5 Ways of Helping Children Cope With Change In Life

Table of Contents Change in a Child’s LifeExamples of Change Children FaceSigns of Difficulty in Coping with Change…
a parent helping children cope with change and worry

You all know that kids face drastic changes as they grow. As parents, are you helping children cope with change in their lives? Do you think it’s easy for children to deal with them?

I’m sure when you were kids, like many others; you also found it tough to cope with the changes in life.

Most probably, your parents must have taught you how to deal with them, which maybe even helped you find purpose in your life.

This post is all about helping children cope with change that they come across in their life, and I’m sure you all can relate and contribute to it.


Change in a Child’s Life

Change is inevitable and important for growth. But it can be stressful for everyone – including your children. Nothing remains the same, which is good in a way, but it can be challenging at times.

The word ‘change’ means to make or become different.

So, when you talk of ‘cope with change’ you mean to adjust to something different happening than the usual, which requires your abilities to handle those differences.

Change for children can be tough as it can challenge their sense of security, safety, and predictability within their world.

Just like you and me, change can be difficult at times for children too. That’s because you’re required to step out of your comfort zone or familiar world, into the unexpected.

Children need consistency; they need a routine, reliability, and are comfortable with the known in their lives. Change offers none of these!

Being parents and caretakers, you can help children cope with change in their life, by providing them a sense of safety and assurance like no one else.

“Parents learn a lot from their children about coping with life.” ~ Muriel Spark

Any kind of change, whether good or bad, brings with it some degree of stress in everyone’s life, and children are no exception.

The way younger kids cope with change will be demonstrated by the way they behave, rather than by what they speak.

Examples of Change Children Face

The changes that your child may have to face could be many, but I’m just listing a few of them here-

  • A friend moving away.
  • New teacher or new friends.
  • Hospital stay.
  • Shifting of house.
  • Recent death in the family.
  • Separation or divorce of parents.
  • Joining school after long or even starting preschool.
  • Some illness.
  • A new baby in the family.
  • Meeting new people.
  • A parent taking a new job or losing a job.
  • Parent making new childcare arrangements, and adjusting to new nannies or caregivers.
  • Different financial circumstances.
  • Adopting a different routine or schedule.
  • Abandoning bad habits or picking-up good habits.
  • Shifting to a new place – cultural change, or even visiting a new place with new settings.

Change that might seem insignificant to you might not be such to your children. It may have its impact on kids, especially on those who are more sensitive to change.

Some kids react more strongly to change than others because of their temperament. I remember my younger one having a tough time coping with change too.

If I changed the layout of her room, which was a small thing for me, she would find it tough getting used to the new room layout. She was disturbed and unsettled for a few hours till I explained things to her.

“All kids need is a little help, a little hope and somebody who believes in them.” ~ Earvin “Magic” Johnson

Signs of Difficulty in Coping with Change Among Children

As parents, you need to find ways of helping children cope with change that they might find a problem with.

Sometimes the behavior of children indicates that they are finding it hard to cope with the changes. Look out for signs like –

  • Loss of appetite.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Become withdrawn.
  • Anxious, clingy, exhibit anger or aggressive behavior.
  • Complain of headaches, stomach pains, or over sensitive to minor scrapes.
  • Lose interest in things that earlier interested them.
  • Have a tough time concentrating at school.
  • Might not listen to what they’re told, attention seeking, and throw tantrums.

mother helping her child to learn to cope

How can you as parents and caretakers help? Are you really helping children cope with changes they face in their lives? If you are – it’s wonderful, or else I hope these ways help you.


Ways of Helping Children Cope With Change

Learning to cope with change is a skill that will help your children all through their life.

According to research, children learn to cope with the changing ups and downs of life by developing resilience. They develop resilience when they have parents to listen and guide them.

They feel good about themselves, have the ability to focus, have good social skills, and sense of independence.

Teach your children how to develop resilience so that they are able to face tough situations and then bounce back later. But how do they learn resilience? They do so apparently by watching us.

“Good parents give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them.” ~ Jonas Salk

Studies show that children as young as two years old copy the coping, thinking style, and stress-management techniques of adults around them.

They sense when their parents are tensed and tend to copy that too – so be careful. Don’t show your worry or tensions in-front of your kids, unless you can explain them about it, and they can understand.

Here are a few ways of helping children cope with change, and these coping strategies will help them to deal with an ever-changing world.

1- Bond with your children and be a role model

What you can do as parents is build a close relationship with your children by talking openly about everything with them, and simply being there for them.

Children feel more secure when they know they have parents or at least one parent to turn to, even when major changes in life take place.

Let your children know of the change in life you have undergone as an example, and how you managed them. Your examples are a way of helping children cope with change in their life.

You can tell them what you might have done differently, which might have helped. Or tell them about the changes within the other family members and how they changed with circumstances.

Grandparents can share their stories about the adversities they’ve faced, and how they overcame it all.

Remember, children raised with unconditional love and belonging don’t portray destructive behaviors when faced with difficulties in life.

Reassure your children that no matter what happens, they can always count on you and their family for support and understanding.

Be a good role model because nothing you say is as important as what your children see you do.

If you have an optimistic attitude and maintain your self-control during stressful situations, they will follow you and do the same.

2- Maintain routines

Children love to follow a routine, because they are creatures of habit. Anything away from that disturbs them.

From the time they are infants, to their teenage years – they feel best when they are able to predict things.

They feel secure when they know what’s chalked out for the day, or what they have to do next. They like to know how their parents will behave or react, and what will happen from day to day.

So, if you and your child are undergoing a period of change, it helps if you can keep most of your child’s routine the same.

3- Value time

Young children don’t understand the concept of time, thus you need to provide them with simple strategies to measure time.

You can use an alarm clock or kitchen timers for activity transitions, clean up times, and morning rituals. Let your kids place a calendar centrally and help them keep track of birthday, holidays, and vacations.

Warn your kids verbally or set countdowns for when they must leave something that they are enjoying. Like you could say that, “I’m going to switch off the TV in 5 minutes as its dinner time.”

However, if they are going through an unpleasant experience, help them understand that this too shall pass and it won’t last forever. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and point out the positives.

