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Are You In Love or Lust – Do You Know The Difference
Table of Contents Love and LustWhat is LoveWhat is LustDifference Between Love and LustSigns That Show It Is…
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Can you make out the difference between love and lust when you are in a relationship? Is it love or lust – doesn’t this question confuse you?
Sometimes you might think you are in love without really realizing that it’s not love but just lust.
Everything is SO intense in the beginning of a relationship – your feelings, emotions, desires, the passion, intimacy, and romance.
So how do you know whether it’s just sex appeal or true love you feel for the person?
It’s been a while since I wrote about love and the topic on love and lust is something I wanted to share with you because I know many singles and married lots would benefit from it.
I’ve heard of couples, singles and married, who often mistake lust to be love. How do you make out whether it is love or lust? Isn’t it a question that puzzles many people?
They aren’t able to make out until it’s very late, while others who are already in a marital relationship often wonder whether love and lust still remains in their marriage.
Many married couples end up in divorce because what they thought to be love turns out to be mere lust.
Generally, you don’t really fall in love at first sight, contrary to what most people believe. It’s mostly ‘lust at first sight’. Lust is what brings two people together initially. Am I right?
Love usually starts out as lust and the two might even overlap somewhere in the relationship, or lust might never turn into love at all.
Haven’t you experienced those butterflies in the stomach kind of feelings – the intense attraction you feel for someone, especially when you meet eye to eye. And doesn’t your heart skip a beat?
It might just be lust and not really love.
You might like to read a little more on love in my post – Are You A Love Teacher – no, I am not one! 🙂
I wouldn’t say lusting this way is bad as love sometimes starts with lust. Such desires blossom and grow into love and could end into a beautiful relationship too, though it all takes time.
However, it might not always end up in the way mentioned above.
But what is it that you are feeling, is it love or lust?
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Love and Lust
In the early stages of a relationship, especially when the sex hormones are at their peak, there is more of lust than love present.
You see the other person as what you need them to be, instead of seeing the real person, along with all the flaws.
You become blind in love as they say, because there is more of lust than love in that stage.
Pure lust is just based on fantasy and physical attraction you feel for the other person, which tends to disappear as soon as the reality of the person shows up.
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You see your partner as someone who can do no wrong. Lust can lead to love. However, you need time to get to know each other when you are in true love.
Your mind can really confuse you at times, and what you might think to be love, might just be lust you feel for someone.
Love and lust are intertwined. Lust is what brings you both together and love is what keeps you there.
You cannot have an enjoyable and happy relationship when you are only physically attracted to someone. That just works to keep the chemistry alive between two people.
Lust is the initial desire to be with someone, while love is longing to stay with him or her forever.
When there is lust and not love, you don’t really care about the happiness of the other person – all you want is momentary satisfaction.
For understanding whether it is love or lust, you need to know more about both these terms in detail.
“Some people get lust, and love mixed up. Lust is when someone guesses at first there in love but really there not they just assume. Love is when someone knows for certain there in love they don’t second guess.” ~ Bryan Burden
What is Love
I’ve written many posts defining love and one of them is – Understanding True Love Between Two People, which you’d love to go through.
So, without going into the details of what love is because you can never really entirely define it, let me share with you briefly here a little more of it.
Love is an intense feeling. It’s the affection and care that you feel towards another person. It is mainly a caring and profound attraction you have for another person.
When you are in love, you commit yourself to the other person. You make the effort to resolve the conflicts instead of giving up.
Feelings of love and romantic attraction for someone can increase your dopamine and serotonin levels. These results in loss of appetite and you feel elated.
With a longer passage of time, as you feel attached to someone, your body generates oxytocin, popularly known as the “hormone of love”. 🙂
“The more we are filled with thoughts of lust the less we find true romantic love.” ~ Douglas Horton
What is Lust
Coming to lust – it is a strong desire or shall I call it a passion of a sexual nature you have for the other person.
Lust is mainly a reaction to someone’s physical appearance. It’s a physical emotion that tends to be short-lived and occurs when you are sexually attracted to someone and want him or her for sex.
It is more about immediate gratification, where you have sex and feel physically fulfilled. It all happens for a split second or heat of the moment and then it’s all over.
When the “hormone of love” is generated, it increases the testosterone levels in both genders, which often leads to lust and an appetite for sex.
Lust is mainly a craving for gratification – or sexual desire.
“Lust is temporary, romance can be nice, but love is the most important thing of all. Because without love, lust and romance will always be short-lived.” ~ Danielle Steel
Difference Between Love and Lust
Let me try and point out the main differences between love and lust here:
1- Emotions and Feelings
When you are in love, there is affection, commitment, intimacy, and security in your relationship. There is a desire to help and please your partner. You feel happy when you see your partner.
Partners talk and resolve relationship problems. You become selfless and you learn to love your best friend – your partner.
While in lust, there is just physical attraction or sexual desire in mind. There is an intense feeling of need and passion. There might never be any mental connection with people when they are lusting.
2- Physical Chemistry and Time
In love, the physical chemistry carries on for a very long period. True love only deepens with the passage of time, and where there is permanent commitment, it stays throughout life.
But in lust – it’s short lived or just a temporary phase. It comes on strong and right away. It may dissipate or deepen with the passage of time – depends. Mostly, it lasts only to fulfill desires.
Lust can be called a romantic infatuation, while love binds people and keeps them together even after the infatuation fades.
3- Personal Front and Issues
At the personal front, love is a commitment you make to each other with genuine intention in mind. You think about the other person’s feelings before taking any action.
Their issues and problems are of concern to you because you care.
In lust, you only have a mutually pleasurable relationship, which is like having fun for a short time period and moving your different ways. You don’t really bother about each other’s lives and what your partner undergoes.
