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How to Heal a Relationship When Love Hurts


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a broken heart depicting hurt in love with text about its healing

What do you do when love hurts? Do you know how to heal a relationship when hurt in love? It may not be easy to heal a relationship when love hurts, but you need to do it to move on.

Most of us have been hurt in love at some or the other point of time in our lives; either in our past relationships, or the present one, even in married life of many years, or way back when we experienced our first crush or love!

It’s sad but sometimes love doesn’t last and often leads to breakups, which leaves us heartbroken. However, we all do learn to deal with such breakups and move on in life with time.

If you wonder why does love hurt and breakups happen, then you need to read my earlier post on love, where I’ve written about it all – what’s and why’s of when love hurts.

Not to be missed are the wonderful views and experiences of the readers in the comments section, where you’ll get a deeper insight into why love hurts.

Next, you would want to know about how to heal a relationship when you are hurt in love and how to deal with a broken heart. This is what today’s post is all about.

“Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts.” ~ Victor M. Garcia Jr.

What Can You do When Hurt in Love?

Definitely you can’t just sit and cry forever over what’s happened. There are only two options that you’ve in hand – either try to repair the relationship or try to forget about it and move on in life. Yes, it all sounds simple and easy, but it’s not!

In any case, if you have been hurt in love and want your condition to be different and wish it to get better, you need to improve and change yourself too.

Yes, there’s no other way – you don’t have to change your complete personality, but only the way how you deal with such a situation. You need to move on, for which you need to analyze, reflect, and change yourself or the relationship.

You need to remember that whenever love hurts and there’s a problem in a relationship, it’s mostly both the sides that are at fault. Yes, sometimes one partner’s fault may be more than the others, but like they say it always takes two to tango!

Thus, there’s no harm in introspection and self-assessment, and even accepting your faults if there are any, which will only help you get better. This would help you to take hold of things and ensure that you don’t fall into the same issues again.

If you want a happy relationship next time, you need to understand yourself better by knowing what went wrong in the present relationship, and why you keep getting into certain patterns of relationships.

So, you need to decide that how you will use this hurtful time as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, become more confident, and feel good about yourself.

 “Do not fear the pain of love; fear a heart that no longer can love.”  ~ Pablito

How to Heal a Relationship?

Healing within starts when you learn to change the way you interact with the one who hurt you, and how you change yourself when that person responds to you. When you hold onto hurt, you deprive yourself and the other person of a beautiful relationship.

Remember, that when things go wrong and if you are at fault – apologize. This is because apologies sometimes can heal the other person’s hurt caused and restore the connection between both of you.

When you want to heal a relationship, you need to work to restore the other person’s forgiveness and love by correcting and confronting the damage that may have been caused. And by doing so, you restore your own honor and dignity.

You take over the role of being the one doing the hurting, when you choose to hold onto hurt. And you hurt yourself, when you choose to allow pride to keep you from reaching out to the one hurt.

You need to realize that you don’t have to let the past that cannot be changed – rule your present.

“Real love hurts, real love makes you totally open and vulnerable. Real love will take you far behind yourself, and therefore real love will devastate you. If love doesn’t shatter you, you will not know love.” ~ Bertrand Russell

And if you are hurt in love and are looking out for ways to heal a relationship, then you would like the tips mentioned below.

Ways to Heal When Love Hurts

When love hurts you and if you hang on to that anger or hurt, it can be destructive to your physical, spiritual, emotional, and relational health. It hurts when the little upsetting words build up to mountains of resentment that are not addressed.

If you wonder why does love hurt and what you can do about it, here are some ways to help you move on beyond the hurt, and enjoy life.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~ Helen Keller

1- Give yourself time and space

When love hurts and you have problems with your partner, or have thought of drifting apart, it’s best to give each other breathing space. Try and not contact each other, at least initially or till you work things out.

2- Don’t separate yourself

Relationships are always 100/100, where each person is fully responsible for the absence or presence of love. You need to take full responsibility for the loss of love, and then alone can you do something about it. When you blame another, you lose your power and remain stuck.