4- Prepare children for what may happen and be honest

Another way of helping children cope with change is when you voice your plans in a reassuring tone. This helps infants and toddlers who aren’t even able to speak when that young.

Older kids like to be told what they need to do for the day, or what they can expect for the day, or all that they will come across.

Explain to them where you will be going, or what may happen along the way, so that they are prepared well before and ready for the change.

Don’t forget to answer their questions and tell them things ‘as it is’ so that the trust develops. By doing this you are helping children cope with change that they will come across later in their life.

You’ll be surprised, but many tantrums can be avoided this ways, because you keep reminding them throughout the day of what’s going to happen – so they are ready for things.

If the change is a sad event like dealing with a terminal illness, loss, or separation etc., you need to be honest with your children, and explain things so that they understand.

Listen to your children and look out for their reactions. Don’t impose your view of the situation, but see how they perceive the change.

Kids who air their apprehensions about changes are more likely to cope better to the new situations.

Talk about the details of what will happen, where they will be, and what they would have to do. Doing so repeatedly helps them feel prepared.

I know as parents, you might want to hide sad facts from them. I used to do that thinking they are too young to understand, but with time I started telling them things so that they are well prepared.

No matter what you might hide from them – they can sense things. They are like little sensors, and pick up the smallest of changes in us and at home.

Let them grieve or mourn if it’s a loss that’s affecting them. That’s another way of helping children cope with change.

Remember, if you don’t explain facts properly, they may feel they are at fault or worry that there’s something wrong with them that’s causing the problem.

At such times children need the assurance and closeness of their parents – so be there for them. Hug them close and let them know you will always be there for them.

5- Let them explore and discover

As parents, encourage your children to explore and try out various activities and interests because this way you would be helping children cope with change that would come in their life.

When they go through various experiences and situations, it provides a fundamental base that prepares them for change.

It helps them feel good about themselves, develop self-confidence, and makes them happy.

While helping kids deal with change, you need to be prepared to weather the storm too. There will be tears, tantrums, sad times, followed by parental guilt.

It’s all part of the process, and remember it can take your children time to adjust – so remain calm. Accept you children for who and what they are.

Here’s a video where that shows how self-regulation is also important for kids, and how you can help children cope with changing situations in a positive way.

[youtube id=”VSCMD0Et9rw” width=”620″ height=”360″]

Dr. Jean-Victor Wittenberg ~ Helping your child cope ~ You Tube Video

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change; you love them as they are.”  ~ Isabel Allende

Don’t worry, children are quick to adapt to change provided they are guided the right way and taught how to cope with the changes beforehand.

I’m sure you are doing that on your part as parents and caretakers, and if you aren’t, I hope these ways of helping children cope with changes in their lives helped you. 🙂

Over to you

How did your parents help you cope with changes in life? As parents, what ways of helping children cope with changes would you suggest? Share your views below.


Photo Credit: allspice1, Vince Alongi

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  1. You mentioned in your article that children can copy their parents or elders at an age of 2 years.
    but I know not only at age-2, right from the time, children are in the mother’s womb, they start understanding.
    Scientists have also claimed this tthat initially, the first organ that a child develops is mind.

    I remember in Indian Epic Mahabharata, Abhimanyu learnt war-tactics when he was in his mother’s womb and he very well practised it also when he became young and he was also successful in that tactics.

  2. Hi, Harleena

    Great post. I have a three year old girl and we really have some problems dealing with everything…especially changes. Sometimes it looks like she is always crying. It can really be torture. For her and for us. The only thing that helps is talk. We are talking, and talking, and talking…and some more talking. I don’t remember my mother having so much understanding for my problems when I was a kid. Maybe because she was working hard and didn’t have so much time to talk and to explain everything. I had all sorts of fears when I was kid. This is why I’m doing my best to sit down and explain everything….million times if I have to. It is always good to remember that it is just a phase, like everything else. And it is most important to keep in mind that they grow up so fast. All we can give them is love, patience and TIME. It is more difficult to them than it is to us.

  3. Hi Harleena,

    Another great post.

    Isn’t it interesting that for centuries humans has thought that corporal punishment was OK, and some still do? I have known for a long time that it’s wrong to hit your children, but it was interesting to hear in the video that it actually does damage to the brain. Wow! How many human beings have got such damage then? Scary, right?

    The most dramatic change in my childhood life was when my father died. And as I was saying to a friend lately, back then you weren’t even told that you parent died, because it was thought to be bad. Instead you where told that your dad left, and you of course would believe that for as long as the lie was told to you, so you’d develop that “abandonment” syndrome.

    Parents were not trying to hurt their children, but they simply were ignorant back then. A lot of them were. It’s time for parents to grow up so they can help their children do the same in a sane and safe way.

    Thanks for bringing up such great topic!

    1. Hi Sylviane,

      Yes indeed, some parents do believe in corporal punishment, though I believe how they can manage to do that with their kids.We don’t tend to realize the damage hitting does to our brain, and even within. I guess a certain part of a child withers away when he or she is hit. Wonder why parents can’t take out other alternatives in it’s place.

      I agree, losing our parents or loved ones is most traumatic, and why go far, even to date – many young kids aren’t told about the loss of their parents thinking that it would hurt them, or sadden them etc. While to some extent it’s alright, but I feel sooner or later they will com to know of it, so why not when it happens, though convey things in a nice and gentle manner.

      Yes indeed, just like they say ignorance is bliss…parents were just happy the way they were raising their kids, not knowing the right from the wrong. Or perhaps that’s how their parents brought them up, so it’s not actually their fault either. Am glad that parents nowadays are much more educated and up-to-date about how they need to raise their kids the right way.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us. 🙂

  4. That is one of the answer I was looking for. My 3 years daughter is feeling the changes & I was confused how to deal with that. She is very fond of watching her videos on mobile & tablet & she can continuously spend whole day watching this. Your tips are very useful.