4- Indicators and Signs
When you are in love, there is confidence, faithfulness and loyalty in you. You make efforts to resolve difference. You are willing to make sacrifices for each other, and you listen to each other’s opinions.
Lust on the other hand is full of intense emotions of desire, passion, and acquisitiveness.
You don’t expect anything when you are in love, it’s unconditional. While lust is conditional and survives only if it gets what it wants.
5- Overall Results
Love results in, or shall I say it gives you peace, security and a solid partnership. This in turn leads to an ideal atmosphere to raise a happy family with confident kids.
Lust often leads to sexual frustration, emotional rigidity, and unhappiness. However, if there’s lust from both sides, it results in pleasure, passion, and zest for life too.
Although lust is the first stage of love and can often lead to lasting friendships and romantic relationships, it can even result in a person having an emotionally damaging behavior.
Remember, that love is the real deal – it is unconditional. Whereas, in lust you are only interested in what can be done for self-pleasure.
Lust may develop into love, but it stays lust until that time, isn’t it?
If you want to transform your relationship from lust to love, then pay attention to your partner’s need, love, respond, and support him or her.
If you feel you’ve found love, then express and share your feelings with your partner. You need to trust your partner, and that might develop your relationship and take it from lust to love.
So, is it love or lust that you are in? How can you make out? Mentioned below are a few signs that can help you decide between the two.
Signs That Show It Is Lust
Here are some signs of lust that show the difference between love and lust.
• You are not friends, only lovers.
• You are obsessed about the person you love – possessive feelings come up.
• Your talks are mostly flirtatious and unreal.
• You might be jealous and suspicious of your partner and want to only control and manipulate him or her.
• You are only focused on the person’s body and looks.
• You can’t wait to ‘get it’ – you demand like someone saying, “I want it now!”
• You prefer leaving soon after sex, instead of cuddling, kissing, or being together for a while.
• You are more drawn to what or who the person is in life, rather than the heart of the person.
• You’d rather not discuss your feelings and want to keep the relationship on a fantasy level.
• You become insensitive to others around you and care only about what you can get from that person or relationship, which is called being selfish and self-centered.
• You are just interested to have sex with the person, but not talking.
“Lust is what keeps you wanting to do it even when you have no desire to be with each other. Love is what makes you want to be with each other even when you have no desire to do it.” ~ Judith Viorst
You would love this short, sweet, and effective video by a relationship expert explaining love vs lust. Check it out!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Odv975JpM4w&w=620&h=360&rel=0]
Patti German ~ How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Lust ~ YouTube video
Signs That Show You Are In Love
When you are in love, there is a deep emotional craving within you, and this drive is much stronger than lust – the sex drive. You can make out you are in love if you have the following signs –
• You get lost in talks with your partner that you forget the number of hours that have passed.
• You have intense feelings for your partner and are connected to him or her through the levels of body, mind, and soul.
• You feel good about yourself when you are with and without your partner.
• You want to be with the person you love.
• You are patient and can wait – true love waits.
• Your partner motivates you to become a better person, and you listen to him or her.
• You want to spend time being with each other, other than having sex.
• You learn to trust you partner and give each other freedom.
• You tend to choose ‘we’ over ‘me’ when you are in love.
• You want to make each other happy, listen to each other, and respect each other’s feelings.
• You are always there to support your partner, through thick or thin.
• You make an effort to resolve conflicts or issues, and don’t leave them or ignore them.
• You want to meet each other’s family and friends.
• You feel happy, content, and fulfilled in your relationship.
If the chemistry is right between two people, lust can transform into real love. If you have more of love, passion, romance, and honesty, it becomes easier to attract someone with similar qualities.
How To Make Out the Difference Between Love and Lust
You need to ask yourself certain questions that might help you decide whether it is love or lust. Let me make two sections here for you, one for the singles and the other for the married lots to make it easier.
For the Singles
Don’t just jump into a relationship without giving it a thought – wait for the euphoria to cool down.
Most singles land up brokenhearted when they just enter into a relationship for physical satisfaction.
Remember, if your partner is serious about you, he or she will be willing to wait for marriage, so honor and respect each other’s feelings and emotions till that time comes.
Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to know is it love or lust you are after.
• How much do you know the person’s life? Do you know each other’s family, friends, or what they like or dislike? How interconnected are both of you? Are you able to relate to each other?
• Know your feelings for each other; whether it’s just passion, or do you have strong feelings beyond that. Do you have anything in common, besides the usual movies, dating, and partying sessions?
• Be realistic about your relationship and decide – is it love or lust you feel for the person. If it’s lust, then be honest to admit that your attraction is just limited to the physical level and not beyond.
• You need to know the other persons ambitions and goals, which should be similar to your vision of the future. Do you have similar morals, ethics, and priorities about home and career? Do you both have the same or different ideas about getting married and having kids?
Such talks might seem funny when you are in your initial phase of relationship, but they are essential as they help you talk honestly and openly about your future together.
• Are the feelings mutual? While you might have different ideas, your partner might be on a different wavelength. Be open and ask your partner, so that you know both your feelings are mutual or not.
If one is keen in a casual physical relationship and the other wants to settle down in marriage, it’s better you get to know about it all before you proceed deeper with your relationship.
When you know things beforehand, you avoid unnecessary confusion, don’t waste time, and avoid getting hurt later.
For the Married
Studies indicate that there are more divorces taking place nowadays. Perhaps a lot of expectations lead to such situations.
Recommended reading – Coping With Divorce Made Easy.
You expect your partner to give you stability, sense of belonging, passion, and respect your individuality.
Maybe you bring it all too much on your partner. Perhaps couples crumble under such expectations.
