You all must be having someone or the other whom you love. It could be your spouse, parents, children, pets, friends, and just about anyone.
But when love hurts, these very people turn indifferent towards you or you feel different towards them, because you are hurt.
You do get hurt when you’ve expectations, and if you’re over-protective or over-possessive about the one you love.
Speaking of myself, it hurts me if my kids speak rudely to me, my pet doesn’t play with me or is unwell, or if I have had a conflict with a friend or family member, and of course, if my husband and myself have had some misunderstanding!
I also spend hours thinking why does love hurt so much even when you love so much.
If you read my previous post about understanding true love between two people, I had mentioned that I would further take up the topic of love and write about what’s and why’s of when love hurts.
So, in today’s post let’s try and find out why does love hurt in a relationship and the issues associated with it.
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” ~ William Shakespeare
Why Hurt the One we Love?
I guess it is much easier to hurt the one you love because they care and love you more than other’s do. If you were to go up to a stranger and say something hurtful, they would just pity you, and not be hurt by your words or action.
However, if the same hurtful things are said to your loved one, or even parents, kids in the family, friends, or relative, they would most probably take it to heart and feel hurt or experience immense sadness.
When love hurts, you don’t tend to think about the effect it would have on people, as you become incredibly selfish.
You may love your partner, but you love yourself more. Also, the one you love is at a closer reach than others, which is another reason you hurt him/her more.
Does love hurt because it is not real? I guess when there is true love there is less of hurt, but it surely does hurt still!
This happens because when there are misunderstandings between both partners, even love takes a back seat. It has to be reworked upon and rekindled again once you settle your differences, and you need to become best friends with your spouse once again.
“Where there is love, there is pain.” ~ Spanish proverb.
Why does Love Hurt?
Love hurts a great deal when your efforts become futile, and when the love you give is not reciprocated.
Not only this, you could also feel hurt in love when there is no proper emotional foundation in the relationship. Love hurts most when there is no respect, and when love is lost.
Love takes efforts and needs acceptance, and the journey of love is not always a happy ride. When love hurts, it feels painful and you often cry. You are sad because you are ignored.
I often feel guilty if I have hurt my partner, which happens unknowingly most of the time. But sometimes, it hurts to just see him undergoing the pain.
Why does love hurt so much that you can’t reach out and make up with your partner?
Some times in such situations, we tend to shut ourselves and stop feeling anything. Instead, we get angry and blame one another.
And this blame game carries on till we don’t put a stop to it ourselves.
When you have strong feeling for your partner, who means the world to you, you don’t expect them to hurt you, isn’t it? Yes, it is mostly the case, and when your loved person does hurt you, it pains your heart.
“Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and mars.” ~ Roy Orbison
Issues when Love Hurts
There could be various issues as to why or when love hurts, based on each one’s personal experience. I have tried listing out a few reasons:
Love hurts when your partner –
- Betrays your trust.
- Has great mood swings.
- Blames you for everything.
- Humiliates or criticizes you often.
- Puts restrictions on you regarding money.
- Blames you for his/her situation or problems.
- Gets angry for petty issues or just won’t talk to you.
- Makes a thoughtless comment or degrades you publically.
- Has a problem in maintaining family relationships or friendships.
- Has issues with you, though appears happy and gay outside to others.
- Is jealous of your other relationships, even though they are with friends or family.
It also hurts when you feel that you have no say in major decisions, and are always afraid that your partner may end the relationship.
Love hurts when there are boundaries set and restrictions between each other and you can no longer to convey your needs and desires to your partner.
It hurts when you no longer have any communication, understanding, relationships, and love between each other.
And even when you want to reach out – you can’t because your partner closes himself/herself.
“Those who really love you don’t mean to hurt you and if they do, you can’t see it in their eyes but it hurts them too.” ~ Holly Black
I guess love just hurts when you know you love your partner, yet you know you can’t do anything to help your partner from stop hurting you.
When love hurts, the world just seems to go upside down. It’s almost like things have come to a standstill and there is no meaning in your life, or in living any longer.
After burning yourself with questions like why does it only happen to me, you might tend to end up victimizing yourself and take the blame inwards.
When it happens, you might also tend to isolate yourself from others and immerse yourself into work or other things. Or you start looking for new relationships immediately when one is over, or swear never to look at another man or woman.
But rushing into a new relationship while your present one isn’t over yet is not right. You need to give things time and find out ways to get over the hurt and pain.
Often times the only way to know more about love is to feel what love is not, and remember that healing from hurts moves us closer to love.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” ~ Anais Nin
Let me end the post by sharing two wonderful songs with you that I came across. One is from Incubus “Love Hurts”, and the other is Whitney Houston’s song “Why does it hurt so bad” (one of my favorites!). Hope you enjoy them!
Over to you –
When love hurts, what do you do and whom do you turn to for help? Why do you think love hurts in the first place? Share your experiences to help people.
Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos
Posted on: April 27th, 2012
Last Updated on: February 2nd, 2015