    1. Welcome to the blog Priya!

      Nice to know that you could find what you were looking for here 🙂

      Ah…that’s a sweet age and the right one too to start guiding and helping children cope with change as they come across in their daily lives. I guess she is a girl of today as she loves the latest things! However, too much of anything has it’s side-effects, so be careful.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  5. Hi Harleena,

    Am actually new here and found this one very interesting. I am a teacher by profession and I truly believe that proper guidance is the essential key to help children cope with changes. Parents should be able to give time talking to their children asking them what are the things that makes their life bit uneasy – just like that thingy. And one more thing to remember, if a child commits mistake, it is not advisable to scold him. Its wise to talk to him, ask him on the cause of that matter and give him consequences of his actions so that he might be able to realize that he we is wrong in doing such.

    1. Welcome to the blog Margauxallen!

      Nice to know more about you, and yes, if kids are guided in the right direction it helps them face the future challenges of life, which are much larger ones 🙂

      Yes indeed, by talking or communicating with your children, parents can comfort their uneasy feelings and make them feel better about anything. In-fact open communications and being more of a friend to them helps a great deal. I agree, scolding though is alright to a certain extent if they commit a serious mistake, but better still is to win them over with love and understanding. Parents need to explain to their kids what they could have done in the place of mistake they committed in a better way.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  6. Change is really constant Harleena,

    And I quite agree with that. As a kid, I also experienced some changes while growing up. I could remember the first day i saw hair on my private parts, i was somehow surprised, but because my dad had already told me something like that, it wasn’t that difficult for me to understand.

    Another one was when they changed my school, i didn’t want to go at all because i knew i will miss my friends and it will be hard to make those new ones that will replace the ones i had on my formal school but, my parents sat me down and after giving me the reason’s i had to change school, it was dawned on me.

    Therefore, as kids, its really very vital that parents go closer to them and also become their friends too so as to make it easier for them.

    Thanks for sharing Leena.

    So good to be here again.

    1. Hi Theodore,

      Oh yes…everyone and everything changes – right from us humans to non-living things too. It’s good that your parents prepared you well in advance about the changes you were to undergo in your life, which helped you cope with it.

      I guess most kids have a problem in shifting schools, changing houses, and making new friends, especially when they are young. But by helping children cope with change parents can prepare kids for the real and tough challenges they would face later in their lives.

      I agree, parents need to bond with their kids and vice-versa by playing the role of parents, as well as a friend, counselor and guide, and help them lead a happy life.

      Thanks for stopping by, and am glad things are sorted out at your blog too. 🙂

  7. Hello Harleena,

    Definitely parents are the great assets for a kid. He who lost his parents at young age, will be the most unfortunate person.

    As the age increases, the kid grows up & parents should move forward on that way. They need to realize that they are the main guideline of a kid. what parents do, it will be transformed in kid’s mind. So parents need to be systematic in their work too. Otherwise, kid will follow bad behavior.

    You added very important points how parents can cope up as the kid grows up.

    1. Hi Ahsan,

      You are right – losing parents at a young age is very unfortunate for a child because then no can teach those kids how to cope with change. Yes, life teaches a lot, but how can anyone replace a parent – isn’t it?

      Children always copy their parents in most of the cases, so parents need to be careful about what and how they behave. I guess it helps if parents portray a positive attitude to cope with change, seeing which their kids will follow suite.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  8. Well since I don’t have any children I don’t have anything to really share with you on this subject.

    When I was 8 we moved to a new neighborhood but that didn’t bother me a bit. My Dad was waiting for us when we got home, he drove us to the new house, I got out and went inside to look around and then I went out and started knocking on all the doors down my street until I found some girls my age to play with. I found two and we were all best friends from that moment on.

    I never lost anyone close to me while I was young either, that started happening when I was in high school. My parents were married until my Dad passed away too. I didn’t lose my grandparents until I was 30.

    I know that my best friend lost her husband when her son was just 5 but they lived out of state so I wasn’t around to help with that situation.

    I feel for anyone who has kids and has to help them deal with things that happen to them in life. See, I always say I’m so blessed and that just proves it yet again.


    1. Hi Adrienne,

      I can understand that, but you were a child and am sure your experiences about how your parents helped you cope with change would help all of us. 🙂

      Nice to know more about your childhood, and I think you were always the one to make friends right from when you were young, which you carried forward to your adult life. That’s why you are so good at building relationships and making friends. :)However, everyone isn’t an extrovert and most of that goes back into their childhood and how they were raised.

      Losses can be bad, and like you, I didn’t experience any losses till I was around 25 or so when my Grandfather passed away and within a few years my Grandmother. But because they were ailing, my parents were good to explain about things that might happen to them in the future, so I was prepared I guess. However, the loss of my Mom was something that wasn’t easy for me to deal with. I guess losing ones parents is hard on anyone.

      Oh yes…you are blessed in more ways than one, and we all can see that too. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us. 🙂

  9. Yes, you are right Harleena when it comes to change for children. it makes a big difference how parents react to it. If the parent can show a strong front and children are going to grow up with a positive attitude toward change.

    Sometimes parents can try to protect children from it and than as adults it can really harm them emotionly. Wonder tips for parents. My own mother was one that was always calm out things. If you would hurt yourself badly she reacted very calm and i remember thinking, ‘OK this is not so bad after all.

    1. Hi Debbie,

      Yes indeed, a lot depends on how parents play their part in-front of their kids. By being confident, positive, and adapting as well as adjusting happily to any situation, parents in more ways than one are helping children cope with change that they will come across in their life.

      Protecting little ones is still understandable, though as they grow older, they should be left a little on their own so that they are able to cope with change, and that’s where parents can help by starting the process or showing them by role modelling how to cope.

      Ah…your Mom sounds so much like mine, and I think our parents were great overall! I just wish we get a little of them in us. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us. 🙂

  10. Hi Harleena,

    Another brilliant, informative post about a very important subject.

    One of my most powerful and traumatic childhood memories of change is of starting school at about the age of 5 – I had a terrible time, my first day at school is vividly imprinted on my memory as just being full of tears and distress – and being chastised for crying and not having a handkerchief! I think my reaction was so severe because my Mum had kept me very close to her until that point (for the best of reasons – she didn’t realise she was doing anything wrong) and consequently the separation anxiety was unbearable. That insecurity stayed with me throughout my childhood and I think also led to some chronic anxiety, which persisted into adulthood.