Just as fire needs air, many couples nowadays have a tough time mating in captivity, so they start seeking another, which of course is not the right thing to do.
Instead of seeking happiness outside your marriage, you need to do everything in your power to work on your marriage to make it a happy one.
Rekindle the love in your marriage if need be – make all the efforts if you want to save your marriage.
Remember, anything outside your marriage isn’t love, but lust.
You don’t remain who you are, and change – when you enter into another relationship outside your marriage, which results in a bad marriage that could even lead to a breakup.
Many married couples, especially women face domestic violence and abuse in their marriage because they had taken lust to be love.
In such cases, you need to listen to your inner voice or the gut feeling that tells you to be aware, if you feel you are caught in a relationship that’s only physical based or has no love in it.
You might feel a sense of discomfort, malaise, or drained off feeling about being together. Or you don’t feel good to be with such a person who just needs your body, instead of you.
You feel uncomfortable at the way your partner treats you, but you feel scared that if you mention it, you might push him or her away.
But you need to remember that it makes no sense to be in such a relationship when things aren’t working for you. If you are in an abusive relationship – move out NOW!
DO read this important post – 9 Early Signs of An Abusive Relationship – it will help you I’m sure.
Most women tend to ignore listening to their gut feeling or inner voice, which warns them about their partner.
This happens because they fear that they’d lose their man, if they deny him the pleasures.
I feel that the happiest couples are those that can maintain a good balance between love and lust. In a relationship, especially marriage, there should be committed love, care, sex, excitement, and security.
You need to have continuity in your relationship, along with novelty, passion, some adventure, and spice in your love life.
So now tell me, what keeps your relationship alive – love or lust? Or is it both, love and lust?
Remember, lusting for a partner might be alright, but if there is no love and only lust in the air – you need to rethink on a lot of things.
Go ahead and make things happen for you and your partner – make a difference and change your life. Falling in love is a beautiful feeling that you need to experience 🙂
“True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away.” ~ Alicia Barnhart
Over to you –
Having gone through the post, now tell me – love vs lust, what would you choose? Do you feel there is a difference between love and lust? Do you think lust is as important as love? Do you think your relationship is based on love or lust? Share in the comments.
Photo Credit: Freedigitalphoto
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I feel like reading my thoughts here. Most of the people often mix up lust and love. When my male friends says to me I saw her for the first time and i can’t forget her i am in love…….I always say them its infactuation, attraction not at all love. Love at first sight is absolutely wrong. But you know guys won’t accept this 😉
beautiful! so many youngsters get into a relationship confusing love and lust…and then end up with broken hearts….
Harleena, I think most times we are in lust and it may or may not lead to real love.
Most people hate blind dates for those reasons because they are not able to form an opinion until it may be too late.
Love requires making a connection and getting to know each other better.
Hi, this is really a very interesting topic. Sometimes we get confused whether it is love or lust, you are definitely right, lust is the starting point of love and often leads to something great. Thanks for sharing a very informative post. Great Read!
Hi Harleena Ma’am, this is another best post written by you for your audience and I guess this justifies the difference between the two words.
Initially when I was in my college, I generally love each new face(girl) came in my contact but later on when I had serious love then I realized that before that all was due to lust and that was not love. I mean that and got married with that girl. Now after eight years of our marriage we ate behaving like still we are friends and we love each other so much as we did eight years before when we met first time.
This post reminds me all my mistakes and I think this is superb post. I did not hide anything from my partner and today I am far from her but forward this post link to her to understand what a wonderful post you wrote. Don’t put burden by thinking that why she is farther from me, let me tell you one thing that she is on official training and I am missing her badly.
Thanks for this wonderful writeup, however this is still a debatable topic but still I think we all must understand and feel our emotions to make our life perfect as I did after understanding the difference between love and lust eight years before.
Once again thank for this post full of inner feelings of a person. and it touched me strongly. Really
Mohinder Paul Verma
BloggingFunda – A Community of Bloggers
Awesome
Your Articles are greats..worth reading your posts..
Difference between love and lust is difficult as well as the most complicated thing to make out. If you try to make a fool out of yourself and believe your lust or attraction for a person as love then the youngsters need to know that love is lot more deeper than any feeling on earth.
1. If your wife is bed ridden and you serve her than it is love.
2. If your love has lost her beauty and you love her more than earlier then it is love (no sympathy)
3. If you wish to sacrifice all your happiness (not individuality and self respect) then it is love
You have written exactly my words what I want to speak out. We really need to find out the difference between these 2 things before we trust a relationship and decide whether to proceed or not. More often its lust than love. And these are sensitive matters also! Need to be alert.
beautiful! so many youngsters get into a relationship confusing love and lust…and then end up with broken hearts….
Mam, i really loved your post about love… i found such an amazing explanation inside whole post..
mind blowing…
i wanna read it again and again…
Hello Harleena Ma’am,
The post is really nice and all the situations are truly stated. Actually the topic is really interesting even I had doubts about the love and lust. But you described it very nicely. The post is more important for youngsters who make mistake to identify the difference between love and lust. After reading this post any girl can differentiate that the boy really love her or not.
Thanks for the amazing post.
nice post…
When in love, you are attracted to the physical appearance, but after marriage all you want is care and love from your spouse. 😀
Harleena,
I adored your article. Lust can never make your marriage work as its life span is very short lived. The physical urge invariably peters into nothing when there is no love involved.Couples cross their boundary thinking that they have found true love without knowing the impact their cheating has on their marriage. They rue their decision when they find it is plain lust that made them forgo their marriage.
When in love, you are attracted to the physical appearance, but after marriage all you want is care and love from your spouse.