When you get thoughts about why you have been hurt in love and are heartbroken, don’t isolate yourself from others. It is a well known fact that depression rates are higher for have lack of social support.

“The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.” ~ Jim Rohn

Instead, try to go out and do things to make yourself happy – even if you have to force yourself sometimes. Keep in touch with friends and family, who are always supportive.

Remember, you need to focus on yourself, do everything positive for yourself first, and then work it out from there.

3- Face your anger

The initial reaction when someone betrays or hurts you is of anger. Perhaps you feel disrespected, unloved, and violated. When you get hurt in love you may want to lash back and hurt the other person too.

However, you need to stop yourself from doing that; as such anger can further damage and distort your relationship. Instead, take your time to get over your anger by talking to some friend or family member, or perhaps a coach or counselor.

You could even express your feelings in a dairy or journal, so that it’s out of your system and makes you feel lighter.

4- Understand the truth

You need to try and understand the truth and reason behind why the person hurt you. Often times your partner may hurt you because he/she is hurt too.

“He who has never experienced hurt, cannot experience true love. “ ~ Tristan J. Loo

While at other times when your spouse or lover hurts you, you in turn also hurt them intentionally or unintentionally. Thus, you need to seek the truth, hear it out, and accept it. When you share the truth, you help your partner to understand you too.

5- Let your emotions flow

When you get hurt in love, you are saddened by the whole episode. Often times you feel sad about what should have been or what you didn’t receive. Sometimes the pain and sadness is a sign that you need time to feel sad for the loss.

So, allow yourself to let go of your feelings, feel the sadness and let the tears flow, if you feel like crying. Crying always helps us to lighten ourselves and is very therapeutic. (It does wonders for me!)

6- Learn the hidden lesson

It’s never easy to experience pain and suffering, though they always do teach us lessons in disguise. When love hurts, try and understand what needs more attention, or what more you need to do so that things get better, or that you are not hurt in your future relationships.

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~ Gary Zukav

7- Forgive and let go

When you get hurt, a part of you closes down that makes you bitter and you lose the ability to love. You tend to make yourself a victim and keep your hurt alive, put up your walls of protection, and forcefully fuel the cycle of dispute or conflict.

The toughest thing to do is to forget and let go, especially when you are hurt the most. But there is no other way to move on in life. You need to remember that forgiveness is not for anyone else other than you.

However, forgiving doesn’t mean that you excuse our partner’s behavior, nor allow others to keep hurting you.

Instead, to forgive means to give up all the bitterness and hatred you have for the person, and the desire to punish the person.

Once you are able to let go of the hurt and pain, you can start the process of becoming more reliable and happier within. And in no time you will draw happy, satisfying, and genuine relationship that was meant for you.

“Love is the most important healing power there is.” ~ Louise Hay

You may like to read more about how to find happiness after a breakup here. But when you begin understanding the love between two people, you realize that there is much more in love than to get hurt.

Don’t forget to take chances in life and keeping your options open, because you never know when you may find your true love or soul mate! Just remember that –

“It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

And very soon you may be humming, “Love is in the air…”

Over to you

What do you do when hurt in love? Do you have any suggestions about how to heal a relationship when love hurts? If you have been hurt in love or experienced the pain, share your experiences in the comments below.


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Avatar of Harleena Singh

About Harleena Singh

Harleena Singh is a positive thinker and a freelance writer. She loves to write inspiring and thought provoking posts on self-improvement, family, relationships, health, and other aspects of life. She's not another personal development guru, but just an average person with great life experiences. She's also a blogger, who loves to share her blogging knowledge and experiences. Network with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+..

49 Comments

  1. Mayura

    June 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Absolutely, love hurts!

    Well, I’m a type of guy who always jump onto PC from the morning till the end of day. You know, when I’m always with my PC, she may feel ignored. I do care about my girlie and it’s true sometimes we get hurt with feelings. Now she knows how it goes and she’s been a great support for me all the time. I mean she’s not annoying ;) BTW it’s my first love.