    I think the experience children have in their very early years (0-5)is critical as to how they deal with change, and it’s a real challenge for parents to get the balance right, to ensure children feel loved and secure, while instilling in them the confidence to be able to cope with change.

    It also has to be said that parents who are struggling to cope with their own emotional traumas will find it even more difficult to support their children through change and are likely to need help.

    Well done for addressing yet another tricky issue with such sensitivity and skill, Harleena,


    1. Hi Sue,

      Glad you liked the post 🙂

      Oh dear….I can so well relate to your first day at school – poor thing. It’s quite similar to my younger ones first day too, as she just wasn’t ready to go inside her class, until I hardened my heart and just walked off leaving her crying there. I can never forgive myself for doing that, but because I knew it was for her good, I did. I agree, some mothers are over protective and don’t realize their mistakes, and I think I fall into that category to some extent, though once they were 6-8 years of age, I started letting them be more on their own. Now of course, they go all over the place on their own and are pretty confident of themselves. 🙂

      Yes indeed, getting the right balance is the key with young kids because they need the assurance, love, care, as well as the security of their parents around them. But being parents, we need to give them the freedom to experience change on their own and learn the copings kills, though with young kids – under little supervision. I guess playing the role model and doing things while showing them how to cope helps, and kids learn by what they see their parents do.

      Absolutely! You raised a very important point about parents struggling with their own coping abilities due to any reason, will not be able to help their kids cope as well as those who aren’t. I just hope parents all over are really helping children cope with change in their lives because only then will they really be able to face challenges in their life.

      Thanks for stopping by and for your encouraging words too. Always nice to have you over and share your wisdom with us. 🙂

  11. I am going to take a bit of a different point of view.
    I agree that children need and want regular routines and are creatures of habit however: I believe that one of the reasons children find change such a challenge is because they are such creatures of habit.

    In other words, daily routines will and can make kids feel secure but too much routine without change won’t help kids deal with the inevitable changes that they will go through in their lives.

    I think there are many ways to deal with this and you have really come up with some good ways but one of the ways you did not mention to teach or help kids deal with change is through travel.

    Travelling to new and foreign places can put kids in uncomfortable situations forcing them to deal with new situations.

    for example, going to Japan and asking where the bathroom is can be a new situation for a young kid if they don’t know how to speak japanese. But putting them in that situation can help them deal with change in more ways than you know. Often times this type of situation can be scary but once they do it, it can give them new found confidence. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who once said “do something scary everyday” and I truly believe that when we do things that scare us like things outside of our comort zones that we are growing as people.

    I know that travel may not be the solution for everyone just as some of the ways I have seen other people teach their children to deal with change would not work for us. Nevertheless, it has been very instrumental in helping all my kids deal and cope with change.

    My youngest daughter does not bat an eye if we have to rough it and trudge through an airport when we are hungry and tired.

    My kids know that there are different food in different countries and deal with it rather than throwing a tantrum because they can’t have their most favorite foods at their finger tips.

    I have so many more examples of how travel has helped them deal with change.
    My point here is that introducing changes into our childrens lives is something I think that is essential in helping them learn to deal with change. We all just have different methods.


    1. Hi Annie,

      You’re most welcome to share your views about the post, even if they are different 🙂

      Smaller kids prefer following a routine or they like if they have a habit they follow, though as they grow older things change, and they don’t like to follow any kind of routine. I’ve seen that with my kids too.

      Overprotection and giving them too much of security is bad, and I guess a little freedom to discover new things on their own works best there. Yet again, with little ones we need to be careful.

      Ah…I guess you’re a better expert about travel than me, as I don’t travel as much nowadays as you and your family does. But if you noticed many other commeters above have mentioned either shifting to a new place or shifting to a new school etc., and all of this was tough on their kids. Yes, my kids too underwent the same phase when we shifted from one city to another, though they enjoy when they travel on vacation.

      I agree with your point about allowing them to deal with things on their own, but they need to be a little older I guess, or perhaps have a parent standing around them at the back, just in-case they need help. I guess I was a little protective of my kids, or perhaps they didn’t have the kind of exposure as other kids who are more extroverts and outgoing – that makes a huge difference too. With time when they see their parents move out of their comfort zones and do new things, they see and copy that, and that ways we are helping children cope with change in their lives.

      I love your younger one, she indeed is cute and confident too. Some kids are like that and it depends a lot on the atmosphere they’re brought up in. I think in your case as you travel a great deal, they are exposed to lots of people and they see you and your husband interact, talk, and mix with them, which is an example for them. So, they do the same as they learn from you. We were the same when we used to travel with our Dad, sleep in bunker beds, go camping out for days, eat whatever is given even travel in make do trucks etc., but if I ask my kids to do that all of a sudden, they would not take to that change willingly because they’ve never done all these things earlier. It’s because we were raised to that mindset of travelling on vacations with our Dad, do we accept change more willingly and know how to cope with it too.

      Yes indeed, gradually with time we should introduce new changes in the lives of our kids as that will help them face other challenges in their lives.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. 🙂

  12. Hi Harleena,

    Being a role model and being honest help children accept change more easily. If your parents adjust well to change you are impressed with the idea that change is OK, and if you are honest about what transpired, your kids receive a valuable life lesson in embracing reality.

    Thanks for sharing your insight Harleena.


    1. Hi Ryan,

      Yes indeed, it does help kids if they see their own parents cope with change in a positive way. Being honest and truthful about certain events helps them develop trust in their parents. The learn more be seeing than by being told I guess. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  13. Hi Harleena,

    This is a great tips, i have forwarded this post to my brother. My brother was recently blessed with a baby girl and i hope these tips may help him to be a good parent

    Thanks & Regards

    1. Welcome to the blog Shan!

      Glad you liked the tips, and I hope they help you with your brother 🙂

      Ah…she is just a baby yet, but when she grows up a little more, am sure your brother would be able to help and guide her to cope with change in her life.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  14. Hi Harleena,

    Loved the video and it ends halfway through the scenario, no? 🙂

    Love the quote ~ “Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change; you love them as they are.”