Fabulous topic and something I find myself thinking of often. It reminds me of the story of Narcissus. I identified with everything you wrote. Lust is like the story of Narcissus, when we fall in lust with someone, we are falling in love with our own reflection, a fixation on our selves. Great writing and resources. Thanks!
Wow Harleena!
What can I say (that’s worth saying!) that you haven’t already said in your totally excellent and quite comprehensive post! When I originally saw your post title, while commenting on another blog, I thought to myself, I definitely want to get her take on this one!
It really is no mystery, although let me just state for the record, it’s best I probably exercise my fifth amendment rights, in terms of which
one I may be currently in!LOL!
Seriously, most intelligent people within a reasonable amount time and based on the criterion you have laid out so articulately, should be able to tell (more or less), which one their person of interest is most consumed by.
On a lighter note, it might be safe to say, that unfortunately, far too many struggling and under capitalized entrepreneurs are basically lusting after fame and a really fast unearned buck! Because truth told, they simply do not love what it really takes to successfully run any type of business. On or offline!
Great food for thought content! And will definitely share it!
And thanks again for stopping by and leaving your extremely kind comments! You totally made my day!
What an amazing post Harleena!
You have really covered this topic with such great detail. It is unfortunate that there are so many divorces and that people often get confused over their true feelings. Waiting until your are a little older before you marry can be helpful and dating someone for a longer period of time can give a person a true picture of the other person in the relationship, but also your own true feelings. Thank you for the helpful information that is so needed!
Hi Cathy – nice to have you back after long 🙂
Glad you liked the post, and yes, I tried to do that though it’s such a debatable topic as you can make out from the comments.
I agree with you there, and that’s just what I wrote in reply to Angela’s comment above that if you have either of the two missing in your marriage or relationship, especially if one of the partners prefers it, it would certainly cause relationship problems and could lead to divorce, besides the other reasons.
Yes indeed, dating or extending your courtship period can certainly help to know your feelings as well as what your partner expects from you. It’s only when both sides are on the same wavelength do things really work, isn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us 🙂
This is a very interesting topic.
Anybody who sees the title of the post would click on the link and read it. But I really appreciate your effort to write on this subject. Most of the people are confused about love and lust (most of them mix the two). I have been in love twice, so I know the difference quite clearly. In my case, lust came into the picture much later. My love started with a very pure feeling of affection, liking and happiness. Later, when love deepened, it turned into a bit of lust. I agree lust is part of love, but it should come later in a relationship. I disagree when people say that love starts with lust. At least, that’s not true in my case.
Hi Renuka – nice to have you back after a long time 🙂
Lol…yes, that’s true! I agree with you there and it’s evident from the various comments people have written about this debatable topic of discussion. Love and lust are often confusing for people and they aren’t able to make out their own feelings about the same. However, I think a good combination of both is what make a relationship really work, isn’t it?
I think in our culture and society, it usually works this ways, though things are changing nowadays regarding this too! That is the ideal way I would say…love first and then anything else, but it works the other way round for most people as a few mentioned in their comments, so it would depends from person to person I would say.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us. 🙂
Hi Harleena,
You know for me it is more of Love vs. Infatuation. Perhaps the Lust vs. Love existed more in men coz men are more sexual. But women are more sensual. There’s a big difference. Sexual only satisfies the body. While being sensual satisfies the mind and body.
When I reached puberty and I started getting attracted to young men, it gave me that rash feeling. I feel shy when he looks at me. My hands starts to sweat more. My heart skips-a-beat and running 100 miles per hour. But since I was still a virgin, it never gave me that feeling I wanted to have sex with him. I think the euphoric feeling came more from thinking of him as a young fine man, my admiration of him, his good looks, his well manner, rather than me wanting to have sex with him. Yes, it was infatuation indeed. Like I had a big crush on him. I idolized him. And then we say things like, “Oh, I love him…” when in reality it’s merely but infatuation.
Lust…I would define more if the person is having an affair outside marriage.
I don’t know. It could be just semantic. Correct me if I’m wrong.
Anyway, here’s what I say…
INFATUATION
• When a person is infatuated, she thinks he’s the most handsome man but the moment he loses his hair, she’s no longer thinks he’s attractive or sexy. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
• Her heart skips-a-beat when he walks by but the moment he’s not on sight, she’s wondering if he’s cheating on her.
• Infatuation says, “Let’s have sex now. If you love me you will prove it to me.”
• Infatuation says, “Let’s get married now! I cannot wait.”
• Infatuation loses sleep and always thinks of her beloved 24/7.
• Infatuation says, “You’re my everything, I can’t live without you. You fulfill all my needs. Your the only one I need.”
LOVE
• When a person is in-love, she thinks he’s the most handsome man but the moment he loses his hair she still thinks he’s the handsomest man because it is not based on the outward appearance alone but the character of the person. Beauty is based from the countenance of his character.
• Her heart skips-a-beat when he walks by but near or far she can trust him and knows that she’s the only woman for him.
• Love says, “We don’t have to have sex now. Communication is more important to me, it proves that you love me.”
• Love says, “Let’s wait a year or two before we get married. I can wait for you.”
• Love gets some sleep for she knows she will need rest to have balance in life.
• Love says, “I don’t want to be your everything because I cannot fulfill all your needs. I want you to have girlfriends you can shop with, girlfriends you go out from time to time…”
Anyway, Harleena, it’s getting late here. It’s 2:18am already. LOL. But your post is very intriguing. It always makes me think. Thank you for sharing me your ideas and for having a great post. Have a wonderful weekend. Totallooh…
Angela
Hi Angela,
Wow! What a lovely comment! I had to literally wait till the weekend to do full justice to it while replying it 🙂
There is a difference between infatuation and lust, and yes, you are right about women being more sensual and thinking deeper and men being more sexual, which affects the way their thought process works too.