    It’s not about separating kind of thing, as we in a relationship, you know, sometimes we don’t agree with each other. Sometimes we get angry about actions. We never had problems except for disagreements. When it happens we tend not to talk so soon. After some time, again slowly we start talking. If I did something wrong there, I admit. Else she does. That’s the best thing I think which help us always prevent generating further problems. Even when it comes to parent-children relationship. ‘Cause parents don’t admit mostly.

    So if she did something wrong and even if I wanna hurt again for that, I won’t. We discuss about it right after, what we did and what I was hoping to do about it. Then we laugh at our own madnesses. Then it’s just fade away. We never talk about that moment again. I don’t know, but it’s so sweet :)

    Now I barely experience such disagreements. I think we have good understanding and I always encourage not to hide her feelings for me in discussions. You know, girls don’t say it all. But when she can trust, she never forgets to tell anything. So she’s always open with me. I think another thing is we should have respect for each other always, no matter whoever it is.

    Cheers…

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

      Glad you agree Mayura!

      Congratulations on your first love – that’s so sweet :)

      I can well imagine how your life is when you have to always work online, something that is quite similar to most bloggers. And yes, when we remain busy with our lives, our partners often feel ignored, neglected, and unloved. Even though they understand that work is important, we need to devote more time to them so that they are not hurt in love. It’s wonderful that you have an understanding and supportive girl, which makes all the difference in a relationship.

      Disagreements happen in ALL relationships, and that is healthy too as it adds some spice to life. But like you mentioned, if you are able to talk out things and resolve them, that is what works best. Often time we face communication problems in a relationship, so when you want to heal your relationship, talk therapy is what works best to resolve issues and conflicts. I guess when you apologize for the wrong you have done or the pain you have caused, it’s a major thing done. It puts an instant end to all kind of arguments, fights, and misunderstandings.

      I love the way you shared how both of you resolve issues, just like love-birds and that’s how it should be. When and if you are faced with problems and when you are hurt in love, resolve the issues as soon as possible so that you heal the relationship and don’t raise it again. Close the chapter and move on.

      You surely do need to be honest and open with one-another, and keep complete transparency in a relationship, as that’s what will make your bond stronger. Of course, mutual respect, care, love, attention, affection, and deep understanding are all vital for any relationship to flourish.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with everyone. :)

  2. Persha- DumpedDays

    June 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Sometimes we need to go back into our safe place and reflect on what happened. If we had it to do over again, would we? What would we change and how we can better deal with this situation if it should present itself again? After we lick our wounds and cry for a while, we dry our eyes, reapply our make-up and go back into the world again. Ready to love someone new and be loved as a wiser person.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 9, 2012 at 10:14 am

      Welcome to the blog Persha!

      We do need that quiet moment to go within or introspect to know the reason why things happened, and what we can really do about them, or how can we learnt to overcome the hurt or pain. I guess when we are hurt in love by another, such thoughts really don’t come to mind immediately, though they need to be given a thought to so that we learn to be prepared for things in the future.

      Life is all about forgetting, forgiving, and moving on – isn’t it? We shouldn’t just close love from our life if we have been hurt in it, instead learn from those past experiences and take lessons for the future relationships. Love is beautiful in all it’s forms and that is not what really hurts, instead we are the ones who add bitterness to the relationships and tend to blame it on ‘love’.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

      • Dhruv Bhagat

        July 4, 2013 at 6:38 pm

        Hello Harleena ma’am,This post is again well written like always. :)

        Though, one should spend time in their hobbies, being socially mixed up with friends and relatives will help one to forget about past…I have seen all these phases in my life.. And what I did – not to care about any other thing, just be selfish and only think upon yourself for few weeks. :)

  3. Sylviane Nuccio

    June 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    Love hurts, indeed!