    I believe helping children with changes can boost self-esteem a lot Harleena. They really expect it and can feel alone if no support is there with imminent changes 🙂 You know, even in basics.

    I’ve heard about Superman, Batman as heroes among children, but also heard children murmuring their father’s or mother’s name as heroes too. Parents can really give super powers for their children when they think they can’t proceed and do as they wish 🙂 At least comforting words.

    I like your point about preparing children 🙂 Reminders are better. But some children may take it as annoyance for ’em. May be parents are not much familiar how to go with it. Is it?

    Sometimes I notice when parents don’t answer questions of their children, they start doing the same too 😉 lol… I love children and they are really awesome when you observe ’em.

    Have a wonderful week with your family Halreena 🙂


    1. Hi Mayura,

      Nice to know that you watched the video, and no it’s working fine as I checked it again just now. Try refreshing and continuing from where you let off because sometimes the streaming stops or slows down.

      Ah…I loved that quote too the moment I saw it, and felt it was apt with this post.:)

      You are absolutely right – kids are very sensitive and if parents can help them cope with changes they undergo in their life, it makes a lot of difference to their self-confidence and self-esteem.

      Some kids are generous enough and they take their parents to be their role models, and I feel those parents are lucky. All parents need to do is comfort them with their words and actions, and in their own way they would be helping children cope with change.

      Children need to be prepared well in advance for some unexpected change they would come across, and parents need to do that. Reminders work well too, but if we remind them too often, they do get annoyed and might stop listening to their parents too. Everything in moderation is good, or reminding indirectly works better. 🙂

      You are right in your observations. Kids notice and follow everything their parents to. If their parents don’t answer to them, they might do the same and then you are in no position to tell them anything. I know you ARE going to make a wonderful father as you love kids and can always relate so well to their feelings.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. Have a nice week as well 🙂

  15. Hi Harleena,

    I appreciate the kind of study you have done to write this post. This topic is really important as parents need a good approach toward their children and good handling will make children live a good life. The points mentioned here are really useful. Children are sensitive to the development around them and may quickly react in a manner that parents may not understand. I really recommend this post to all parents.

    1. Hi Kumar,

      Glad you liked the post 🙂

      I agree, by helping children cope with change in their lives, parents can help them face challenges later in life. Yes, sometimes children react in a way that’s tough for parents to understand, but being parents they ought to know all about how to handle their kids, or learn more parenting skills to guide them better.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. 🙂

  16. Great post Harleena, children are going through more changes now than ever before with family situations, world events, etc. We must learn to cope with change because that’s life is – a series of changes happening at a rapid pace now. I do believe in routines to help with it and changing the routines up along the way.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      Glad to know that you liked the post 🙂

      Yes indeed, children have to go through lot more than they did during our time because of the change of events and lifestyle nowadays. We as parents really need to question ourselves whether are we really helping children cope with change, and if not – what is it that we still need to do.

      Just as you mentioned, change is part of our lives, but that’s something our kids are still learning to deal with, which is where we need to help them out. Oh yes.. following a daily routine, or any other routine tasks they do helps them feel more in charge to cope with things.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  17. Harleena, this is a fitting explanation of what has happened in the last several months.

    It is good that you discussing the changes that children go through in a tragic event.

    It is hard for adults, but children deal with tragedy differently than adults.

    I am glad to see your examples of how to deal with this tragedy.

    1. Hi Michael,

      Yes, tragedy too is change and dealing with it is more difficult than an ordinary change in life. However, this post is not about children having to deal with tragedy but about ways of helping children cope with change.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  18. Hi Harleena,
    I think this is the second post on your blog I’m printing out to discuss with my wife.

    My daughter started school this year and she’s very excited about going to school every morning. Seriously, I’m surprised at her excitement.

    I think having a new friend is another change. I remember last weekend, I visited a friend who has a 3 year old son. Both my daughter and my friend’s son became so fun of each other within a few hours and it was very difficult for us to separate them. My daughter said she would not go with me until her new friend come with us. The young guy too insisted on following us. They both broke into serious shouting and cries as we tried to part ways.

    Now your post is educating me on this. Very useful to us parents. Thanks for bringing such value to us 😉

    1. Hi Enstine,

      Wow! That feels nice to know 🙂

      It’s great when kids are excited about joining school, and am sure both you and your wife have a strong role to play there as you must have prepared her well.

      Some kids make friends very fast, while others take time. I think the main problem arises when we try to move to a new location or try to separate them from their friends, or even school. I guess they get attached too fast with kids their age, and that’s very normal too. I faced the same problems with my kids when they were young, though taught them to make new friends wherever they went.

      If we help children cope with change – they turn out to kids with self-confidence and ready to take up any challenge in life.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us. 🙂

  19. Oh my, this is so good however I’m not going to elaborate on all the changes I underwent as a child. Some are still way too painful.

    Very good post Harleena! Definitely sharing

    1. Hi Bren,

      Glad to know that you liked the post 🙂

      I’m sure the changes you underwent when you were a child were all good ones, which make you who and what you are today. Yes, some are painful ones too, but those are what teach you something in return.

      Where we have parents helping children cope with change, we do have children ready to face the world boldly – isn’t it?

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing the post too. 🙂

  20. Hello Harleena,

    What an excellent article. I love your articles because they are nice and long and full of important information.

    As I have related in previous post, my childhood was negative and growing up in an abusive home, you have no place to hide. BUT, when I became a parent I said I will raise my children with a different mindset and help them cope with things that come in. One factor that I want to point out is that when a person has had a negative childhood with no knowledge of coping skills, changes that do come into our lives, we can still learn to become parents that add to our children. My daughter is 37 years old and she says to me all the time,” Mom when I grow up I want to be like you”. It brings tears to my eyes and moves me with compassion and empathy for those that are on the journey. Our children are our prize possessions that have been given to us to love, guide nuture and to believe in them. They are precious cargo….. They are the children of tomorrow.Now I am a grandparent of eight and I can model to them by allowing them to see my life and how I have coped with changes.

    Harleena, thank you again for such delightful way of sharing from your heart to ours. I read all the comments. How delightful for us to build relationships enough to open and share our experiences.