Yes, just the way any teenager reaching puberty would start feeling – can’t forget those first crushes 😉 Yes, I think in our times it was certainly more of infatuation than lust, or perhaps it all comes down to what all we were taught by our parents or our thought process and the norms of society so to speak. That time having sex or going the lust way was never on the list or taken to be the wrong way, so one never gave it a thought, while nowadays it’s a very normal thing. Just like getting married versus living in a live in relationship.
Anything outside a marriage is certainly for lust or perhaps the love and lust is missing in the marriage so they seek it outside, which of course is NOT the right way, just as I mentioned in the post. However, for some, in a relationship you need both lust and love, only one of them leaves you feeling a lack of the other. For example, if you don’t have lust or any sexual attraction perhaps for your spouse or partner and there’s just love, how long would the relationship last, especially if the other partner is the kind who prefers both or for who lust is what makes the bond of love stronger.
Loved your points about infatuation and love, though I wonder if sex is something one would want when one’s simply infatuated by the other, which is like lust without any love, or love that is one-sided, which is the case in most of the infatuation cases.
Thanks for stopping by and writing such a heartfelt comment, and yes, this is certainly a debatable topic. Sorry it kept you awake that long. Have a nice weekend as well 🙂
Hi Harleena,
I’m not sure if I agree that we both need “lust and love”. Lust is lust. But I believe there are levels of love:
• love for parents
• love for children
• love for a friend/sister/brother
• love for a sweetheart/boyfriend/spouse
I think the love for a sweetheart is different than the love for your mother. You do not want to have sex with your mother but the love is more of an “agape” love. But the love for a sweetheart is more romantic. I think when the attraction to someone is MISSING (e.g. you want to kiss him, hug him, make love with him) is ABSENT that is not real love.
Reason why I know that is by experience. I can only speak for myself but not for everyone and I based this from what I have experience before. Before I married Tim (husband now), I used to have potluck every weekend at my apartment. I invited men & women. I went out with men on a date/dinner as well as women (as girlfriends).
I had men friends then. They come over to my house. They invited me to dinner. Though I’m *NOT* attracted to them as a boyfriend, I went out anyway coz I was concentrating more on “friendship” and I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend in particular.
Anyway, during my single life, I actually went with someone who was very attracted to me and crazy about me but I didn’t feel the same way with him. I tell ya, I end up being his girlfriend but the PASSION wasn’t the same with him, I end up hating him. Anyhoo, what I’m saying is…and I tell both of my daughters about this too….if you go out with a man just because he is NICE…anyone can be nice!!!! DO NOT go out with him just because you think he’s nice and you do not have any physical attraction.
TRUE LOVE for a sweetheart INCLUDES all the attraction: mentally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, and socially. Without any of these, you are missing something.
I don’t believe LUST is good. I just think that I cannot make good out of bad. As I have studied this in the Bible, lust is an abomination to God. I think God “invented” LOVE. And it’s very beautiful to make love with the one you really are attracted to. SEX is beautiful when two people are married or committed to each other. But somehow the Devil makes it think that he is the originator of sex. Sex is originated by God.
Angela
Hi Angela,
That’s absolutely alright and being two individuals we all have our different views. Lust perhaps is not the word we would really like to hear, but it surely does exist.
I agree there are different levels of love, especially what we feel for our loved ones, but here we talk of the one that exists between men and women as in partners, or spouses. Yes, attraction needs to be there, love needs to be there before you really are ready to go further in your relationship.
I understand your experience and viewpoint, and if you remember, I’d written a post that generated a lot of comments (again a debatable topic) on can men and women really be friends. In that post, according to studies conducted, for women it is more of a friendship, as was in your case, but only a few men would really take you as a friend, sooner or later they start expecting more from the ‘friendship’, though of course, not in all cases. It all depends on how long you’ve been friends and what the other person takes you as.
Later in your single life as you mentioned, you were still his girlfriend but the passion was missing, so that kind of a relationship where the love and passion isn’t there, would certainly fall to a dead end.
Oh yes…just the lesson every mom would give her daughter – one’s to be so careful nowadays. It’s tough to find real or true love, but it isn’t impossible and certainly exists – you just need to wait for it.
Pure lust isn’t good at all and those who just go for it without the base of love in their life, often face broken relationship issues. Yes, God created love and that is beautiful – lust perhaps isn’t the ideal word we would use but that should always come after the love grows (again for some people it’s the other way round).
Thanks once again for your wonderful feedback 🙂
Hi Harleena
Thanks for sharing this post. Being resides in relationship whatever the relation is after marriage or before. love and lust imprint a great impact of our life. Love always makes the life beautiful with our inmate and partner but sometime lust makes a lots of differences between both of them.
Thanks for sharing.
Good job.
Hi Addison,
I agree with you there, and perhaps that’s why a good combination of both is what we ideally need in a marriage or relationship. However, not everyone has the best of both worlds, though they can keep trying to achieve it.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us 🙂
Hi Harleena,
You’ve got the perfect description of love an lust here. As I was reading this, people in show biz came to mind. I’ve noticed that quite of few of them, even though not ALL, are more in lust “so to speak” 🙂 than in love.
The reason you see that is that marriages and relationships are very short and at times you see guys dumping their wife as she grows older. I’ve always thought that this is such a fleshy and ugly side of a human being.
Thank you for writing about this very fundamental difference between love and lust.
Hi Sylviane,
I agree with you there and I think celebrities can even get away with it, or shall we say that people like it when they hear so much about them – adds the spice to their reading 😉
That happens in some of the cases, but when it does, it’s pretty bad for the relationship and the person who is dumped. Perhaps their reason of getting married after all was based more on lust than love, which never turned to love, and the result is a split or either of the two couples walking off. It’s not good, but that’s just how some people are.