    I remember that love hurt me when I was 16 and in love with someone older than me. I remember when my marriage ended, even though I thought that much of the love had gone by then. But the worse of all is when I was in love with an intelligent and so handsome guy who I had never anything going on with because it wasn’t mean that way I guess.

    I think that being in love that way really suck, if you ask me, and I do not ever want that happen to me again :) This is the part of love that hurt me the most. What I truely love about getting older is that things like that worry you less and less. Love that!

    I think that, yes, people have a relationship pattern and I sure see that now in my case. But again, I can’t be bothered with that right now. I am at a point in my life where I’m just HAPPY with me, if that makes sense to you.

    I agree that a relationship is 100/100. A friend of mine told me that he and his wife went to a relationship adviser once, and when he asked them how much they had to put in the relationship they thought they were smart by saying 50/50 and he told them, NO, it’s 100/100. Lot of people don’t think it to be that way!

    Thanks for this great post, Harleena and have a fantastic week end!

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 9, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Sylviane!

      Yes indeed, we do tend to get hurt when someone whom we love hurts us in a relationship.

      Often times, things go sour in a marriage when the love that was once there ends or gets sour, and love is one thing that you need to keep working at all the time, or it fades away and dies it’s natural death. I guess you are talking about the one sided love as you mentioned regarding the handsome guy, which happens to often, but again we need to be careful to let our feelings really flow in such cases.

      Yes indeed, when you are a little mature, the love takes many other forms and isn’t just related to one kind. But yes, some people do tend to fall in the circle of relationship patterns and make the same mistakes again and again, or don’t tend to make changes in their nature. I think when you know things aren’t going to change or you aren’t finding anyone worthwhile – you are better off without anyone in your life, then that’s the best way too- to be content and happy living your life. :)

      Relationships always require the full contribution of both partners, where there is equal give and take. Things often misfire when one is doing or giving more than the other, and there is lack of understanding between partners. There can be nothing better than putting in 100/100 in your relationship, though often times it’s easier said than done, but when we know it’s required, we can at least work towards it.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. Have a nice weekend as well. :)

  4. Anne

    June 9, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Great article, Leena.

    It’s very inspiring. However, two things have stuck with me. 1. Relationships are 100% – 100%. I always say this to my readers as well. You often hear that relationships are 50-50. How wrong this is! A relationship can never survive if both parties are only giving half of themselves.

    2. Let go of the emotions. This is so important. Some people like to walk out and leave the other to ‘steam’. People should have a way of venting. Crying is good, but being able to talk and even shout sometimes (keeping respectful) can really give you the venting you need.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 9, 2012 at 10:45 am

      Glad you liked the article Anne!

      Absolutely! For a relationship to work, you need to give nothing less than 100% of yourself, and the same goes for your partner as well – anything less than that means something is amiss or is going to misfire sooner or later. I guess when you are much in love, you yourself would want to give your full self to your relationship, or else find excuses and reasons to not connect.

      There are so many ways of letting go of your emotions when love hurts. Some people like to walk, take up some sport to vent out their feelings, some like to go within their own shell or meditate, though crying works best for some too. Ahh…yes shouting is another way, though most of the times people tend to forget to be respectful, which can further damage the relationship.

      I guess when you are hurt in love and want to heal a relationship, and if your partner knows which medium you would choose to let out your feelings, they are ready for things, as in the case of shouting or throwing tantrums or screaming.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with everyone. :)

  5. Annie Andre

    June 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Harleena,

    These are all such good advice as to what to do and how to heal yourself when you’ve been hurt but…although it makes perfect sense, it’s so hard to put into practice.

    I remember when my first marriage broke up, the pain felt like physical pain that I could feel in my chest and body. It took years to get over. Looking back, I think if I had someone to lean on who could help me get through it I might have been able to recover or deal better.

    PS-
    The 100%/100% example is brilliant.. I told my husband that and he thought so too..

    Thanks Harleena. Another thought provoking post..

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      Glad you could relate to the post Annie!