    1. Hi Gladys,

      You made my day! I think very few people appreciate long posts, which I write mainly to share complete information on a particular topic, so hearing that made me feel good 🙂

      I remember you mentioning about your childhood days not being too good, and that’s what helped you make up your mind that your children will not go through any of what you underwent. I absolutely agree with what you mentioned. Even if we have had a negative childhood that had no coping skills, we can still learn from what life puts forth us, and all of that adds up in ensuring that we teach our kids how to cope with change.

      What a beautiful thing to say to a mother, and you are lucky indeed to be blessed with such a wonderful daughter who wants to be like you :)I guess coming from them means the world to us.

      You are so right – our kids are our prized possessions, and I only wish more people would think like you, and really learn to value and appreciate their little efforts – even if they aren’t good.

      You must be such a compassionate, loving, and understanding grandmother, and your grandchild must be looking up to you. That I would say is the biggest achievement for a parent or grandparent:)

      Oh yes…I do like to connect from my heart to those of my readers, and I think I might overdo a little through my comments, but then that’s how I like to build relationships too – just by being myself with them and sharing my experiences, just as you did. And I love it when others reciprocate the same way.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding so much more value to the post by sharing your pearls of wisdom with us. 🙂

  21. Hi Harleena,

    Great Post and really resonates with me.

    My kids have had a lot of change in their young age. When we immigrated to Canada, it was a change for the whole family and we all needed to cope with it. It was very difficult at first. My oldest daughter who was very young at that time had very hard time coping and she just cries everyday and not enjoying the school setting as back home. It was very tough as we had no one that we know in the province where we landed and we had to deal with the change on our own. Then after one year we had to move to another province. It was another change for her and she just hated school and was very hard for her to cope and start making new friends but she managed somehow with our help. Then after another year, we had to move to a different neighborhood where we bought our house and this time, it was the most difficult for her to cope. She hated her school, her teacher and never studied for tests or completed her homework until I started receiving complains from her teacher. Then I went and explained to the teacher that the changes we have been through is affecting her. Thank God, she was an understanding teacher and she really helped her through the rest of the school year and I was amazed how she changed and became so attentive in class and her grades went up again and she was back to her normal.

    This was about 11 years ago. Now my daughter is preparing to go to University and that is going to be another change for her. I hope she handle it well.

    Thanks for such a great article Harleena. Very informative and wise points. I wish I had something like it those days to guide me.

    Be Blessed,


    1. Hi Neamat,

      Nice to know that you could resonate so well with the post. 🙂

      Oh yes…shifting to a new place always works negatively with kids, and this is something many people have shared in the comment above, so it is a common challenge.

      Your elder daughter sounds a lot like Carolyn’s daughter too, who had a tough time adjusting to a new school, something that my younger one too faced. I think some kids are like that and take time getting used to a new place and things.

      Poor thing, having to undergo so much at that age, which we as parents sometimes don’t realize. I think shifting places or houses too often gives them an insecure feeling or they don’t feel comfortable getting used to so many changes. That’s because they have to make new friends, join a new school, get used to a new house and all those things, unless they are used to such things.

      Speaking of myself, because my Dad was in the army, we shifted house and places every two years, and were used to it right from the time we were born. So, adjusting to a new place or house and making new friends came very easily to us.

      I’m glad you talked her through it and reassured her, and also went ahead and spoke to her teachers for her falling grade. I guess doing all of this is important, as even the teacher is able to understand things and the child a lot better. Nice to know that everything fell into place with time, it always does 🙂

      Ah…I think your daughter might be the same as my elder one, who is also getting ready to leave home for higher studies. I’m more worried for her than she is presently, and wonder how she would get used to the new surrounding too! Don’t worry – these ways have come to me with time too, but am glad am able to share them now with those who might need them.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with all of us. 🙂

  22. Hi Harleena,

    This was another brilliant post on such an important topic.

    What I really love about your posts is how you emphasise the importance of communication and doing so openly. This is also what you have demonstrated with this particular one.

    Change for kids is a massive thing. I know. When I was 10, I moved to the big city of London with my family, which was a huge shock. I was leaving my friends and everything that seemed familiar to me.

    Parents can really help kids deal with such changes by following your advice and doing things like talking with them and reassuring them. I’m definitely bookmarking this post.

    Thank you.

    1. Hi Hiten,

      Glad you liked the post 🙂

      Oh yes…communication IS the key, whether it’s with your kids, spouse or any other family member and friend. I think all issues can easily be resolved – it only you communicate how you’re feeling or mention the problem you’re facing.

      I can well imagine how it must’ve been to shift to an altogether different country at that tender age. The cultural shock, leaving behind your friends and family, and being away from your natural surroundings – all have an impact.

      Absolutely! Parents play a major role in helping children cope with change that they might go through, and all of this happens by the ways mentioned. But most importantly by just being with them and assuring them with their comforting words and actions.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us. 🙂

  23. Harleena, Great advice.

    As odd as this may sound, my parents delivered stability, which helped me work through change. Our life at home was stable, generally calm, and not much changed. I guess I knew that as much as things changed around me, things at home would be the same.

    Maybe the lesson in that is we need a place of atability, even if for a few moments, to work through changes.


    1. Hi Jon,

      Nice to know about your parents, and I don’t think that’s odd 🙂

      If parents are stable, and so is the atmosphere at home, it does have a positive impact on the kids. That sense of stability and security that you get from home helps you to accept any kind of change in life. It’s a great way of helping children cope with change in their lives.

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the post. 🙂

  24. HI Di,


    My daughter copies everything of her father, you know yesterday I was in the kitchen and he was talking to his father asking him why he is having pain in his teeth, to which he replied – since I use to pay no attention to brushing during college days because of hectic schedule so now suffering with pain….her immediate response was papa I won’t copy this and I was amazed how children are use to taking note of each and every point of ours.

    Grandparents really play a critical role here….in my case I’d say I’m blessed, they are always there to guide my daughter with stories and examples and since he(my father in law) is a retired doctor so he usually takes my daughter to the hospital just to make her realize the importance of serving others.

    Let them explore and discover – I think this is the best possible advice.We tend to act more like the safety net and don’t want to put our children in uncharted territories.Following this can put us in fix as well but I think it is worth trying, will surely give children enough confidence and can learn to adapt to change.