Thanks for stopping by and I’m glad you liked this post on lust and love 🙂
Hi Ma’am!
I believe that love is the only essence which can’t be describe in words, one can only express it through feelings. And Lust is what youngsters use to do behind the name of love. You describe so many good points about to know the signs of love and lust by my dear, wrong people also consider these points and next time they remember not to show any of these wrings signs.This is the way how things works. Love and lust can easily feel by the touch.one can hide there wrong intentions but there touch, there eyes, their heartbeats never lie.
Welcome to my blog Tejwinder!
Glad I’m finally able to welcome you as I know you’ve come earlier, but those comments I still have to take up 🙂
I agree with you – love can never really be expressed, you can just feel the love you have for another person, while lust is the other way round. Yes, perhaps it’s used more by youngsters as a way to express what and how they feel, but it’s taken in the wrong sense most of the time. Lol…I didn’t think it that way and just mentioned the signs of love and lust so that people can know, but as you mentioned, such strong emotions cannot be lied about, nor can they be hidden, isn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us.
BTW – If possible, get yourself a Gravatar as I see you have your picture on your blog, so that we know who we are talking to – just a friendly suggestion 🙂
Hi Harleena Singh
Good to see you that you had came up with a relationship tittles article.Indeed ,Love and lust or attraction are two different things.Both are completely opposite to each other.Most people thought Lust as their love,but there is always a big pass between these two relationship status.
Thanks For sharing.keep posting.
Welcome to my blog John!
Yes indeed, it had been quite a while since I wrote on it, something that was on my mind since a long time 🙂
I agree with you there, love and lust differ, but if you can have them both in your relationship, then nothing like it, isn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us 🙂
Hi Harleena
Thanks for your Message!!!
Yes Indeed,we can have love and lust in our relationship,but both have different Effect on our day to day life.
Keep posting your beautiful thoughts.
Absolutely John, and knowing the difference between the two is what we have to do.
Thanks once again 🙂
I remember writing about this on my blog, we mistake lust for love, all the teenage relationships are products of lust and attraction. Love only exist in grown people’s relationship. You explained every more clearer than i did on my blog.
Hi Daniel,
Yes indeed, love and lust are often mistaken to be one, though there’s a huge difference between the two. I agree that the feelings of lust are more in the teens and younger lots more, and it’s with time that love actually grows, isn’t it? Ah…I guess voice of experience made me did that!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us 🙂
another best article from you and it is an awesome post, i take a long time to read your articles, I surprised to see the title, give article on this topic, after reading I know what is Love and Lust. any how I read a great article. thank you Harleena madam
Welcome to my blog MVenkat!
Glad you liked this post, and I am sorry it takes you time reading my posts, though if you keep coming often, you’d get used to the length of my post 🙂
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
BTW – If possible, get yourself a Gravatar as I see you have your picture on your blog, so that we know who we are talking to – just a friendly suggestion 🙂
You know, I do believe in love at first sight. I don’t think of lust too much. Love does grow and it does not always come at first sight but as you say it is something else altogether. I think that likey-flirtiness of the beginning of a relationship is so darling and fun filled, calling it lust makes it sound a bit untoward. Maybe I have just realized with this post that I have loads of negative connotations to that word. Very interesting to find out. It’s really just a word afterall!
I actually think this post can help loads of people!
Love,
Jodi
Hi Jodi,
I wonder if this is the case now or earlier too because with age our thoughts and the way we look at things changes. I think when we are in the teen or dating stage, for some people lust might be a strong reason for attracting us to another person. But it’s not that love at first sight doesn’t exist, though a combination of both would be the ideal thing 🙂
Yes, it doesn’t necessarily have to be lust at all when you are in the earlier days of your relationship, but that would depend from person to person. I agree, the word as such isn’t a nice one, not that I would like to use either, and I think infatuation is a better term that way, but that’s got a different meaning altogether. If you read the comments, people think it’s lust before love, some say it’s both, some like it as love alone – so all depends from what each one feels 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us 🙂
Simply Awesome! You analyzed the situation carefully and briefly.I’m extremely impressed along with your writing talents and also with your blog structure.stay blessed
Welcome to my blog Sidra!
Glad you liked the post and my writing too. Ah…I keep tweaking and working on my blog to make it better 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, and for your kind words of appreciation.
BTW – If possible, get a Gravatar so that we know who we are talking to – just a friendly suggestion 🙂
Hello Harleena, such a great post. Love is where you & someone else care about each other… & Lust is when you want to just bang her once. Love is when you want to bang her forever. i always read your blog & appreciate about your post. Keep continue Dear Harleena, May God Bless you 🙂
Welcome to my blog Meena!
Glad you liked the post 🙂
Lol…I liked the way you explained lust and love here! Yes, perhaps in some cases that might be the case, though if someone can have both, love and lust in their lives, nothing like it, isn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by, and nice to hear that you are regular reader of my blog too – appreciate that 🙂
BTW – If possible, get a Gravatar so that we know who we are talking to – just a friendly suggestion 🙂
Way to lay it all out! I think that love involves an attraction on the level of shared values too. And evolving ourselves invites the other to grow as well. Thanks for all the insights!
Welcome to my blog Anne!
Glad you liked the post. 🙂
Oh yes, attraction is not only physical, but attraction of values is of the higher order. The ideal form of love is two lovers sharing a value philosophy and evolving together by helping each other.
Thanks for stopping by and your great value addition 🙂
Hello Harleena,
Another great post from your side. I never thought of such post.. I want to thank you for the differnce between love and lust..
