, Harleena.

    I put it in my book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA. It’s the advice that the Zen Mama Master is giving the young mother in my book. And it’s so true about anger. My oldest son and I have been having talks about it. It only hurts the one who is angry.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Betsy!

      What a beautiful coincidence that the story is part of your book! I guess we can all understand things much better through stories and examples like this – isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, it hurts the one who is angry, though also leaves scars – especially when those hurtful words are said to another person, which take a long time to heal.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. :)

  26. Carolyn

    November 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Wow, Harleena, that is such a powerful story!

    You’re right, getting your anger out is very important. But what is also important is identifying where the anger comes from. I kept wondering in the story why the boy was so very angry. Was he being teased at school? Was a neighbor bullying him? Does he have an unidentified learning disability?

    Kids aren’t born angry. If they are angry, there is generally a reason. I see anger as a red flag for children that something is very wrong.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      November 3, 2012 at 10:01 am

      Glad you liked the story Carolyn!

      Yes indeed – more than getting out your anger, it’s the identification or getting to the root cause of anger, which is more important. I also strongly feel that the inner issues that bring us to such a point where we have such a bad temper need to be worked on, so that we can gradually learn to eradicate the anger at the root level.

      Ah…I wonder about the boy’s anger too and as to where it originated from. Adding to your list – was he not getting the required attention at home, or was it genetic because sometimes (just as Barry also mentioned in the comment) the genes are responsible. Though seeing the father’s calm nature it doesn’t seem like it. However, many elders who have had a bad temper when they were young, cool down with age, so one can never say.

      Absolutely! Kid’s mostly have a reason for their anger that needs to be dealt with as soon as possible before it starts affecting them and others around them negatively.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. :)

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