      It sure is easier said than done, but I guess when we are hurt in love and want the relationship to heal – we would want to try every possible way of doing it – isn’t it?

      The pain can be really bad because you are heartbroken and shattered, which has it’s affect on our mind, body, and soul. And this pain takes it’s toll on our bodies in various ways too, something of which you must have experienced when your first marriage ended.

      It surely does help to have someone we can lean on at such times, either family or good friends, because their love and support helps us through the rough patch. Nice to know that your husband agrees with the 100/100 example, which means he too must be giving his 100% :)

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always nice to have you over. :)

  6. Jack

    June 10, 2012 at 12:03 am

    Learning how to let go and forgive is important. It is not always easy, but you can’t change the past. All you can do is change your future.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 8:27 am

      Absolutely Jack!

      To be able to forgive the one who hurts you and letting go are the toughest things to do – without which you can’t really move ahead in life. That’s how you will be able to get over your past and step into the future.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  7. Galen Pearl

    June 10, 2012 at 5:30 am

    It occurred to me when reading your excellent post that your advice works in all relationships of caring. We can be hurt by spouses, parents, children, siblings, friends, and others whom we care deeply about. Opening our hearts leaves us vulnerable–it’s the price of love. Your steps are full of wisdom and compassion.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 8:31 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Galen!

      You are absolutely right about these tips holding true for all kinds of relationships. I guess when we are hurt in love, whether it’s by our kids, spouses, friends, siblings, or just about anyone we care about – it does cause us the same kind of heartache and pain. Love is of various forms and kinds, but I think when we are hurt in love, the pain is always the same.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always nice to have you over. :)

  8. Lisa

    June 10, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I think forgiveness is the most important part. And sometimes not just them but yourself. You can’t move on unless you forgive. If you can learn the lesson it will only help you the next time you may encounter such a situation. That is a tough one for many because many just go back to the “regular” routine selves. I still believe love is a mystery :)

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

      Welcome to the blog Lisa – nice to have you here!

      Absolutely! I think when we are able to forgive the one who hurt us, we are able to let go of the hurt or pain we feel towards them, which is what makes us feel lighter and better within.

      I guess each time when love hurts us, it makes us stronger within and teaches us something – provided we are ready to learn the lesson from such heartbreaks. This is what would prepare us for our next relationship so that we don’t come across the same situations again. However, as you rightly mentioned, most of us get fixed in the same relationship patterns and find it hard to adjust or change ourselves. Yes indeed, love is a mystery :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  9. Vidya Sury

    June 10, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I think it is probably the expectations both sides have that come into play :-) Yes, always takes two sides of the story. After all, we need two hands to clap. And only one hand to slap. Blame. :D

    Great read, as ever, Harleena. These tips would work for any compassionate relationship. I believe that it doesn’t cost much to be nice and kind. By holding on to petty grudges, we only hurt ourselves.

    Thank you! Love, Vidya

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 10:22 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Vidya!

      You are so right about expectations, which are the ones that often lead to frustrations! I think most people tend to blame the other when they are hurt, not realizing that they are also responsible – even if it’s partially.

      I guess we often forget the lessons of kindness and goodness instilled in us by our parents, and tend to find reasons to hurt one another, and then look out for ways to heal a relationship. It would help a great deal if we are able to take care of the love, feelings, and emotions of one another that form the basis of any relationship.

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. :)

  10. Shalu Sharma

    June 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Its a case of, do you believe in love after love. Definitely crying is not going to help in anyway. I can’t say I have experience in this situation but my feeling would be pick up your bags and move on.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 6:22 pm

      Welcome to the blog Shalu!

      Crying once you are hurt in love does help a little, but only for a while. Once you are through your initial pain and shock of being hurt in love, you need to let go of those feelings and move on in life – there is absolutely no other way. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  11. Sara

    June 10, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    I do agree with you on this!

