Have you observed that romance seems to fade away at some point in most marriages?
As discussed in my earlier post on why does a bad marriage happen, people have revealed that the physical intimacy couples once had decreases with time.
They also confessed that they no longer verbalize their love as much as they used to. Can you relate to such revelations and confessions?
Let’s be frank and honest here – most of you, including me, need to rekindle the love in our marriages because we all face the ups and downs in our relationships – don’t we?
Ever thought of how to rekindle love in marriage that was there once upon a time?
Since love is the bonding element and an essential aspect of a working marriage, you need to find ways to arouse the love again in your marriage.
You need to start romancing again like the old days to revive the love and passion, and to repair and strengthen your bond of marriage. Does it seem difficult?
Well, don’t worry because married couples can rekindle love in marriage that they might have lost over time in easy and practical ways, though it requires co-operation from both partners.
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” ~ Tom Mullen
Ways to Rekindle Love in Marriage
Although there are many ways of rekindling love in a marriage, but I’m sharing just a few of them. While I’ve tried some of these restorative ways, some I still need to. They are –
1. Plan a date night
If you haven’t done it yet – start setting up date nights with your partner. You could take turns to plan the dates. Surprise each other with some activity to rekindle love in your marriage.
You don’t have to spend lots of money and buy expensive gifts. Remember, small things matter. So, even a candle light dinner in your backyard or in a quiet place can be a date night.
If life’s demands force both of you to put your marriage last in the list of your priorities, then there’s all the more reason to deliberately plan a date and make time for it.
You could plan to go out together once a week or once a fortnight, to just getaway.
Remember to have fun and be creative, just as you did and were before you got married. Bring back the love in your marriage – only you can do that and no one else.
2. Be attractive
Your partner didn’t marry you for your brain or wealth, but for what you’re and how you looked – isn’t it? You did get into a relationship because you both felt physically attracted towards each other.
So, it’s important to keep looking good for each other even after you are married – for years to come. I’ve always seen my parents as a living example, because they always lived for each other.
In most of the cases affairs and adultery takes place when one of the spouse stops taking care of themselves, and either becomes obese, and unattractive.
This makes the partner compare his or her spouse to another, outside their marriage.
Temptation works! So, it’s important that both the husband and wife should continue to look good for each other to rekindle love in marriage.
3. Don’t take your partner for granted – Tell your spouse you love him or her
I’m sure most of you are guilty of this one!
How many times do you express your love to your spouse? How many times do you really say those 3 magical words – I love you? Be honest! I forget so many times, I admit! How about you?
I think most couples take each other for granted and feel that once they are married, it’s alright not to keep telling each other how much I love you as it’s understood. How wrong can they be!
When you first dated, you couldn’t wait to spend time with each other, and looked forward to being with one another. You worked on your relationship – didn’t you?
This attention made your spouse feel loved and special.
You need to express your love more often to your spouse after marriage by telling them how much you love them. How can you do that? Here are a few simple ways –
- Send them emails, or cards without any occasion – just to make them feel special.
- Talk to them as often as you can, tell them you miss them and want to be with them.
- Try messaging that, “I can’t wait to get home and be with you,” or “I’m thinking about you,” to your spouse during the day.
- Or write love notes around the house that your spouse can find around the house like a romantic treasure hunt!
- Discuss about your day, and ask about how their day was – this is something that most couples don’t do? Am I right?
It becomes all the more necessary to let your partner know you love them, every single day so that they feel assured, and it does feel good to hear these words too – doesn’t it?
Don’t fall into the trap and say, “I don’t have to tell him/her, he/she already knows, or I don’t have time to tell him/her I love them.” To tell your spouse you love him/her is the greatest gift you can give them.
So, if you haven’t been telling them that – go on and say it now, it’s never too late! Don’t let that spark fizzle off! Rekindle the love in your marriage by saying these magical words and watch the difference.
4. Don’t be snarky
If you’ve been criticizing or abusing each other in your relationship, then it’s likely to suffer and might even lead to a breakup. Agreed everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you behave the way you do!
That will only push your spouse further away from you, which makes it harder to feel close – leave alone get intimate or make love to each other.
Instead, do things that please your partner. Try to become best friends with your spouse.
Say words that make your spouse feel good, like – “You’re looking beautiful tonight” or show your gratitude by saying, “It’s so nice of you to have brought me this gift – I love it.” (even if you feel differently!)
According to research, happy couples make five times more positive than negative statements about each other – no wonder they have better sex too. I hope you appreciate and compliment your partners!
5. Touch more often
You won’t believe it, but a simple touch has great powers. So, touch often, and you can do that by simple things like holding hands when you walk or sit.
Simply take turns and hug each other, put your arms around each other, or wrap around each other when in bed at night. You can instantly feel the love and warmth with the touch.
Two good reasons for doing this – first, the spouse receiving your affection isn’t tempted to look for love elsewhere.
Second – the spouse giving the affection conveys to other spouse stealers that you are happily married – so stay away!
You can stop many affairs in a relationship and adultery from happening when you publicly express your affection towards your spouse.
By touching your spouse many times a day you acknowledge their presence, and it’s one way of showing them how much you love them. If you haven’t been doing it – get started now!
6. Rediscover sexual pleasures
Another way to rekindle love in marriage is to try different ways, position, and place of sex, instead of the same boring routine sex you might be having.