    Thanks Di for this great share.Have a great week ahead.


    1. Hi Sapna,

      Nice to know that your daughter copies her father, and I think most girls take to their fathers, while the sons to their mothers (so they say!)

      Oh yes…children hear and see all that goes around them. You’ll be surprised that even things we want to hide from them, or feel they are too small to know – they get to know. Just as your daughter was quick to catch on to talks going on with her father and grandfather, the same way they can even sense if something is not right between the parents, siblings, or other family members.

      Nice to hear more about your in-laws and their major role in raising your daughter too. Yes, without them I wonder how we would be able to cope at times. I miss my Mom and often think as to how she would have been with my kids had she been around, though my Dad covers up well for her. 🙂

      You are right, and being protective is what most parents, including me, tend to do. We have fears about what might happen to our kids, if they try new things, but if we don’t let them try new things or ways on their own, how would they ever learn to be independent. Yes, only certain things till they are of age, but this is an important part of child development I think.

      Thanks for stopping by and adding more value to the post. Have a nice week ahead as well. 🙂

  25. Hello Harleena,
    I was brought up as a kid the hard way. Then life was really though and hard but now i am really teaching my son the soft side of life and helping him grow up as bright as he can be. I am already doing most of your tips but you brought some new stuff to light that i still need to follow 😀 . Thanks

    1. Hi Babanature,

      Life isn’t easy for some of us. But just like I say so often – tough times never last – tough people do. 🙂

      I’m glad you made it through, and because of all that you underwent when you were a child and the impact it might have had one you, I’m sure you’d take care that the same isn’t repeated with your son.

      Thanks for stopping by, and am glad if these tips of helping children cope with change help you further. 🙂

  26. Harleena, as I read through this what came to mind was the biggest life change my daughter had to face when she was 3 years old: Divorce!

    I was married to an abusive man. Divorce was necessary. I think the main thing that helped her was that I remained calm no matter what! I did a lot of talking over and over again. At this age,they need to hear things a few times.

    I kept telling her “Daddy loves you” even though I put his butt in jail! That was the hard part. When she asked where her father was, I could only explain the honest facts. Of course, I had did this with a therapist making sure things were for her good.

    You mention the role of grandparents. My daughter spent lots of time with them and they told her stories relating to loss or fear and how they over came it. My dad did special things for her on a consistent basis. He made a “money tree” out of rolled up dollar bills. She always wanted to go there for the money tree, walk to the corner and buy a toy.

    As for us alone; Tuesday nights we had dinner parties. We would get all dressed up and have a candle light dinner with my best china and stemware. It was a great special occasion she looked forward to.

    I spent all my time with her. We did everything together and I assured her that she would see her dad in a few months while he was “getting better” Grrrr

    She bounced back pretty well. Now, my daughter is 29 and she remembers those wonderful times with great joy.

    Thanks for bringing me back memory lane,

    1. Hi Donna,

      Sorry to hear about that – I know it can be so hard for young ones to go through a divorce.

      But as you mentioned, sometimes it’s better to move away from such a person for your sake and for your kids too, as they see every little thing that happens in the house, and this goes right into their little hearts and minds. We tend to think they are too young to follow, but we’re so wrong there.

      Oh yes…talking helps – it always helps to remain calm, as you mentioned, and reassure your kids or give them a sense of security that you are with them – no matter what. Or else they tend to think that one parent has gone, would the other also go, or they keep thinking it’s all happened because of them.

      Grandparents really do help in more ways than one, and just as you mentioned, they help them fight their fears. Sweet of your Dad to do all that he did. I guess coming from them is a little different than coming from us – isn’t it? I see my Dad do the same with my kids and it works like magic 🙂

      Special moments with you must have made your daughter feel good and special. Doing things together and being with your children, especially when they are undergoing a lot within themselves trying to cope with changes around them – helps a great deal.

      I’m sure your daughter treasures those precious moments you spent with her, which must have helped her overcome her fears and insecurities too.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

  27. This is a great post, Harleena.

    It seems like these days, many children are facing change more frequently than in the past as parents lose jobs or homes, divorce or remarry and friends move away.

    Whenever I see a long comment, I quickly understand that comment is by Harleena.
    Keep it coming 😉

    1. Welcome to the blog Anis!

      Yes indeed, with times changing, kids have to undergo a great deal, and change is a major part of that. Children have to cope with change for any small thing around them, whether it’s a problem with their friends, school, teachers, parents, home – just about anything. By helping children cope with change, parents and caretakers can ease out the stress this might cause them.

      Ah…where did you see my long comment? Or perhaps you see them all over – that’s how it is 😉

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  28. When we moved into a new neighborhood my daughter took it really hard. She wasn’t eating and wasn’t socializing at school, which is unusual for a 14-year old. We decided to have monthly sleep overs with friends from her old school and that seemed to help her and eventually she started making new friends.

    We as parents need to be the first to set a good example when we have to adjust to change. If our kids see us getting frustrated and stressing out, that’s how they’ll handle change as they start to experience it. If this happens it’ll keep our kids from growing and experiencing new challenges in their lives…and we don’t want that.

    Great advice here Harleena!

    1. Hi Corina,

      You’re not alone to face such problems, because just as I was telling Carolyn, even my younger one had problems adjusting to new surroundings when we shifted. Even when we shifted her school to a new one – it took her time. Age doesn’t really matter, especially if they are perhaps introverts or take time making friends, or if you’ve been in a place for long and moved out recently.

      I liked your idea of sleep overs, and sometimes such changes make a lot of difference to our kids.

      Absolutely! We as parents are the role models, and our kids learn what they see. If we are good at accepting and adjusting to change- they learn and follow that for, even much later in their lives. Sometimes being parents, even if we aren’t really liking a change of things, we need to portray or pretend to like it, so that the right message goes out to them.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂

  29. Harleena -what great points!

    I believe that parents play such a strong role in how a child is affected by change. If a parent in the face of any change can keep their energy grounded, loving, supportive and hold a mindset of “change is a wonderful adventure” – then our children always feel that reassurance in the face of change. Change is a normal part of our lives…our children should know that so they can embrace change and know they are supported by us no matter what.