Many youngsters only think about doing sex with his/her partner which create problem between them.. I am not married and may be do it after achieving my goals..
Love is not in my dictionary…. I always read your blog and learning good thing from it..
Hi Himanshu,
Yes indeed, a little different for you perhaps, though I’ve written many on love, if you check out that section. I guess you joined us late, but always good to keep learning about love, lust, and relationships overall, isn’t it?
I can well understand that the younger lots go through as one sees so many of them going the wrong way, and this post is specially written for them and the married ones too. Love might not be in your dictionary presently, but I don’t think you can keep it out for long! Glad you like my posts and can learn something from them 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, and keep visiting 🙂
I believe that love is, in part, sustained by “lust.” I still get butterflies when my hubbie hugs me or says something that makes me feel special or surprises me in the ways only he knows how to do. When I went on my journey interviewing hundreds of couples married 50 year or more, it was clear by just looking at how their eyes still twinkled for their spouse that the lust was still alive and well. It was incredible!
Hi Sheryl,
I agree with you there, and you certainly need the little surprises, spice, and physical contact to feel so, especially in a marriage. You’re actually the right person being an expert in relationships to do that, and keeping the love alive in a marriage is so important, and that does include lust too.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂
What love or lust would be like.
As a nearly-30yr old-unfortunately- seeking-mr.right its tough! Especially focusing on finding love according to your article’s definition…its either lust on my part for the guy (adding to his ego!) Or i’m not in the 2lust-or-2love category for guys (leaving me v.disheartened!)…any tips on how to persevere and not loose hope in finding the right guy and how to deal with setbacks when guy says there is no chemistry! 🙁
Welcome to my blog Nina!
Although I am no expert, but let me share a little of what I know with you 🙂
There’s no age for finding true love. But actually I believe what we need to do is stopping looking for a perfect person, or the one who meets all our criteria and qualities that we look for. That is really very tough and rare. People in love, love each other for what they are,leaving aside their expectations.
In the long term you realize, if the other person accepts you in totality, cares for you, is concerned, and shares his life- it is sufficient to fuel your love life, and then even the physical incapability, shortcomings or imperfectness don’t matter.
When you look for real love, you’ll not look for a good face, perfect body, handsome personality, great income.. you’ll look for true feelings, compatible nature, common interests, and a matching frequency of thoughts.
A good relationship is a balanced combination of love and lust, such that it is more dependent on love, and lust is just an add on, but an added spice or an refueling option to maintain the closeness in your relationship, not that it cannot be without lust.
If a guy says there’s no chemistry, then he doesn’t deserve your biology or physics either. Lol. Long-lasting relationship start from the spark in the heart. Somebody once told me, to find your soul-mate, go to places where you like doing things that you’re passionate for, and you’ll find a person like you there, which could perhaps turn out to be a perfect match for you. For example, if you’re an art lover, go to an art exhibitions and look for a matching frequency and reciprocal feelings rather than chemistry, because the chemicals can fool you. If the other person still gives more importance on chemistry, then it should be a setback to him and not you, because you want real things in life, but you don’t want to compromise on real love, which doesn’t depend on lust.
Hope that helps 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your problem with us 🙂
Harleena u have a way with words! Your reply had me laughing out loud! One of my fav is your one liner “If a guy says there’s no chemistry, then he doesn’t deserve your biology or physics either” :)))
Really liked your reply (& not just because it fully supported my position compared to the view of the wrong guys I have come across!). I’ll be taking your suggestion of waiting for a quality relationship rather than wasting precious effort on guys who dont really know what they want and seek immediate benefits. It’s still tough though! (Sorry weak moment there!) :-s & I’ll revisit my hobbies and maybe I could find likeminded guys …at the v.least I’ll be doing something I enjoy and brings me happiness.
Think my initial reply got cut off but I also did say I really enjoyed ur article and the list of what lust and love characteristics can be. It my first time on your blog, thank you for your detailed reply, I’ll be visiting often!
Thanks for saying that Nina!
You’ve said it – I’ll be doing something I enjoy doing and bring me happiness. That’s it, be happy, be positive, and it will open up more channels and possibilities, interact with like minded people, but first try to know and understand yourself more, create a philosophy of life and use that as a guiding principle to find your partner. Because it’s difficult for two people of different ideologies and philosophies to co-exist.
I’m glad you liked my reply and I hope it really helps you. Put your control within yourself, nobody else can make you more happy than you yourself!
Glad you like the post and you’re always welcome here. Take care and have a great rest of the week ahead! 🙂
Hi Harleena,this is my first time on your blog.u re a blessing indeed and am really touched reading through your articles especially with the breaking dowm of difference between lust and love.i am going through tough time in my relationship and i just decided to check something online to calm me down.Thank u so much dear.
Great post, Harleena! Very resourceful! I believe love begets lust but not the other way around. Love rules!! Oxytocin is a true healer 🙂
Hi Lisa,
Sometimes it can work the other way round too, and I guess it depends a lot on how your relationship takes off and how you want it all to be. Ideally it should love first before anything else, but for some people lust comes first, which may or may not turn to love. Yes, love eventually always rules. Lol…yes, the love hormone does heal 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views with us 🙂
Wow Harleena! This is a great post!
The way you break it down makes it so easy to clarify what it is, lust or love. I have to agree with Lisa, I do believe that the two can combined and would make for a fairy tale relationship. I have had relationships of both and have to say, the lust ones did not last. There was just sexual attraction and nothing else.
Great post gf!