    I think the most important among the things that you have pointed out is to forgive and let go. It’s the most difficult thing to do yet once you’ve finally been able to do it, you’ll feel better.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

      Glad you agree with the post Sara!

      Yes indeed, to be able to forgive the person who hurt you in a relationship, and learn to move on in life is what’s required, though it’s not all that easy. But like they say, everything is easy once you put your heart and mind to it. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  12. Praveen Rajarao

    June 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

    Harleena – I have heard a lot of broken love stories and marriages and it is no surprise that 2 people are so different that staying and understanding each other can be a challenge sometimes.

    I loved all the different ways you have mentioned to resume life after a broken relationship, and i particularly like the one where you have asked to “learn the hidden lesson”. That according to me is the most important step and will allow people to avoid similar mistakes in future.

    Good reading.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 11, 2012 at 10:46 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Praveen!

      It does get us guessing when we hear such stories of heartaches, broken marriages, divorces, or separations. But I guess it’s the people who have to undergo the hurt that experience the real pain and trauma. And yes, life is never easy when two people come to stay or understand each other, which is what a relationship is all about – adapting, accepting, and adjusting to each other – with love of course.

      Absolutely! Each time when love hurts us, or when we try to recover from a broken relationship, we tend to either jump into a new one without giving things a thought, or just go against ‘love’ as such, which isn’t the real culprit, – instead it’s the people who can’t understand or connect with one another, which leads to problems.

      I wish everyone manages to learn some lessons to take back home when they get hurt in a relationship, which would teach them something in addition so that they are prepared for their future relationships.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always nice to have you over. :)

  13. Adrienne

    June 12, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Hey Harleena,

    Well, I won’t bore you again with my thoughts on this subject since I’ve shared this with you in other posts.

    I guess all I’ll add is that we can only learn from our mistakes and move on. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. If you were part of the problem then do your best to change that part of you for your future relationships or learn more about yourself in those areas.

    If we do what we’ve always done we’ll continue to get the same results. A lot of times we never want to admit we’re wrong but to me that just shows that we’re mature enough to grow and move on.

    I hope to never be hurt in love ever again. So far, so good. ;-)

    Thanks Harleena and enjoy your week.

    ~Adrienne

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 12, 2012 at 9:04 am

      Absolutely Adrienne!

      I understand and know all that you have undergone as you have shared about it in the earlier posts. And yes, if we are able to learn from our past mistakes and move on, nothing like it because that’s what prepares us for such future relationships and makes us stronger and wiser.

      Changing yourself for the better wherever possible is the best way for self-improvement too, besides getting ready for any other future relationships. However, like you mentioned, most people tend to follow the same relationship patters or find it tough to change themselves, which gets the same results every time.

      Admitting your mistakes when you know you are at fault is again most people aren’t able to do, though it makes a lot of difference to heal a relationship.

      I also hope you are never hurt in love again, but I do pray you find your true love too :)

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. :)

  14. Jodi

    June 12, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I love forgive and let go. Let go is a choice though and something we have to keep at. We can let it go, but it comes into our mind again, we must then smile to ourselves and release again. I forgive, but then the hurt comes back over and over, and instead of beating myself up, I just let go again without judgment. This works much faster. It is the judgment that holds us tight.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 12, 2012 at 9:09 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Jodi!

      Forgiving and letting go are the only things you can really do when you are hurt, which is what enables you to move on. Yes, letting go isn’t easy, neither is forgiving someone, because the shadows of our past or all that has pained or hurt us does come to mind. But I guess at such times, it’s best to let those thoughts come in and let them pass on their own – isn’t it?

      If we try to stop such thoughts from crossing our minds, it harms us internally more than anything else. Another way is to divert your attention to better things, and let the thoughts come and go on their own, till they lessen down or stop.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

      • Jodi

        June 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

        Harleena,

        I think we have to be careful of saying that is it difficult. This is a limiting belief. While it acknowledges suffering and feels validating. Forgiving can be easy or hard depending on you. But I always like to break people of saying it is hard. Because then, for sure it will be.