    Thank you Harleena!

    1. Hi Karen,

      Nice to know that you liked the points mentioned 🙂

      You are so right there! A lot depends on the parents attitude and the way they react to change, and this affects their kids too. Kids look up to their parents and take them as role models, at least when they are small. Knowing that their parents are supportive and with them, boosts their morale to take up any kind of challenge in life.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂

  30. There are a lot of good points. i guess it can be applied not only for kids) My face also always changes when i have financial troubles)) LOL

    1. Hi Evan,

      Oh yes…it can be applied to you too am sure, because it’s not really easy for some people to cope with change. Ah…I can see you don’t like change when there is talk of finance – I think many can relate to that 😉

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  31. Lets face it, most of us do not like change unless you are one of those who wants new and challenging things all the time. We take comfort in a non-changing environment.

    Children are those who needs stability in their lives. Its difficult for them to accept or even cope with change. Like you say, routines are important for them which gives them the sense of security in their lives.

    I did not realise that giving children various activities and interests will allow them to cope with change. I have small children of my own and I will need this do this. Thanks for opening my eyes on this topic.

    Very valuable Harleena.

    1. Hi Shalu,

      Absolutely! No one likes change – especially if it’s a sudden one because we need to stop doing what we are enjoying doing, and adjust to that new change. Who would like that? Very few readily adjust to any and every change I think, and unless you know the outcome is profitable or a good one, you might not really even bother to change. With kids too, it’s the same.

      It is tough for kids to cope with change, unless they aren’t prepared for it, which is where parents need to come in. If they follow a routine or do things daily at a particular time, it comforts them to know what’s to be done next.

      Oh yes…if your kids are made to participate in activities or take up some interests, in a play-way you are helping children cope with change. That’s what’s shown in the video too, how those kids learn while playing from their mothers – how to cope with change and adjust with one another. Hope you try this out, and let me know how it goes. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us. 🙂

  32. Hi Harleena,

    Wow, this really resonates with me. Our kids have had a lot of change in their lives, particularly with our move to the UK and back. Tragically, a few weeks after we moved to the UK my mother-in-law, my girls’ grandmother, died. We were mourning her loss as we were trying to deal with the culture shock of our trans-Atlantic move.

    One of my girls just didn’t cope well with all of the change and was bursting into tears in the middle of class, saying that she missed Grandma. We had a wonderful guidance counselor at her school who helped my daughter through this rough time. She helped her make a memory book of Grandma. My daughter worked on it with her grandfather who visited us in England soon after his wife’s death. That helped my daughter immensely, the outbursts in class stopped and she began to adjust to her new school, home and friends much better.

    When we returned from the UK, a different daughter didn’t adjust well to her first year of high school so we wanted to move her to a different school. She was receptive to the idea at first but then resisted because she didn’t want any more change. We made her go to the new school anyway and now she is thriving there. She now embraces change much more readily now.

    I wish I had the advantage of your wisdom during those turbulent times for our family but we have muddled through somehow. Every piece of advice you mention is spot on, Harleena. My favorite point is the grandparents helping children cope with change. That can make a big difference to children, who can absorb their wisdom and serenity.

    Thanks so much for this article that I know will help many families.

    1. Hi Carolyn,

      Nice to know that you could resonate so well with the post, and I know being an awesome Mom yourself – you must’ve helped all your daughters cope with life’s many changes 🙂

      Oh dear…your kids and you too seemed to have gone through a lot, and it’s worse when everything happens together. Shifting from one place to another is bad enough for kids, but here it must have been a complete cultural change as well for them, and over that to deal with such a loss. Poor things – I can well imagine how it must have been.

      I wish we had such wonderful counselor’s our end too, though some schools have started insisting on keeping one nowadays, but unless they really feel what the child is undergoing, only few can really help. I think being with her Grandfather and sharing things about her Grandmother with him, and all of you, as well as collecting memories in the album – must all have been a good outlet for your daughters emotions. Grandparents at times are really good at helping children cope with change – isn’t it? I know, I look forward to my Dad when we visit him, to teach such things to my kids, and he really puts in all his efforts, and they too listen with all ears. 🙂

      Ah…I can relate to those school changes episodes as my younger one is a little like that and just won’t readily adjust. It takes us time and effort to talk her through, but then she is alright after a while, and now she too doesn’t want to change her school. I think some children just take their own sweet time adjusting to new surroundings, and I think that’s perfectly alright as no two children are the same, and we as parents should understand and support them more at such times.

      Oh no…this is no wisdom Carolyn, in-fact I marvel at the way you have raised all your teens while I have a tough time sometimes with just two of mine! But yes, it’s with time and being with them that I’ve started understanding them more now, and just feel I should share it here, just in-case there are more parents who might need help in this area.

      Thanks for stopping by, and sharing your experiences with everyone. It’s always nice to learn more from experienced parents who have gone through the same things. 🙂

      1. Thank you, Harleena. Yes, it was very difficult to force our daughter to try a new school. If she had wanted to stay at her former school because she started to like it, that would have been very different.

        You’re so right, children take their own time to adjust to new situations and sometimes we want to rush to “fix” things when perhaps time is all that is needed.

        1. I can understand the problems our kids face, especially where shifting schools are concerned too Carolyn. Sometimes being parents we need to take harsh steps for their good, which they realize only later in life. That’s part of parenting too, and that’s why you must’ve taken the decision for her.

          We do need to give them time to cope with the new things in life, after all they are just kids – not to mention the amount of time we take at times too getting used to change. 🙂

          Thanks once again.: 🙂

  33. Hi Harleena ma’am

    I think That’s Great Share!!

    My Parents Help Me out For Everything that i want.. Btw! Informative Indeed Ma’am!! Thanks For Writing :).. Realized a value of Parents in life :)..


    1. Hi Mosam,

      Glad you liked the post and could relate to it. 🙂

      Nice to know that your parents have always been there for you, and they too must have helped you cope with change in your life – isn’t it? Oh yes…always value your parents for all that they’ve done for you – you’ll only be glad you did.

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

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