Hi Bren,
Nice to know that you liked it, and yes, I wanted to break down each point so that it would help those who are a little confused about it all 🙂
Absolutely! That’s what’s written in the post too, they both can happen together, though such cases are rare – it’s good if you have the best of both, nothing like it – keeps the spice in the relationship! I agree, lust is short-lived and something that takes place for momentary pleasure and nothing else, unless it turns to love.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us 🙂
At first Harleena I thought it was hard to know the between the two until I came to the end of the post and saw your lists of differences. That really cleared it up for me and probably others too.
I also believe you can have the 2 combined. (The best of both worlds.) Some could argue it’s hard to have the love without the lust too. That one would look elsewhere for it. Would you disagree?
Hi Lisa,
Yes, it’s certainly not easy to make out the difference between love and lust, especially for the younger lots I would say because they are intertwined in more ways than one. But once you know the signs and your feelings, you know where you stand. It’s a confusing concept that’s why I thought of writing on it. Initially one can hardly see a difference between love and lust and so it appears in the initial text of the post, though later as we go deep and understand the concepts, we realize that both are different concepts.
Absolutely! You can have the two combined, though it’s rare, especially when you just enter into a relationship or start dating. Lust is what it all usually starts with as they say, though again not always, but it’s what attracts people to each other. How people work towards turning the lust into love would depend on what direction they want to take their relationship to. Of course, if one partner looks for love without lust and the other wants love with lust or only lust, then that would be a mismatch and can cause grave problems like infidelity. Depends a lot from person to person 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your insight with us 🙂
Clearly Sorted out the difference between love and lust.
Great post. Love is about all inner thing, mind matters(mentally). Lust is also about inner thing, but physically(lol). There is a small line running between lust and love. A person having more lust, can’t handle their love. If it is come to lust or love, they prefer lust. For a pure love, they don’t care about lust, they use this only for their future(children) and also sometimes for their physical satisfaction. Lust fades out only for true love. Anyway love is superior and real than lust.
Hi Nirmal,
Yes, I tried my best to chalk out the difference between love and lust for those who have it all mixed up 🙂
I agree with you there, love is more heart based as we can put it that ways, while lust is more on the physical side of it. Some people are known to have more of lust and they sometimes fall in love with the same person too, though such cases are rare. It’s mainly a temporary phase that comes and goes, leaving many heartbroken. Pure or true love is hard to find nowadays, but not impossible. Oh yes…one can’t compare love with lust, which is any day superior.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views 🙂
You have done it again Harleena.
Covered about everything. I like when you talk about talking to each other for hours. I remember when hubby and I were in the dating stage we could talk for hours all through the night. He lived 43 minutes away and sometimes we would talk on the phone all night. (The next day was pretty rough going to work, LOL)
One thing that doesn’t help the love or lust thing is when you go on that first date and jump in bed with each other right away. You are starting your relationship off on the wrong side of the bed. (Pardon the pun)
Another sign that you are in love is when your partner does not know what they want, so you can walk away because there happiness is more important than yours. There again my hubby was that way, after being hurt really bad he was scared of love and didn’t trust it. One day I just told him, “You can’t stop me from loving you, even if we are not together. That is in my control.” That wake him up. I was prepared to walk away if that is what he really needed and wanted.
As for the dating side if you are truly wanting a relationship when you find that right person, become friends first and stay out of bed with each other for about 3 months. Hey, that teaches you patience’s and when love making happiness it is for the right reason (not lust).
This is so true and I am glad that you brought it up, “Remember, anything outside your marriage isn’t love, but lust.” This is so true.
When you are in love and it is for keeps you complete each other.
Thanks Harleena for another wise post full of wisdom.
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Thank you for your kind words, and yes, I do try my best to cover all that I can in each of my posts with the hope to help those who might need it 🙂
Lol…your words reminded me of my time, and I think those times were SO nice, simple, and honestly full of love. Coming to think of it, those long never ending talks on the phone, or even the real hand-written letters we used to write had their own charm, something that’s fast forwarded so much to the modern times where it’s all texted! Everything seems to have become electronic now – perhaps the love too! I liked the fact that your hubby that time was so close, yet you talked so much on the phone – what fun!
Absolutely! And this is exactly what some people do because they think or hear of others who might have done it, or perhaps they feel it’s kind of done thing. Love takes time, and that’s the very purpose of this post – to get across to the youngsters firstly, and the married lots secondly, to value the love in their relationship, which nowadays seem to on a downward trend.
I agree with you, and that’s where sacrifice or giving up your love for the other comes in, because you love your partner so much that you are ready to let go. I’m glad all of that didn’t happen in your case. Some people tend to take that turn when they are hurt, but a lot depends on their partner and how they bring them back, isn’t it?
Those are real words of wisdom, and I hope the younger lots who visit and read this post understand this fact. Become friends, get to know each other well, and let the love really develop before you head to other things – all that can wait. Yes, that would truly be love and not lust, or else one would just call it lusting love!
I strongly feel so, and for all those who seek love outside their marriage – they are only looking for lust, not really love. Marriage needs effort from both sides, and if someone really wants to make their marriage work – you make all the efforts to resolve issues and bring back the love.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your pearls of wisdom with us, just as you always do. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
What a nice post on love and lust. I remember when I was in college and there was a guy who lived next door. I am not sure if I was in love or it was just lust but certainly he was good looking but nothing really happened thankfully. But when I got married and like you say understanding and all the rest of is actual love, now I know. As you say lust is just about sex which is pretty much short lived.
Hi Shalu,
Glad you liked the post 🙂
I can well relate to those good old times! It might have been a crush or infatuation as it happens when we are that age – yes, thankfully nothing serious should come out of such things or it can lead to problems, unless of course it really turns to love. Getting married is altogether different and that’s where the real love lies, unless there are problems in a marriage. Lust is a passing phase I feel, unless it turns to love, which is rare, but it does in some cases.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences with us 🙂