There’s an ancient Indian saying that connotes that don’t make love to different men or women, but make love to the same man or woman in different ways to keep the love alive in marriage and pacify the temptations of adultery.
The Internet is full of great ideas if you’ve run out of them. It doesn’t have to be just about sex, even kissing and fondling do wonders.
Fantasy sex is one aspect that can rekindle love in marriage and help the person deal with any unfulfilled sexual desires.
Such desires could tempt you or your spouse to seek resources outside the marriage if they are not attended to or resolved within your marriage and with your partner.
So, be the secret passionate lover that resides in your spouse’s heart and mind.
Try being more sensuous, sexy, and romantic with each other, and bring back the passions of fire that were there initially.
7. Make an effort to have fun together
You all lead busy lives, and while you are busy at work and rushing through life, your spouse might be busy handling the home front and kids. Such is life, and we all have to live it.
But that shouldn’t stop you from having your share of fun with each other because you need to create that time to bond with each other and get intimate.
You could try any of the following ways, or get creative and add more to this list –
- Spend a night, just the two of you, in a motel. Get someone over to take care of the kids, or drop them over at your parents.
- Dine out at your favorite restaurant, or just go to any joint to eat out.
- Take a class together to learn something new like dance or new language.
- Cook a romantic dinner for the two of you – as you would’ve before marriage.
- Take a vacation and move out leaving all your work behind, just the two of you!
Remember, you need to do something out of the ordinary to make your boring and monotonous life, interesting and lively once again.
You need to rekindle love in marriage and bring back the passion that once was, if it’s not there now. Rediscover what excites you or your spouse and do those things. Become a love teacher once again!
Marriages that are successful are never boring. Got more ideas to share – let me know in the comments below!
8. Always keep your channels of communication open
Being couples, you need to keep talking and discussing things with each other. I see many couples stop doing this because they get so busy in their daily chores and work. What happens then?
The connectivity that once was seems to disappear. It happens with me many time when due to some reasons I cannot get across to my husband either because he is busy, or I am involved in work.
It seems like we are strangers living under the same roof, until we realize this fact and work towards creating that ‘us’ time, which is SO important in all marriages. Does it happen with you too?
You need to do things to emotionally connect once again with each other.
Some small things like, helping your spouse in the housework, getting kids reach for school, help in the garden, or just about anything that helps you connect and talk better with each other.
Don’t forget to tell your spouse what you like or don’t like romantically. Couples should express what they like, how they feel, and what they think their partner wants.
9. Break the rules – Do something unexpected or out of the ordinary
Most couples tend to lead a boring life or do things that are predictable. For example, you know what time your spouse will come home for dinner, so you have it all laid in time.
You know when he or she will leave, so your breakfast is on time, or you know when he or she will go to sleep, so you close the lights and sleep as well. But you don’t have to do that!
Try doing something unexpected, and unpredictable. Surprise your spouse by dressing differently, having something unexpected laid out when he or she returns from work – that it wows him or her.
Anything works as long as it rekindles the love in your marriage.
10. Be what your spouse wants you to be
Every person has an image of how their ideal partner should be. Try to get into the mind of your spouse and know what he or she fantasizes about.
You can even talk, walk, and dress like what your spouse dreams of his or her ideal partner or lover.
This may require you to do things that are unusual for you, but doing so brings happiness to your spouse, and that’s what really matters in a marriage – isn’t it?
By doing so, you keep the fires or passion burning alive and rekindle love in marriage once again. I liked The Passion Plan that helps rekindle love in marriage and would help you bond better.
“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How You Can Rekindle Love in Marriage
If you know things aren’t going right in your marriage, or you feel unhappy in your marriage – do something about it. Remember, marriage is like fire, if you don’t stoke the fire, it will go out.
You need to keep the fire and passion in your marriage alive by talking and being with each other, making time for romance, without any ifs and buts.
All of us have to work hard for a living, but isn’t your family and marriage the very reason for you to work so hard? You cannot neglect one for the other, instead, balance out your time to devote to both.
That’s why I’m taking a break, which I always do at this time of the year – it’s our annual summer vacation trip and we all are traveling as a family.
I’m sure this break would help me plan on rekindling the love in my marriage as well as spending quality time with my family. How about you – when are you taking your break?
Thus, if I don’t respond to comments immediately, or am a little late in visiting your blogs and sharing your posts, I’m sure you’d understand why 🙂
“Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.” ~ Robert Browning
If there are problems in your marriage, talk them out and commit to change what’s in your hands. Focus on the positive goals and limit the complaints.
Remember, that learning how to rekindle a marriage is about recollecting the little things you used to do when you were in a relationship, or when you had just got married. You need to get back right there.
I strongly feel that the love between married couples rarely disappears. Instead, the feeling of love just hides behind the feelings of anger, abandonment, neglect, resentment, and loneliness.
You can rekindle love in marriage if you are willing to do the work – are you? Then what are you waiting for – go ahead and tell your spouse how much you love him or her 🙂
Over to you –
Do you feel the love in your marriage is missing or seems to have fizzled off? What ways would you suggest to rekindle love in marriage and bond better with your spouse? Share in the comments below.
Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos
Posted on: June 4th, 2013
Last Updated on: November 24th, 2015