        • Avatar of Harleena Singh

          Harleena Singh

          June 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

          Absolutely!

          There’s nothing impossible (I tell my kids that its the other way around : I’m possible:)) The kind of mindset or attitude you’ve, so shall the task appear to be. If you think forgiving is hard, and you start believing so, then it really gets very hard and difficult. I think we have to be optimistic and remain positive. I ditto that we should start a task believing its achievable, even if not easy.

    • Nikky44

      June 13, 2012 at 12:28 am

      “it comes into our mind again, we must then smile to ourselves and release again” thank you Jodi <3

  15. Nikky44

    June 13, 2012 at 12:33 am

    “You need to remember that whenever love hurts and there’s a problem in a relationship, it’s mostly both the sides that are at fault.” I’m sure of that. I know it is true, but it gets so hard when you can’t identify what it is that you did wrong? I know I did, and I do apologize every time, but I don’t know what I am apologizing for? and as long as I don’t know, i am not learning the lesson.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 13, 2012 at 9:25 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Nikky!

      You are so right there! It happens with me at times too when I have some problem with my spouse, because I really don’t get to know what wrong I did to make him feel the way he does. But yes, we talk things over, resolve them, which enables me to know his mind and then proceed further. Relationships are very delicate – need to be handled with care. :)

      Perhaps talk-therapy may work for you too, if you haven’t already tried it.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  16. Ilka Flood

    June 14, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I had my share of hurts in the past, but it only meant “he” wasn’t the “right one.” At the time I didn’t realize that and was heartbroken, but now looking back I’m glad it went that way. Funny that hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it?

    Speaking of numbers…Interesting statement that relationships are 100/100. I hadn’t looked at it that way, but of course now whole-heartedly agree. Each partner has to give 100% for a relationship to work.

    Hanging on to hurt is like hanging on to yesterday. It’s happened and there’s not much to do about it but MOVE ON. If we don’t we deprive ourselves of the happiness we could experience instead.

    Thanks for sharing another great insight with us!

    Ilka

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

      Glad you could resonate with the post Ilka!

      That’s the way to take things I guess and tell yourself that ‘he wasn’t meant for me’, which is what helps you move on and let go of the past. However, as you mentioned, it’s not easy to think this ways because then we are heartbroken, which takes a lot of time healing or getting over the pain.

      I don’t think both partners can work as a team and be in love with one another if they really don’t give in all of themselves into their relationship. It does take effort from both sides- isn’t it?

      Yes indeed, we can really do nothing more than move on from the hurt that love causes us, which is what makes way to better relationships ahead. And such relationships always do teach us something and go so that we are careful in our future relationships.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s always a pleasure to have you over. :)

  17. Hajra

    June 16, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    Relationships can be complicating and some might hurt for a long time even after they are over. However, many people have their own ways to dealing with it; the first and foremost issue lies in letting go.Letting go might be the toughest thing to do but it is the most helpful. Once you learn to let go and move on only then will you be able to discover your true self and make the healing process so much more easier.

    The problem lies in understanding that crying over split milk isn’t going to help anybody. you are going to lose yourself, your identity, your goals and your life in all will end up mashed and troubled. Understand that life and you yourself are more important and just holding yourself together.

    A very important issue and nicely dealt with.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

      Glad you could relate to the post Hajra!

      You are absolutely right there! When love hurts in a relationship, it never really ends there because the healing part takes ages sometimes, while in many cases it happens in a jiffy too and we learn to move on ahead in life. Letting go is not easy for some people, though just as you mentioned, it is the only thing that works when you try to heal a relationship and move ahead.

      Yes indeed, there is no point crying over spilled milk and trying to lose yourself over what’s already happened – because what’s occurred cannot be undone and all that’s left now is to look ahead further in life. Once you start seeing to the brighter side of life and seeing that there is much more to things, it all gets much more easy.

      Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to have you over. :)

  18. Sally Brown

    June 19, 2012 at 4:37 am

    Hi Leena,

    One of the best things you mention in this article, is to learn what you can from this painful breakup. It is a way of taking the positive away from any time we are hurt. Find that one thing you can cling to in order to make this relationship end on a positive note. This will help you heal and move forward.

    A very well written and compassionate post. Good work. Sally

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      June 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

      Glad you could resonate with the post Sally!

      Breakups do happen and most of the times they occur when things have gone out of our hands, in which case it’s best to let go and move on, though take lessons from the hurt that your loved one may have caused you.

      You are absolutely right in saying that take away the positives from the negatives around you when love hurts you, and that’s what will help you proceed further. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  19. John Ernest

    July 8, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Sometimes the only way that you can heal a relationship is to give it time and space. Not every fire can be easily drowned in water. Space is what is lacking when you constantly have fights with each other.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      July 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

      Absolutely John!

      I think when you’re trying to heal or get over a relationship – you do need to give time and space for things to get better. Not having any contact with the person who may have hurt you works best, which is when the healing process can really begin.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  20. Paul Blackburn

    July 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Healing is a process of accepting the things we did in the past. This is one way of life’s growth and to enhance our self-image.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      July 19, 2012 at 8:23 pm

      Welcome to the blog Paul!

      Yes indeed, healing starts only when we accept things we did in the past and are ready to move ahead in life. It requires a positive mindset and a will to make a progress towards growth.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  21. Neha

    August 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Hi Harleena,

    I love your blog. Your articles are based on truth of life.

    Love always hurt.
    My best friend was in Love with a guy. She was fully mad for him. He also says that he loves her too. But after some days, he stopped talking to her with NO Reason. She got depressed. She could not concentrate on her studies and always kept crying. I told her to accept the truth. As we all know truth is always bitter. I don’t know why boys do that? Is it that their Love remains for a short period?

    So never hurt yourself for someone who makes you cry. Life goes on and does not wait for any one. Just Trust on U and your family. All people except your family will break your trust. So NEVER EXPECT.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      August 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

      Glad you like the blog and post Neha!

      Yes indeed! I do try and base my articles on topics that most of us undergo in our daily lives, because that’s something we can all best relate to. :)

      Love is a beautiful feeling, but when people misunderstand one another, that’s what really hurts us most I think – they are the ones who hurt us. Sorry to hear about your friend and all that she must have undergone, which is what most people who are hurt in love undergo.

      I think girls tend to get more emotionally attached than boys, who take their own sweet time and for whom the meaning of love is completely different from what it’s for girls.

      You gave the right advice to your friend about moving on in life without waiting for anyone. However, sometimes even some family members break our trust, so we can never say what works best, though that is still a rarity.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  22. Neha

    August 4, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Hi,
    Thanks Harleena for the insight. I will tell to my friend to read your blog as it can help her a lot.

    Yes. Girls are emotional. But they should differentiate their love and career life. I want to tell all girls who are in love – Love is not a bad thing, rather Love is a magic, but never do put your trust on some one who breaks your heart. Don’t be so emotional or attached that it will break you.

    • Avatar of Harleena Singh

      Harleena Singh

      February 17, 2013 at 10:43 pm

      Sorry to have missed your comment Neha :)

      It would be a pleasure to have your friends over. Yes indeed, even though girls are emotional, they shouldn’t be carried away by their emotions – isn’t it? Love is always beautiful, and it is not love that hurts but the people who tend to hurt each other. Getting attached is obvious, especially when you are in love, but you need to be very sure about trusting someone who you love so that you aren’t heart-broken, though even then there can never be any guarantees.

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

  23. Bren

    December 20, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    Hi Harleena!

    I’m glad to see this show up again in my Twitter feed because it’s advice I can use in my current marriage. Love definitely can hurt and devastate one or both parties. I think it’s important to go through all the stages of grief when loves goes wrong but ultimately, one needs to find the way to forgive, but not forget. This is where I currently am.

    Thanks again!

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